His mind swirled with those thoughts and he was no closer to knowing what Erin’s plans were than he was the day they met.
Lindsay returned to the table. He stood while she sat then returned to his seat. They ate dinner, the conversation moving into more general topics, and didn’t return to the bombshell she had just dropped on him. He caught her up on Ryan and Megan, but steered clear of any conversation about his own personal life. Lindsay didn’t know about Erin and until he knew what his future held with her, it would do no good to discuss it.
When dinner was over, he paid the bill and escorted Lindsay out of the restaurant. His hand moved naturally to her lower back before he caught himself and pulled it back. Old habits die hard. He helped her into his truck and drove back to her hotel. He pulled into a parking spot, turned off the truck, and the two of them sat there in silence.
“What are you thinking?” Lindsay asked.
There was no way he could organize his thoughts enough right now to answer that question. “I don’t know. I just don’t know. Things aren’t the same since you left.”
“Are you seeing someone else?”
Jake’s head snapped up.
Lindsay lowered her eyes, staring at her hands in her lap. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. This isn’t fair to you. Or to her. I’ve made so many mistakes in my life, Jake, but the biggest was letting you go.”
“You didn’t let me go, Lindsay. You shoved me away.”
Tears streamed down her face. “I know. I was wrong. About so many things. Please tell me you’ll think about what I said.” She grabbed the door handle, leapt out of the truck and ran into the hotel before he could respond.
As he pulled out of the parking lot and headed home, he knew he wouldn’t be thinking of anything else.
Chapter Thirteen
ERIN’S NERVES PRICKLED when she walked into the office the next morning. Everything felt wrong today. The spring in her step when she left yesterday had been replaced with concrete blocks for shoes.
Her father had a girlfriend… and she saw Jake with another woman.
She’d caked on the concealer this morning but there wasn’t enough makeup in the world to cover her red, splotchy, puffy eyes from spending the night crying.
When she ran out of the restaurant, her father had gathered her into his arms and she’d broken down. She didn’t know how long she’d cried, but Daddy sat there with her, comforting her, until she’d run out of tears.
“Hey, Erin. How are you doing?” Ashley smiled as Erin approached the desk but continued pulling patient files for the day.
“Fine.” Erin rounded the counter and shoved her purse in the bottom drawer of her desk. As soon as Ashley headed down the hall to prep the treatment rooms, Erin slid her top drawer open and pulled out her resignation letter.
Her stomach churned as she stared at the crisp black words on the white paper.
She hadn’t slept a wink last night, staring at the shadows dancing on the ceiling most of the night. After she gave up on sleep, she went down to the beach, watching the seagulls walking along the water’s edge until the sun came up. She’d always gone to the beach when she needed to think. Or when she needed to get away from the constant… everything… about being with her father and sister. But this morning, the deep blues and pinks of the dawn sky bouncing off the waves as they crashed on the beach had brought her no comfort.
She shook her head. It did no good to wish for something that she couldn’t have. Her sister had a job, her father no longer needed her, and there was no future for a relationship with Jake. Nothing kept her in Laguna Beach anymore. She could finally pursue her dream.
She rubbed the tattoo on her wrist and then grabbed a pen.
The tinkle of the bell above the door announced a new arrival. She lifted her head just in time to see Jake stride through the door like he hadn’t torn her heart out and ripped it into a thousand pieces.
The letter fell through her fingers and flitted to the desk. She didn’t want him to see how he’d affected her. She shuffled the paper into her top drawer and slammed it shut.
Jake’s looked like she felt, his eyes bloodshot and his hair disheveled. But she didn’t know why. Her fingers itched to wrap her arms around him, to comfort him and tell him everything was going to be okay.
Stop it, Erin. She needed to get a hold of herself. This thought process was unproductive.
He stepped up to the counter, his lips pressed into a thin line and none of the spirit in his eyes that she’d come to love. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
“Are you free for lunch?”
“You came in to ask me that?”
He stepped around the counter, crowding into her space. Before last night, she would have appreciated the intimacy of his action. Now, his presence confused her even more than she had been.
“No, sorry. I just have a lot on my mind. How are you?” He leaned down to kiss her but she turned her head and his lips landed on her cheek. He pulled back, confusion flooding his gaze. “How was your evening?”
“It was fine. Yours?”
“Fine.”
Jake stood beside her desk for a moment, the silence growing unbearable between them, before he spoke again. “I’m actually here to see Austin. But I did want to take you to lunch, if you’re free.”
Her heart and her head were at war over his request. On the one hand, she was dying to know who the woman was that had captured his attention last night. On the other hand, she was afraid to hear his response, fearing she was once again on the losing end of something good in her life. But either way, she had to know. “Okay.”
Jake ran his hand down Erin’s arm and grabbed her hand.
She tensed.
His thumb whispered over her knuckles and he lowered his voice, the huskiness reminding her of the quiet evenings they had shared together. “I missed you last night.”
She mumbled a response. “Let me go see if Austin is free.” Then she turned on her heel and rushed down the hall, stepping into an open treatment room before Jake could see her tears.
