by Kelly Moran
Shit. Double shit. Forget Sesame Street. He was in The Twilight Zone. It was entirely possible her babbling-itis was contagious. He should’ve gotten vaccinated.
“You’re giving me mixed signals.”
He swiped a hand down his face. “I know.”
“You said just friends.”
“I know.”
“You said to go through with tonight to stick it to them and because it was a good cause.”
“I know.”
“You kissed me.”
“I know.” Like he’d ever forget that as long as he lived.
“After calling me beautiful.”
“You are beautiful.” Since that seemed to baffle her, he reiterated. “You are.”
Annnd, she was back to the blink, blink, blinking.
“Look, I don’t know what’s going on between us, but we have chemistry. If I’m being totally honest, you’re not my usual type. I doubt I’m yours. You strike me as the kind of woman who wants forever, and I fly by the seat of my pants. I need epinephrine if I get in the vicinity of commitment. Having said that, we appear to be attracted to one another, despite the differences. The question is, what do you want to do about it?”
He could count the beats in the pulse of her carotid, she stared at him so long. The Earth rotated the sun. Scientists developed a cure for cancer. Flying cars became a household frequency in the vast expanse of time while they stood unmoving, him waiting for a response.
Any response.
“What I want is moot, Jason. There is nothing we can or should do about it.” She cleared her throat and glanced down. “You fulfilled your end of the bargain. Obligation met. I’ll make sure the committee knows if they ask. Goodnight.”
If she’d clocked him in the jaw, he would’ve been less surprised.
As she wove around him and kept right on going, he stood there like an epic idiot. Kept standing until his legs cramped from loss of circulation.
She was long gone by the time he turned around and headed out of the park.
Chapter 10
Ella was not happy and she knew it, but she clapped her hands anyway. Twenty smiling five-year-olds clapped and sang right along with her. Her class had been experiencing a bit of Monday drag, so she’d taken a break from the curriculum to get them revved up. She could totally relate.
A week. A whole week, weekend included, and no word from Jason. Not a text or call or drive by. He’d dropped off the face of the planet. No Facebook shots from the female population spotting him at Shooters. No random pics of him on Instagram doing his job.
In fact, Jason and Ella’s Pinterest board had no new entries, aside from a few snapped photos in stolen moments at the Charity Ball. Taken unbeknownst to them, of course. The Battleaxes created a board for every couple they’d matched. Jason and Ella’s had popped up the day after the event. Never mind Rosa’s tweets on the subject. It was as if the meddling threesome had given up on the ludicrous idea, too.
How did a man kiss the living daylights out of a woman, then do nothing? She was having a hard time wrapping her mind around his reaction. He’d admitted to his attraction and followed it up with implications like a commitment-phobe.
Yes. No. Yes. No.
Yes, I want to date you.
No, I don’t want to do it long term.
Yes, you’re beautiful.
No, you’re not my type.
The man was more bipolar than a restricted ward. And he was dragging her into his padded cell with him. She had barely eaten or slept since The Kiss.
Gosh, she wished she had more experience when it came to this sort of thing. She’d had a couple dates in high school that had panned out to nothing, and only one boyfriend in college to whom she’d lost her virginity. Once. They’d only been intimate once. Since then, she’d gone on three dates. None of them had requested a second, and all were before she’d moved to Redwood Ridge. Some guidance, any variety, would be welcome. Gerta had been Ella’s only real confidant, but she hadn’t worked up the courage to tell her cousin about Jason.
Song complete, Ella forced a smile. “Are we feeling more energetic about Math now?”
The entire class shook their heads. Two hands went up to be called on.
“Yes, Jessica?”
“I have to go to the bathroom.”
Ah, the joys of tiny bladders. “You may use the hall pass. Yes, Andy?”
“I’m thirsty.”
“You may use the water fountain right outside the classroom.” She glanced around, and none of the precious faces seemed enthusiastic. “How about one more song?”
