by Levine, Nina
Oh god.
My mother was so right when she said I’d be bored without the push and pull Kick and I had.
I still love him.
With every fibre of my being.
With every scar he’d left on my heart.
I still want a life with him.
As I was caught up in my thoughts, he must have seen me. “Evie,” his voice filtered through and I blinked him into focus.
“Hi,” I said, smiling up at him.
“You staying long?” he asked, his frustration with me from the other day gone.
I had a couple of things to do, one of them being to visit my dad to get more information out of him about the guy he owed money to. I’d been desperately trying to find a way to borrow the money but I’d still had no luck yet so I figured maybe we could negotiate with the guy. “I’ve gotta go and see Dad but I’ll be here for a while.”
A look of irritation crossed his face, and he said, “I’ll be down in a minute.”
“Okay.” I had no idea what the irritation was about but I figured he would clue me in soon.
“Hey, Evie,” Braden called out, waving to me.
I waved back. “Hey, Braden. Long time, no see.”
“Yeah. I reckon it’s about time you two got your shit sorted,” he said with a huge grin.
I waved him away with a flick of my hand. “Yeah, yeah… you wouldn’t be the first person to say that.”
He laughed a huge belly laugh. “Well get on that, woman.”
I shook my head and laughed. “I’ll leave you guys to it. I’m going back inside out of the heat.”
“Have a coldie waiting for me,” Braden said.
I smiled to myself. I’d missed the banter with Kick’s brother. Although our parents had killed their relationship, us kids had stayed friends, but when Kick and I had broken up the last time, I’d cut all ties. I’d needed to put distance between us, and being friends with his family would make that hard.
As I turned to walk back inside, I caught a glimpse of Kick standing on the roof staring down at me. He seemed surprised about something, and I couldn’t figure out what, so I just gave him a smile and continued on.
My phone rang a second later and I answered it absently. “Hi,” I said, having no idea who it was because I hadn’t even checked the caller id.
“What’s got you all distracted?” Maree asked.
Thank god. I could get her perspective on this before I saw Kick again. “Who do you think?”
“I am guessing it’s that hot man of yours.” I could practically hear her licking her lips.
“He’s not my man. But fuck, I think I want him to be.”
“Of course you do, babe. I mean, who wouldn’t?”
I laughed. “No, Maree, I mean I really do want him. Not just for his body.”
She grew serious. “As in, you still love him?”
I sighed. “I never stopped loving him. I just didn’t want to admit it. But I don’t know how we can make it work with all the baggage between us.”
“If you want him, you have to fight for him. You have to work out what’s holding you back and find a way to get rid of it. ‘Cause I’ve gotta say, you’re an amazing woman, Evie, but you came alive when you were with Kick the other night. I’ve never seen you light up like that. On your own, you kick ass, but I can only imagine how awesome you’d be with Kick by your side.”
Shit.
I knew what it was.
It’s funny how you can be searching for an answer for a long time and then someone says something and it’s like the block is moved and you can see clearly.
Fuck.
It wasn’t Kick after all.
It was me.
“I know what’s holding me back.”
“What?”
“Me.”
“Huh?”
I sighed. It was so stupid I didn’t even want to tell her. “After my mother slept with Kick’s father and the shit hit the fan, everyone in the neighbourhood called her a slut and then they called me a slut. They said I was just like her. I was sixteen and had never even had sex, and yet they were spreading all these nasty rumours about me. The girls at school bullied me and I lost pretty much all my self-esteem. I never felt good enough. I never felt like anyone would want or choose to be my friend after that. So, when Kick chose not to introduce me to his friends when we were dating, all the insecurities I thought I’d put behind me flared up, and I felt like I wasn’t good enough.” I paused and ran my hand through my hair. “Shit, Maree, it was me all along. My stupid negative self talk that I didn’t even realise. And I’m supposed to be a fucking counsellor.”
“Oh, babe, don’t beat yourself up about it. We all have hang-ups and blind spots. At least you’ve figured it out now,” she reassured me.
“Yeah,’ I murmured, and then said, “Shit, sorry, I hijacked the conversation. What did you ring for?”
“No worries, babe, I was just calling to see if you wanted to go out for a drink tonight?”
“I might pass. I’ve gotta sort some stuff out with my dad, and now I think I want to talk to Kick.”
“Sounds like that might be a good idea.”
“I’ll call you and let you know how it goes,” I promised, and we hung up.
A noise came from behind me and I spun around to find Kick standing there, his intense gaze on me.
“You still love me?” he asked gruffly. His shoulders were rigid and his breathing shallow while he waited for my answer.
My heart beat faster in my chest and my tummy fluttered. “You heard all that?” I whispered.
He nodded. “Yeah, baby, but answer me. Do you still love me?” The fierceness in his voice turned me on and made me want to crawl into his arms and beg him to be mine forever.
“Yes,” I said, finally admitting out loud what I had been denying for so long.
