by J. L. Beck
Her gaze widens, and I don’t stick around a second longer to hear what she has to say. I’ve got a punching bag and a whole lot of fucking tension in my muscles to work off if I plan to come back to the house tonight. My footsteps echo down the hall as I head toward the garage.
Fucking Christ, how the hell has this little woman gotten me so worked up when most of the men I fight can’t even manage to? Enough, I tell myself as I reach the garage.
She’ll be fine until Ivan arrives. And if she isn’t…I don’t allow myself to think about it any longer. I’m done thinking about her, and her pretty little face, and her plump little lips.
She’s a distraction, a fucking problem, and I plan to get rid of her as soon as fucking possible.
Chapter Four
Sophie
Not long after Roman leaves, a short little woman with blonde hair and big blue eyes knocks on my bedroom door. Her smile is warm, and she wraps me up in a hug without even thinking. Kindness oozes from every pore in her body. She cares about me without even knowing who I am.
“I’m Violet. I’m here to take you shopping.” A bright smile pulls at her lips as she pulls away, releasing me from her arms. It’s then I notice she has a pair of yoga pants, a t-shirt, and bra and panties in her hands.
“Hi,” I greet her with a soft smile. I’m not sure how I feel about using Roman’s card to shop for clothing, at least not after his parting words. He seemed angry, and every single word he said made me think he was trying to push me away, which only makes me more curious about him.
Against my better judgement, I feel safe with him, secure. I know it’s bad to feel the way I do about him, especially without knowing who he is or what he’s about, but I just can’t help him. He screams safety to me.
“Here, I brought these for you to change into before we leave. They’re just some old clothes of mine.” She shoves the items into my hands. I take them graciously, walk into the bathroom, and get dressed. The clothes fit me perfectly, including the panties and bra. It feels nice to be wearing normal clothing instead of long dresses that make me hot and sweaty. I give myself a once over in the mirror, smoothing a hand down the front of the t-shirt. I look like a normal woman. I smile, really smile, knowing my father can’t take this moment away from me.
They wanted to keep me broken, to hurt me, and me doing the opposite is exactly what I need to start pushing forward through the pain. My thoughts shift to Roman and how what he said made me feel. He talked about taking my virginity...how he’s not a good man...but he is, and I wish he knew that.
I’ve been pretty sheltered by my parents all my life. I don't know a lot of men, but the ones I have met have all turned out to be bad. Roman is not like them. I don’t know how I know this, but I do, and knowing this makes me wish he didn’t think so horribly about himself.
A knock sounds against the bathroom door.
How long have I been in here?
The door opens an inch, then Violet’s soft voice filters into the room. “Sophie? Are you okay in here?”
“Oh, yeah, sorry. I was…” I stumble over my words. Walking over to the door, I pull it open, revealing a concerned Violet.
“It’s okay. You can take as much time as you need. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.” Her eyes roam over the clothes she gave me. “All the stuff looks like it fits you.” Excitement zings through her. It’s a contagious kind of excitement.
“It does.” I smile, shoving a strand of brown hair behind my ear. “Thank you so much for bringing something over for me to wear and volunteering to take me to get some clothing.”
“Oh, it’s nothing, really. If anything, you’re helping me out. All I do is sit at home and watch TV. It’s a nice change of pace.”
It’s good to hear I’m not being a burden to her, but being forced to buy myself things with Roman’s money doesn’t sit well with me. He’s already done so much for me, taking me into his home, keeping me fed, and now he insists on doing even more. The last thing I want is for him to hold it over my head later.
“You ready to go?” Violet asks with a most genuine smile.
“Yes,” I lie. I don’t want to go anywhere…at least, not without Roman, but I don’t want to displease him.
Two large men appear at the front door. They’re dressed like normal men, but with a dangerous edge. A shiver of fear climbs up my spine. My feet root to the floor, and when Violet’s eyes collide with mine, I know she can see the fear.
“It’s okay, these are my boyfriend’s men. They mean us no harm and are here to protect us.” Violet’s voice carries a soothing tone to it, and my tense body loosens a bit at her confession.
Eyeing the men curiously, I decide to believe Violet, because honestly, I doubt she would put me in harm’s way. Forcing myself to relax I start for the car. We climb into an expensive looking SUV, and the men get into the front once Violet and I are buckled up in the back. The drive to the mall is short, and I enjoy taking in the sights. It wasn’t often my parents let us go anywhere with them, and even though I’ve heard of a mall, I’ve never actually been to one before.
When we pull into the huge parking lot, it’s packed. The man driving the car mumbles under his breath in a language I don’t understand.
They trail behind us closely, but not so close it’s noticeable. When Violet sees me looking back at the two guys, she assures me again that they are here to protect us and that we are safe, but I don’t feel safe. There is only one person who could make me feel safe right now.
