by Elaine Fox
Jack’s stomach hit the floor. Jim?? Jim existed? Jim was here?
For a second he thought he was going to pass out, but that was probably the wine.
He’d been wrong, then. About everything. Jim existed, Delaney was married. Emily wasn’t his after all.
Disappointment rocked him. But whether it was for not having Emily or losing Delaney or the destruction of the dream he’d constructed for the three of them, he couldn’t tell, couldn’t separate it. But it didn’t matter because he’d lost it all.
He dragged his startled eyes to Delaney’s face. She stared at Jim with an expression that could only be described as desperate.
“Oh no you don’t want a divorce,” she said to Jim. She stood, snatching up the blanket and wrapping it around herself.
Jack had only a second to move before she yanked it out from under him like a magician’s tablecloth. He moved out of the way, then grabbed a pillow from the other armchair and covered himself with it.
“Delaney—” he began.
“I’m not divorcing anyone,” she continued, her voice thick with emotion. Tears stood in her eyes as she threw an arm out accusingly at Jack. “He’s leaving, do you hear me? He’s moving away. Far away. He just told me.”
Jim looked understandably perplexed. “But…” He gestured toward the spot where the two of them had been, naked, on the floor. “But…”
“I don’t care what this looks like,” Delaney said, tears dropping from her lashes to wet her face. “But I am not divorcing my husband.”
“Wait a minute,” Jack said, then glowered at the man in the doorway. “You’re saying you’re Jim Poole? You’re Delaney’s husband?”
The man, of slight build with curly blond hair and blue eyes, nodded. “That’s right,” he said, with considerably less conviction than when he’d arrived. “I’m Jim Poole, and I’m shocked at what I see here. Shocked.” He looked at Delaney, confusion more than anger on his face.
Jack rose and moved to the pile of clothing next to the fireplace. Dropping the pillow, he bent, pulled his pants from the pile and yanked his wallet out of the pocket. Inside, he still had the picture of Jim-Joe. Exceptional Value! He pulled it out and compared it to the man in front of him.
“This is you?” Jack demanded, tossing the picture at him.
The man bumbled it against his chest, then looked at it. He frowned, and cast a sour look at Delaney.
“Oh, Dee,” he said, shaking his head. “What a putz.”
Jack reached down, plucked up his boxers, and slipped them on. “What does that mean? Is that not you?”
Jim scowled. “Does it look like me? Please tell me it doesn’t.”
“So it’s not a great picture,” Delaney said, pulling the folds of the blanket closer around her. “He’s at least stable. And trustworthy. And not afraid of responsibility.” She glared at Jack. “I am not going to fall for a man who won’t be around, a man who’s undependable…who would desert us…” She pressed her hands to her wet cheeks and pushed the tears away. “I just won’t do it.”
“Too late,” Jim Poole murmured, setting Jack’s wallet on the hall table.
“What are you talking about?” Jack faced her, looking down to where she knelt before the fire. “I told you about that job to show you I am responsible. And dependable.”
“But you’re taking that job to get away from me,” she said. “Don’t try to deny it.”
“Delaney, why on earth would you think that?” He didn’t understand her at all. “Do you think I want to move away? Do you think I want to leave my home, this town, everyone I know? And after all I’ve done to be near you, to get through to you, do you think I want to leave you?”
He glanced over at Jim, then shook his head. He had to get out of here. He didn’t know which end was up anymore.
“But this is crazy,” he said, bending over to pick up his pants. “Talking about us as if there is an ‘us.’ I don’t know what’s going on here, but it’s clear you’ve got your own troubles to deal with.”
He punched a leg into his jeans.
Delaney took one step toward him and stopped. “Wait. You don’t want to leave me?”
He laughed, yanked the jeans up over his other leg and looked from Jim to Delaney as he buttoned them. “What difference does it make? Delaney, you’re married.” He cast a baffled look toward her husband. “You might want to jump in here, Jim.”
“Just tell me,” she insisted.