He took that in but didn’t say anything else for what felt like ages, and then he shoved his fingers through his hair, messing it up more than it already was. The energy between us vibrated with want and the frustration we’d both been feeling for too long. And then he stepped into my space. One arm slid around my waist and his other reached up to cup my cheek. He brushed his thumb over my lips in the way he’d always liked to do, and he murmured, “I’ve always loved you and you’ve always been good enough. Fuck, I’m the one who’s not good enough.” He stopped talking for a minute and his eyes left mine to look down at my lips. When he returned his gaze to mine, he said, “I wish you’d told me how it made you feel. I didn’t keep you out of that part of my life because you weren’t good enough. I did it because I didn’t want to drag you into that shit.” He bent his face closer to mine so our lips were almost touching, and my core clenched at the closeness. “You’re too good for it, baby,” he whispered.
I pressed myself into him and wrapped my arms around his body, loving that my hands were on him again, after having denied myself his touch for so long. A growl rumbled up from his chest and heat flashed in his eyes. And then we both moved at the same time.
Our lips met and it was like everything was right in my world again. This was exactly where I was meant to be in this moment.
With Kick.
The man I’d loved as a boy when he used to let me ride his bike because I didn’t have one.
The man I’d loved as a teenager when he took on the mean girls for me, and wiped my tears away when I didn’t feel good enough.
The man I’d loved at eighteen when I gave him my virginity and he treasured that for what it was.
The man I still loved for so many reasons, but mostly because he got me. He knew all my hopes, fears and flaws, and loved me regardless.
My mouth parted and his tongue slid in.
Possessive.
Demanding.
Loving.
I moaned and his arm around my waist tightened, and he pulled me closer, pushing his erection into me. Lust shot through me and I knew this was it.
This was the mom
ent I was giving myself back to him.
Kick was mine.
I was Kick’s.
He ended the kiss and leant his forehead against mine. “Fuck, Evie… you’ve got no idea what you fuckin’ do to me.” He lifted his head so he could look me in the eyes. “You give me hope I can be a better man, that I’m not just the sum of all the bad shit I’ve done in my life.”
I frowned. “You’re not a bad person, Kick.”
He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them again, the desolation I saw there pierced my heart. “Yeah, I am, baby,” he whispered, cracking my heart a little more.
I opened my mouth to argue with him some more, but his phone rang and interrupted us.
He pulled it out and checked who it was. “Sorry, I’ve gotta get this,” he said with regret, and walked away from me to take the call.
I waited for him to return, doing my best to recover from our kiss and my realisations. He wasn’t gone long, but when he came back to me, the Kick who’d been with me a minute ago was gone, and in his place was the guy who looked at me through hard eyes. This was the Kick I didn’t know so well but so desperately wanted to know and understand.
“I’ve got something I’ve gotta take care of,” he said, his voice as hard as his eyes.
“Will you be back?”
“I don’t know, but Braden will finish the gutters.”
“I’m not worried about the gutters, Kick. What I want to know is when will I see you again? We were kind of in the middle of something there.”
“I’ll call you,” he said, and I felt like I was being dismissed.
What the hell?
He’d already started to leave before I could get my wits together and challenge him. However, he stopped and turned back to me. “Don’t go to see your father. I’m gonna sort that out, okay?”
“What the hell is going on?” I demanded, growing more frustrated.
His hard look intensified and he stalked back to me. “Promise me you won’t go to your father, that you won’t try to fix his shit for him. I went to see him and I told him I would help him with it.”
I stared at him in shock. A minute ago he’d been telling me he loved me and now he was talking to me as if none of that had been said.
“Promise me, Evie,” he barked.
I jumped, and was instantly pissed off. “You better go and sort your shit out, Kick, and then you’d better come find me and explain to me what the fuck is going on! Because something has happened here that I don’t know about, and I’ll be damned if I’ll put up with this shit.”
His eyes bore into mine for another moment and then he nodded. “I’ll see you later,” he promised, and turned and left.
I stood completely stunned and didn’t hear Braden come up behind me. “He needs you, you know.”
I jumped again and turned to face him. “Fuck, Braden…” I muttered.
He held his hands up. “Sorry, didn’t mean to frighten you.”
“What do you mean, he needs me?”
“I don’t know exactly what shit Kick’s involved in with his club, but he’s struggling. Actually, I think he’s drowning in it, whatever it is. He doesn’t spend much time with us anymore and when we do see him, he’s this moody, angry fuck who none of us really want to be around.”
“Really? ‘Cause he hasn’t really been that moody with me.”
“See? He needs you because you take it away for him. He’s never stopped loving you, Evie. He hasn’t even dated anyone since you two broke up.”
“I never knew that,” I said, surprised again. God, today was a day of discovery.
“Give him a chance. But know that it might take some time for him to change his ways. Yeah?”
It was almost as if he was pleading with me. Braden was a big guy. Way over six feet and built with muscles that looked like they took hours in the gym to achieve. He stood in front of me, his dark, wavy hair sweaty from being outside, his muscles tensed and a demanding look on his face, telling me he how much he wanted me to do what he asked. But it was his eyes that said the most. They gazed at me through pain; Braden was hurting from watching Kick struggle. Nodding, I said, “I don’t intend to give up on him, but he’s gonna have to step up, too.”
