I wasn’t sure that I did. I didn’t deserve to take it from her. She’d betrayed her own sister, played us all, even Tadeu. Maybe even our father. What Tadeu said had hurt, but part of that was because it hit so close to home. I had always been jealous of the shifters, but it was more than that. I’d ached to be one with some deep and primal part of me. The injustice of it had been a raw sore that never healed inside me. And since I couldn’t be one, I’d found the next best thing on this tour. I’d spread my legs for whatever important man wanted to bury his cock in me, as if that brought me closer to being a shifter myself.
I guess it had worked. I was now a cheetah shifter. But that didn’t give me a right to the Ocelot Throne. That didn’t mean I’d done something noble or brave or worthy. It just made me a power-hungry whore who traded her body for high-value artifacts instead of coin.
Was that why Kwame had never tried to have sex with me after being marked as my True Mate? He’d been the nicest of all my men, and I’d never doubted his loyalty. I didn’t think he’d lured me up here to betray me, or that he’d wanted to separate me from the other men so he could have me to himself. He hadn’t tried to fuck me since I’d brought him back to life. Was he disgusted by me, by the things I’d done? Aside from a few sweet, chaste kisses, he had done nothing to indicate he wanted more than my companionship.
Noticing that his long stride had taken him far ahead, I hurried to catch up. Kwame had crested a smaller mountain and was examining a small ledge of grey stone under which one of us could comfortably sleep.
“This might be a good spot to stay the night,” he said. “We can see down the sides of the mountain in case anyone is coming. We can also see anyone descending the slopes of the mountains on either side of us, and they protect us from the wind enough that we can have a small fire and probably a good night’s sleep.”
“How do you know so much about this?” I asked, stopping to catch my breath when I reached him.
Kwame smiled and shrugged out of his heavy pack. “I don’t have much experience with mountains, but camping in the bush… That was a big part of growing up in the Lion Kingdom. The passage to manhood was filled with challenges to our strength, stamina, and courage.”
My eyes wandered to the scarification on his forehead, the series of ritual scars that his father bore as well. “For royals, or for everyone?”
“Both,” he said with obvious pride. “Mine might have been more rigorous, but every boy in our nation knows how to camp under the stars. Come, my queen. I’ll show you how to make a good fire.”
I set down my pack and joined him, marveling at his skill in an area I knew nothing of. Though there was wilderness in the Ocelot Nation, it was outside the palace gates, far from the city where we lived. I’d rarely been outside the confines of the property, let alone outside our city. Kwame knew things I’d never even imagined learning. Watching him, I was reminded that we were literally a world apart. Despite our long talks over the past few weeks and the time we’d spent together, I still didn’t know my men all that well. We’d been through a lot together, though, and I knew it bound us just as strongly as the True Mate bond. We’d learn each other in time.
For now, I could marvel in the discoveries of their skill. I watched Kwame, taking direction as he showed me how to build up and stoke the fire to get it going and keep it burning. Once we finished eating and settled down next to the fire, I turned to my mate.
“So, tell me about this heat,” I said. “I know a little bit, but I want to be prepared for anything that could happen.”
Nineteen
“Once you’re in heat, you’ll be irresistible to men, and insatiable in your appetites for about three days,” Kwame said. “For a few days leading up to that it will increase, and then for a few days after it will be decreasing, but you may still feel some of the effects.”
“Will it affect you, too?” I asked, feeling strangely vulnerable suddenly. I’d never been interested in sex with a man who didn’t want it back. All men seemed to want sex, and the fact that he was supposed to be my mate made it even more frustrating. I couldn’t just shrug it off as incompatibility.
“I don’t know,” Kwame said, shifting on the log where he sat. “I am here in physical form again, so I think it might. And yet, I’m still a ghost, so I don’t know if the pheromones will affect me as they do a living animal. As I have said, this is a rare circumstance. I have done some research, and I’m not sure that we will be able to have children, either. I’m very sorry. We can certainly try. I haven’t found a clear answer one way or another.”