* * *
Erin had run away from him. She’d never done that before. What happened since he spoke to her yesterday?
After dropping Lindsay off at her hotel, he’d lain awake all night, turning everything Lindsay said to him over in his mind. In the end, he came to the conclusion that he should trust his heart. He loved Erin and he saw his future with her. Not Lindsay. He would declare his love for Erin at lunch today, tell her about his dinner with Lindsay, and talk about their future together.
As he spun around to her desk, he spied a piece of paper stuck out from a drawer. He pulled the drawer open to tuck the paper in and the words on the page caught his attention. He pulled the page out to read it completely.
Dear Austin,
I want to start off by telling you how much I love working for you and the entire staff. Writing this letter is so hard. Your support has been invaluable while I finished my degree and took care of my family. But the time has come to leave the Taylor Wellness Center.
Please consider this my resignation. After all the wonderful years working with you, it’s time for me to experience the adventures I’ve always wanted and never had the chance to take. I can’t wait to travel to some of the far-off places I’ve only read about.
Your support during these past five years has made this chance possible. Leaving this job and my friends is my only regret.
Thanks so much for your support and love.
Sincerely,
Erin Johnson
A sharp pain stabbed Jake in his heart. His breath came in spurts. Maybe he was having a heart attack like he’d thought last night. Only today it wasn’t about Lindsay.
He checked the date on the letter. It had been written before she’d even met him. Erin had been planning to leave when she started seeing him.
Had she been stringing him along all this time?
Voices carried down the hall and Jake threw the paper bac
k in the drawer and shoved it closed just as Austin and Erin walked up.
“Hey, man. What’s up?”
“Nothing. I need to run.” He rushed around the desk. “Something’s come up. I’ll call you later, okay?” He turned to Erin. “Zinc at 12:30 sound okay?”
She nodded.
He rushed out the door before he dragged her into a treatment room and demanded she explain the letter he just read. But that would do neither of them any good. What he needed was a plan.
After the door closed behind him, he moved away from the front windows and sagged against the wall. He stared up at the bright blue sky and drew in a few deep breaths. How in the heck did he find himself right back where he was when Lindsay rejected his proposal? He’d tried so hard to protect himself. To not get involved with someone who didn’t want the same things he did.
Erin’s reluctance to discuss the future should have been a red flag. It was a red flag—he just chose to ignore it because he was in love with her.
But standing here feeling sorry for himself wasn’t doing him any good. He slogged his way to his truck and pulled himself in. His hand hung over the ignition, key in hand, but he didn’t start the engine.
Twenty-four hours ago, he had a woman he loved and was thinking about the future with. Now, the Erin was planning to leave him and the woman he’d finally gotten over wanted another chance. For once, he didn’t know what to do. There was no way he could focus on the job site today.
He grabbed his cell phone and pressed a few buttons.
“Hey, man, what’s up?” Ryan said when the call connected.
“I’m not going to be in this morning.”
“That’s cool. Everything okay?”
Jake cleared his throat. As much as he would love to pick Ryan’s brain, Jake would have to work through this issue on his own. And he knew just how to do that. “Yep. Just got some things to do.”
“Um, okay. Call me if you need anything.”
“You got it, man… and thanks.”
Jake clicked off and headed home. After grabbing Bella, he headed into the woods. Hopefully the fresh air would help clear his head and sort out his feelings.
Jake followed the same path he and Erin did the day they went hiking. When he reached the plateau where they’d picnicked, he let Bella off her leash and plopped onto the ground.
The creek babbled as it tumbled over the rocks, the birds sang their happy song and life moved along as though his world hadn’t just been yanked out from underneath him. Bella yipped and jumped after a butterfly. At least she was happy while he sat here, his mind swirling and no closer to a decision than he had been when he climbed in his truck.
He lay back, tucked his hands under his head and stared up at the sky. He and Lindsay had lots of good times together. He’d been in love with her at one point, at least he’d thought so. He’d planned to build a life with her. But she had rejected him. And broken his heart.
Then there was Erin. Her smile lit her entire face that very first day. They had a lot of good memories, and he grounded himself in the knowledge of how he felt about her. He loved her. He knew it. Maybe he could tell her he loved her and she’d decide to stay with him instead of leaving town.
But he wouldn’t. He couldn’t keep her here if she wanted to leave. He loved her too much to make her feel obligated to stay somewhere she didn’t want to be.
Now that he knew what real love was with Erin, he could take his relationship with Lindsay for what it was… and what it wasn’t. That was why while it hurt when Lindsay rejected his proposal, he’d been able to get over it and move forward.
He didn’t expect the same when his relationship Erin ended.
But if he let her go, she would be able to realize her dreams and travel, like she had always wanted to. And all he ever wanted was for her to be happy. He just wished it could be with him. So, he’d set her free…. and stay in Laguna Beach with another broken heart.
This one, though, would never heal.
With a plan firmly in place, he headed back to town, dropped Bella at home, and drove to Zinc.
