“A Waker Moment would also trigger the best of his inherent abilities if he’s a natural,” John countered. “I’m just getting a vibe from him that says he’s a natural. As a natural myself, I’m claiming him for our side.”
“My intuition is saying spell-slinger. As a slinger myself, I’m claiming him for my side.” Sandy sounded playful but pretty sure of herself.
“Sooooo, you want to bet on it?” John sounded playful too.
“That works for me. The usual?” Sandy replied with a grin.
“Absolutely! I think I want chicken pot pie for the first day, roast beef and Yorkshire pudding for the second day, and I’ll let you have loser’s choice for the third one.”
“Ha! I won’t be spending any time cooking. Instead, I’ll be the oh so beautiful Countess of Huntingdon and you will be my naughty coachman. For the second night we’ll take to the high seas and I’ll be the pirate captain and you will be my captive. Prepare to be boarded!”
John blushed and rolled his eyes.
“The third night will be, how did you put it? loser’s choice.”
John just shook his head and started pulling the cart. “You can be so lusty sometimes. The guys are supposed to be the horny ones and the girls are supposed to be elegant and refined.”
“Oh, John, you are so cute when you get old fashioned on me.” Sandy batted her eyes at him. John tried to look exasperated but a smile tugged at his lips.
“Besides, not every girl gets to make out with someone called Mr. Big.”
John growled at her, which just made Sandy burst out in laughter.
“Since you’re the captain and all, I’m sure you’ll be remembering to cast a cloaking spell before we hit the rough seas?” John said.
“That’s the spirit! One cloaking spell coming up for my first matey.”
“It’s First Mate, not matey.” John sighed as Sandy pulled out a charm and went to work.
A thin sphere of magic lifted around us, and the outside world took on more muted tones. It looked darker, but I could still see fairly well.
“Alright then, spell is cast. Now damn the torpedoes and full steam ahead!”
“That’s hardly very pirate like,” John rumbled. “At least you stayed with a nautical theme. But enough about the sea, let’s talk about flakey crusts, rich golden sauce, and just the right amount of carrots and chicken to make the ultimate pot pie.”
He drew in a deep breath. “Ahhhhh. I can just about smell it now.”
“Whatever.” Sandy smacked him on the arm, which had about as much effect as smacking a tree.
“Have you thought about what you’re going to make me for my third meal?”
“I’m thinking a slice of humble pie with some Ain’t Never Gonna Happen gravy.”
“Now now, woman, don’t be bitter.”
“I’m not bitter. I’m just right.”
“Oh my.” He rolled his eyes to the heavens. “Why do I always get the feisty wenches?”
“Because you’re Mr. Big,” Sandy replied happily.
And with that we trekked on down the hill.
04 Gotta Pee
The first time I woke up it was dark, and I really had to pee. The bed was different than I was used to: fluffy, comfortable, and way more pillows that a person should have. My body ached in a deep throbbing way, and I tried my best not to move.
Nature’s call cannot be denied, and eventually I stirred and tried to get out of bed. The ache doubled in intensity, and it was all I could do to roll over.
“Oh, hey now. Let’s not rush things.” A cheerful voice chirped at me. A little round lady hopped out of her chair and came over to me.
“Bathroom,” I croaked and shifted closer to the side of the bed.
“Are you sure you are up for this? Maybe you should just rest for a while longer.” She sounded concerned and yet so happy.
It pissed me off. Nobody has a right to sound that happy.
I used the emotional energy to drag my legs over the side, and she helped me sit up. The room spun, and I felt cold. My bladder was demanding, though, and I tried to stand up. That didn’t work so well, and I collapsed back on the bed. Little Miss Sunshine put my arm over her shoulder, and helped lift me to my feet.
It occurred to me this was a strange bedroom and I had no idea where the bathroom was. Sunshine knew, though, and we slowly made our way there amidst a constant stream of encouragement.
