by Katie Rae
“I have been, Manny, you’re right.” All eyes turned to me at my words. I was nervous, still breathing hard. I could barely see; my vision was blurry, and my head was still pounding. But I couldn’t do this anymore.
I was done.
When I looked up to Chase, I made it clear who I was with. I didn’t say the words, but I loved Chase. I just hoped he forgave me for what I was about to do.
Because above all else, he needed to know everything.
“You can’t retire,” I croaked.
He shook his head, “We can talk about it later.”
“I don’t see the point; I can’t lie anymore, Chase.” And I didn't just mean about us. I couldn't lie about me either.
I wouldn’t let him end his career for me.
I wouldn’t let this decision be made before he knew who I truly was and what our future held.
It was easier for me; I was just getting started. I could let this drama die down, move on, and still have a great career. But he was nearing the end of his. And as much as I loved him, I knew he would resent me when all of my lies came tumbling out.
“I’m done. I turned down the job. I’m leaving. I failed. And now I need space.”
My words were broken through my inability to get a deep breath. I just hoped it made sense.
I was outing us.
I was protecting us.
I was defending us.
I was ending us.
Chapter 32
Chase
What was she doing?
I understood her need to admit we were together. She didn’t want everyone thinking she was with Keith. She would rather them know the truth.
Because we were real.
But she was done?
I didn’t fucking think so.
I was willing to give up anything for her.
“What are you saying, Princess?” I realized we had an audience, but it was now or never.
“You will resent me. You will change your mind.” Tears streamed down her face; her body was shaking. I wanted to go to her, but refrained.
“I won’t.”
“You don’t even know me,” she cried.
“I know what I need to know, baby.”
It was then that the other guys caught on.
“Holy shit,” Ethan muttered.
“I knew she was getting some,” Fernandez shouted. “This explains so fucking much, though. Should have known it was Turner’s dick she was riding.”
I wanted to punch his face in again. His smiling teeth looked like the perfect target to let out all this rage on.
I started for him but was caught by the arm and pulled back. I was spun around and in my face was Kace. I guess now he knew Becca and I had been lying to him.
His face was fire, his eyes could have cut me open. He was breathing so hard I thought he was going to pass out. I knew he would be pissed, but this was next-level.
I wanted to tell him to back off, that he wasn’t Becca’s keeper, that she was a big girl.
But he beat me to the verbal battle and his words ended the war.
“You knocked up Cam’s sister?” He yelled.
The entire locker room gasped and then went silent.
Did I just hear him correctly? Surely, I was in some fucking dream and I would wake up any second now.
I looked to Becca whose eyes were bigger than they had been since this clusterfuck started. She had a hand over her stomach, her head was bouncing around, and her skin was pale. But Kace had given me new eyes with just nine words and when I looked at her through those eyes…. I saw it.
Cam.
Her familiarity.
Her vague answers about her brother.
Her avoiding telling me her last name.
Kace’s connection to her.
She knew I was friends with Cam. I had even talked about him and went out with him. I would come back and tell her all about “my friend Cam” and she never said a word.
My shock was enough to make Kace back off. He dropped my bunched-up shirt he had grabbed and ran a hand down his face.
“You didn’t know,” he whispered, connecting the dots between my shock and Becca’s panic.
I wasn’t even giving that statement the satisfaction of a response because, no the fuck I didn’t know.
But Becca was right, after all, I didn’t know her. She didn’t give me the chance to know her. I was ending my career for someone I didn’t know, all because I fell in love with who I thought she was.
Being Cam’s sister wasn’t a deal-breaker. She could have told me, and we would have been fine. The problem was the lie.
And after having chance after chance, she never chose to tell me who she was.
I never truly knew her.
At least that is how it felt right now.
I was disconcerted and angry.
Fernandez was laughing.
Ethan was saying, “Fuck,” over and over again.
Kris and most of the others had decided to leave.
Kace was looking between me and Becca.
Becca was wobbling, disoriented, and sweating.
And then it clicked--Kace’s entire statement—and I turned as white as a ghost.
“You’re pregnant?”
She didn’t answer. Instead, she fell, succumbing to the insanity and madness. Her body gave in to the shock as she fainted and landed hard on her shoulder.
Kace and I, along with Ethan, rushed over to her. It was my turn to panic. Fear of her being hurt took over any anger I held.
I was pushed away by Kace, who told me in a snap, “If you were willing to disappear after getting her pregnant, then you don't need to be here for her now.”
Which gave me a whole new set of questions and concerns. How in the hell could he think I would leave her after knocking her up? Fuck, I didn’t even know I had knocked her up, she told me she was on birth control.
Fucking hell.
This day was out of control and it was still morning. And somehow, we all still had to play a game in a few hours.
