“Shadow is my mate,” I said. “Apparently, I don’t mark them the way regular shifters do. I marked all mine at once, when I opened an amulet. If Tadeu wasn’t marked then, he wasn’t my mate.”
“Then explain this,” Tadeu demanded, thrusting his shoulder toward me.
Lord Balam took my arm and slid the silk of my dress up my arm, revealing my marks. I swayed on my feet, blackness threatening to swallow me again. “No,” I whispered, closing my eyes so I didn’t have to see it. Five paw prints marching up my arm, one black as a starless night, the others silvery as moonlight.
“That solves one of my problems,” Shah Tiger said. “What to do with this errant tiger. Now he’s your problem.”
“No, no, no,” I said. “I’m not taking him.”
“Don’t worry, you’ll grow to love each other in time,” the shah said. “It’s impossible to do otherwise with a True Mate. And you’ll thank me when you’re on your next quest. The Snow Leopard Kingdom is the most impenetrable of all. You’ll need all the help you can get.”
“Fuck that,” Tadeu said, wheeling on me. “I’m not helping you.”
“Good,” I said. “I don’t want your help. I’ve got enough protection already.”
“Your first lover’s quarrel,” Shah Tiger said with a grin. “I am privileged to witness it.”
“He’s no lover of mine,” I said.
“Gao Jetsun is the most reclusive man you’ll encounter on your journey,” the shah said. “The last feline heir took thirteen years to gain their amulet. If you want it, you’ll take every advantage you’re given.”
Camila stepped out from behind Gabor, who hadn’t once moved or looked at me. He was so still, I could almost forget he stood just a few paces off, his wounded hand hanging casually at his side, as if he couldn’t feel it. I had ignored him, too, but now that I had given in and looked at him, I ached for him to look at me, even if nothing more than that could ever happen. Just to see the something in his eyes, to know he felt something, even disgust, was better than that blank mask. But he stared straight ahead, his eyes as empty as glass.
“I’ll take him,” Camila said.
“What?” I yelped. “Did you see what just happened?”
She rolled her eyes. “Don’t act like you didn’t want it.”
Blood roared in my ears as I gaped at my sister. “Did it look like I was enjoying myself?”
“It looked like you got what you asked for,” she said. “And not nearly as much as you deserve. Now, give me my amulet.”
“Your amulet?” I asked. “The one I just paid for with my body and my dignity?”
Camila snorted. “Dignity? You lost that long before you ever saw an amulet. You were always common, and you always will be. You’re only keeping the amulets from me because you’re jealous.”
I waited for the pain of her words to knife into me, but to my surprise, the pain was brief before being replaced by anger. She’d hurt me too many times, her blows landing on my heart until it grew calloused, immune to the blade of her betrayal.
I faced her squarely, my voice steady as I hit back for the first time. “You can’t hurt me anymore, Camila. You can’t break me, because I’ve already been broken.”
“And nobody wants a broken princess,” she said. “The only people you can get to support you are a bunch of men who want to get in your pants. The sad part is, you don’t even realize that they’re just using you. They don’t care about you. They just want a whore to pass around. And you…” She gave me a disgusted, pitying look and shook her head. “You actually think they’re your mates. As if a human could have a True Mate.”
“I don’t care if they’re my True Mates or not,” I said. “That means nothing to me. What matters is that they love and support me, which is more than I can say for you.”
“You’re right,” Camila said. “I’m not completely brainless. Of course I don’t support a usurper who is trying to unseat me, who stole the amulets—which is pretty much like stealing the crown off my head—and tried to kill me by pushing me from a moving helicopter. Now, give me my amulets.”
“You’re right about one thing,” I said. “I have no claim to the throne. I’ll get you to the throne because you’re the rightful heir, and despite your accusations, I’m not trying to steal your crown. But make no mistake. I do this out of duty to my country, and because it’s the right thing to do, not because I think you deserve it.”
“Oh, a common whore thinks she’s better suited to run a country than an actual princess who studied and worked for it since the day she was born. Sorry to spoil your fantasy, but there’s more to being queen than sitting on a throne with your legs spread and letting every man in your country come up to take his turn.”
