The feelings she experienced now were so different. She rarely saw Gabe. He seemed to avoid time alone with her. Yet often she thought she could see past his rough exterior and guess what he might be thinking inside. The briefest of smiles from him could make her heart sing, and just having him sit across the table from her made her feel like everything fit into its place.
“Dinner is ready,” she called. Sliding into her seat directly across the table from Gabe, she looked into his eyes alone and asked, “May we bless this meal with prayer?”
“I will,” Gabe said.
Chapter 5
Gabe surprised himself with the offer to pray. He had been giving God a lot of thought lately. He knew his parents and Aileen’s parents claimed to be Christians. He also knew he couldn’t judge who God was from a handful of people, not when he saw God’s goodness in everything Charlotte did and said.
She lived a genuine faith. He rarely saw a hint of question from her about her status in the household and how her future would work out. She trusted the brothers…but more so, she trusted God.
Gabe prayed, asking special blessing on the food and the hands that had prepared it.
When he looked up, Charlotte’s gaze met his with a hint of tears on her lashes. He shifted in his seat. He hadn’t meant to make her cry.
Philip shoved a pot of mashed potatoes at him, and he tried to give his full attention to Charlotte’s good cooking.
He didn’t understand his brother. Charlotte was a wonderful person. She clearly loved Sarah and gave her wonderful care. What more could Philip need to see before marrying her? Philip needed her, and she needed him.
Gabe had heard about the incident in the store, and it frustrated him that Philip’s stalling would bring such reproach upon Charlotte. Something had to be done. Maybe Philip just needed a push.
Gabe looked across the table. Charlotte smiled at him. His meat stuck in his throat, and his heart did a funny little dance. He looked away and grabbed his mug of coffee.
Yes, something needed to change. These tight living arrangements were getting to him.
Alaska’s long night of darkness and a fresh layer of snow cloaked the town, yet every building seemed to dance with the usual nighttime revelry of drinking, gaming, and carousing. Gabe stood on the back stoop of the store and couldn’t think of sleeping or bringing this holiday to an end.
A flash of light streaked above a distant mountain range. Gabe watched as it came again and flickered like a flame taking hold of a wick. The light spread out, displaying fingers of blue, green, and pink.
Why would God go to the trouble of painting the night sky like that?
Gabe felt the answer deep inside him. For me.
“Charlotte should see this.” Gabe opened the door and stepped back inside.
Charlotte sat alone in the room with a book. “Philip is in the loft, putting Sarah to bed,” she said. “She was getting very cranky.”
“Well, good. Come outside. I have something you should see.”
She gave him one of her electrifying smiles. She took the blanket on the back of the rocking chair and wrapped it around her shoulders like a shawl. He held the door for her, and they stepped out onto the top step together.
She looked up at him expectantly. Her eyes sparkled in the light from the barely closed door. She sucked her lower lip in as she waited…waited for him. He nearly forgot why they were there. He turned to the night sky.
“What do you think of that?”
“Oh…” Her breath sang past her full lips. “I’ve never seen anything like it. What is it?”
“It’s unique to the North Country. They are called the northern lights.”
His gaze returned to her. She stood with her hands clasped at her breast, holding the blanket yet appearing to be in worship. Her face seemed to take on the colors from the sky, radiating with childlike wonder.
“Gabe, do you ever wonder why God went to all the trouble of making even the smallest thing in nature beautiful?”
He smiled. “Sure. I guess He pays attention to details.”
“He even counts the hairs on our head.” She touched his sleeve. “Gabe, God wants to share every detail of life with us—all our joys and all our pains. Do you know you can talk to Him about anything?”
Her touch was poignant, even through his coat. His thoughts slowed. He wanted to believe like she did. He wanted to trust God like that.
Yet he also wanted to touch her cheek and see if it felt as soft as it looked. He wanted to pull her close and draw strength from her faith.
No, he couldn’t. He had to get away.
“Why are you letting the cold in?” Philip asked from the doorway. “Oh, excuse me….”
“No.” Charlotte suddenly seemed terribly nervous. “I was just going in. Take a look at the lights for yourself.” She rushed past Philip, her blanket slapping at them both.
Gabe admired her rigid stride, then turned to his brother. Frustration that had been simmering in him erupted. “When are you going to marry that woman?”
Philip laughed. “I should be asking you that.”
Gabe glared at him. “I brought her here for you. She’s been waiting weeks for you to get used to the idea of marrying her. She has been nothing but patient with you and loving toward your daughter. What more do you need?”
“I care for Charlotte…like a sister, and I wouldn’t think of marrying her.”
The word nearly exploded from Gabe. “Why?”
“I couldn’t marry any woman my brother looked at in that way.” Philip raised his chin as if he enjoyed holding something over his older brother. “What kind of brother gives a woman a golden heart necklace? Of course, you are in love with her.”
“What…?” A disturbing emotion clawed for Gabe’s attention. “No, you are mistaken. You don’t know anything. You have to marry her.”
“No.” Philip stood with his feet planted firmly apart, and he looked at Gabe like their father did when he waited for his son to confess to a mistake.