It wasn’t until I was peeing (oh what a relief!) that I realized I was naked. The little lady holding me up didn’t seem to mind, so I figured I didn’t either, and we slowly made our way back to the bed.
I was exhausted. I didn’t know such simple things could take so much energy, but it wore me out.
I managed to smile and say something that hopefully sounded like thank you, before falling asleep.
When I woke up it was daylight, and again, I had to pee. This time John was my sitter, and he had no problem hoisting me to my feet and getting me to the bathroom.
I had a few more times like that—where I woke up, did a little business or drank some water, and fell back to sleep. I tired out so quickly that all I wanted to do was rest.
One time, I looked up enough to see this guy in the bathroom mirror. He looked like he had lost a fight with a brick wall. I didn’t even realize that was me until I was hobbling back to bed. I looked that bad.
Every time I woke up, I had a sitter helping me out. Sometimes it was John or Sandy, but mostly it was little Miss Sunshine. They were like my guardian angels, helping me out when I needed it most. I felt safe knowing they were there. I hadn’t been taken care of like this since I was a little kid. I didn’t know these people well, I’d only been living at the House for a few months, but I was touched by how much time they were spending with me.
When I collapsed back on the bed and started to drift off to sleep, I felt the warm moss blanket and smelled the sweet lavender scent. The spell was still working, healing me.
Then came the morning when I woke up and everything was clear. The enchantment was complete. My eyes gently opened on their own and I saw sunlight coming in the window. Little dust motes sparkled and drifted in the light. A long-haired white cat laid on the floor sunbathing. I realized I had another cat in bed with me. She was a dark brown short hair with green eyes that blinked at me lazily. She stretched out, gently touching me with one paw, before closing her eyes and getting down to the serious business of napping.
I went back to watching the sunbeam, existing in a quiet peace. The serenity of the moment stretched on. It seemed the perfect counterpoint to the recent chaos.
About the time I realized I didn’t have a sitter, John came back into the room. Apparently, he’d left the door open and the cats had slipped inside. He was going to shoo them from the room but I was happy for them to stay.
Sandy brought in a bowl of tomato soup and it was the most amazing thing I have ever eaten. It was rich, creamy and the flavors danced on my tongue. I finished my first bowl and had a second one.
I was awake, alive and it felt so good! I still ached and felt weak but it was better than before.
After the soup I slept for a bit, but it wasn’t the long hibernation of before. When I woke up, I had some of my clothes laid out for me. Sandy had used her master key to raid my apartment.
John helped me take a shower as I still didn’t have any stamina. I’m not into the big furry guys but, OMG, John is a perfect specimen! He’s got big strong hands, muscles for days, and a deep voice that made me shiver. I ran out of energy about halfway through, and ended up just holding on to him while he finished soaping me down. I tried not to think about it, but the image of all this man making crazy deep love to me popped into my head, and my other head stood up to attention.
I couldn’t believe it. I get beaten almost to death, my balls are crushed, I can barely stand, and yet my Mr. Happy is very ready to be happy.
John saw my boner and chuckled. I told him it wasn’t me, it was him. He was to
o much man for anyone to resist. He laughed and kept washing.
After giving me a whole new fantasy for my dreams, we toweled off and he helped me get dressed.
It felt different wearing clothes again. I was beginning to feel human. Sandy asked if I was ready to start discussing what had happened. I suggested we do this the next morning and, with two cats on either side of me, promptly fell asleep again.
I woke up to the happy sound of purring and a paw in my face. Snowy (the white long-haired cat) was giving me an intense look from about three inches away. That was a little much for me so early in the morning, so I gave her a quick scratch and rolled over. Love doesn’t give up that easily, so she followed me to the other side of the bed and began purring and patting my face again. I scratched, rolled over, she followed. At that point, I figured I was awake so why not give her some real love. I started out rubbing her ears, and ended up several minutes later with all four feet in the air, belly proudly laid out, and some serious tummy stroking going on.
