‘Let’s go,’ I suggested, without much hope.
Her fingers touched my wrist. Suddenly she was pleading. ‘Hang on a bit, Nina. It’s important.’
The door swung open. I heard a sharp intake of breath as Joy stiffened and squared her shoulders. She gazed imploringly at the husky figure in the doorway.
Adonis himself could not have been more confident of his sex appeal. Was he Greek, I wondered, or Italian? Gold medallions slung from a thick chain nestled among a mass of curly black hair, which covered his torso. He was tanned to a crispy brown, his hair was black and wavy, his profile haughty. From the bulge in his swimsuit, I gathered that he was well hung and flaunted it. His glance scanned the women, and homed in on one of them, but it wasn’t Joy.
There was a snap as she broke a nail against the table-top. Presumably this was Louis. He turned towards us, shrugged disarmingly, gave a fluttering wave of his hand and walked towards another.
‘So that’s who he’s fucking. Maria Bradford! She’s chairman of a property trust fund, a financial genius, they say. The lousy bastard!’ Joy lurched forward, but I pulled her back.
‘Don’t make a scene, Joy.’
‘Is it that obvious?’
‘Well, yes. And I overheard you on the phone. I didn’t mean to listen but I was there. Believe me, I understand.’
When we reached the car, her story poured out: the desperation of the ageing wife with no family, no one to care for and absolutely nothing to do all day, since everything was done by maids. Her feeling of inadequacy for no one needed her. The money she’d squandered on Louis, and Bernie’s anger at her credit-card totals. She’d bought him a car on credit and the bastard wouldn’t give it back.
I grieved for her.
‘Time flies,’ she whispered. ‘You don’t realize this until men start overlooking you. Bernie’s fucking a mentally defective teenager who used to be in his typing pool.’ Joy seemed to need to let it all out. ‘She turns him on. He’d marry her, if he had the guts to dump me. If she manages to get pregnant, he might try. He always wanted kids, but I didn’t. I regret that now. Most of his friends are on the second round of wives. No doubt you’ve noticed.’ Tears were rolling down her cheeks.
*
It was my turn to grieve and it didn’t take long for Joy to notice. I was home early the next afternoon, so she organized tea in the garden.
‘You might as well tell me what’s happened,’ Joy demanded.
‘Wolf proposed. I turned him down and I haven’t heard from him since.’
‘You love him, don’t you?’
‘I think I do.’
‘So go for it, Nina.’
‘It’s too soon. Besides, I have my career to think of. I love my work. I can’t give it up.’
Joy took my empty cup and turned it upside down on the saucer. Then she studied the tea-leaves.
‘Right now I’m seeing you at your retirement party. You look scared and lonely. At what age do they retire staff at Bertram’s?’
‘For goodness sake, Joy, that’s decades ahead.’
‘True, but the time will come, and when it does, what sort of memories will you have? Balance sheets, board meetings? Will you have children? Nowadays I wish to God I’d opted for kids.’
‘Stop it, Joy.’
‘Perhaps you’re waiting for Mr Right?’
‘I don’t think I’ll meet anyone much righter.’
She shot me an ‘I-know-best’ glance and nodded sagely.
‘You can be damned annoying at times, Joy. The truth is, I can’t bear to give up Bertram’s.’
She gave me a silly secret smile and changed the subject.
*
I threw myself into my work and almost succeeded in putting Wolf out of my head. I was becoming well known in local business circles, and soon it became apparent that businessmen were bypassing Bernie and approaching me with their ideas. This was a problem, but there wasn’t much I could do about it.
Then came the news that the Swiss mining entrepreneurs to whom I’d offered the rare-earth deposit had agreed to the price. We had a deal. I called Wolf to give him the good news, and we met for lunch at Mariner’s Wharf.
We sat on the balcony overlooking the fishing harbour, watching a school of dolphins circling a shoal of fish while greedy gulls divebombed the operation. As we picked our way through crayfish, prawns and calamari, Wolf told me about his Constantia house and all the plans he had made for it.
‘Why don’t we take the afternoon off and go there?’
