I vaulted the last few steps down to the lake and stood at the water’s edge. It was still and silent. The surrounding trees were in deep shadow. Moonlight turned green leaves into dark blue. The water shone an inky black. The only sound was my ragged breath in the latent night.
It was over.
I was horror struck.
We had tried and we had failed.
I really couldn’t fault Andy. He had stood by me and taken more than any man should have to take. He had withstood my moods, plans, strategies on new conception methods. He had eaten vegan. He had abstained. I was not going to ask him to waste any more time on me. He should find someone new and start over again. It was not too late for him.
There was no more to be said or done really. I wiped the tears from my cheeks and sniffed loudly. I would return to the room, leave for home and abandon any more ideas about having a baby. That’s if Andy hadn’t left already.
A twig cracked underneath a footstep. I heard more footfalls descend the steps to the garden below. They paused, then whisked across the grass towards me by the lakeside.
‘Sara.’
I felt my tears run in hot streaks down my cheeks. I wiped them away angrily, not liking that I couldn’t hold them back. I shivered, realizing that I had run down in my flimsy, black under-things that didn’t translate well into mid-winter outside clothing. I felt like a frozen statue, emotionally exhausted, standing pale and silver in the moonlight by the lakeside. A faint breeze rose and stirred the trees, sending goose bumps skidding across my bare skin.
Andy wrapped a blanket around my shoulders and arranged it until only my face was left to the open air. He placed his hands either side of my face and rubbed away the tears with the pads of his thumbs. He stood looking down at me, his eyes roaming over my face. Our breath blended between us.
‘Sara.’ His voice croaked with the cold air. ‘I didn’t marry you for your money, or to use you for housekeeping, or as insurance for you to look after me if anything happened to me. I took those vows on our wedding day because I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I chose you to become my family. If we don’t have any children that’s OK with me because I will still have you.
‘I can imagine what our children might look like because I will see you each and every day. They would have your curly blond hair,’ he ran his fingers over my curls, ‘your eyes, your lips.’ Andy ran the pad of his thumb over my bottom lip. ‘They would be beautiful because you are beautiful.
‘Sara, I married you for who you are. I married you because I love your sense of humor, I love the expression in your eyes when you’re angry, I love the way you snore at night. I love you being my wife and each night I look forward to the morning because I know you will be there waking up beside me.
‘If we don’t have any children I know that I will still have you and that is all that matters to me. I know that having children is important for you, and it is important to me as well, but I don’t want you to be stressed because we are having trouble while it seems like the whole world is bursting forth with babies. We are not a failure because of it.
‘We will work through this together. We can start IVF tomorrow if you want to. I’ll drive us down to Dr Braeduke in the morning and land on his doorstep first thing in the morning and demand that he see us. Forget this weekend being the perfect time for us to fall pregnant. Forget that we don’t have to have the right roses in the room, the right lighting or the right music playing. Let’s just relax and enjoy each other the way we used to do when we were first married. We have each other. We always will. That’s all that matters to me right now.’
My heart melted. Of course he was right. I had been acting like a mad woman, obsessed with becoming pregnant and wanting the perfect night to be just right. I realized the strain I had put him under each time we made love — was this going to be the time? We were only performing a physical act to get pregnant and had forgotten about each other. We had forgotten that making love really means Making Love With Each Other.
There is never a perfect moment, or a perfect time for just about anything, let alone trying to do something as life changing as having a baby. You really have to roll with the punches life throws your way. If it happens, it happens, if it doesn’t, you learn to live with it.
I looked up into Andy’s eyes, and saw him staring intently at me beneath his own sheen of unshed tears. I had never seen him so emotional or earnest, or to my shame at having launched those angry word at him earlier, so in love with me. It took me a moment to reply.
‘I guess I was just trying too hard for this weekend to be perfect for us.’
‘Just a little.’
‘I felt like I was a failure as a wife, not being able to produce the obligatory son to inherit our vast fortune, or a golden-haired daughter for you to show off. I forgot the basics. I forgot why I married you in the first place, and it was not to have children and certainly not for your family. It was because I love you Andy and I can’t stand to live the rest of my life without you. I wanted to show you that, desperately, by growing our family. It just took over.’
I ran my hands over his shoulders, up his neck and entwined my fingers through his sandy hair. ‘I’ve made a mess of things.’ I glanced down at his mouth, and quickly back to his brilliant blue eyes. I could feel his heart beating, his body heat radiating through his clothing.
‘Nothing that can’t be undone or forgiven.’ He dropped one arm to my waist and brought me closer to him.
‘Then forgive me, Andy.’ I pulled his head down and softly kissed his lips. He ran his tongue along my lips, then delved it into my mouth. He held me close with one strong arm wound around my waist, the other hand running through my hair. The lean strong length of him surrounded me. I felt so secure, warm, comfortable and loved by him.