I nodded, swallowing hard. “So you’re just not interested in sex at all?”
Kwame drew back, surprise flashing across his face. “Of course I am.”
“Then why don’t you want to have sex with me?” I blurted. “Is it because of what I’ve done to get the amulets?”
Kwame stared at me a long minute, his eyes burning with such intensity that I had to drop my gaze to the fire. I poked at it with a stick, sending sparks spiraling up into the sky with the smoke. Kwame scooted over and wrapped an arm around me, reaching to tilt my chin up to face him again. “Itzel, you have done what a feline heir must do,” he said. “You have sacrificed yourself, doing everything that was asked of you to gain the amulets. That is what every ruler does before taking the throne. It’s how you show you are willing to do what must be done when you’re on the throne, that you will sacrifice for your people.”
“But I’m not the heir,” I whispered.
“You will be a great queen,” he said. “I admit that it was difficult to see you in pain, but I certainly don’t think any less of you because you put yourself through that. I respect you even more, that you were so determined to get the amulet. And though I don’t admire your sister the way you do, I admire you for what you are willing to do for her. Loyalty is a virtue many people are lacking. But you, my queen, are not.” He leaned in and brushed his full lips against mine, sending a shiver of longing through me. I clutched his shirt, pulling him closer, not able to put into words how relieved I was to hear him say those things.
“You don’t think I’m stupid for still loving her?” I asked, searching his gaze.
“Of course not,” he said with a smile. “I have sisters. I would do anything to keep them from being hurt, just as you would your sister. But love is not rational.”
“You hate her, too, don’t you?”
“I can’t hate someone you love,” Kwame said, smoothing my hair away from my face. “But I think you have proved yourself worthy of the throne while she has hidden behind you, knowing you are stronger than she is. One day, I think that will come back to haunt her. But you must do what you feel is right—and you have. That’s what will make you a great queen. You listen to our opinions, but you have always followed your own compass, Itzel. You have behaved most honorably—most regally—on this trip.”
I snorted at that. “Your people must have a different idea of honor than ours.”
My thoughts were drawn back to the man I’d left behind—not my mates, but Gabor. The man who always followed his compass, who did what he thought was right. He’d seen me take the amulets. He’d seen me go out the window with Kwame. He might have even distracted Camila so she stood with her back to us, yelling at him, while we escaped. I wished I could go back to that moment, run to him and beg him to come with us. I wished I could make him lose control the way I had. I hadn’t acted with honor. I’d been a mess. He was the honorable one.
I pushed the thoughts away. Gabor had nothing to do with this. He was simply a guard, one who remained loyal to Camila because he had vowed to serve the throne, and she was the next to take it. Kwame was here, loyal to me.
He raised his hands to either side of my face, turning me to him. “Itzel,” he said. “I see you as nothing but admirable. Determined, loyal, brave beyond measure. It pains me to think that you see yourself any differently. If I haven’t shown an interest in being intimate, it was only because I did
n’t think I had proven myself worthy of you.”
I covered his hands with mine, staring back at him with equal intensity. “You’re the most noble, worthy man I’ve ever met,” I said, my throat tight with emotion. “You’ve always put me first, since the moment we met.”
“Not the moment we met,” he said, shaking his head sadly. “I took what I needed to make sure that you were my True Mate, though I already felt in my heart that something life-changing was happening. Asking for your trust after I took without asking, it seemed disrespectful. And since then, you haven’t been in a place where that was an option.”
“We’re in a place where it’s an option right now,” I said. “I don’t hold it against you that you did that to me before I knew you. I understand that you wanted to know if I was your True Mate. Of all the things that have happened to me on this tour, that was the least objectionable.”
Yes, I had felt violated by the ghost sex, but it wasn’t painful like Tadeu’s turn or degrading like Sir Kenosi’s. My encounter with Kwame had been brief and strange, and I was ready for another experience between us. I was ready for the man, not just his ghost.