“Tell you what? That I want you? That I’m crazy about you? That I’m crushed because your husband’s here?” He laughed cynically, picking up his shirt. “No. I’m not going to tell you any of those things. To tell you the truth I don’t know what I want. No…that’s not true. I don’t know what you want.” He glanced over at Jim, who was watching them with undisguised interest and not a trace of anger. “Or you,” he added.
“What I want?” Delaney asked, her face reddening. She looked guiltily at Jim, then back at Jack. “You really want to know what I want?”
He stopped, shirt in hand. “Yeah, I really want to know.”
She took a deep breath, then let it out and looked away. Silence hung heavy in the room.
Finally, Jack sighed. “Never mind. Listen, I—we—shouldn’t have done this. I’m sorry for my part in it. It’s just, I thought…” He stopped, looked at the floor, at Delaney’s tangled clothing, then back up at her. “I just, I didn’t think you were actually married.” Jack passed an apologetic look to Jim. “I’m sorry.”
Jim shrugged. “Hey, it’s okay with me.”
Jack looked at him doubtfully. He sounded like he meant it. “It’s okay with you?”
Jim made a face at Delaney. “Dee, come on. Say something here.”
“Michael,” she said suddenly.
Jack turned swiftly toward the door, but no one else had arrived.
“Thank you,” Delaney continued. “You’re the best friend I could ever have. Thank you so much for what you’ve tried to do here. But right now the only way you can help me is to go get Emily. Do you mind? I’ll call Aunt Linda and tell her you’re coming. Take my car, it’s got the car seat. The keys are on the hall table.”
“Michael?” Jack repeated.
“And where might I find Aunt Linda?” Jim, who was apparently Michael, asked.
“She lives in the brick building right next to the clinic. Apartment two. You’ll find it, the town’s not that big. Oh God, and will you turn off the oven first? I forgot all about the chicken. I’m so sorry, Michael, I’ll explain everything when you get back.”
Jack looked from Delaney to her friend and back. “And when will you explain everything to me?”
Delaney sighed and sat back on her heels. “Right now. I just need to know Emily’s taken care of first.”
“I’ll get her,” Jim-Michael said. “And I’ll turn off the chicken. But can I say just one thing first?”
Delaney looked at him skeptically. “No.”
“Just one thing,” the man said, smiling and holding up one finger.
Delaney made a reluctantly acquiescent move with her head.
“Jack,” the man said, turning to him.
Jack looked at him in surprise. Jim-Michael knew who he was?
“Be gentle with her. She really was trying to do the right thing. And…” here he looked warily at Delaney, “trust me on this, big guy. She’s been in love with you since the begin—”
“Michael!” she snapped, rising.
“Since the beginning! That’s all!” the man said, backing up. “I’m going now. I’ll take the long way home.”
And he was out the door.
Delaney promptly picked up the telephone and alerted Aunt Linda that Michael was on his way to pick up Emily, all too aware of Jack’s piercing gaze on her every move.
Jack confronted Delaney, adrenaline nearly making him twitch. He could feel it in every limb. “What’s going on?”
Delaney turned and sat in the armchair, gathering the bla
nket around her as if it might shield her from whatever came next. Her eyes were on the fire.
“Maybe you should sit down, Jack.”
He shook his head. “I don’t think so.”
The two of them remained silent as Michael tiptoed elaborately past the open doorway.
“I’m gone now. Really!” he sang and slammed the front door behind him.
Delaney looked up at Jack. Her hair was mussed, and her eyes appeared bluer in her flushed face. “I have a few things I need to say that…well—”
“Don’t beat around the bush, Delaney. Out with it.”
His voice was harder than he’d intended, but he couldn’t help it. His future was teetering on the brink of some drastic change, and he wanted to know which way to jump to catch it.
Her eyes widened, and she looked at him anxiously. “I’ve lied to you. I’ve been lying since I saw you again. I’m not married. That…” She inclined her head toward the door through which her friend had just left. “That was my friend, Michael. He knew all about what I was doing and came here because I…I was…” She searched for a word.