Anger flashed inside me, and I resisted the urge to slap my sister’s pretty, toxic mouth. Instead, I drew myself up and squared my shoulders. “I remain loyal to you as our nation’s queen,” I said. “Not my sister. From now on, I will treat you as such, Your Grace.”
“Good,” Camila said, holding out a hand. “My amulets?”
I turned to retrieve them from Shadow, but he wasn’t on my left, where he’d been minutes before. I spun around, searching for him but finding only Prince Kwame and Lord Balam. I looked from one of them to the other. “Where’s Shadow?”
Prince Kwame shook his head, looking as bewildered as me. “I don’t know. He was just here.”
I turned back to Camila. “It seems my mate has disappeared with them.”
“You expect me to believe that?” Camila hissed, her eyes flashing.
“Panthers,” Lord Balam said with a shrug and a smirk at my sister.
“They’re supposed to have powers of invisibility,” Kwame offered.
“Filthy panther,” Camila hissed.
“I’ll find him,” I said. “You saw me get dressed. You know I don’t have them on me. I’ll go look for him now.”
“You’re even stupider than I thought,” Camila said, pursing her lips. “I guess I really don’t need to worry about you trying to steal my country. If you’d entrust a panther with something valuable, you’re never going to make it to the throne.”
“Thanks.”
“You’d better find him and bring him back right now,” she said, her chin rising. “He stole my amulets. If the shah finds out, he’ll have him executed.”
Shah Tiger had wandered off, mingling with some of the other royals while we talked. Apparently, our squabbles were only interesting for so long.
“The shah won’t execute anyone,” Tadeu rumbled. “He’s not the murderous type.”
I glanced at him before returning my gaze to my sister. “I told you, I’ll find Shadow.”
“You better hope you do,” she said. “Because if you don’t, Gabor and I will hunt him down. I’ll make sure he employs every torture before killing him. Ocelot guards know plenty of ways to make a man suffer.”
I glanced at Gabor, my soul begging for some sign from him, but he gave me nothing. I didn’t know why I couldn’t let it go. He had chosen a side, and that’s where he would stay. I wasn’t going to convince him otherwise. No matter how much I yearned for his approval, his forgiveness, he would never grant them.
“We’ll go find him now,” I said, swallowing the knot in my throat and turning away from the guard whose love I ached for more than I could explain.
“Oh, no, you don’t,” Camila said with an incredulous laugh. “You might be stupid, but I’m not. I’ll go with you. Come on, Gabor, Tadeu.”
“Fine,” I said, feeling so bone-deep exhausted that I couldn’t find the strength to argue. Lord Balam insisted we go pay our respects to the shah, so we bid him goodnight and thanked him for his hospitality. Only when we were in the hall on the way back to our room did the night catch up with me. My body was battered and bruised, and walking was more painful by the moment. To make matters worse, the man who had done this to me was following me around, along with the last man on earth I wanted to see me in
this condition, and my sister, who kept making snide comments.
When Kwame saw me limping, he scooped me up in his arms and carried me the rest of the way to my room. So grateful I nearly sobbed with relief, I buried my face in his chest and wrapped my arms around his neck.
“Where is he?” Camila demanded when we reached the bedroom. She dragged Gabor into the bathroom to check with her, then back into the main room, where they checked in every corner and under the beds before accepting that he wasn’t there.
“I don’t know where he went,” I said. “You’re welcome to stand watch outside if you’re worried about it. Otherwise, we’ll just have to wait until he shows up again. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to get some sleep and recover. It’s been a long day.”
I took more pleasure than I should in closing the door in her face.
“You know they’ll be out there all night, listening in on us,” Lord Balam said, giving me a significant look. But I honestly didn’t know where Shadow had gone, so I couldn’t have said anything if I wanted to.
“Surely she won’t do such a duty herself,” Prince Kwame said. “She’ll have her guard do it.”