“Yes. Yes you must.” Gabe felt a panic rise in his chest. “I cant!”
Charlotte strode across the room before she realized the door still stood ajar, and she could hear everything the brothers said. She didn’t want to draw attention to herself by moving to close the door. She turned to the ladder that went to the loft.
The men’s conversation became distinct, and she froze with one foot raised to the first rung.
Philip refusing to marry her lifted a feeling of dread that she had been carrying from the boat, even before she knew him to be a kind and decent man.
When Philip challenged Gabe’s attraction to her, Charlotte’s heart soared. She was right. Gabe didn’t look at her as a sister and friend. His heart spoke in those tender looks.
“I can’t!” Gabe’s voice thundered in the room.
Charlotte slumped against the ladder.
Philip grated a response. “Give it up, man. Can’t you see—”
“No. You don’t see. There’s Aileen.”
“She’s gone, Gabe. Married.”
“But…our father…”
“When are you going to stop looking at him through that situation?” Philip asked. “Aileen’s father ended your engagement, not our father. And if Aileen had loved you enough, she would have found a way to change her father’s mind. Don’t let Aileen and her father put this wall between you and your father. Stop fighting. The battle is over, and the girl is gone.”
Gabe tromped down the steps. Charlotte could hear him grumbling, then his voice became more distinct.
“Don’t tell me what to do, little brother. We’re talking about your future, not mine. Go ahead and marry Charlotte. It’s for everyone’s best.”
A tear trickled down the side of her nose, but she didn’t move. She couldn’t even breathe.
Gabe continued, “Next week I’m starting up the trail, and you won’t have to worry about how I look at Charlotte.”
Philip made a noise.
Charlotte caught a sob behind her hand. She clawed her way up the ladder as tears clouded her eyes. Not giving thought to her best dress, she flung herself onto the mattress beside the sleeping child and curled into a ball.
Not even at the deaths of her father and Oliver had she felt such searing pain. Rejection. It must be worse than death.
Why is this happening, Lord? Did I do something wrong? Should I have kept my heart locked up tight and ignored this love for Gabe?
Just when a new and special kind of love had blossomed and she felt hope to carry into the years to come, it had been cut off—severed as completely and painfully as if she had lost a limb.
What am I to do, Lord? Where can I go?
Sobs shook her body long into the night. Relief would not come in answers, only in exhaustion.
Before anyone else stirred the next morning, Gabe left the store with a pocketful of money. He had worked more than a year for two of his father’s business competitors to finance this trip into the Yukon. The first order of business would be to buy a tent. He would make his purchases in other stores in Dyea and Skagway. He wouldn’t ask his younger brother any favors. Besides, he needed to stay away from the store.
Hopefully, if he stayed away, the time alone would help Philip, Charlotte, and Sarah to form a family bond. He’d only go to the store to sleep once in a while. He’d need to start getting acclimated to the cold. He’d be sleeping in a tent for the next six months to a year.
He headed to the Yukon Outfitters building, hoping to meet up with the three men who just a month ago had agreed to team up with him for the trip up the Chilkoot Trail. His steps were slow. He tried to concentrate on his goals, but they seemed hazy. Getting down to the business of preparations would surely clear his mind.
But before he entered the large warehouse building, he found himself talking to God. I know if I get a ton of that gold, it isn’t going to bring Aileen back. Maybe I don’t care for her anymore.
And I know that no amount of gold is going to fix what my father has done. I don’t think I could impress him with gold I dug with my own bare hands.
Sometimes I don’t even know why I’m still going to Dawson. I just know I can’t take Charlotte. The Yukon is no place for a woman like her.
Philip is stubborn. He needs Charlotte. She’ll be good for him.
God, can’t You just make it all work out?
Trust.
Yes, I’ve trusted them to Thy care, God.
Trust.
But have I trusted myself to Thy care as well?
Gabe stood with his hand on the knob of the door until someone asked him to move. He stepped inside and was promptly greeted by two of his trail partners.
Chapter 6
January 20
Charlotte moved this and dusted that in the confined kitchen while Philip and Gabe talked at the back door. Sarah hopped in front of her uncle, begging to be picked up. She hadn’t seen him for a month and demanded his attention now. Gabe swung her up into his arms as if she weighed no more than a feather.
“We’ve finished stashing our outfits at Finnegan’s Point. We’ll camp there now and pack up trail. There should be no reason for me to return to Dyea, so I’ll say goodbye now.” He squeezed Sarah. “Take care of this little one. I trust you to do right by our girls, Brother.”
Charlotte looked up. Gabe kissed Sarah’s ear, causing the child to laugh, but if he glanced at Charlotte through lowered lashes, he gave no indication. Her heart tugged her toward the door, but she kept her feet firmly planted by the stove.
Gabe handed Sarah to her father. With a quick pat to Philip’s back and the briefest of nods to Charlotte, Gabe turned and walked down the alleyway between buildings.
She had been dreading this day ever since Gabe had announced his leave at Christmas. She had held on to some hope that he might say something to her—anything that might tell her he loved her and couldn’t let her go.
It seemed now that leaving came easy to him, and his gold fever—coupled with fever for retribution—was greater than any affection he might hold for her.