‘I can’t. I have an appointment. Wolf, can’t we be friends? Does it have to be all or nothing in your world?’
‘Of course not. Besides, I never give up. I would have called you, Nina, if you hadn’t called me. I can’t get you out of my head. Don’t you feel the same way?’
‘I do, believe me, I do. It’s just that I’m not ready for a commitment. It’s too much too soon.’
‘I understand your fears, Nina, but isn’t there some way you can have the best of both worlds? Wouldn’t Bertram’s consider letting you remain here? I saw Bernie today and he told me he had resigned from Bertram’s. He’s far too busy with his own interests.’
That surprised me. ‘I hope Joy didn’t talk him into this for me.’
‘D’you think Eli Bertram would offer you Bernie’s position?’
‘Not at first. He’s called twice this week demanding that I get back to London at once. I asked for more time because I have a couple of good deals on the go. If he knew for sure I was staying here I think he’d give me the job, but he’d rather I returned to London.’
Dear Eli. I’d long since forgiven him for spying on me. I would miss him if I stayed here. I’d miss the London scene, too.
‘I feel isolated here, Wolf. Financially speaking, it’s a bit off the beaten track.’
Wolf’s blue eyes lost their happy glow. ‘That’s precisely what I said to you in Namaqualand. How could love and marriage compare with the incredible excitement of making more and more money for Eli Bertram?’
He kissed me softly on the lips and called for the bill.
‘Let’s get back to work,’ he said, ‘or you might miss out on a couple of rands.’
Chapter 18
I found it hard to resist the intensity of my feelings and my conviction that this rare gift of love should be nurtured. Yet however much I considered putting our relationship before my career, I could not overcome my reluctance to give up my freedom. So far, the men in my life had been offered only a passive role, prince consorts, every one of them. Wolf deserved better, and I realized that I’d have to take the plunge if this relationship was to survive. Thoughts of that awful gym with its ageing, lonely women and arrogant toyboys made me feel cold inside.
More time was needed, I decided. Wolf was in too much of a hurry, but I had to make a choice between him and London. Fate seemed to be hustling me.
Eli called the next morning to confirm Bernie’s resignation.
‘Find a replacement, Nina. Narrow the field down to four and send them over for interviews.’
‘Eli, I was just going to call and ask you for more time here. I’ll take Bernie’s job for a while. You won’t get better and you know it.’
‘I need you in London, my dear.’
‘Don’t get me wrong, Eli. I love my work, but it’s not enough. I need a private life, too. Maybe this isn’t it, but give me time to find out.’ I found it hard to explain to Eli how I felt, although I tried.
‘You’ve taken me by surprise, Nina.’
Eli’s voice sounded tinny over the long distance, but I could hear he was upset.
‘I want to sleep on it. I’ll cable my decision tomorrow.’
Eli’s reply was brief: ‘Have it your own way, Nina, but beware. You might have a touch of sunstroke. Your London resignation is not accepted at this stage. I consider your absence to be a sabbatical. You can have Bernie’s job on a temporary basis for six to twelve months while you see how you go. You
r position here will be waiting for you. Keep me advised of your intentions.’
*
When Wolf called the next day, I was overjoyed to hear from him. He suggested that I meet him at his Constantia house, which was standing empty for the time being.
‘Be warned, Nina. It’s a mess, the whole place needs cleaning and renovating.’
He was right, it was a mess, but it was also charming. I arrived early and wandered through knee-high grass, where the lawn should have been, scattering guinea-fowl. The huge rambling garden backed on to a vineyard, and a gate led to paths that wound up through the forested mountainside. The pool was cracked and hadn’t been used for years, but it could be repaired.
I found an unlocked door and walked inside. The windows were thick with dust, but when you cleaned the glass you could see the mountains, or to the north the Indian Ocean glittering azure blue in the distance. The house had high ceilings and graceful, vellow-wood-framed windows. The floors were laid with reddish quarry tiles and the atmosphere was of an older, more stately, elegant age. The only sound was birdsong.