All thoughts of getting pregnant, having babies, seeing other people’s babies in my mind fled as my senses were bombarded my Andy’s hands, arms, lips and other very, very important body parts as they sprang to life. I don’t know how it happened, but the next thing I was vaguely aware of was lying on the blanket on the ground underneath Andy’s body weight welcoming him inside me and not even thinking that this would be the perfect time to get pregnant. I only thought of Andy, cocooned in our intimacy.
I remembered how I felt when we were first married, the happiness I felt just because he was near. I remembered that I chose him as my family. I married him because I wanted to grow old with him.
Children might come along. They would leave eventually, but he would always be there. And that it was a good thing. In fact it was more than good. It was brilliant.
We stayed out by that lake, the thick blanket wrapped around us like a second skin, under the stars, drinking the brandy Andy had brought with him. We stayed there until we had emptied the bottle and it was too damn cold to stay there anymore.
When it was light enough, somehow we made it back to The Tavern, up the steep windy paths slippery with dew and leaves, naked underneath the blanket, our feet freezing.
Andy ran a hot bath for the both of us while I rang room service for food. I placed the ‘do not disturb’ sign on the door after our meals had been delivered and we ate it in the bath and we discovered each other again, laughing and smiling the way we did when we’d first married.
All in all, it was a very satisfactory night.
We ended up leaving The Tavern with a little bit more than when we arrived but not in the form of a baby. We became a couple again. Not just a married pair of people who were desperate to get pregnant. This was the weekend where we became better partners, better lovers, developed a deeper understanding of each other.
And I fell more in love with Andy than I ever thought possible. Out life together was a blessing. It wasn’t meant to be a race or a comparison to other couples. It wasn’t about doctors, ovulation cycles or the feeling that life was slipping through my fingers because I didn’t have this baby I’d come to associate as some sort of distorted prized pos
session.
It was much more than that. A clearing of priorities. A cleansing of wounds. A reconnection of who we both were with each other. The Tavern was the place I’ll always remember as the place where I reconnected to who I was and gave birth to a renewed sense of self.
Now I’m not the one who’s going to bore you to death with tales of lack of sleep and cracked nipples, but I have to go. The baby has woken up and sounds like a run away train couldn’t keep her from dinner. I have to hand it to The Tavern, when they say they help dreams come true, they don’t lie and the grandparents are here to babysit.
I’m in a hurry to get back to our regular anniversary stay at our special place by the lake. Maybe this time we’ll come back with that little bit extra we first started out trying for. Second time round.
The End
I hope you have enjoyed Getting Preggas. Sara and Andy’s adventure begins in Getting Hitched, not to mention the next step Getting the Snip. The next step along life’s incredible journey.
ROMANTIC COMEDY NOVELLAS
Getting Hitched
Sara should be really, really scared. Terrified even. But she’s simply too busy to worry about little things like that. She has a wedding to plan and she intends to have the perfect day. Besides, when it’s all organised, she’ll relax and enjoy loving her fiancé. Until then, she has a job to do. Many, many jobs.
But Sara still hasn’t found the perfect gown, organised the flowers, the hair, make-up, photographer or the thousand other things she has to get done for the ‘perfect, romantic day she will remember for the rest of her life’. With only four weeks to go, not only has she been unable to match the perfect pink but the groom has gone missing.
Sara is caught in a dilemma. Should she worry that Andy might actually be half way round the world drinking margaritas and partying it up in Mexico with half-dressed bimbos or should she buy that sexy little bikini she saw online for her honeymoon.
One thing’s for sure, with Andy away and leaving the wedding plans to her, she doesn’t care if she’s a bridezilla or not. Some things are bigger than mere reputation.
Getting Preggas
Andy and Sara have been trying to have a baby going on two years now. At first they really didn’t notice that it was taking that long — after all, the pleasure is in the trying and chores such as vacuuming doesn’t really compare to the ‘chore’ of becoming pregnant. But when they start to notice their friends’ expanding families, one-sided invitations to christenings, baptisms and first birthday parties, things start to get desperate.
And desperate times call for desperate measures.
When Sara puts all of her faith into their doctor’s recommendation that perhaps they are just trying too hard, Sara sticks to her goal. One whole month without special cuddles, much to Andy’s consternation. After all, Sara needs to build up those little wrigglers. They have a serious job to do!
A fun novella of Children Gifted Friends — CGF’s, a Collins Street Specialist — CSS, cats with stray claws, a case of not-so-sexy Arachnophobia and of course, trying to get pregnant.
Getting The Snip
Having a teething eleven month old baby who was already starting to totter around on his feet with the pure intention of keeping up with his three year old sister all day was beyond exhausting.
Sara can’t remember that last time she had a shower. She smells of stale breast milk and thinks she has baby puke in her hair from three days ago. And when she goes to bed, she wants to sleep. No special cuddles. The only thing she craves now-a-days is to sleep-until-you-wake-up-naturally, just like she used to BC — Before Children.
Sara loves her children. She loves her husband and her family. But with the thought of having another child, her uterus wants to rip itself out of her body and run into oncoming traffic. Solution? Permanent contraception. Sara has the perfect idea. It’s just a small incision, twenty minutes of Andy’s time and poof — he’s done. Neutered like the cat.