I take in the huge building with various signs in bright neon lettering.
Ulta. Ann Taylor. Coach. Adidas.
I furrow my brow at the names. We enter through the doors, and I’m assaulted by several sights, sounds, and smells. I force air into my lungs and try to stop the nervous knot from forming in my belly. I have no reason to be scared. I’m free. Free of their ties, of their callous ways.
“You okay?” Violet asks, and I nod, lifting my chin.
“Yeah, I’m good. I’ve just never been to a mall before…it’s a little overwhelming.”
Violet looks at me like I’ve grown a second head. “You can’t be serious. You’ve never been to a mall?”
I confirm with a nod, and she blinks away the shocked expression from her face. Instead of her insulting me or making fun of me, she interlocks our arms and starts jogging toward the stores. For such a tiny person, she moves ridiculously fast.
With Violet by my side, we make our way from store to store. I pick up all the essentials, jeans, t-shirts, panties, and bras. I try to buy things that are cheap or on sale, but it’s so hard since everything seems to be overpriced. Guilt swarms me every time I swipe the card. I keep all the receipts so I know what I’ll owe him.
Maybe I can start looking for a job soon. I consider the fact that I have no car and don’t know how to drive, but still, the idea of letting Roman pay my way for everything is unsettling. One way or another, I have to get a job or find a way to make some money.
“You are very quiet,” Violet observes, interrupting my thoughts. “Have you always been like this or are you still…you know…are you okay, Sophie?” Concern is etched in her features.
“I’ve always been kind of quiet,” I admit, and it’s true. I’ve never been chatty. Talking gathers attention, and attention isn’t something you want in the home I grew up in.
“You know, if you want to talk about what happened to you…you can always talk to me. I don’t know if Roman or Ivan told you, but what happened to you happened to me too. I know what it’s like to be locked in that cell, to feel so alone you want to die.”
I almost smile at her statement. She thinks she has been through what I’ve been through, but she has no idea. She doesn't know the cell was nothing compared to the pain of being abandoned by your family, the people who are supposed to protect and love you. She has no idea how my whole life fell apart the day they exchanged my body for a piece of paper, a fucking check. I try and reason with myself, s
ince I don’t know Violet’s story, but I can’t help but feel anything but sorry for myself in this moment.
I’m left with a scar that I’ll carry around on my heart for the rest of my life.
“I’m fine, really. In fact, I feel safe with Roman.” Surprise flashes in her eyes.
“I can’t really describe it, but I feel safe when he’s with me, like nothing can hurt me. It’s such a strange thing when I know nothing about him, isn’t it?”
“No, not really. You were abandoned, of course you’re going to gravitate toward someone you feel can protect you.” Her response surprises me. In my mind, any sane person would tell me I’m crazy for wanting to be close to a man like Roman—a man who oozes violence, arrogance, and a coldness that could freeze me right in place.
“Thanks…” I grin, my eyes moving to the floor beneath my feet, “for not thinking I’m crazy.”
“You aren’t crazy, girl. It’s only crazy to people who don’t live the life we do.” She pauses, and I lift my eyes to her face. “It’s fine to feel safe with Roman, just be careful. The man has a little bit of a temper.” I nod, thinking back to how mad he got when I accused him of buying me so he could hurt me.
Violet catches sight of some store and her eyes light up. “Oooh, let's go in here! They have super cute clothes.”
With a smile on my face, I follow her, grateful for the subject change.
She immediately starts to go through some clothing racks next to the wall, and I try to make it look like I’m doing the same, even though I’m not interested in buying anything else. I absentmindedly push the hangers around while looking around the store.
My eyes flicker over the denim and numerous t-shirts before moving toward the front of the store. As soon as I see him through the glass doors, I can’t un-see him.
My father.
Air swooshes in my lungs as panic overtakes me. My father is here.
He came for me.
He’s going to take me back home.
He is going to punish me again.
Make me pay with the belt, then pawn me off to that rich man he wanted me to marry.
No! My blood pounds in my ears as panic grips onto me like an iron shackle being placed around my body. I can’t let him take me back or find me. I can’t let them win. I’ve finally gained my freedom. I won’t let him take that away from me.
I frantically look around, trying to find somewhere to hide. The word dressing room hangs on a sign at the back of the store, and I rush in that direction. The sound of heavy footsteps following behind me meet my ears, but I’m too scared to look back over my shoulder.
I run as fast as my legs allow, my tense muscles burning, crying in protest with each step. When I finally reach the dressing room, I open one of the booths and hurry inside, slamming the door shut behind me and clicking the lock into place.
There is a commotion right outside the door, and I huddle into the farthest corner. Someone knocks on the door, asking for me to open up or come out, but I won't...I can’t...I can’t let him take me. Fear claims every inch of my body. I close my eyes and cover my ears with my hands to block out the sounds and sights assaulting me. I know what I’m doing might seem incredibly childish, but I can’t stand the thought of him finding me. I imagine I’m somewhere else—anywhere else.
