Mum nodded again. 'No one could figure out what caused it.'
'That was Therion, he picked up the other dark-angel— and he was huge, but Therion lifted him almost over his head— and slammed him into the ice.'
She looked sceptical. Of course she did. I sounded unhinged.
I shook my head and rose. 'Forget it. I know it sounds crazy. I sound crazy. Look, put it down to stress, exhaustion, and too many knocks on my head.' I sighed. 'I'm really tired, I think I just need to go to bed.'
I'd just climbed into bed when Mum came in. She pulled the covers up, quite literally tucking me in, and sat on the bed. 'You're not crazy, Jay. If one angel is real, the rest will be too. It just sounds unbelievable. And it's been such a long time since I've seen them.' She kissed my forehead. 'But I believe you. In fact…'
'In fact?'
'I think I saw him, or one like him. This Therion. At the Archmore op.' She rubbed her forehead. 'I can only remember bits and pieces, but,' she paused for so long I thought she wasn't going to finish, 'I think he took Kerrigan Archmore.'
I sat up. 'The Kerrigan Archmore, drug trafficker and slave trader?'
Mum nodded. 'I can't remember why, just that I was sure he was in the room and he took Archmore.' She nudged me back down. 'You look exhausted. You really should get some sleep. We'll talk more in the morning.'
I received a second kiss on the forehead and she left.
I spent several minutes just processing what she'd said before the call of nature dragged me up. In the bathroom, I was shocked by my reflection. I looked almost grey. No wonder Mum had decided to leave things till morning. My head ached and a wave of dizziness washed over me. I stumbled back. Caught myself and leaned on the basin. After a few minutes, I looked up. For a moment, I thought I saw a dark-angel with red markings in the mirror. It was just a flash… I really needed some sleep.
Therion
[Sound of Silence – Disturbed]
I had no notion of how much time passed. In the Sunlit Meadows, the sun never goes down. I felt plenty of guardians come and go as well as lesser angels and spirits I could not identify. Many took their rest here, others were staying in this realm temporarily, and some lived here. Many of them took a path that just happened to take them right past me. In some cases, they were less subtle, walking to within a few meters to stare at me. It always happened when Aurealis restrained me here; they all wanted to see the big, bad therilgalen. The demon their master had vanquished.
They knew by now that I could not move. I remained in the same position in which I'd been brought here, standing, wings tight against my back, head bowed. Aside from not being forced to look into the too-bright sun, having my head bowed also gave me a convenient excuse not to meet the gazes of the curious onlookers. Most thought I was asleep as my hair concealed part of my face. Many spoke without diplomacy regardless of whether they thought I could hear or not, as if I was no sentient being, but a monster, not capable of intelligent thought let alone capable of overcoming my instinctual compulsions. To a degree, they were right. I was here because I failed to overcome my instincts, but I was well aware of my failure.
There was one difference to my punishment this time, though. Vessa had taken to visiting. The first time she said it was to let me know how Maya was doing, but during her visits we ended up discussing a wide range of topics. It made me wonder whether Aurealis had asked her to come, perhaps my master thought it would encourage some kind of bond, or at least a sense of gratitude. My thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of some lesser angels.
'Look at the way the gold threads his feathers,' a young feminine voice remarked.
'Look at the size of the feathers,' her companion, also feminine, retorted.
'I wonder what they feel like…'
'I wouldn't be touching that if I were you. It may be inanimate, but it could be dangerous.'
There was a pause. I guessed the curious one was looking at the cautious one, some expression passing between them.
'Well, you've heard about the venom, have you not? For it to just drop onto your skin is instant death.'
'Instant?' the first one queried doubtfully.
'Vessa said this one bit the one attacking them and by the time it hit the floor it was dead.' The naysayer's tone was horror mixed with fascination. Had she not been so full of fear, the naysayer would have liked to touch my feathers too. She also wanted to touch my skin, see what my markings felt like. What did I sound like, she wondered?
It would have been far more bearable if Aurealis had blocked my ability to hear thoughts. I felt like praying for an end to this humiliation, but I knew the god I currently served would be deaf to such an appeal.
The brave one's heartbeat suddenly picked up. Her breathing sped up too. A moment later her friend's heartbeat shot up to a rapid pace, but her breathing slowed, stopping when she held her breath.
I could not see them, but I knew the first had moved closer to me, probably reaching out towards a wing. If she was that close, she was close enough for me to form talons of my fingers and rip out her heart, and then... Aurealis forgive me, but I wanted her spirit. I wanted to feel its energy course through me. Not Aurealis's strength, not Ceri-talen's, my strength. Mine.
I shut off the thoughts, pushing them away, rejecting them. That kind of thinking had brought me here, leaving Jayden to Silven's doubtful protection. As soon as Ceri-talen realised it, he would not hesitate. A spirit like that; he would not stop pursuing her. He would subject her to eons of torture, warp her into a creature like me. Enslaved. Used to feed a war and advance a godling who wanted more power.