It’ll take balls, but Andy will have to put his on the line if they ever want to have carefree, sex-on-tap, whenever they want it, pre-baby lovemaking again. Or will his nightmare of being chased by massive scissors make him run in the opposite direction to the scalpel?
MORE FROM CHARMAINE ROSS
CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE
Take Me As I Am
A contemporary romance set in the romanticism of the Victorian Dandenongs. A story about loss, living true and having the courage to break free of old lies and deceit…
Kate Moore is a billionaire tycoon’s daughter and has been single-mindedly groomed to one day run the massive Moore’s Hotel Corporation. Restoring the run-down Burnham Beeches in beautiful Sassafras to its former glory is her test. One in which she must not only prevail, but shine in order to gain her father’s hard-won approval. She hires David Wright, a talented landscaper with an eye for beauty and a body she can’t stop fantasising about.
David needs the contract, the Moore’s name for his portfolio and the money to pay for his ailing father’s health. He’s given up his life and potential for a successful musical career for his family. What he doesn’t need is the diversion, or the temptation of his new boss.
As they are drawn unwillingly into each other’s worlds perceptions crash, misconceptions collapse and passions erupt as they face their own personal challenges when their two very different worlds collide.
Four-Leaf Clover
A sexy, sugar-laden David vs Goliath story about a local bakery, a national chain, and what really matters. Clover Loveday has worked hard to get her café Four-Leaf Clover up and running — her ticket out of an increasingly alarming financial situation and her dream come true. When she literally falls off her ladder into the arms of sexy-as-sin Liam Sinclair. The same Liam Sinclair who owns the new bakery being built just across the road...the new store by bakery chain Upper Crust owner! Clover decides then that no matter how nauseated she is about the idea, it is best keep your enemies close, rather than leave things to fate.
Liam has never put too much thought into the competition when he opens a new outlet, other than taking their customers and strengthening the Upper Crust brand. But here in the beautiful Dandenong Ranges, Clover Loveday’s cafe is a little too close for comfort, and Clover herself a little too good-looking. So Liam asks his PA to put together a ’fact sheet’ about his new competition. He has a business to run, a father to please, and hundreds of people to keep in jobs. Surely information can keep an unwanted strong sexual pull at bay...
A sweet, caffeinated, satisfying story about unexpected temptations,
forgiveness, and putting love before money.
Double Exposure
Eden has fled to the beautiful high country in the Victorian Alps to escape her domineering family and to enjoy her greatest passion – photography. When she happens on a very attractive man swimming in a river, she can’t resist snapping a few shots of him for her portfolio.
Adam Blackstone is an undercover cop living locally to infiltrate a gang of bikies suspected of drug trafficking. He soon realises the beautiful stranger in town has been photographing him and has to find out why. Adam is a man who cannot trust anyone. He’s intense, damaged, jaded.
Eden is a woman has spent her life wrapped in cotton-wool, protected by controlling parents. She’s meek, naïve and sweet. They must open their hearts and learn to trust one another if they are ever to be together. But first, they must survive the danger that threatens to tear them apart. Double Exposure is an intense and thrilling romance that offers a blast of fresh alpine air in a pristine landscape. But amid the beautiful birdlife and the picturesque views lurks a menace that could spell disaster for Eden and Adam.
Wild At Heart
Documentary maker Dan Masters is completely out of his comfort zone in outback Australia. Passionate park ranger, Victoria Price, couldn’t be more at home in the wilderness. After Victoria saves Dan from the jaws of a ferocious crocodile, she can’t get away from him fast enough. But her amazing rescu
e has been filmed and when the film’s investors see the footage, they demand Dan do whatever it takes to get Victoria involved in the movie.
Ordered to take part, Victoria reluctantly joins Dan on safari where they fight poachers, fire ants and a powerful attraction for each other that becomes increasingly difficult to deny. But desire is a dangerous game in this romantic comedy…
Makeover Miracle
Abbey Miller and her friend Jennifer have been picked from a live audience to take part in reality television show Makeover Miracle. This is Abbey’s worst nightmare, and brings back deep memories of being teased and the brunt of cruel jokes. The last thing Abbey wants is her soul to be laid bare for the whole of Australia to see, but being the true friend she is, she agrees to help Jennifer, who desperately wants to change her life.
Quinn Campbell, the producer of Makeover Miracle can see Abbey crumbling live on stage, and after she vomits into a wastepaper basket, goes to her aid, not expecting see such a sad, haunted look in her eyes. There’s something about Abbey that reaches out to him. The look in her eyes brings back long buried memories of his sister and his failure as a brother to help her.
This is a story about one woman’s journey through harsh emotional abuses and the man who is able to make her believe in herself. Set against the beautiful Dandenong Ranges, Makeover Miracle is a story about forgiveness, understanding, personal growth and, of course, falling in love with that one special person.
Getting Preggas Page 4