Wolf was late. He arrived to find me washing the grime from a particularly lovely stained-glass window.
‘Marry me, Nina,’ he said, as his opening gambit.
‘I’ve come to suggest a compromise. I’ll live with you for a while, and if we’re happy I’ll marry you later. And, Wolf, I won’t give up work. Don’t expect me to. I have Bernie’s job. You were right. He’s resigned.’
Wolf went wild with joy, picking me up, swinging me round and singing some foreign song.
Then he calmed down. ‘Let’s settle our terms now. A successful relationship is based on good negotiations. Perhaps we need a secretary to draw up a contract.’
‘I don’t think so, Wolf.’
‘I like double beds.’
‘So do I.’
‘I like to stay home at least four evenings a week.’
‘That’s okay. I’ll have so much work.’
‘I like to travel a lot.’
‘We’ve been through all this, Wolf.’
‘I like children.’
‘So do I.’
‘Three or four?
‘Maybe. Who’s counting?’
‘That’s it, then, Nina.’
‘Seems to wrap it up.’
‘When do we start?’
‘Soonest, I suppose.’
‘We can’t just move in. There has to be some sort of a ceremony, or a division. How about a holiday?’
‘I’d love a holiday, Wolf. How long can you take off?’
‘Three weeks, I guess, and you?’
‘A month, if we need it.’
‘Nina, I’ve just acquired a Land Rover. I have to go north soon. Would you like a trip through Africa, take in the falls, some game parks, maybe the Kalahari?’
‘Oh, yes.’
‘When can you be ready?’
‘I need a week to wrap up a few appointments.’
‘Fair enough! See you, then.’
‘Oh, see you, Wolf.’ That surprised me. Perhaps he had an appointment. ‘Do you have keys to lock up here?’
‘Come here, you idiot. You aren’t getting off that lightly. We’re going to christen our home.’
Chapter 19
Three weeks later, we were bumping over a dusty gravel path in Chobe, Botswana. We drove through a dense forest, and passed through glades where the light was brilliant and the grass swayed in the wind. Cresting a hill, our path swerved to the north and before us now we saw the tree-tops falling away steeply to a broad, sluggish river. We could see the yellow road cutting a waving course through the deep dark green, and beyond, a broad expanse of twinkling azure blue. Far off, along the riverbank, we saw a huge and splendid hotel, designed like a Spanish hacienda, facing across the wide waterway towards the Caprivi Strip, which separates Botswana from Angola.
Wolf was in a hurry to make the hotel before sunset. We sped downhill, sending bucks and baboons fleeing in all directions. Dishevelled and covered in dust, we arrived at Reception, to find that the hotel’s paddleboat was leaving for the sunset champagne cruise. ‘Let’s go,’ Wolf said, on the spur of the moment. We dumped our bags at Reception and reached the gangway as the steamer left the wooden wharf.
‘Jump!’ Wolf yelled, clutching my hand.
The passengers were European and Asian and this was their first trip to Africa. They gasped at the impala along the banks, and I smiled indulgently at their naive remarks.
Herds of elephants waded into the deep river water to bathe, the mothers prodding their squealing infants ahead of them. Hippos surfaced lazily to protest as we passed. Fish eagles lined the banks on every tree-top. We wondered why until we saw the boatswain take a bucket of fish and fling its contents over the water for the great birds to swoop and catch, while the tourists aimed their cameras and begged for more.
It was dark when we returned, happy, tired and full of champagne. We dined by candlelight and returned to our suite overlooking the river.
‘Oh, Wolf, it’s wonderful,’ I said, breathlessly. ‘Thank you, darling.’
Wrapped in each other’s arms we fell asleep, too tired to make love.
*
It was our fourth night at Chobe when I woke in the night sensing that Wolf was not beside me. There was no light in the bathroom. I sat up, listening, and heard him tiptoeing down the stone steps to the garden. There was a bench on the grass below our room, and when Wolf whistled a few moments later I realized he was waiting there. Someone called quietly and Wolf replied. It was someone he knew well, I could tell by his greeting, but the language was unfamiliar.