Snowy was purring so loudly Sandy poked her head in the room to see what was happening. She gave a big smile, came over and sat beside me on the bed, and we both gave Snowy all kinds of fuss. Two on one was just too much and the happy feline wandered off to get breakfast.
I felt good enough to get up for a bit, so I went into the kitchen and had breakfast. The kitchen was one of those open-style spaces, with a double oven and huge double-wide stainless steel refrigerator. The counters wrapped all the way around and there was a place I could sit on a bar stool and watch her cook.
I’m used to Sandy the landlord, and she is all business. Sandy in the kitchen, though, is pure poetry. She had a natural Zen and rhythm, her long black hair flowing with the movements. I found myself drawn in, staying in the moment with her until the plate of food landed in front of me.
She started me out with blueberry pancakes topped with real whipped cream, fresh blueberries, and a locally sourced syrup that had a smoky flavor.
It was yummy! I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had homemade pancakes, much less ones this heavenly.
John found a reason to stop by. Said he smelled smoke and wanted to make sure everything was ok. Yeah right, I’m sure it had everything to do with concern for the building and nothing to do with the savory smells making him hungry. He plopped his large frame down on the stool beside me—making me feel tiny—and Sandy expanded the breakfast to include thick-cut bacon and scrambled eggs with feta cheese. She made the bacon crispy; you could snap it in two and nibble on it like a potato chip. So good!
Little Miss Sunshine came around too (something about bacon and eggs being magical ingredients) and sat on the stool on the other side of me. Suddenly I felt big. From a distance, we counter sitters must have looked like a row of those Russian dolls that keep getting smaller.
For a while we just ate breakfast and chatted away. It felt nice to be here, to be included in the easy conversation. Just good times, good laughter, and an odd sense of belonging.
Usually my time was filled with smoky tables of poker players trying to out maneuver each other, followed by relaxing in an empty apartment or maybe a quickie with someone I thought was cute. Casual times like this didn’t happen often for me. This felt like home and it felt good, really good.
05 Orientation
As breakfast was winding down the conversation turned to me and what happened. I found it hard to start so Sandy took over the conversation.
“Your recovery has really been remarkable, even with magical means. It looks like your broken bones have knitted back together and that normally takes six weeks or more. It can take several months for a full recovery. I have a charm that would cut the healing time in half, but you’ve managed it in a couple days. How are you feeling?”
“I feel better. A lot better,” I replied. “Not that I’m perfect or anything. My whole body feels sore, my bones ache, and I still feel a bit shaky. I’m alert, though, and very happy to be alive. It feels really nice to do something normal like eat breakfast.” I smiled at Sandy. “Although I would hardly call this a normal breakfast! This qualified as a feast! I don’t think I’ve had a breakfast like this in forever.”
“And what a fine feast it was too.” John pushed back his plate with a regretful sigh. “I only wish I had more room to continue to enjoy it.”
He waved a finger at me. “Don’t expect this all the time. She’s just trying to get you addicted. Once you’re hooked on the Sandy Special there ain’t no going back. You are her slave forever.”
Sandy laughed. “Aww. Thanks John. You make such a nice slave too. Now move all those muscles and get me some more sweet tea before I beat you and throw you in the dungeon.”
John took her glass as he looked at me tragically. “She’s been promising me that for years. I get my hopes up, but, somehow, it never happens.”
“Oh, whatever.” Sandy said with a playful smile.
Sunshine gave her glass to John as well and looked over at me. “These two can go on like that for hours. I usually ignore them and let them play.”
“Let’s get back to you and how you are doing,” Sandy said. “When you first came here your jaw was shattered and your arm was broken along with all of your ribs. You were so bruised you looked like an extra in a zombie movie. I know you are feeling better but I don’t want you to start over doing it. Give yourself time and you will be fine.”
