by Harlow James
And as her father kisses her cheek and hands her palm to me, I know that she’s the reason I’m still here living. It was her love that I was waiting for and finally accepted, thanks to a few angels nudging me along.
“You look breathtaking,” I tell her as she stands before me.
“You look pretty striking yourself, handsome.” Her lips curl in a smirk that makes my body burn with need for her. Just a few more hours, Luke. Be patient.
“Mommy, you look so beautiful,” Grayson interjects beside me in his matching tux, standing next to Cash and Cooper on my side. Pfeiffer and Jess mimic their stance behind Rachel, performing their duties as our best friends and wedding party.
Rachel softly laughs at our son. “Thanks, handsome. Let’s make this official, shall we?” She winks and then focuses back on me.
As the preacher speaks and ask us to promise to love each other in sickness and in health, until death do us part, I pray with all my might that I’ll never have to experience losing two great loves in my life, a fear that kept me from owning what I felt for Rachel in the first place. I know that nothing in life is guaranteed, but the thought of losing this woman too makes my throat feel like I’ve swallowed a knife. Through therapy and being honest with Rachel over the past two years, I’ve been able to conquer a lot of my fears about death and moving on with my life, which has allowed me to fully immerse myself in the family and memories I’ve built with Rachel now—my second chance.
Time helped me realize too that it’s better to have loved and lost than never loved at all, right? That’s how the saying goes, doesn’t it?
My life was monotonous and lacking substance before Rachel entered it, with the exception of my son that kept me grounded in my reason for waking up each day. But her light awakened me to the consideration of having someone to walk through life with again, a truth that forced me to accept that loving Hannah didn’t mean I couldn’t love Rachel too. I had room in my heart for both of them, and that’s more than some people get in a lifetime.
So I vow to love this woman now until the day I die, or vice versa. Because feeling is living, and this woman brought me back to life, with my eyes and heart wide open to the experiences that make all the good and bad worth it with the right person by your side.
When I kiss Rachel for the first time as her husband, a surge of purpose comes over me. This woman is who I’m meant for, and I make sure she knows that as our lips meet and we seal our union in front of all of our family and friends.
“How do you feel Mrs. Henderson?” I speak low in her ear as we walk hand in hand through the grass in the cemetery, headed towards Hannah’s grave the day after our wedding.
“Like the luckiest woman in the world,” she beams, her feet falling gently as we weave among the headstones, landing at our destination quickly.
After Rachel and I reconciled, she asked me to introduce her to Hannah, convincing me that the two of them didn’t have to be completely separate parts of my life. Instead, she wanted us to share our life with her, letting her know how happy we are together and how grateful we are that she brought us to one another. When I told Rachel the story of the night Hannah and I got engaged, complete with the words that ended up solidifying for me the serendipitous connection we established, she could hardly believe it. But she felt that Hannah and her grandpa must have had something to do with it too, like I did. So we started visiting her grave together along with Grayson. Despite the fact that Hannah wasn’t here physically, she was still very much a part of our family, and it was important for Rachel to make sure that I understood that.
“Hi, Mommy.” Grayson runs over to her headstone, kissing the marble and then placing the sunflowers in the vase stationed in the ground, granting the scene a little pop of color. After we make our visit today, we’re headed to my parent’s house to drop off Grayson. Our flight for Jamaica for our honeymoon leaves early in the morning, so we just assumed take him over the night before so we don’t have to wake him up early as well.
“What do you want to tell your mom today, Grayson?” Rachel takes a seat in the grass beside our son, pulling him into her lap, encircling her arms around him. I stand by with my hands on my hips, admiring my wife loving our son while sharing our life with the woman that connects us all together.
“Mommy… Daddy and Mommy got married yesterday. It was at the same place where we met her and she let me feed the ducks. Then we danced and ate cake and now they’re going on a trip. Then I’m gonna start second grade soon. I can’t wait.”
“That was a lot of information, bud.”
Grayson shrugs. “Yeah, but yesterday was a fun day.”
Rachel glances up at me, her face full of joy. “Yeah, it was.”
“Can I go toss my baseball around now?” Grayson moves to stand, pulling his glove from his back pocket. He may only be seven, but he’s got a knack for baseball and takes his glove with him everywhere, which means I also must have a ball wherever we go. These visits are hit and miss with him sometimes. Some days he will sit and talk to Hannah for a while. Others, like today, he’s bursting with energy and needs to move rather than be still.
Tossing the baseball to him I grabbed before we exited the car, I warn him. “Yes, here. But make sure you stay where your mom and I can see you.” I bend down to sit next to Rachel as he intercepts the ball.
“I know,” he says, rolling his eyes, and then scurries off to an open part of the grass just a few feet away.
“When did he get so big?” Rachel smiles, watching him throw the stitched leather up as high as he can and then tiptoe around to catch it before it hits the ground.
“Believe me, I ask myself that question every day.”
Rachel turns to the grave, running her fingers along the smooth marble. “Hi, Hannah. Yesterday was incredible. I hope you were watching.”