Cheers erupted.
“Okay, but then I’m serious about Math afterward.”
She walked to the shelf by her desk and perused her options. Perfect. The Kidz Bop version of Shut Up and Dance. That should get them revved. She popped the disc in and hit Play.
The children jumped to their feet and applauded. They sang loudly with the lyrics and followed Ella’s lead on silly dance moves. Halfway through the chorus, hands in the air and hips gyrating, Ella spun around. And screamed.
Right next to the elementary principal, Mrs. Keller, was none other than Jason Burkwell. Both stood just inside her classroom’s closed door wearing amused smiles.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t see you there.” Ella rushed to the player and cut the music. “Er, how can I help you?” What the heck was he doing here?
“Ms. Sinclair, your guest speaker is ready for you.”
What? No. She looked the principal up and down, but everything seemed normal. She wore a mint green suit, her short brown curly hair loose around her shoulders, but not a smirk or sneer as if she were playing a joke. A glance at Jason showed him in fireman turnout gear, a helmet under his arm, and a small rolling suitcase by his booted feet.
And his gaze solely for her.
Heat crawled up her neck. “Um, this is law enforcement week. Sheriff Parker was supposed to come tomorrow to discuss stranger danger and following the law.”
“Yes, well, there’s been a small change in plans. The Mayor needed Parker for something, so she switched the schedule. I hope this doesn’t affect the curriculum too much?”
Marie. Shoot on crackers. The head Battleaxe had inserted herself and was throwing Jason in Ella’s path again. Figured. Just when she thought it was safe to leave her apartment and not get strange stares. Not to mention, the fire department was scheduled to talk to her class next week and it was the captain, Lou, who was supposed to come. Not Jason.
He offered a hesitant smile, eyes never leaving hers. “I brought goodies for the class and can teach them fire safety.”
A chorus of excited screams wailed from the children, clapping an afterthought.
She let out a quiet exhale. “Of course, that’s all right. Thanks for taking time out of your busy day to come. We appreciate it very much.” She turned to the kids. “Class, please welcome Fireman Burkwell. Find a seat and let’s seal our lips.”
They dropped their butts on the area rug and made the locking key motion over their mouths.
Jason wheeled the suitcase to her desk and leaned close to her, his breath a coarse whisper. “I’m sorry. I thought you knew.”
“Not a problem.” Except her heart was racing out of her chest and cracking ribs. She glanced at Mrs. Keller, but the principal had already left. “Do you need anything before you start?”
“No, but can we talk later? After you get off work?”
Sheesh, he was a handsome man. She’d almost forgotten. Almost. His hazel eyes scanned her face like he was trying to read her thoughts and his dark blond hair looked as if his fingers had served as a comb this morning. Scruff dusted his narrow jaw, and she glanced at his mouth.
Their kiss immediately slammed to mind with all the finesse of a barge. His taste of coffee laced with mint. The firm yet gentle way he’d brushed his lips against hers. The way he’d stroked her tongue with his and held her face like she were precious.
“Ella?”
Shoot. She snapped her gaze to his, clearing her throat. What had he wanted?
“Can we talk later? Is that okay?”
Dang it. He wanted to talk. “Um, I guess. About what?”
“A few things. We can start by clearing the air.”
She thought they’d done that in the park. Case closed. Slam the gavel. Proven by the fact they hadn’t spoken in a week. Dismissed. He seemed to be reaching out, though. Why, she hadn’t a clue.
She nodded and quickly vacated his bubble by shifting behind her desk. “Ears open, boys and girls.” Keeping her gaze elsewhere, she gestured for him to take over.
He studied her a long moment, then bent and opened his suitcase.
For over an hour, he had the students’ attention. They were completely enraptured while he showed them part of a hose, his gear, an axe, and other equipment. He spoke on their level with animation in his tone, and she was impressed. For a guy who didn’t want family or a relationship, he was darn good with children. Even when they bombarded him with questions, he calmly answered them, not missing a beat.