Pale fingers came into my view, reaching towards my left wing. I had to admire her courage. When most took it into their heads to touch me, they approached from the side or behind. The hand and arm that followed trembled only a little. So fragile, so delicate, so easy to kill. I remembered doing it. They would flock forward trying to protect whatever it was they felt worthy of their souls and I spent only moments destroying them. The guardians were another matter. They had the means to defend themselves. Against me, that just meant it took a little longer.
A pale, silver head came into view.
Why was I here?
She was almost there.
Why had I agreed to submit to this?
Her fingers centimetres from my wing.
Was all this humiliation really worth what I sought?
Silver hair was picked up by the wind, floating like strands of stray silk.
Was this better than what Ceri-talen had put me through?
The torture. I remembered that well, but somehow pain seemed less arduous than this.
An intense desire to reach out and crush her throat seared through my muscles. As if sensing my consciousness, she looked up, pale, silver eyes widening, small, petal mouth gasping in a breath of fear as she met my golden gaze and realised that not only was I conscious, I was aware of her, watching her. Her fear froze her, her heartbeat thrumming hard. Recognising me for the predator I was, her spirit shivered.
'Flee,' I sent contemptuously, for I would not give them the satisfaction of hearing my voice.
She made a startled sound, a cross between a yelp and a mewl and stumbled back. I tuned out the sounds that followed until I heard a familiar voice.
'He cannot harm you, but you should not approach him,' Vessa warned. 'He is here because he needs time to think, you should not disturb him. We all come here for our own reasons and we respect each other by leaving one another to tend to those reasons.'
'It is not thinking,' the second voice, the cautious naysayer, 'it is being punished.'
Vessa's voice hardened. 'Even if that were so, that is none of your business. In fact, what is the business that brings you here?'
There was a tense silence in response.
'I see. Well back to your duties, for it is of a certainty that if you are caught here again to simply sate your curiosity, you will face reprimand.'
Some of my anger disper
sed at the words and the hardness of Vessa's tone.
A moment later Vessa sat at my feet. She looked up at me. Her expression was not welcoming, or consoling, it was neutral. 'I will speak to Aurealis, recommend perhaps that you be restrained elsewhere…' Her voice touched my mind; it was surprising she chose that method to communicate, speaking would not have required her to encounter my spirit. It was, however, the most common means of communication for the light-dancers.
'This is the best cell for me,' I sent back, this time not because I begrudged letting her hear what I sounded like, as with the young one, but as a mark of respect. 'There is no private access, no means of slipping away, no shadows.'
'I am sure Aurealis will heed my words and at least place you in a cottage or something similar. Your punishment is the loss of your freedom, not humiliation.'
'Are you sure?' I challenged, trying to supress the harsh emotion that accompanied the question, but not entirely succeeding.
To her credit, Vessa did not flinch, mentally or physically. Instead, she thought on it for a moment, then nodded. 'There is nothing to gain by humiliation. Indeed, you would regress. Your rage rules you. Your path to redemption has been constructed to free you from your anger, Aurealis would not risk negating that.'
'Perhaps I am meant to learn humility as well as restraint,' I suggested bitterly.
Vessa turned so that her back was to me, bending her knees and wrapping her arms about them, her wings brushed against my legs. I felt none of the inclination to harm her that I'd had with the other angel. I wondered why, was it her kindness and acceptance?
'Maya asks about you every day. She calls you her guardian angel. In her mind, you are on par with one of her superheroes.'
I expected to hear resentment in her voice. It was Vessa, after all, who was her true guardian, her life-long guardian. She glanced up and I caught a faint smile.
'Her memories of you are quite fond. Her favourite is the confrontation with the other therilgalen.' Then, after a long pause, she added, 'I did not realise it immediately... That you brought Maya back from death.'
'She is not the only one.'
'I know.'
I could sense she had a question. 'What?'
Unfazed by my gruff tone, Vessa said, 'There was nothing in your directions that would have prevented you from walking away at that point. The point at which you discovered Maya's spirit had left her vessel. Aurealis would have accepted it, no punishment would have come. Yet you expended energy bringing her back, energy you were limited in replacing.'
'I had the energy from Archmore.' It was not quite a lie, I had used his energy rather than use up all of mine, but I made it sound like I had sacrificed none of my own energy, which was quite untrue, but I could not let Maya die by then, not once I realised just how very important it was to Jayden that she live.
Vessa sighed, dissatisfied with my response. 'I was here for several weeks after my charge died,' she said. 'He was ninety-three, his death was natural and peaceful. I guided him to the ether and then came here to grieve. It had been scores of years since I had used my natural form and I was feeling restless and lost.'
'You mean you maintained a human form for the entirety of your guardianship?'
She nodded. 'Well, not the entirety. For the first nineteen years, I watched over him. Then manifested as an eighteen-year-old woman and he fell in love with me. I married him and spent the rest of those years as his guardian. Inspiring him when he needed it, consoling him, encouraging him, guiding him.'
This revelation was a bit of a surprise, I had never known they went to so much effort to protect their charges. Although, in truth, I knew little of what was required of guardians, just that I was ostracised by them.
'Is that usual?' I asked.
'To manifest as human? It depends on the soul we are protecting. My charge was a scientist. It is very difficult getting such a mind to believe in angels, intuition, or anything else remotely spiritual. He believed in me though and I was able to help him reach his full potential.'