Philip returned to the store, Sarah pulled her doll cradle into the middle of the floor, and Charlotte surveyed her home. She lived here, but this wasn’t her home. She didn’t belong here. She didn’t want to be here if she couldn’t be with Gabe.
She slapped at the table with her rag. She felt trapped.
It was Gabe’s fault that she was here. He charmed the Chileses, and he charmed her too with his good looks, good manners, and tenderness to boot. Why couldn’t she see this dead-end road before she took it?
Gabe wanted things his way, but she and Philip weren’t his puppets. They would lead their own lives.
A week later she had an announcement for Philip at the dinner table.
“I’ve been composing some letters. I haven’t sent them yet, but I’m hopeful that someone in Reverend Chiles’s church or in one of my father’s last two congregations will help me find a worthy position. I just may have to ask to borrow money for my passage. I—I will repay you.”
Philip leaned back, studying her. “What’s all this? I owe you more than I can ever give you. If you must return to California, of course I’ll pay your way. But wait until the weather is more amicable for travel.”
Charlotte relaxed.
Philip pulled a sheet of paper from his pocket. “Perhaps you would be interested in this.” He spread it out on the table. “I’ve been drawing up plans for a house. I hope you like them.”
Charlotte felt her guard rise again. Could he be thinking marriage now? It was much too late for even the most congenial arrangement between friends or business partners.
“Philip, I…” She reached behind her neck and unclasped the oval locket she still wore. “It’s not right for me to wear this. I release you from any promises Gabe made on your behalf. He shouldn’t be telling either of us what to do.”
She laid the locket on the sheet of paper.
Philip said nothing, just looked at her.
Charlotte clasped the other chain still around her neck and unconsciously fingered the heart-shaped nugget.
“Dear Charlotte, if I could have ordered a sister from Sears and Roebuck, she would have been just like you. You are a remarkable woman.” He smiled at her. “Hold on to that nugget like a promise. I know your heart belongs to Gabe…and his heart belongs to you. He just hasn’t admitted it yet.”
Charlotte gasped.
“I want you to stay and make this your home for as long as you wish. He’ll eventually come back.”
She tried to choke back a sob. “Gabe has been such a dolt, but…I miss him so.”
Philip reached out and awkwardly rubbed her shoulder. Sarah looked up from her plate of barely touched food. “I eat, Lottie. Don’t cry, dear.”
Philip tried to hold back a laugh. Charlotte giggled even as tears trickled down her cheeks. Sarah rolled her shoulders toward her chest and grinned.
When Charlotte had dried her tears, Philip said, “I got something in the mail yesterday and haven’t known what to make of it.” He pulled another paper from his pocket.
“This is a letter from my wife’s aunt. May I read it to you?”
Charlotte nodded.
Dottie,
Please excuse my lack of communication. Life does have a way of rushing by. My dear Henry had been sick so long and I was so consumed with taking care of him that I lost touch with you and your brothers. I was appalled—yet strangely thrilled—to hear you had taken up residence in Alaska. Your father would be proud of your adventuresome spirit.
Henry passed on this fall, and I find myself looking for a diversion from the emptiness of this big old house. I fear I could go insane with nothing to do.
Please write back and let me know if there is space enough in your home to have me visit. I would so like to see you and the child you named after your mother.
Yours truly,
/> Bessie Aldredge
Portland, Oregon
Philip looked up. “What would you tell the woman? Dottie spoke fondly of this aunt. She reportedly is quite a lively one. How do I tell her of…of Dottie? Should I let her come?”
Charlotte felt sorry for Philip. What a place to be in to have to tell a person of her loved one’s death—especially when the pain was still so fresh for himself.
“She will have to know, and I can help you compose the letter.”
“But should I let her come? Would she still come?” Philip stared at his daughter. “I could use someone like her. And…” He looked at Charlotte. “You could feel comfortable staying with another woman around.”
Charlotte laughed. “What would you do with two women and a child underfoot? I’d still be in the way.”
She reached across the table and patted his hand. “Write her, Philip, and see what she says. Maybe she’ll be able to come and take my place once I’ve found a position.”
Philip nodded slowly. After a moment, she tentatively added, “If she doesn’t come, I could take Sarah back to California with me. To your parents or to your wife’s parents—”
Philip’s fist hit the table. “No!”
His anger stunned Charlotte.
“I–I’m sorry. My parents can’t handle a toddler. D–Dottie’s folks are gone.” Philip buried his face in his hands. “There is no other way. Sarah and I stay together.”
Charlotte swallowed the lump in her throat that responded to his visible pain.
No easy answers—and certainly not a new wife—would fix Philip’s grief and bitterness.
Gabe plodded uphill. He shifted his heavy pack and bent into the wind. Snow whipped at his cheeks, and the cold burned his nostrils. The weather was getting worse. He could barely see where to place his next step, and some spots along this part of the trail could be tricky.
He let out a moan. No one would hear him over the wind. Wilderness surrounded him, and he didn’t even know why he insisted on putting himself through this torture. Did he want to anymore? Where had all that driving purpose gone?
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