Kace picked Becca up, who had come to and was moaning that her arms hurt. . I was close behind, worried about her and...a baby?
Our baby?
Holy fuck.
No way.
A baby?
I stopped in the hallway, catching my breath as Kace continued toward Gary’s office.
I leaned against the cold wall as my teammates passed me on their way in for the day. All of them asking if I was ok and all of them oblivious to the shitshow they had just missed.
I nodded, but I never spoke. I concentrated on breathing and trying not to faint myself. I couldn’t go to her until I was put together. We needed to talk this through and make decisions.
But all of that could wait. First, I needed to get the fuck out of here.
Chapter 33
Becca
I was back in my room, curled into a ball, and holding a pillow to my chest. The tears had started right after I realized I was in Gary’s office, on his couch.
Again.
He was hovering over me, asking me to blink once, to follow his fingers, and anything else he thought would verify I was ok. I must have passed his test, because he let Kace bring me back to my room with a few ibuprofens for the pain in my arms from the fall.
I didn't even ask or wonder if Gary knew what had happened.
Cam and Ali were waiting when we arrived.
Like a TV playing in the background, I listened as Kace told Cam and Ali everything that had happened. It felt like they were far away, but they were standing right next to me, Ali gently rubbing my back as I nestled into the pillow again.
I knew how the story went, I remembered everything. The only thing that was fuzzy was what happened after I passed out. And the truth of that hurt to listen to.
“Chase just bailed, man. I snapped at him, but I thought he was behind us. He never showed back up.” Kace said.
“I am going to kill him,” Cam seethed, pacing the room
at the foot of the bed.
“She never told him she was your sister.”
“It doesn’t fucking matter. She is a person. She needs him. I don’t care who she is, he needs to grow the fuck up.”
I needed to interject. I needed to speak up. There were two truths and a lie here, and I was the only one that could settle everyone back into some form of sanity.
But when I opened my mouth, only a hoarse croaking noise came out, urging Ali to shush me and rub my back more.
I think I was still in shock.
The explosion of lies had been more than I could handle. But the look in Chase’s eyes when he learned I was Cam’s sister was gut-wrenching.
I was going to tell him. I had to. But I couldn’t let him retire before I had that chance. Ending us was the only sure way to change his mind before it was too late. Ethan had said as much, Chase had to ‘sign his life away’ in a few hours.
I must have fallen asleep because I was stirred awake when the door to my room clicked shut.
“Who left?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
“Cam went to grab me some things from our room, so I can stay here with you tonight,” Ali responded from behind me on the bed.
I shot up when I realized the light had faded and it was now dark. I must have been asleep all day, because it was barely noon when we got back to the hotel.
“What time is it?”
“It’s only six.”
I sighed and leaned back against the headboard, feeling tired and drained, but better than I had before.
“I need to call Chase,” I whispered.
“Um, no. You don’t. No one has heard from him since you passed out in the locker room. Kace went back to the stadium to play today, and he told me Chase never showed up for the game either. He needs to get his shit together.”
“Ali, this was all just as big of a shock to him as it was to me. He found out in the bluntest way possible that I had lied to him. And right after he told everyone he was retiring—for me. He is probably embarrassed and pissed. I know I am.”
“Sure, sure. But you already told me the guy you were seeing bailed on you, Ali. Now we know that guy is Chase. And to top it off, he ran away again, right after finding out you were pregnant.”
Oh shit. I had almost forgotten the pregnancy part of this equation. Or should I say the non-pregnancy part?
“I am not pregnant,” I said sternly. “He didn’t bail on me. I lied. I didn’t want Cam and Kace to know, so I lied to you. It was Chase all along, and he never bailed. And you assumed I was pregnant.”
Fresh tears started streaming down my face. Chase would never forgive me for this mess.
I should have been honest with everyone from the beginning. But after the first lie, the second lie was instinct.
The third lie was self-preservation.
The fourth lie was selfishness.
The fifth lie was for Chase.
They all just tumbled out, and now I didn’t know who knew what anymore.
“You mean when you were upset about Isla?”
“It was Chase I overheard on the phone,” I cried.
“And what happened to her?”
“She is his housekeeper.”
“But you never told him who you were?”
“It would have changed things. At least I was scared it would. I just needed more time.”
“And you’re not pregnant?”
“No,” I mumbled. “I have just been so damn stressed.”
Ali sighed again, clearly annoyed that I lied and clearly upset at herself for assuming I was pregnant.
“Sorry I got the guys so worked up thinking you were pregnant, Becs. It just all kind of made sense, and you left without a word when you escaped to the bathroom. I know you told me you weren’t pregnant at dinner, but you weren’t very convincing.”
I finally laughed. The situation was too absurd not to find it just a bit funny. Or maybe I was hysterical.
But after my fit of giggles subsided, I laid back on the bed and looked at the ceiling, one thing going through my mind.