“Having a Waker Moment can be tough, and yours was a real doozy. Just go easy on yourself for a while. You have time to keep healing.”
Sandy and John nodded in agreement as I just looked confused. “There is so much I don’t know about all this so I’m going to start asking. What is a Waker Moment?”
Sandy gathered herself. “I guess this is as good a time as any for your orientation. Annabeth, John, I would appreciate it if you would help me out.”
She turned to Annabeth. “I did Annabeth’s orientation on my own, and it was a disaster. A complete disaster.”
“Oh now, it wasn’t that bad.” Sunshine reached over and patted her hand. “It was all just a bit much to take in. In all fairness I was hurting so much from having to leave my family that I needed someone to be mad at. You let me be pissy with you for a while and that was what I needed. I’ve adjusted to this new magical life, accepted my new beginning, so all’s well that ends well.”
I couldn’t imagine Little Miss Sunshine being mad at anybody. I guess everyone has a darker side. I also realized I knew her name now. I’d been calling her Sunshine for a while now and that just seemed like her name. Annabeth. It was nice. It fit her. I’m not that great with names so I repeated it three times in my head and used it in a sentence. I’d learned that little trick from a guy in a poker game. He’d remembered everyone’s name right off the bat and, after I’d remarked on it, he let me in on his secret. He had other secrets too, as I remember I’d lost the game to him.
Sandy turned back to me and continued. “A Waker Moment is the defining event of great need that causes a supernatural’s ability to appear. Something happens that causes great mental or physical distress, often to the point of dying, and your power breaks free to save you. Once your power is free it’s the start of a whole new life. You aren’t a mundane any more, you’re a supernatural.”
“Think of it like having sex for the first time. It’s messy, awkward, and often embarrassing but it changes your life and opens up a whole new world. All those urges make sense and you don’t feel as weird anymore.”
“I’ve always liked the sex analogy, but it’s more like having sex underwater and you can’t surface until the deed is done,” John interjected. “You figure it out fast or you don’t figure it out at all.”
“So are all Waker Moments as bad as mine?” I asked.
“Some are,” Sunshine said kindly. “Some are even worse. Some sups can’t recover like you have and they go through months of rehab and trauma. You still look like you got bitch slapped by a herd of ugly sticks, but you will be back to
your normal self soon enough. The important thing is to accept what happened and start looking ahead to what is next.”
“So, you guys are supernaturals?” I asked.
Everyone nodded.
“I know you guys, or I thought I did, but obviously I don’t know the special side of you. Maybe we could go around and you guys could tell me what I need to know about you—from a magical perspective.”
“That’s actually a good idea. I’ll have to remember that for future orientations. I’ll start.” Sandy settled back in her chair. “My name is Sandy Felton and I first awoke as a mage about seventy years ago.”
My eyebrows shot up.
“What, you thought I was younger?”
“Oh my god yes!” I said. “I figured you were a bit older than me. Maybe late twenties or early thirties, but I didn’t think you were ancient!”
“First, I’m not ancient,” Sandy said primly. “Comments like that will NOT get you invited to dinner.”
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean it like that at all. You just look so young!” I stammered. I was going to say she looked so young for someone so old but I shut my mouth in time.
“Now that is much better. Some mages like to cultivate the wise old crone image, but that is not me. I’m actually quite young when you consider the magical community as a whole. Beings with real power can last for a thousand years or more. You will find that you settle into a certain age and look that feels good to you. You won’t have to worry about getting old.”
Now that sounded nice. Not having to worry about wrinkles, those weird spots on your skin, and seizing up from arthritis would be wonderful. Surely there has to be catch, though.
“So, if we don’t age, then how do we die?”
“There are lots of ways to die other than old age,” Sandy said. “You could get hit by a truck or some other accident and die that way. Some sups get risky with their powers and something backfires and kills them. Sometimes we get tired of life and look for a way to end it.”
Misfit Mage Page 4