“She was babe.” Leaning down to kiss her temple, I pull her into me with my arm wrapped around her shoulders, breathing her in while I watch the scenery around us. A slight sway of the branches in the trees alerts me to the breeze building this afternoon. Fresh flowers radiate their scent from the multiple bouquets placed around us and Grayson continues to focus on his catching while we share details of our day with Hannah.
“I promise to take care of them, Hannah. They are my family and the two most important people in the world to me. And now Luke’s bound to me legally, so it’s a lot harder for him to get away,” she jokes.
“Ha-ha, very funny.”
“But I guess there’s just two more things we wanted to share with you,” she declares before focusing her eyes on me. “What would you say if I asked you to tie Grayson to me legally now as well?”
I lock onto her eyes, those green orbs shining brilliantly in the sunlight. “I’d love nothing more than for you to legally adopt Grayson, you know that. We’ve had this discussion, remember?” Rachel brought up the idea of adopting Grayson officially about a year ago. But we never moved forward with the paperwork, figuring we would wait until we were married to do so.
“Yeah, but now that we’re married, I really want Grayson to legally be mine. And then in January when our baby is born, we will all officially be a family…”
I take a minute to process what she just said, but I think the heat is short-circuiting my brain. “Wait, what?”
“We’re having a baby, Luke.” Her smile radiates pride and I feel my breath catch in my throat before I can speak.
“Are you serious?”
She nods. “Yes. I wanted to tell you today with our entire family together. Our own child we be here early next year…”
“Christ, I love you.” Smashing my lips to hers, we meet in a quiet desperation as I pour every ounce of love I have for her into my kiss. Cradling her face in my hand, I tenderly nip at her lips, my tongue seeking hers out as we mold our bodies and mouths together, cementing the fact that our love has created another human being.
“I can’t believe this. Are you sure? Is that why you weren’t drin
king at the wedding last night?”
“Yeah. I took a test a few days ago, but thought I would wait to tell you when we came here today. Our family is growing, and this just seemed like the perfect place to let you know. Now, we just need to tell Grayson. Do you want to tell him, or should I?” Rachel asks, staring up at me.
I lock our fingers together and then bring our intertwined hands to my lips. “Let’s do it together.”
“Hey, Grayson!” She calls our son, running over to us in a few swift strides. “We need to talk to you about something.”
Out of breath, he struggles to answer. “Okay.”
“How do you feel about having a little brother or sister?”
“Are you serious?” His eyes bug out.
Rachel just nods and then turns to me, this time with moisture built up in her eyes.
“And how would you feel about Rachel adopting you so she’s officially your mom?” I ask as my son’s eyes bounce between us.
“But she already is my mom…” His face scrunches in confusion, which just makes Rachel giggle through her emotion.
“I know, sweetie. But this way, there will be paperwork that says it’s true too.”
“Can I have a little brother then?”
“Uh, that’s not how that works, bud. You don’t get a choice.” I love my child, but I know his inquisitive nature, so I anticipate the follow-up question is coming in three, two, one…
“Where do babies come from?” He ponders even further. Yup, there it is.
“That’s a conversation for another day.”
Leaning forward, he stares at Hannah’s picture on her headstone. “Did you hear that, Mommy? Rachel is going to sign a paper to be my mom and I’m gonna have a little brother or sister. This is the best day ever!”
Hugging my wife to my chest, we enjoy the weather for a few more minutes before we leave to carry out the rest of the stops of our day. After I make love to my wife that evening, we lie in bed, avoiding the packing we need to finish before we leave for Jamaica tomorrow.
“We’re having a baby,” I whisper as I trace her tattoo, a habit I’ve developed over the years, a stark reminder of the small but momentous connection that brought us together.
“We are.”
“I never thought I’d have another child,” I choke out as Rachel turns to me and holds my face in her hands.
“I never thought I’d love someone as much as I love you. You’ve changed my life, Luke. You and Grayson.”
“No, baby,” I say, placing my hands over hers, staring intently into her eyes. “You gave me mine back. You gave me hope, Rachel. Against all odds, against all logic—you gave me hope, you gave me love, and you reminded me that despite all the obstacles life throws at you, there is always someone encouraging you on the other side of the stars.”
THE END
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Jess
“Oh, my feet,” I groan, flexing the arches once I take a seat at the nurse’s station for the first time in almost eight hours. I can’t remember the last time I ate something or took a drink, a detail I quickly remedy by reaching for my water bottle, sucking it dry.
“Hey, nice catch on the meningitis case,” Dr. Hill acknowledges as he rushes by, turning around in his movements before adding, “I always know I can count on you to pay attention to every detail.”
“That’s what they pay me the big bucks for.” I flash him a wink as he sprints off in the direction he was headed.
“My God! It’s been a while since we’ve had a shift like that, hasn’t it?” My best friend Piper plops down in the chair next to me, letting out a sigh of relief as she extracts a granola bar from the drawer in the counter. Much like a well-seasoned mom or teacher, nurses always have snacks stashed everywhere because you never know when you’ll get the chance to scarf down a bite of food.