“Because you knew I’d seen that list in your drawer.”
Her eyes snapped up to his, her mouth open. “So you did see it.”
“Yes, and what in God’s name was that all about? You made up a husband, Delaney? Just made one up? What were you thinking?”
She averted her eyes, looked disconcerted. The cool, composed Delaney Poole he’d seen for the last few weeks was gone.
“I don’t know. I guess the whole problem is I wasn’t thinking. You see, I didn’t expect to see you here. I didn’t think you lived here. I thought you lived in that town, in Massachusetts. Wellesley or—”
“Wellfleet.”
“Right.” She nodded. “So I was shocked when I saw you here, that first day at the clinic, and it just popped out. That I was married. And then there it was. What could I do but carry on with it?”
Jack scoffed, threw his shirt on the chair, and paced toward the hall, arms thrust outward. He turned at the door and looked back at her. “Oh, I don’t know. Say ’just kidding’? Tell the truth? What did you think was going to happen?”
“Well, but you see there were other circumstances.”
“And what were those other circumstances, Delaney?” He stopped, crossed his arms over his chest and looked at her, barely breathing.
She took a deep breath and opened her mouth.
“Tell the truth, Delaney,” he added roughly.
A glimpse of her old spark appeared and she shot him an angry look. “I was going to.”
“Good.”
“Emily,” she said, looking at him with hard eyes. But after a second she lost her nerve and the look faltered.
His heart hammered in his chest. “Emily?” he prompted.
She looked at the floor. “Emily…is your daughter.”
He thought he’d prepared himself. He thought the truth would be a simple confirmation of his suspicions. But no.
The truth was a shock.
He cleared his throat. Then cleared his throat again. He crossed his arms over his chest, then uncrossed them and put them on his hips. Then he turned his back to her and leaned against the doorjamb. He stared blankly into the closet.
“I was as shocked as you are,” she said behind him. “I mean, you know, when I discovered I was pregnant. Because of the condom, of course. But you…you were the only, uh, possibility.” She was silent a moment, then added, more quietly, “We can do a DNA test if you’d like.”
He laughed, a grim, empty sound, and shook his head.
He heard her exhale.
“Jack.” He could hear her move across the room and then her hand touched his shoulder. He jumped. She removed it. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away, but I was…”
“Afraid,” he supplied, amazed his voice emerged as steadily as it did.
“Yes.” She sounded surprised. “I did try to call, from home. Washington, that is. When I found out I was pregnant, but I wasn’t sure of your last name.” She laughed, incredulously. “I thought it was Shepard, but I wasn’t sure. And I wasn’t sure how to spell it. I called a few, but none sounded like you and I was so…ashamed. Of it having been a one-night-stand, you know, that I had trouble asking questions when I did reach people. I think now one of the people I reached must have been your aunt Linda. Does her middle name start with ‘J’?”
He didn’t answer at first, not trusting his voice. Then said, “Joan.”
“It probably was her,” she sounded relieved that he’d answered. “But then when I got here, and I didn’t know you. At all. And I heard…so much stuff…”
At this he turned and looked at her, his back against the doorframe. “The gossip.”
Delaney’s heart melted. The look in his eyes wasn’t angry. He wasn’t enraged or self-righteous or accusing. He was hurt.
She swallowed over a sudden lump in her throat.
“You met me, you looked at me in a new light, and you decided I wasn’t,” he splayed his hands, shrugged, “good enough.”
“No,” she said, shaking her head vehemently. “No. I saw you for a second and made a snap decision. I was afraid you might not be who you’d seemed that weekend I was here. It had nothing to do with who you really were, Jack. Who you are now to me. I didn’t know. I…jumped to conclusions.”
His brows drew together. “Tell me something. If I hadn’t found that list—hell, if Jim, Michael, whatever his name is, hadn’t shown up—would you have told me? Were you ever planning to tell me, Delaney?”