He moved onto fire safety, teaching them how to use an extinguisher and a smoke detector. The kids got particular pleasure out of the Stop, Drop, and Roll. He even had them practice calling 9-1-1 on a fake cell phone and showed them a rope ladder that attached to a window well for those who lived in two-story homes.
As she listened, watching this man who confused her so much, she fell a little more for him. Her crush had been from a distance, not based on actually knowing him as a person. He was funny and charming and patient. What wasn’t there to like?
But she also had to fight not to bring painful memories to the surface. It was a struggle. She couldn’t help but think how different her life might’ve been if she’d had that rope ladder for her childhood bedroom or if her parents had thought to check the smoke alarm batteries. They hadn’t had an extinguisher in the home, either. By the time they knew the house was on fire, nearly the whole place had been engulfed.
Lou had come to visit her in the hospital afterward, had told her that her Mom and Dad hadn’t suffered. They’d probably died in their sleep from smoke inhalation. She knew differently. Their screams were a wretched sound she could never unhear. In her paralyzing state of fear, she’d forgotten techniques taught to her in school. That’s why she lived with the scars every second of every day. Because she’d been too terrified to move.
She glanced at Jason, rapidly answering questions while passing out stickers, and her heart hurt. His dad would still be alive if not for her family, if he hadn’t been the unlucky rescue personnel who’d gotten to her bedroom first. The fire hadn’t been deliberate. Investigators had dubbed outdated basement wiring as the cause. Guilt, though. It was an entity onto its own, a living breathing thing that consumed a soul until there was nothing left. She’d had a lot of it through the years. Survivor’s guilt, the worst of them all.
“Ms. Sinclair?”
Moving back to Redwood Ridge was supposed to be her new start from old beginnings. No matter how Jason felt about her, friends or more or nothing, she had to tell him about their shared past. After knowing, he had to make the call on where to go from there. He deserved to hear the truth from her lips. Most of all, she needed to thank him and his mother for her life. His dad’s sacrifice was why she was alive.
“Ella?”
She blinked and lifted her gaze to Jason’s. A quick glance proved the whole class was looking at her.
He bent across her desk and spoke under his breath. “You okay, sweetheart? You were off in la-la land.”
A nod, and she rose from her seat. “I’m good.” For now.
“I think I went over my allotted time. Sorry.”
“That’s okay, I…” Geez. There were only twenty minutes until dismissal. “Class, everyone say a huge thank you to Fireman Burkwell. We learned some important things today.”
They said a unanimous thanks and offered a group hug that swallowed him in little people. While he packed up, she had the students get ready for last bell. With the kids lined up by the door, he hovered near her desk.
In one fell swoop, his gaze took in all of her. Head to foot and back again. Concern and curiosity tightened his mouth, but affection warmed his eyes. “How about I wait for you outside?”
“What? Why?”
A dry chuckle. “So we can talk?”
“Oh, right.” She had agreed to that, hadn’t she? “I thought you meant later. Like you’d call or something. But I guess this is later and you’re here, so that makes sense. We can talk after I get the children situated. If that’s too long, I can text you and we can meet somewhere. Not that I’m implying we go—”
“There you are.” He grinned like she’d been lost and done something miraculous upon being found. “I’ll wait for you. No rush. I’m off duty tonight.”
Tonight. As in, all night? Like their chat might go longer than a few minutes in the school parking lot? Or did he mean she didn’t have to hurry because he had nowhere to be?
“Ms. Sinclair, can we go now? That’s the bell.”
Arg, she hadn’t even heard it. “Yes, single file and with walking feet, please.”
Jason preceded them out of the room and she followed her class to the door. She waited while bus children were loaded by the side entry, then again while the driver line chugged and kids went to their parents’ vehicles.
