by M. Robinson
El Diablo.
I watched her from the mausoleum, up on the hill. The worried expression on her face was as transparent as the emotions pouring out of me. Which was why I had to walk away, leaving her alone with her fate. Standing next to the gravestones of the only family I’d ever have. I thought bringing her here, showing her there was no life for us together and the reasons behind it, would have made her run away from me. Leaving the darkness behind, never looking back. I thought this would be the end of us, coming full circle with nowhere else to turn. Seeing my past and present colliding with such a force, brought on only by me. Nothing of what I thought would happen, did.
Not one fucking thing.
If anything it backfired on my ass, I gave her exactly what she wanted. The truth that laid beneath the fiction she created in her mind. The pieces of my fucked up puzzle that held so many unanswered questions, still loomed in the distance between us. I watched her walk back to the limo with her head bowed low, her arms wrapped around her. Rick ran over to her with an umbrella, guiding her to the car. She peered around one last time, as if she knew I wouldn’t be sitting in the limo waiting for her. Not feeling my presence. I saw her staring unknowingly up the hill as the limo faded in the distance.
With her heart breaking for me.
I watched the limo leave, taking what I desperately wanted to be mine with it. Standing there with my hands in the pockets of my slacks, for I don’t know how long. Watching the rain pour down from the sky, flooding upon me for my behavior. Silhouettes of my mother and sister appeared through the storm clouds, with no remorse. As fast as they appeared, they were gone. I spent the entire evening there, waiting for a sign that I was doing the right thing, an epiphany to get us out of this fucked up situation. Nothing happened. I let the rain wash away my sorrow, Lexi's face haunting my thoughts.
Burning inside.
A feeling I was accustomed to.
Except this time, I felt like I couldn’t take it anymore. My demons pulling me under, dragging me further and further into the ground. Burning me alive, when I’d already been dead all this time. That was the problem with the whole situation, Lexi revived me.
She was trying to save me when all I would do was destroy her.
Darkness fell over the cemetery by the time I said goodbye to my mother and sister. Apologizing for not coming to see them sooner, I couldn’t remember the last time I was here. It pained me to think about it. It was late by the time the limo came back and got me, and it was even later by the time I got back to my penthouse. Walking in a daze, fighting an internal battle to rectify the situation. Resisting the urge to go into Lexi’s room, knowing she’d be wide awake.
Waiting for me.
I took a shower, leaning my forehead against the ceramic tile. Letting the scolding hot water run down my back, welcoming the burn. My body physically aching for some rest, some sleep, something, anything that would make my mind stop running wild like a hamster spinning on a fucking wheel. I stayed in there till the water ran cold, getting out, throwing on some boxer briefs, and instantly fell back on my bed. Instinctively, taking my gun with me. Placing it under my pillow with my strong grasp around it. I was just going to close my eyes for few seconds, let the rain soothe my splitting headache.
Instead, I passed the fuck out.
I couldn’t remember the last time I slept so solid, so sound. I was used to every little noise waking me up. Never being able to relax enough to allow my REM cycle to lull me away. There was no rest for the wicked, the demons that haunted me never slept. No matter how exhausted I was, they were right there waiting.
I didn’t have to open my eyes to viciously attack my prey. I had been waiting for someone to kill me all my life. It was only a matter of time until they found me in a moment of weakness. Without thinking, I acted on pure impulse, savagely gripping the shadow’s throat beside me, coming in contact with the motherfucker in my bed. Before I even fully opened my eyes, I immediately flipped them over, straddling their body, locking them in place by their throat.
My first initial thought wasn’t my safety.
It was hers.
No one ever came into my bedroom, not even Lexi. I silently prayed for the first time since cursing God that they came into my room first, having no idea she was in the penthouse with me. My grasp tightened harder at the mere thought that something could have happened to her. Needing to kill the motherfucker in my grasp with my bare hands as they struggled against me. Putting up a fight as I suffocated the life out of the bastard. It wasn’t until I hovered above them, pointing my gun directly to their fucking forehead, that I opened my dark, dilated eyes.
Ready to fucking kill.
Realizing very fucking quickly it was Lexi beneath my hold, fighting for her life. Her tiny frame struggling with everything she had in her, fear and panic like I’d never seen before.
Of me.
My eyes widened, crudely jerking back in horror from the scene unfolding under me. Still straddling the woman choking under my grasp, I instantly eased up on my ruthless hold around her throat. Sliding my hand down to her collarbone, pinning her to the bed. Easing up on my weight, still looming above her. She immediately gasped for air, clutching onto her neck, coughing every few seconds. Her eyes watering, her body shaking, desperately trying to breathe in the air I so violently ripped away from her.
The terror on her face was enough to bring me to my knees and beg for forgiveness. Exactly the way she had just begged for her life, moments ago. She withered beneath me, slightly arching her back, fixing her eyes on the barrel of my gun. Her mouth opened wide, panting profusely. Her wide, brazen eyes shined with fear, tears threatening to spill over. A heated glare I was more than familiar with, stared back at me at the same time. Her thoughts running wild as she tried to recover, bunching the silk sheets in her trembling hands. Her coughing subsided when the air finally ran through her lungs, panting profusely. She wanted to say something, opening her mouth and closing it several times not knowing what to say
Where to start.