'You… had a human relationship.' Of course, they had relationships, I reprimanded myself. But I had never thought about it much, never really cared what the guardians did. Not until now. Not until Jayden. 'What was it like?'
She laughed softly. 'Like any other relationship. It reminded me of my own mortal years.'
'Did you have offspring?'
'No…'
There was regret in her voice. It had been a strong connection.
'Will you do the same for Maya?' I wondered.
'Perhaps. It is too early to know that yet. After her experience with you, it may not be necessary.'
'I hope it isn't,' I told her. 'She deserves her freedom.'
Vessa frowned up at me. 'How do you feel I robbed Gerald of his freedom?'
'He did not know. He knew not that he was with a being that was not human. That knowledge may have changed his choices,' I explained. 'You manifested as a human to manipulate his choices to cause him to make ones he might not otherwise have made; in that I feel there is deception. A betrayal of trust.'
'How does whether I am human or not matter? There was no agenda, Therion, aside from protecting his life as much as I was able, and to do as much as I could to ensure he had a fulfilling life; that is no less than any human who loved him would have wanted for him. I did not lie or manipulate him. I supported, encouraged, and loved him.'
We settled into uneasy silence.
Abruptly, she rose. Placing a hand on my wing, she said, 'I will speak to Aurealis about restricting access here. I am certain her intention is not humiliation. After all, she genuinely intends for you to progress. She,' Vessa hesitated, 'she wanted you to work with me. During my guardianship of Maya. She wanted you to see what we do, to, to get involved— with my supervision— but she felt,' Vessa faltered again, 'she really felt you were ready. That you were safe to be around a yulari for prolonged periods.'
Her voice was heavy with emotion. She had clearly objected at the time but had changed her mind. She regretted that I would not have a part in Maya's life.
'I am sorry, Vessa. Considering my background, where my masters have taken all my critical choices from me, my distrust sometimes rules me. You did right by your charge, Gerald, and I genuinely feel that Maya is fortunate to have a guardian such as you.'
She accepted my apology with a nod and then suddenly she stepped forward and kissed my cheek. Her move confused me, but as she met my gaze she said, 'I saw it many times in the earthly realm, those who were misunderstood, mistreated, all they needed was kindness and patience. I know you feel Aurealis humiliates you, but when she speaks of you, she speaks as one who only wants to be kind and I can assure you; she has infinite patience.'
'That may be so, Vessa. What makes me different is that while I may have been taken in by well-meaning souls, I have attacked kind and vicious hand alike. I cannot be trusted, at least not for some time.'
She smiled. 'As I said, infinite patience.' And with that she stepped through the planes.
Jay
Mum lives a good hour from her workplace near the city, so she sometimes uses my guest room when she's working long days. My grandmother inherited the building where I built Fixated and my apartment, just on the outskirts of the city. My father's parents left them their semi-rural property. It's surrounded by forest and has a river going through it. It's not the kind of land you can farm, but if you wanted quiet, it was ideal. It also meant strangers stuck right out.
Dad spent a lot of time establishing the rose garden and he'd also put in a walking trail with a few seats along it. Towards the end, he and Mum spent most evenings sitting on one of those benches watching the sun set. There's a small mountain on the other side of the river, which I sometimes walk up with Mum. Mum often jogs up. She likes to keep fit and though she loathes running, she loves the view and uses it as her reward for getting through the tedium of the exercise. I used to run with her, back when I still did archery and martial arts, but
with the café I have so little time I rarely keep fit enough to run any longer, so I walk. I usually go in the early morning when the Australian sun won't sap your energy before you get halfway up and, occasionally, there are still some wallabies about. Tonight, I stuck to the garden; it had just rained and everything smelled renewed. The smell of Dad's roses often transports me back to a time when he was alive, making me feel nostalgic.
Mum and I had yet to get back to our angel conversation. The morning following the shooting, Stuart not only got Mum signed off to return to work on desk duties, but approval to continue to help with the case, which was required because my involvement could be construed as a conflict of interest. If Mum wasn't one of a few officers who could speak Vietnamese it would have been a lot harder to justify her staying on the taskforce. Mum said there were more strings attached to the conditions of her staying on than a puppet with two masters, but she felt it was worth all the trouble as well as the long hours at the office. I think she wanted to do whatever she could to prevent another incident and saw it as one of the ways she could protect me. Every morning Aunt Tien would arrive with an officer— to keep an eye on the place, she said, I read that as keep an eye on me— and give Mum a ride in to work. Sometimes Mum would return in the afternoon, others, it would be well after dark. Even now, I was aware of Kate, or Officer Garibaldi, watching me from the kitchen window. She often used the excuse of tidying up or making tea to position herself by the window whenever I went out the back. She tried to make her presence seem as natural as possible, almost like a friend staying for a few days. I liked how observant she was, on her first day I could see as she scanned the property that she was registering every possible hiding place a person with a rifle might consider. She'd made recommendations for thinning out the trees or bushes in some parts and motion-activated lighting in others, all which she did in her first few days here.
Soul Taker's Redemption Page 21