When he parked down the street from the restaurant, Erin was waiting on the sidewalk out front, pacing back and forth. He stood back in the shadows and stared at the woman he loved. She nodded at people passing by and smiled down at a little girl holding her mother’s hand. Erin would be a great mother, but it wouldn’t be to his children. Because she was meant for more than staying behind in Laguna Beach when she had the entire world at her fingertips.
It was time to let her go.
For her.
For her happiness.
He stepped out of the doorway and walked up to the café. “Hey.”
“Hey.” She forced a smile but it didn’t reach her eyes. What did she have to be unhappy about? She was about to have everything she wanted out of life.
“How about we sit? I’m not sure I’m hungry just yet.”
“Me either.”
He escorted her to a bench and sat beside her. He stretched his arm up and along the back of the bench and brushed against her shoulder. Her eyes darted to where he’d touched her, and he pulled his arm back. Tension arced between them.
Maybe she was nervous about telling him she was leaving. Whatever it was, she was as anxious as he was.
“Jake—”
“Erin, I—” they both spoke at once.
He closed his mouth and nodded to her. At least if she spoke first, he’d have some idea why she was upset when she was finally getting what she’d always dreamed of.
No such luck. She was quick to jump in. “After you.”
He couldn’t look at her. He couldn’t let her see that his heart was breaking as he set her free. “I’m not sure this is working, Erin.”
She sighed.
He wished he could look into her eyes. Her eyes revealed everything she was feeling. But he couldn’t risk his doing the same. “I think we want different things out of life.”
He risked exposing the reality of his feelings to see she was thinking, but her head was down and her hair covered her face.
“I don’t understand.” Her words came out on a whisper, her voice trembling.
He sucked in a breath. This was for the best. It would make Erin happy. Give her everything she’d always wanted. He just had to be strong and get through this conversation. “Lindsay’s back.”
Erin’s head snapped up, moisture pooling in her eyes. A single tear rolled down her cheek
“She wants another chance with me. To have the family I’ve always wanted.”
Erin’s chin shook and her lower lip trembled. “But what about us? What about everything we have together. Does that mean nothing? We’ve never even discussed having a family together.”
Jake gritted his teeth. He didn’t want to hurt her, but he had to set her free. She’d been tied down with responsibility for a long time. This was her opportunity to explore what she wanted for herself. “I told you about my dream, but yeah, there’s a lot we haven’t talked about. We haven’t really known each other that long. Lindsay and I have a lot of history. It’s probably better that it happened now, before we both got in too deep.”
Everything he said was absolutely true, but he stopped short of telling her outright that he was actually getting back together with Lindsay. He’d told her enough for her to draw her own conclusion.
Erin’s lips pressed into a tight line and her demeanor changed. Gone were the tears, replaced with a furrowed brow and another emotion entirely filling her gaze. “We may not have known each other long, but you sure didn’t waste any time dating me. Is that all I was? A convenient distraction until Lindsay came back.”
“No, Erin. That’s not it at all. “I love… the time we spent together. But I’m not getting any younger and I made no secret of wanting a big family.” This was not at all going like he wanted. He almost screwed up and told her he loved her. He couldn’t do that now… or ever. Even though he had no plans to get back together with Linds
ay, Erin could never know how he really felt about her. He didn’t want to be the reason she stayed in Laguna Beach when she wanted to be somewhere else. Anywhere else.
“I guess you’re right then. Maybe we aren’t working. Because you sure aren’t the man I thought I knew.” She stood, her shoulders squared and determination in the set of her jaw. “Goodbye, Jake.”
She spun on her heel and hurried down the sidewalk, darting around a couple holding hands and a business man in a suit before disappearing around a corner. After he watched her walk out of his life, he dropped his head into his hands.
He’d done what he’d intended to do—set her free. Now she could turn in her resignation and go find the adventure she’d always wanted. Meanwhile, he would give up his dreams of a wife and family. Because he would never stop loving Erin and a life with Lindsay was out of the question.
Chapter Fourteen
ERIN BARELY MADE it to her car, her tears blurring everything in front of her. Once she climbed in, her hand shook and she dropped her keys on the floorboard when she tried to put them in the ignition. This was too much. She couldn’t take it. At least she was alone now and could break down in peace. She wouldn’t give Jake the pleasure of seeing her heart crumble.
She wrapped her arms around herself and cried. Sobbed. Big ugly tears running down her cheeks. She cried because he broke her heart, and she cried because he killed any chance of her ever trusting a man again.
Everything he’d told her about Lindsay made it clear to Erin that his ex-girlfriend was out of the picture. Evidently not. And that made Erin dispensable.
She should never have put her heart on the line. She thought Jake was different. Thought that they were building a future together. She’d delayed her plans because of what they had. And what had he done? He’d gotten back with his ex-girlfriend.
She grabbed her phone and pressed a few buttons.
“Taylor Wellness Center, Ashley speaking.”
“Hey Ashley, it’s Erin.” She forced herself to sound upbeat. “I’m calling to let you know I’m not going to be in for the rest of the day.”
Built To Last (Sweet Contemporary Romance) Page 9