“I need him, Ali.”
“I know, Becs. Just remember, though. No matter how this all ends up, he still believes you’re pregnant, and he’s nowhere to be found.”
Chapter 34
Chase
I had left the stadium intent on taking care of two things before talking to Becca—my contract and my dad.
Now I was back at the stadium, needing just a few more minutes alone to collect my thoughts and return some things to my locker. It was empty and dark, just the emergency lights glowed in certain spaces and left corners of the rooms in the dark.
Like the corner where Becca and I had all of our dinners before my physical therapy. Where we learned about one another with our conversations. And probably where I was the first time I knew I was in love with her.
I walked slowly through the training room, looking around and touching the surfaces as I passed. I don’t even know why I came in here first. But it was her space—our space—and I wanted a quick reminder of our spring together.
After I left the training room, I headed into the locker room and sat down in front of my locker. I unpacked the small bag I had packed earlier that morning when I was here.
My cleats back in their place.
My favorite mitt back in its place.
My shower sandals.
My deodorant.
A pic of my mom.
All put back in their place. I also tossed the empty bag onto the floor as well. No sense in carrying that back to the hotel with me.
Instead of heading out, I walked through the double doors that led to the field. The tunnel was dark and seemed longer than it really was, but I could see the light at the end, calling me toward it.
I walked up the steps and onto the field. I took a deep breath of the fresh air, taking in the lights, the seats, and home plate.
This wasn’t as big as our stadium back in Atlanta, but this was what the game was all about. This was everything to a ballplayer. From the time we got our first hit in little league, this is where we dreamed of being.
I walked out a little further and stopped, realizing I wasn’t alone. Off in the distance, near the right-field wall, I saw her.
Becca.
She was sitting down, back against the wall, knees up, and her head was down, resting on her knees. From what I could tell, she hadn’t realized I was there. And had I not known her so well, I wouldn’t have been able to tell if it was even her. Darkness and distance making it hard to see.
I started walking softly toward her, wanting to get as far as I could before she noticed I was there. For some reason, I was scared she would run. Scared she would not want to talk about anything yet. But if I could get close enough, I knew I had a chance.
Once I was about twenty feet away, she must have sensed my approach and looked up; eyes wide and tears streaking her face.
I started walking faster, instinct telling me to get to her, to save her from whatever she was feeling and thinking. And much to my shock, she didn’t try running or keeping me from approaching. She just waited and watched.
I slid my hands in my pockets when I got closer and looked down at her.
“What are you doing out here?” I asked.
She shrugged, “Ali was smothering me. I went for a walk and ended up here.”
Ali. Her friend. The one she’s been hanging out with on occasion. The one she was with last night.
How had I never made that connection? Obviously, if she was friends with Kace, then she was friends with Ali. That much I should have known.
I nodded, not wanting to mention how much it stung that I was just now connecting the dots of her life. But then, I laughed a little and her eyes got big with questioning.
“Isla,” I said simply. She still wasn’t sure what I meant, though. “The night I went out with Cam and Kace, Ali was saying goodbye to them, saying she had to go slay Isla or something like that. I j
ust now realized how that all connects. You told her about Isla.”
Becca smiled a little, “Yeah, I was having a hard time keeping my feelings a secret.”
“You did better than you thought,” I said, but didn’t mean it as harsh as it sounded.
Her eyes glassed over and she turned her head away. I walked closer and sat beside her. This was the perfect place to have this talk. Why wait?
“Cam is your brother?” I asked, even though that much was obvious.
“Yep,” she said without looking at me.
“Wanna tell me the whole story?”
“I might as well,” she breathed, looking my way.
And then she started.
From the expectations of her being related to football royalty, to the drive do something without Cam’s attachment, to getting the job with the Kings.
She told me how she begged Kace to act like he didn’t know her. How she panicked that he had told me. How she lied to Ali when she realized she had given too much away and was scared she might tell Kace and Cam.
I took it all in. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t mad. Mostly because we were so far into our relationship that the truths should have been laid out before now. But I hadn’t been completely honest with her either.
So, I told her about my dad. About the offseason babysitting him. How he drove my car down to Florida and dented it up. I told her that is where I had been the night I didn’t show up for my physical, and how I didn’t want the team knowing I had an underlying distraction off the field.
“Your lies weren’t as bad as mine,” she said.
“Lies are lies, Princess.”
“Cam is your friend; I should have told you the second we decided to be together.”
“Eh, Cam only comes around for Kace, it’s not like we get our nails done and drink mimosas on Sundays together.”
She smiled. It felt good seeing her smile again. Her smile made me smile.
“What now?” She asked.
And with that, my smile fell.
“Now,” I sighed, “Now we get down to the hard stuff.”
Chapter 35