Once, she would have. Now I wasn’t sure. I knew she didn’t trust Gabor, but she hadn’t dismissed him from her tour. She could have done worse. Maybe she was waiting until she returned home before she thanked him for his service by imprisoning him and having him executed. Or maybe…
My pulse quavered at the thought. Maybe she knew how I felt about him. Somehow, she had figured it out even though it was so complicated that even I couldn’t figure it out. She had accused him of choosing me over her, and she wasn’t wrong. He had. Despite that, she’d let him live, continued to order him to stay by her side. If she knew that I loved him, she could use him. Was that her plan? Or was I being paranoid and self-centered to even suspect it had to do with me?
“You’re tired,” Kwame said, scooping me up again. “Let me bathe you.”
Another quaver went through me, this one laced with fear. I swallowed and pulled his head down, pressing my forehead to his scarred one. “Just a bath?” I whispered.
“Of course,” he said, looking truly wounded. He squeezed me to him and carried me into the bathroom, running the tub full of water and soap until the bubbles billowed high and steam filled the luxurious bath. Kwame untied my dress and lowered me into the water. I gasped when it hit my torn and bruised places, trying to put away the memories of tonight the way I had with Shadow. Our first night had been wild and violent, and yet, it had never felt personal.
With Tadeu, it felt personal.
I squeezed my eyes closed, but a tear forced its way out onto my lashes. Kwame leaned over the side of the tub and pressed a kiss to my salty lashes. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, his thumb stroking my forehead as he sat back, watching me.
“You didn’t do anything to be sorry for,” I said, resting my head back and drawing a deep, shaky breath to get myself under control.
“I should have been stronger,” he said. “I should have stayed in that room, so I’d know what you went through. If you were strong enough to do it, I should have been strong enough to witness.”
“It’s okay,” I said, cupping his cheek with my wet fingers. “I’m glad you didn’t see it. I’m glad no one saw it.”
No one in my party. None of my lovers. Only Gabor had seen it, and he was Camila’s.
Kwame’s skin was cool as always, the ghostly cool of the undead. For a minute he was silent, stroking my hair with gentle fingers.
“My people believe that pain and suffering are as much a part of life as happiness and laughter,” he said. “I should have been stronger, strong enough to see yours. I hope one day I can be as strong as you.”
I snorted. “I’m not feeling very strong right now.”
“You don’t have to be strong every moment of every day,” he said. “You’re allowed to break like the rest of us. Your suffering is real, Itzel. Your experience is valid. I should have stayed to bear witness if I could do nothing else.”
I remembered Gabor sitting at the table like a statue at Camila’s side, not looking away, not moving. Bearing witness. It wasn’t the first time I’d heard that, but it was the first time I’d thought of Gabor as doing that, or even Lord Balam when he hadn’t protected me from the other men who had now become my mates. Maybe he’d been doing that all along.
Gabor, though… I wasn’t sure. Something had happened to him, something worse than whatever he’d gone through to become a guard, whatever he’d done since becoming one. He was different. He hadn’t looked as if I disgusted him, like he couldn’t bear to look at me, though. He’d simply refused to even acknowledge my existence. Somehow, that hurt worse than disgust. How could he bear witness, validate my experience, at the same time as he invalidated my very existence?
I’d always known he was loyal to my father, or at least to crown and country, but deep inside, I’d felt that he was on my side. Now, I didn’t know anymore. I felt selfish and greedy for wanting more than I had, and guilty at the same time, as if I’d told my mates they weren’t enough. But I couldn’t help the hurt that came from Gabor’s snub or the ache of longing for him to be with me and my lovers.
As I lay in bed later, Lord Balam snoring softly on one side of me and Prince Kwame lying still as the dead on the other, I couldn’t fall asleep. I could feel the guard outside my door, could feel the pull of him like gravity, drawing me to him. I wanted to get up and go out and talk to him just as I had all those nights in Florida when we’d stayed up late, Gabor smoking cigarettes and pretending he didn’t notice my flirting while I tried to draw him out of his reserved exterior and pry personal information from him. And later, I’d shamelessly scream with pleasure, hoping Gabor heard, wanting to drive him mad as Lord Balam fucked me senseless.