He smiled. “I’ll give him a kick up the ass for you.”
It seemed like Kick might need more than that. I just hoped he had it in him to be the man I needed him to be.
Chapter Ten
Kick
I strode into the clubhouse, looking for Hyde. The motherfucker had called and demanded I get down here straight away. Right when I was finally starting to get my shit together with Evie. Pulling me away from my woman had not fucking pleased me, and I was about to give him a piece of my mind.
“Kick!”
I spun around to find Hyde coming up behind me, a hard glare in place. Walking towards him, I asked, “What the fuck is going on, Hyde? What was so fuckin’ important that I had to get here right fuckin’ now?”
“Did you go and see Jonathon Gambarro?”
“No.”
He narrowed his eyes. “You sure about that, Kick?”
“Yes, I’m fuckin’ sure about that, motherfucker. Why?”
“Well, it seems someone from Black Deeds got in his face and he’s gone fucking psycho on them, so I wanted to make sure you weren’t thinking of taking him on. I told you, the last thing we need is a problem with Gambarro.”
He wasn’t fucking serious? “You dragged me all the way here when I was in the middle of something to tell me that?”
I watched his eyes flash with rage. “It’d pay for you to remember who you’re talking to,” he said, his fury rising fast.
“I never forget who I’m talking to, VP. And you know my loyalty to this club, so don’t come in here and insinuate that I am anything but fuckin’ loyal.” I shook my head in anger. “The shit I’ve done for you, for King and for Storm, go above and fuckin’ beyond. If you ever imply it hasn’t or doesn’t again, you might just find out what it’s like to be on the end of my anger.”
“Are you fucking threatening me?”
I moved closer to him so we were almost nose-to-nose, my anger rolling off me. “Yeah, I’m fuckin’ threatening you.”
Hyde looked like he wanted to punch me, and I had no doubt the thought was running through his head, but I could fucking care less. If he wanted a fight, I’d give him a fight. In the end, though, he turned and stalked out of the room.
Fuck.
I was between a rock and a fucking hard place. And I still had no idea what the fuck I was going to do about it.
* * *
Five hours later, after I’d gone for a long ride to blow the shit out of my head, I pulled my bike up in Evie’s driveway. Her lights were still on, and I wondered if she’d waited up for me. She’d been pretty fucking clear about me coming over so my guess was she had.
As I walked the short path to her front door, she pulled it open and stood staring at me.
Christ, she never failed to take my breath away. Tonight she was dressed in an old t-shirt of mine that I didn’t even realise she still had. Her long, brown hair was flowing wildly around her shoulders and her face was flushed.
“Sorry I’m so late,” I apologised.
“Better late than never,” she replied quietly.
I waited for her to step aside and let me in but she didn’t. “You gonna let me in?”
“Not until you spill.”
I exhaled harshly. “Evie…”
She crossed her arms over her chest and a determined look covered her face. “No, Kick. I need you to tell me what happened today. I want to know where you go when The Hard Kick comes out.”
“Come again, babe? What’s The Hard Kick?” She’d lost me now.
“It’s this thing you do every now and then. One minute you’re okay and normal, and then something happens and you change. It’s like a harder, meaner version of you comes out. And it’s not that I don’t like it, I just want to u
nderstand why. Is it something I do to you?”
There were three steps separating us. I closed the distance and curled my hand around her waist. Leaning in to bring our faces closer, I said, “No, it’s not something you do. It’s got nothing to do with you at all.”
“But - ”
I pressed my finger to her lips. “I’m sorry it happens. I’ve got shit going on with the club at the moment and as much as I try to keep that from interfering with us, I can’t always manage to do that.”
Her face softened and I sensed her relenting. “I get it. But you do need to explain to me about my father and what you’re doing to help him.”
“We’ll get to that, baby, but fuck, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you all night, so can we deal with that first?”
Heat flashed in her eyes. She didn’t say anything, just nodded her agreement.
I moved my free hand down to the bottom of her t-shirt and trailed my fingers up her thigh towards her panties. When her eyes fluttered and she bit her lip, I knew this was what she wanted, too. I pressed my mouth to her ear and murmured, “Let me inside, Evie. I need to fuck you like I’ve never needed to fuck you.” I found the edge of her panties and pushed past them to run my finger along her pussy.
So goddamn wet.
She whimpered, and unable to control myself any longer, I moved quickly and scooped her up. I entered the house, kicked the door shut behind me and strode towards her bedroom.
Her hands came around my neck and she held on tight. “I’ve been thinking about you, too,” she breathed into my ear, causing my already hard dick to nearly lose his shit.
I deposited her on the bed and then reached down to undo my belt and jeans as I kicked my boots off. She moved off the bed and came to me, lifting her t-shirt over her head as she did so. Her hands went to my tee and she had it off in a matter of seconds. My jeans and boxers followed close behind.