Then nausea welled up and I hurried to the bathroom. Lately, I’d been feeling tired and I’d become prone to headaches, nausea and sleeplessness. Perhaps I was pregnant. It was only three weeks since I had stopped taking the pill. Surely it was too early to start feeling sick. I began to think of all the tropical diseases I might have picked up on our holiday. Perhaps I’d been drinking too much wine at dinner. I decided to give it a miss for a couple of weeks. I washed my face, put on a dressing gown and switched on the light. Wolf did not return. After a while, I decided that it was absurd to worry. This was something he had planned. I called room service for a sandwich and a glass of hot milk, and settled back to read my book.
Wolf returned at dawn. He looked annoyed to find me awake.
‘What’s going on, Wolf? Who were you talking to?’
‘No one. You must have been dreaming.’
‘Don’t lie. Down there… hours ago. You met someone you know – you whistled to him to show him where you were. Clearly you had arranged to be here. Why did you let me believe that we found this hotel by accident?’
He stared at me without answering. It was unnerving.
‘Don’t stare at me like that.’
‘Like what?’
‘As if you’re a stranger. And you look so angry. I’m going back to bed.’
As I crossed the room to shut the door, I saw his briefcase lying on the floor. I pushed it out of the way with my foot. It was empty. Yet he had been guarding it for days.
‘What were you doing out all night?’
‘Never mind,’ he said, in a strange voice. He scowled as he picked up the bag and put it on top of the wardrobe.
‘Why didn’t you tell me you can speak Russian?’
‘Russian? No, Nina. We were speaking in an Angolan tribal dialect.’
‘Pull the other leg, Wolf. You were speaking Russian. Why shouldn’t you have learned it at school in East Germany? That’s a lot more believable than knowing a remote Angolan dialect. Sometimes you’re so silly.’
‘Nina, I can’t take this much longer.’
His tone made me quiver. ‘Take what?’
‘Being spied on.’
‘I’m not spying on you, but I’m not stupid, either. I woke up. You weren’t here. I wondered where you were. I heard your voice and I listened. Then you went away with this other man and
you stayed away all night. I’m bound to wonder what the fuck is going on.’
As I walked back to bed, the dreaded nausea overtook me again. I clapped a hand over my mouth and raced to the bathroom, slamming the door behind me.
Wolf followed me in. He held my shoulders and stroked my back. When I had finished throwing up, he wiped my face and hair with a damp cloth. Then he pulled off my nightdress, flung it in the bath and wrapped a towel around me.
‘Nina.’ His voice caressed me. ‘You’re ill. Poor darling. You’re so white.’ He wrapped his arms around me and gently dried my face.
‘I feel terrible, Wolf. Every time I wake up I throw up.’ I clung to him, but part of me was standing back and watching my behaviour. I found myself pathetic. I shuddered. Why was I capitulating? Was I too scared to ask what was going on?
‘Come back to bed, darling. I have to tell you something about my early life.’
When we were locked in each other’s arms, and the lights were off, he said, ‘As you know, I was brought up in East Germany. I learned to hate the Soviet system. I hate all oppressors with an intensity that you will never understand. Lucky Nina. You never learned to hate. It has left me with a sour taste in my mouth about any kind of oppression, particularly any form of colonialism. So now, Nina, I help the local freedom movement and I can’t tell you how.’
‘Is this dangerous?’ I asked.
‘Yes.’
‘Is it legal?’
‘Depends whose side you’re on. It’s something I have to do, darling. Sometimes one has to take a stand for what one believes in. Now, Nina, trust me. I’m on the side of the oppressed. I help poor, suffering people. That’s all.’
I snuggled into his arms, smothering doubts and suspicions. If he was a modern-day African Robin Hood, setting himself against oppression, how come he helped the right-wing South African authorities by breaking sanctions to bring in oil?
We made love, which wiped away my doubts and confusion. Later, I gave myself a stern ultimatum: leave him or trust him, Nina. Make your choice. It’s one or the other, my girl.
I made my choice and fell asleep.
Chapter 20
Sunstroke Page 8