Where we stood.
Her lips were swollen, pursed, and a bright shade of red. Her face flushed, sweat glistened down the sides of her temples. Shaking to her core with terror. The fear that I was going to hurt her more than I already had. Her hair was fanned out all around her. The left strap of her tank top ripped and torn, exposing the top of her breast. Her hard nipple slightly peeking through the slim, cotton fabric.
I’d never seen her look so fucking beautiful before.
I took my hand off her collarbone, strategically placing it beside her on the bed. Shifting my weight forward. She sucked in a breath the closer my face and body got to hers. Never breaking our intense stare, I slowly moved the gun from her forehead, sliding it down her body. The cool metal leaving a trail of desire in its wake.
I softly pecked the corner of her lips, murmuring, “Do you have a death wish, cariño?”
Her breathing hitched against my lips.
“What did you think would happen if you came into my room uninvited?”
Her mouth shut, swallowing hard. Licking her lips.
“After everything I showed you today. Why would you think I’d be the man you could take by surprise? Do you want me to hurt you?” I asked, pecking her lips. Running my nose lightly up the side of her face, causing her to shiver.
“You’re always hurting me,” she said just above a whisper. “This is just the first time you’ve done it physically. I’ve been hurt so much worse, Martinez. You’re not the only villain I’ve ever crossed paths with.”
I scoffed out, “What do you want from me?”
“Everything.”
Nothing about her confession surprised me. Nothing about the feelings I had for her did either. I never wanted her more than I did at that moment, finally holding her in my arms, feeling her skin against mine, loving the way she was looking at me. Wanting me to make everything right. My mind had been spiraling out of control all day, shouting at me to let her go
, to push her away.
I wanted her more than reason, more than what was right or what was wrong. I wanted her more than anything. And I had known that since day one. There was no turning back, only going forward. Pulling her into my Hell with me.
“Te gusta estar a mi merced?” I questioned, “Do you like being at my mercy?” Grinding my hard cock right against her pussy. Never letting up, hitting all the right places that would drive her fucking crazy.
She shuddered beneath me, moaning with every thrust of my hips. Resisting the urge to shut her eyes. Her wetness seeping through the silk of her panties. I guided my gun down her trembling thighs, laying it aside. Brushing my fingers along the same path, up where she wanted me the most.
“Quiero hacerte mía,” I groaned, “I want to make you mine.” Skimming along the edge of the top band then slipping the tips of my fingers in through the side of her panties. “Your body is throbbing for me, begging me to touch it.”
She moaned in response as I scooted them aside. Quivering when the cold air came in contact with her bare folds.
“Tell me what you want,” I ordered against her lips, kissing them ever so lightly. Needing her to tell me this was okay, already knowing her body was craving my touch. But I needed her mind, desperately yearning to hear the words I knew would destroy us both. Everything about this situation was new for both of us.
I hadn’t kissed a woman in years. Never caring for it, all I ever wanted was to fuck. But with Lexi, I wanted it all. Especially, to claim her goddamn mouth, nipping, sucking and licking. Reveling in the feel of her pouty lips against mine. Imagining them wrapped around my cock. Everything about her was addicting, exactly like the drugs I fucking sold.
“You…” she breathed out.
Once I heard the word leave her lips, everything else became fucking fair game. “What do you say?” I taunted, sliding my tongue along her bottom lip.
“Please…”
“Please what?”
“Please touch me.”
I grinned, failing miserably to hide the pleasure only she could cause. Grazing her cheek with the tips of my fingers, I placed a fallen piece of her hair behind her ear. The simple gesture made her lips part as her eyes glazed over, lightly brushing my fingertips against her soft bare folds.
Our eyes stayed connected and for a moment I saw a certain innocence pass through hers, knowing she was a fucking virgin. She didn’t have to tell me, her lust filled gaze showed me everything I needed to know. They spoke volumes. She bit her bottom lip, enticing me, using her sexuality without even knowing what she was doing.
I cocked my head to the side, pulling her closer to me by the nook of her neck. Caressing in between her folds, circling her clit, rubbing the nub side to side, and back and forth. Spreading her open. Smoothing her moisture. Getting her ready. I guided her hands above her head, pinning them to the bed. She couldn’t hold still, arching her back, her perfect tits rising near my face.
“You’re so fucking wet.”
She purred, rotating her hips against my hand. Baiting me to give her what only I could ever do to her body.
“I want to feel you come on my fingers, cariño, I want to see your face get flushed, your breathing hitch. I want to feel your pussy pulsate so fucking hard it pushes my fingers out of your sweet little hole.” Biting her bottom lip, kissing her softly. “I want to know what you taste like, here.” I slid my tongue into her mouth. “And here.” Pushing my finger into her tight opening. I kept up with my soft torture for a few seconds, loving the feel of her slickness against my callused fingers.
She tilted her head back, tempting me once again. “Please…” Luring me in to kiss her.