I turned to him, pressing my lips to his soft, full ones. Warmth curled through me, and I pressed deeper, sliding my hands behind his head, feeling the wooly nubs of the knots in his hair between my fingers. I moaned softly, opening my lips for him. His tongue slid between my teeth, tracing along the edge before dipping deeper to caress mine. He sighed, his hands tightening on my waist and pulling my body against him.
“Itzel,” he whispered, drawing his lips from mine. “If you’re on the edge of a heat, this can push you there faster.”
I smiled, the corners of my lips pulling up against his. “A man who’s always strategizing,” I said. “I like it.”
I reached into my pack, rooting around until I found the velvet bag containing the amulets. As I held it, I felt a slight buzz of electricity up my arm, like the barest whisper of what I’d felt when I opened the panther amulet. I realized as I held the bag containing the mating rituals of five cat clans that I was feeling their combined magic.
Holy fuck. The weight of their importance sank into me as I untied the gold cord around the bag. I had joked about these once, but now I knew. I knew the cost of these. The sacrifices shifters had made throughout the centuries to procure these. Their significance was sobering. Joking about them seemed inconceivable, a sacrilege.
One by one, I took out the amulets. I knelt on the ground beside the fire, and with great care set them on the ground around my knees, studying the curves and edges of each, pondering how they’d fit together. Curiosity urged me to piece them all together, leaving space for the last two, but that would be a violation. They weren’t my amulets, and the puzzle wasn’t complete. I didn’t want to activate any magic by accident. I’d already done that once, and I was dancing with fire now.
So far, each amulet I’d opened had worked on me as it should a shifter, not a human. But that didn’t mean they all would. That didn’t mean one wouldn’t have catastrophic consequences. I couldn’t play with them like a child’s toy puzzle. If I fit them together now, who knew what would happen. Sir Kenosi had used his to end his life, and I had no illusion that one couldn’t do the same to me. I had to be careful, not tempt fate more than I already was by opening the tiger amulet.
I found it and slid it out of its velvet bag, cupping the circular, polished tiger-eye stone in my palm. The swirls of gold in the black flowed with a faint shimmer of magic as I held it.
“Whoa,” I whispered, raising my gaze to Kwame. “Can you see that?”
“You can see the magic,” he murmured. He slid his fingertips across the inky black and shimmering gold, his touch as reverent as his gaze.
“Yeah,” I breathed. “That’s a lot of magic.”
“A human shouldn’t be able to see magic,” he said quietly.
I swallowed. “I’m not… Entirely… Human.”
I hadn’t told the others about Gao Jetsun, about my father being a demigod. I wasn’t sure what I was, if there was even a name for it. It wasn’t as simple as saying I was the human-born child of two shifters. I was that, but I was also the daughter of an ocelot, a snow leopard, a demi-god, and a rare priestess whose powers I didn’t exactly know.
“I know,” Kwame said in his low, deep voice.
“You do?”
“A human can’t travel in the spirit world like you did,” he said. “They definitely aren’t strong enough to bring someone back. Not the way you did.”
“What other way is there?”
“You didn’t just bring me here to visit for a moment as a ghost,” he said. “You brought me back to life. You literally raised me from the dead, Itzel.”
“But as a ghost,” I said, feeling suddenly frightened. I’d done something that defied the laws of nature, of possibility.
Seeming to sense my discomfort, Kwame turned his attention to the stone. “If this puts you into heat, you will start emitting pheromones soon,” he said. “Maybe as soon as tomorrow. They will get stronger, as will your desire, for a few days. After it peaks on the middle day, you will have a few days of decreasing libido, and then you will be back to your natural state.”
I took a deep breath and nodded. The jaguar amulet had done something similar, though it happened suddenly and intensely, and only inside my body. This time, I knew what I was getting, so I was a bit more prepared. I would bring Gao Jetsun out of hiding with the pheromones, but he wouldn’t want me to do anything too sexual in exchange for the amulet, since we were related. Maybe I could take him to the spirit world to see his father. Since I’d be horny as fuck during the high heat, Kwame would take care of my sexual needs until it wore off.