“I can’t remember the last time I had to work almost eighteen hours. It’s nights like these that remind me why I’m still single. How the hell am I supposed to meet someone when I never leave this place?”
“Well, with that cold going around, a lot of the staff has been out. And of course, that makes for more patients in the ER. Then add on the accident that was brought in a few hours ago, and well…. It’s been a circus of a night.” Piper stretches her neck from side to side before she glances down at her watch to check the time. “If you want to get out of here, I’d do it now. Process that last discharge and run for the hills,” she jokes before reaching for a chart left on the counter.
“I will. I just need to sit for a minute.”
Piper reaches over and grabs my hand. “You know you’re gonna meet someone, right Jess? You’re a catch. You’re smart as a whip, beautiful, and have a wicked sense of humor. You just haven’t found the right guy yet.” She flashes me a sympathetic smile on a tilt of her head, and then turns back to the computer, filling in the information from the chart.
I huff sarcastically. “At this point, it would have to be someone in this hospital. But that opens up a can of worms since you know how I feel about dating people I see at work.” I think back to a guy I dated in nursing school, one of my classmates that I desperately found attractive and vice versa. Trent was intelligent and hot, and the two of us together was explosive. But then it all went to shit when I caught him using me to make his ex-girlfriend jealous. He took me to a bar where he knew she would be and paraded me around. I didn’t realize what he was doing until I noticed his eyes were veering everywhere around the room except for at me. And then he slathered my mouth with his the second the long-legged blonde focused in on us, a complete contrast to my five-foot-one stature and jet black hair.
I should have known better, but I was so drunk on him and the sex that I convinced myself there was more there. Then he ended up reconciling with his ex and put a ring on her finger within months. Since then, any man I’ve developed feelings for seems to find the next best thing after me, and then marries her. I’m not kidding. It’s like my vagina is the magical gateway to being engaged—just not for me. There have been four men now that I’ve dated who end up meeting the love of their life after they’ve taken a trip through my vagina.
I call it my ‘vaginal curse’ to my friends, but just ‘the curse’ to others.
And now that it’s been a little over two years since I graduated from nursing school in Portland and moved down here to Emerson Falls, I haven’t had much of a dating life in between those failed relationships. My friends would argue that I keep things casual to avoid the curse from making another matrimonial match. But honestly, I haven’t had a ton of time to dedicate to the cause anyway.
However, now I’m the third wheel in almost all of my friendships since my girlfriends are either married or are all finding the men they’re going to marry and I’m still single at twenty-eight, scared to let a guy in because I might just be training him for his future wife.
“I hope so. I feel so out of the loop, out of the dating game in general,” I reply as Piper hands me a granola bar of my own. I tear at the wrapper and then start to inhale the thing.
“Well, you have to put yourself out there if you’re going to even have the chance to meet someone.”
“Easy for you to say, Piper. Cash practically stalked you until you gave in to him. Your man came to you. It’s much easier that way.” Piper moved to Emerson Falls last year and started working in the ER with me shortly after. She crossed paths with playboy deputy Cash Williams and they fell in love after he pursued her relentlessly. Unfortunately, Piper really was here hiding under a false name, and when she was discovered, her life was threatened. She ended up returning home to New York to heal, but then moved back to be with Cash. They got engaged and are getting married in a few months.
“Yes, but it’s not like we didn’t go through obstacles to get there,” she challenges.
“I know. I’m not saying it was easy for you guys, or that love in general is easy. But with my track record, I’m nervous to find someone I really like because in the back of my head, I’m wondering if I’ll actually get to keep him.”
Piper reaches for my hand. “We’re gonna find you the right guy. All of those guys who you claim are victims of the curse were just not the right men for you. That’s why things didn’t work out—it wasn’t because of your vagina,” she says, rolling her eyes at my farfetched beliefs.
“At this point, I’m not so sure. Maybe I should just become a lesbian.” I stare off into space, contemplating whether or not I could live the rest of my life without dick. I mean, I know there are toys for substitutes, but I don’t think anything could replace the real thing.
“Well, any woman would be lucky to have you,” Piper assures me just as one of the EMT’s comes up to us at our desk.
“Hey, ladies. Did I just over hear Jess contemplating becoming a lesbian?” Ethan stands before us, his stocky frame resting against the counter. If the guy was a few inches taller and didn’t talk to me like I was his sister, I might actually be interested. Sadly, Ethan and I learned very quickly there weren’t romantic feelings there when I threatened his life.
“Yup. But it took me all of one minute to realize I like penis too much.”
Ethan’s eyes pop open wider. “Wow. Okay then, glad to know something about you that I didn’t before.” He shakes his head, probably trying to remove an image his brain conjured up from my declaration. “What’s with the life-style change threat? Something happen?”
“I’m just realizing that I may be single forever since I spend so much damn time in this hospital or go after the wrong guy. You don’t happen to know anyone who’s available and doesn’t mind dating a woman who’s unavailable during half of the week, do you?” I pop forward in my chair, the desperation so evident in my voice even Piper’s alarmed at my outburst.