His voice had nearly broken on the last question and it was all Delaney could do not to touch him. She wanted to comfort him, wipe that sad look from his face, but she knew she was the last person he’d want to do that now.
“Yes, yes, I would have.”
He looked at her, a slow sad look, and shook his head. Smiling grimly he said, “We’re telling the truth, now, Delaney. There’s no point in lying anymore.”
She looked at her hands, writhing together in the folds of the blanket in front of her. “I believe that is the truth,” she said. “Honestly. But it’s a little hard to say. I mean, that was the whole reason I invited you to dinner tonight. To tell you. But then I got so wrapped up in my fears again, and the lies I’d already told. It was confusing, keeping everything straight.” She put a hand to her forehead. “God, there were times I thought I was losing my mind.” She tried a light laugh.
Jack turned and stared back into the closet. Delaney’s smile died.
She stared at his back. His shoulders rose and fell with his breath. She wanted to reach out and touch the vague indentation of his spine, the smooth skin of his shoulder blades, the backs of his arms. She wanted to brush his hair with her hand and relax the tension in his neck. She’d been so wrong about him, so completely, unjustly wrong. But he would never believe she saw that now.
Minutes passed, when his shoulders started to shake. Delaney looked at him in guilt and horror, her heart threatening to split right open. Good lord, had she made him cry?
Then he let out a snicker, tried to stifle it, and finally let go a guffaw.
Delaney’s mouth dropped open. He was laughing?
“What?” she said.
He covered his face with one hand and took a deep breath. The exhale turned quickly back into laughter.
Her lips curved, but she was unsure whether she was amused or annoyed. “What? What is it?”
He gestured toward the closet and she saw, peeking out the partially open door, the heel of one of the five-and-dime wing tips. She felt laughter tickle the back of her throat.
“How much else did you buy?” he asked, turning to look at her. His eyes were watery with mirth. “The coat, the shoes…”
“I’ve got a gas grill coming from Sears,” she admitted.
He burst out laughing.
She couldn’t help it, she joined him.
“And Jim?” He gestured toward
his wallet on the hall table where Michael had left it. “How did you pick him?”
“Out of a magazine. A medical journal. Who knew he’d turn up in your wallet? Not to mention all those stupid frames?”
Remembering the Jim display at the five-and-dime sent them both into more laughter.
Jack leaned his head back against the doorframe, laughing and wiping his eyes. “Jesus,” he said, finally gaining control. “You’re not a very good liar, Delaney, but you sure are persistent. Your persistence alone is the only thing that had me doubting my suspicions.”
“So you were suspicious? When did you start to think I was lying?” she asked.
He glanced down at her. “Almost immediately. Once I got over my disappointment, that is.”
“Your disappointment?”
“That you were married. I was so happy to see you, that day in the clinic. After Lisa, you know.”
She smiled wryly. “Yeah. I was scared to death, seeing you.”
His smile turned sad and she wished she hadn’t said it.
He took a deep breath and crossed his arms over his chest, his expression sobering. “So what happens now, Delaney?”
She wasn’t sure what he meant. With her? Or with Emily? “What do you want to happen?”
He swallowed. “I want to be part of Emily’s life. I don’t know much about being a dad, never thought I’d be much good at it. But I want to try. I really want to try.”
She tried to smile but felt emotion weigh it down. “Then I want you to. It was never my intention to keep her away from good influences.” This time she did smile, ruefully. “It just takes me a while to see where the good influences are.”
He nodded, looking unconvinced.
“And as for being a parent, well…” She laughed lightly. “I’ve only got a seven-month head start on you. You’ll catch up, and we’ll figure it out together.”
Too late, she realized what she’d said. “Or rather,” she amended quickly, “we’ll figure it out at the same time, you know, the parenting thing. We’ll—we’ll talk about it and stuff.”
He looked at her critically.
She exhaled. She was muddying things up again. Oh the hell with it, she thought.
“I just don’t want you to think,” she said plainly, “that we’re a package deal. That if you want to be a father to Emily you have to be…well, with me. That’s not what I meant.”