I slid my fingers around the amulet, searching for a seam. A hot tingle of magic buzzed through my hands and up my arms. The True Mate marks on my arm began to burn and glow, especially the last one—Tadeu’s. Suddenly, my fingers sank into the stone as if it were made of oil instead of stone. I gasped and drew back, feeling a cold, greasy residue on my fingers.
“Rub it on your throat and neck,” Kwame said. “That’s what the maharajas said to do.”
Lifting my hand to my throat, I rubbed in the salve before I could touch anything else. I didn’t want to leave anything on the ground that would make someone else go into heat. The last thing I wanted was for someone else to get caught unaware of an altered cycle. Plus, it would kinda make the whole thing pointless if the monk was drawn out by the wrong woman.
For a second, nothing happened. Then, the same shimmering gold that had been coiling through the swirling patterns in the stone began to rise from it. The air sparkled with fine gold particles, so beautiful I wanted to sit and marvel at them. Instead, I cupped the amulet in one hand and covered it with the other. The tingling that had spread along my arm now rose from my neck, racing across my skin like a burn. I gasped as it hit my nose, clearing my sinuses and making me nearly choke. The magic invaded me like a hot, dry wind, filling me with images of wild storms tearing at the mountain, howling through every stone crevice and ripping out brown grasses, toppling trees, and breaking bushes. Snow piling in sparkling white drifts so pure my eyes ached at the sight, blinded by the stark beauty and crystalline cold.
I fell back, gasping for breath. Kwame rushed to me, helping me back onto the log and brushing me off. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know,” I whispered, gripping his hands as he crouched in front of me. “I saw something. Am I supposed to see something?”
“What did you see?”
“Nothing,” I said, throwing my hands up in frustration. “I just saw some snow. But that’s not the point.”
“My queen, what is wrong?” Kwame asked, resuming his seat beside me. His brow furrowed in concern, and he rubbed comforting circles on my back with his palm.
“I don’t know what’s happening to me,” I blurted. “I don’t know how I brought you back to life, and I don’t know how I kept K
enosi’s cheetah and turned into a shifter. Supposedly I have some magic that made it happen, but I don’t even know how to tell if that’s true or not. There’s no one like me, so I can’t ask anyone what’s supposed to happen.”
“I don’t have all the answers,” Kwame said. “I have only the wisdom of the lion people. We would say that what happens is supposed to happen. Just as you’re content to let fate take its course with your sister, you might have to show yourself the same kindness.”
“I’m scared,” I admitted. It was one thing to let my sister take a throne she’d been born to ascend, one she had earned every day for the last twenty years, not just a few months. It was another to sit back and relax while things happened to me that I had no control over, things I didn’t understand.
To my shame, I wanted my sister, even after all she’d done. My whole life, she had been there for me. When I looked back on it with clearer vision, I knew that I was the stronger one. I’d held her up when she couldn’t stand on her own, comforted her when she cried, pieced her back together when she fell apart. I had been her crutch and her strength. I’d made her strong.
Now I was falling apart, and some emotional, instinctual urge inside me reached for her, wanting her to do the same for me. But the rational side of me knew she wouldn’t. She’d taken my strength like a vampire, sucked it from me until I had nothing left for myself.
“Let me help you,” Kwame whispered, lifting my hair off my neck and bending to kiss my shoulder. “Whatever you need, let me give it to you.”
Tears burned behind my eyes, and I leaned in and pressed my lips to his lush, full ones. When Mom died, I’d slept in Camila’s room for months, as if a mere human could somehow protect her better than the half dozen armed shifters outside her window and her door. But she had wanted me. She had needed me, so I’d been there. Through every diplomatic meeting that gave her a migraine, every dinner and ball that left her exhausted and pale, I’d been there to jump in and flirt, distract skeptical royals so they didn’t notice her weakness. I’d never known it was bleeding away my own strength until I had none left to give, and she wasn’t here to return the favor.
Hunted Princess: A Paranormal Dark Romance (Feline Royals Book 3) Page 14