She didn’t want to keep him waiting, despite his claims otherwise, but there were things in her classroom that were a part of her routine. Luckily, since it was Monday, there were no homework assignments to grade. Swiftly, she wiped off the dry erase board, fed the fish, closed the blinds, arranged the desks, picked up stray toys from the science area that always got missed during clean up, watered the two plants, and locked the tablets in the cabinet. Janitorial staff typically mopped the floors and collected garbage, so she was good to go.
Did she look as haggard as she felt? She went to the sink and glanced at herself in the mirror. Her minimal makeup was intact, but she ran a brush through her hair and washed her hands. Good enough. She grabbed her purse and turned the lights off on her way out.
She tended to park in the side lot since it was closest to her classroom and had more faculty spaces than the front. Fully expecting to have to drive around to meet Jason, she pushed through the door and came to an abrupt halt.
His black F-150 was parked right next to her little Subaru. Leaning against the hood, grin at full wattage, was Jason.
“Hi.” She tried to smile, but feared it was wan. “How have you been?”
“Pretty miserable, actually.” His grin said differently.
“Sorry to hear that. Anything I can do?”
“As a matter of fact, yes. You can give me a do-over on last Saturday night.”
It was anatomically impossible to swallow one’s tongue. Regardless, she was close to managing it.
“Judging by your expression, I’m guessing you’re leaning toward no.” He straightened from the truck and crossed his arms. “I said some stuff you misinterpreted. Feelings were hurt. I explained myself, but then mucked it up again afterward. I fully and readily admit I’m an asshole. I do have redeeming qualities if you give me half the chance.”
“Chance for what?”
“To get the date right.” He threw his palms up in surrender to cut off her impending reply. “I know, we said it wasn’t a date. I know, we agreed to be only friends. And you were right. I’ve been giving you mixed signals. I’m sorry.”
Gah. Confused or not, she was falling for whatever he was feeding her. “You’re not.”
“Not what? Not sorry? I am—”
“Not an asshole.”
“We’re going to have to agree to disagree on that subject.” He sighed, glancing down. “I’m not sure what to do here, Ella. I don’t do relationships. I don’t do commitment. I was telling the truth when I said you’re not my usual type.” He met her gaze. Held it. “But we do have chemistry.
Maybe the opposites attract cliché is an often used line for a reason. Hell, I don’t know. All I do know is I couldn’t catch more than a few winks a night this week because of how we left things. I’ve stared at the picture I took of you a hundred times and almost called you a hundred more. I think about you at work. It’s becoming a problem.”
“What are you saying?” Because it sounded an awful lot like he was into her. Which would change when she told him the truth.
“I’m saying maybe we should play this out. Go on a real date or hang out or spend time together. See what’s there or expel it from our system.”
He made them sound like the flu.
“If there’s no future and we don’t want the same things, then there’s no point.”
“Anything has to be better than this current state.” He ran his fingers through his hair, leaving his hand around the back of his neck. “I’m not alone. You did kiss me back. There’s interest on your end, too, right?”
“Yes.” She cleared her throat and looked away, watching the emptying parking lot. What female with functioning parts wouldn’t be interested in him? Things were just way too complicated between them, and he didn’t know the half of it. “You barely know me.”
“Then let me get to know you better.”
She shook her head. “There are things about me you wouldn’t like, that would turn you off.”
“I doubt it.” When she didn’t answer, he raised his brows. “Ever rob a bank? Participate in human trafficking? I seriously don’t believe you could turn me off, sweetheart.”
How wrong he was. “I’m not what you want.”
“Right now, you’re exactly what I want.”
Lord, he was good. “Then, I’m not what you need.”
“I’ll determine that for myself.” He walked closer, but stopped short of contact. “Has your mind been at peace this week? Sleeping great? Eating normally? Do I never cross your mind at random moments throughout the day? If yes, then I’ll accept that and leave you alone. If no, then why not see what’s here? Look at me. You’ve heard of my reputation. Would I be standing here, chasing you for the second time in seven days, if this was merely a game to me?”