Fuck, I’d been so selfish, so naïve and young.
It seemed a lifetime ago, and I supposed that it truly was. I had died and started a new life since then. A life as a shifter. Maybe it was time to move on from fantasies about my father’s guard and accept that we would never have more than we’d had on those fleeting nights on the balcony of a fleabag motel.
Fifteen
For the next few weeks, we stayed at the palace, which was a replica of the famous historical Taj Mahal, this one modernized and built after the original had been destroyed by the devastating earthquakes that had ripped apart the world decades before. Shah Tiger was usually occupied, so I didn’t have to face him again, and he was more than happy to let our procession rest, recover, and regroup. We needed it. We’d been through a lot.
By day, we planned our next move, discussing how we would lure out the reclusive Gao Jetsun. Lord Balam spent a lot of time alone with his oracle. Prince Kwame doted on me, and we had long conversations about his family, whom he loved and missed, and mine, whom I was not too fond of right now. I’d never had a lover who was so open, so calm and steadfastly loving. I appreciated it, but I missed Shadow, who hadn’t shown up again.
By night, I lay awake resisting the pull of Gabor outside my door, resisting the urge to sneak out and talk to him. I knew he wasn’t alone, though. He’d never talk to me in front of Camila or even Tadeu, and I didn’t want him to. I wanted him alone, when I could tease the truth from him drop by drop. And more than that, I wanted to forget him, to stop wanting and be happy with what I had. So each night, I forced myself to lie still until I fell asleep.
One day, a tiger news crew came by to interview Camila about her Amulet Tour. Another day, a cheetah interview show asked for an exclusive on my ‘miraculous rise from the dead,’ but I turned them away, and they went to find Camila instead. I wasn’t sure she’d give them an interview, as it seemed like something she’d find distasteful.
Surprisingly, she seemed to enjoy the attention. A few days later, we watched the interview from our room, and I was surprised at how relaxed and charming Camila seemed in front of the camera. She’d make a good queen. I kept reminding m
yself of that.
One day, after we’d been there a few weeks, Lord Balam came in and sat beside me on the bed. “I’m sorry, but we’re going to have to go on,” he said. “I know you wanted to wait for Shadow, but I think we should start looking for the snow leopard amulet if you want to get it before Camila. And I think she’s leaving soon.”
“Did your oracle tell you she’s leaving?”
He grinned. “Sure. Or maybe I overheard her talking with her guards.”
Despite having protested when Camila had said she’d take him off the king’s hands, Tadeu had joined her little party. I hated that I felt anything at all about that, but I did. Honestly, he terrified me, but the shifter part of me that must have felt the True Mate bond even when my human side couldn’t, knew that it was a direct affront for him to follow her over me.
“Then we’ll have to go without Shadow,” I said, though a huge part of me balked at the thought. I knew that was irrational. He’d already left me. But I had never once wavered in my trust for him. I knew he loved me beyond anything else, that in his own way, he was trying to protect me. Camila could call me stupid all she wanted, but I knew he would never betray me. He was hiding somewhere, keeping the amulets from Camila. I wished I could tell him that it didn’t matter when she got them. She already had the Ocelot Amulet, which none of us could even touch without dying. I would give her the others, let her take the throne as planned, trusting that eventually, the pieces would fall into place as they were meant to be.
“Sir Kenosi’s helicopter can take us up into the mountains,” Lord Balam said. “From there, we’re on our own.”
“What do we know about this guy?” I asked. “Gao Jetsun.”
“Besides that he’s a reclusive hermit?” Balam asked with a grin.
“Besides that,” I agreed. And he was my brother. For some reason, I’d still not told my mates that part, though I’d told them everything else about my time in the spirit world. My mother’s affair, being part snow leopard, and having a brother… It was something I needed to process before blurting out to anyone. I still wasn’t sure how I felt about it.
Hunted Princess: A Paranormal Dark Romance (Feline Royals Book 3) Page 11