I didn’t have to be told twice. I kissed her with everything I had to offer, I fucking ravished her. Pushing my middle and ring fingers into her wet opening, she moaned into my mouth, shoving her tongue in at the exact same time. I savored both the taste and feel of her, how her body angled perfectly beneath mine, how she was melting against me. Taking everything I was giving her and wanting more. I released her hands and they instantly tangled in my hair.
“Fuck,” I groaned in between kissing. Wanting the same thing she did. “You feel that?” I uttered, hitting her g-spot harder and more demanding. Making it almost impossible for her to answer. I never once stopped kissing her, assaulting her lips.
I couldn’t, even if I had wanted to.
“Oh, God…” she panted, her pussy clamping down onto my fingers so fucking tightly, making it difficult to move in and out.
I reluctantly let go of her lips, removing my soaked fingers from her pussy, causing her to whimper at the loss. Her tank top and panties were ripped off within seconds, kissing my way down her neck, to her breasts, sucking a nipple into my mouth, biting just a little. Enough to make her squirm and rotate her hips against my hard cock. I wanted to admire her body, taste every last inch of her skin.
But first, I wanted to fuck her with my tongue.
I went right for it, not allowing her to ease into me, already overstimulated from my touch. I sucked on her clit, moving my face side-to-side, feasting on her until her legs started to shake. Her body trembled, her hands ripping at my hair, clawing to escape, trying to move further away from my face.
I growled from deep within my chest, locking my arms around her legs, anchoring her hips firmly against my mouth, not letting her move away from my skilled tongue and lips. I gripped her harder and rotated her hips in the opposite direction, changing the motion of my tongue.
The sensations intensified for both of us as I made her fuck my face.
She screamed out, “Alejandro!” Climaxing so fucking hard. I’d never seen or felt something so intense before. I didn’t falter, pushing my tongue into her opening as far as it would go, wanting to taste every last drip of her come. Licking her clean, like a starved man.
I crawled up her sexually exhausted body, making my way toward her face. Her frame melted into the mattress, so heavy, so satiated. Her eyes were serene, as I leaned forward, claiming her lips again. Soft at first, letting her savor the salty sweetness, tasting herself for the first time. Until I couldn’t take it anymore, and I devoured her mouth exactly the way I did her pussy moments ago. Her small, delicate fingers started traveling down my chest, roaming to the elastic of my boxer briefs, wanting to reciprocate. As much as I wanted her hand and lips wrapped around my hard cock, this wasn’t about me. I swiftly grabbed her wrists, pinning them to her sides.
“No, cariño,” I huskily stated, peering deep into her eyes.
She narrowed her eyebrows, confused.
A sign of hurt flashed over her face. Releasing my grip, I cupped her cheeks, easing the blow, and I spoke with sincerity, “I would never physically hurt you. No matter what the circumstances, I need you to know I’m not capable of causing you physical pain. I didn’t know it was you before… Do you understand me?”
She nodded with a genuine expression, knowing it was my way of apologizing to her. Saying sorry was a sign of weakness, and I couldn’t bring myself to say the two words. To show her that I had a weak side, buried under all the bullshit. I really wanted to beg for her forgiveness, over and over again for what I’d done. Not just for tonight, but for all the other times she mentioned. But in the end, I was who I was, not even Lexi could change that.
I just wasn’t made that way.
“You look so fucking beautiful right now. You’re fucking beautiful all the time. I don't say it because it makes me want to be with you,” I added, needing to speak some truth. To show her I wasn’t a complete bastard when it came to her.
I kissed her one last time, memorizing everything about her at that moment. Her eyes, her flushed cheeks, her pouty lips, and messy hair. I laid down, swiftly bringing her along. She curled into me, nuzzling into my torso. An arm draped across my chest.
“Go to sleep,” I whispered, kissing the top of her head. Inhaling her vanilla scent, trying not to remember the last time a girl laid in my arms.
“I love you, Alejandro,” she sighed in her sleep. Her body fell heavy into my embrace.
I wish I could say I didn’t expect it. That I wasn’t prepared, or didn’t fucking know she would say it.
I did.
If it had been anyone else, I wouldn’t have hesitated to tell them to get the fuck out. She was different. She was mine. I laid there with my arms wrapped around her, never wanting to let her go. Kissing the top of her head, letting my lips linger. I knew what I had to do now, even though it would kill me. Without a second thought, I moved her gently off my body.
Murmuring, “I’m so fucking sorry.”
And left.
I smiled, sinking deeper into the silk sheets of his bed. Envisioning everything that happened last night. His masculine scent engulfing me, surrounding me, I couldn’t have been more blissfully content. I was happy in his bed. For the first time in my life, something gave me hope and happiness, other than ballet.
Him.
It was late into the morning by the time I stirred, the sun shining through the curtains, yesterday's storm long gone. The irony wasn't lost on me. The grim day turned into a beautiful night, filled with pleasure and love. Filled with everything I ever wanted. I immediately reached for him. His side of the bed was cold and empty as if he hadn’t been there for hours. I sat up, taking the sheet with me. Searching the vast space for any sign of him. Looking for him.