A beach with a book in my hands.
Waves creeping up over my feet…
I start to hum, trying to drown out the noise around me. My body shakes, vibrating with fear. Tears start to roll down my face, staining my cheeks. I can’t breathe. There’s an invisible hand wrapped around my throat, squeezing the air from my lungs.
I start gasping for air. My throat tightens and black dots appear over my vision. Forcing air into my lungs to stop the blackness from taking over. If I pass out, I can’t escape him, and if I can’t escape him…
My hands still covering my ears, I start humming a song I used to like when I was a little kid.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray...
I hum the entire thing, remembering each word in my head. I go through the whole song, then start over again. I repeat it a third time—and a fourth—and a fifth. I keep repeating it until I lose count.
I’m stuck in an endless loop. In the back of my mind, I know I’m still huddled up and locked in a changing room, but I’m just too terrified to return to the present. I feel safe, protected in the little bubble I’ve pushed myself into.
As if my body can sense a change, my heart rate slows and the tension in my muscles seems to ease.
“Sophie,” a familiar voice calls to me from the distance. It fills my ears even over my humming, breaking through barriers I don’t want it too, but I still don’t dare to open my eyes. It could be a trap. It could be him.
But he didn’t see me.
He doesn’t know I’m free.
“Sophie, open the damn door or I’m going to kick it down.” The deepness of the voice draws me in.
Roman?
I stop humming, wanting to make sure I’m really hearing him and it’s not just a figment of my imagination.
I pry my eyes open.
“Last chance, Sophie. I’m not fucking joking. I’m about to kick in this door if you don’t open it.” I want to get up and let him in, but my body objects. It’s locked in place, rooted by irrational fear. I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out, the words lodged deep in my throat.
And then, the tears come. They’re cold as they roll down my cheeks. I want to swipe them away. My father doesn’t deserve my tears, or my pain. He doesn’t deserve any part of who I am. A sob rips through me like an F-5 tornado barreling through a cornfield. And then it happens a bang so loud that it shakes the walls around me. My heart seems to stop beating inside my chest for a moment, as the noise around me invades the small space.
I squeeze my eyes shut, hoping for this nightmare to be over soon.
I just want this to end.
I don't want to be so scared all the time.
I don’t want him to rule my life even when he has nothing to do with it now.
“Sophie,” Roman’s voice sounds closer now, so close, I can feel his actual presence. I open my eyes again and visualize his blurry form crouching down in front of me.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” His words break through my resolve, popping my protective bubble in an instant.
“Roman?” I try to blink the tears away, but there seems to be an everlasting supply.
He sighs, as if he’s annoyed. I hate that I make him feel this way. “What’s wrong?” he asks, much calmer. “Why did you lock yourself in here? Violet has been banging on this door and calling your name for thirty minutes.”
“I…I’m scared.”
“What are you scared of?”
“He was here. I saw him. He’s coming for me—he’s going to take me back—hurt me worse this time. He’ll kill me, or sell me to someone else…” My voice cracks. I can barely get the words out.
“Who? Who did you see?”
“My father. He’s coming for me. He’s going to take me back and hurt me again.” Roman's nostrils flare, and a muscle in his jaw ticks.
“No one is going to hurt you—not now, not tomorrow, not ever again. You’re safe with me.” His words confirm what I already know.
I am safe with him.
“I know, but you weren’t here,” I sob.
“Fuck, Sophie…” He sits down next to me, his back to the wall. Reaching over, he pulls me onto his lap, and I lean into him, needing his touch. He wraps his arms around me, and I bury my face into his chest. The spicy scent of cinnamon fills my nostrils, and with each breath I take, the fear slowly leaves my body.
With his arms wrapped around me, I feel whole again, like all my broken pieces are being fused back together. Slowly, my breathing returns to normal and the tears stop falling. I feel warm, like I’ve found my home.
“Are you okay?” he whispers into my hair,
his lips grazing against the side of my temple. I play over everything he told me this morning, over how he said he’d chew me up and spit me out if I got too close to him. He sees himself as the villain when he’s the hero.
“No.” I shake my head, clutching onto his shirt. I don’t want him to let me go. I don’t want to lose his touch. “I’m scared, and the only time I feel safe is when I’m with you. It’s dumb, I know, and I don’t understand why I feel this way, but…”
“Sophie,” he groans, his voice shutting me up in an instant as his storm-filled gray eyes close. I turn in his arms, my face millimeters from his, my lips parted. I take in his raw beauty, the angle of his jaw, the cleft of his chin, the sharpness of his nose, the unblemished olive skin, the thick coal black eyelashes, and the silky brown locks that reside in a mop of unruliness on his head.
He’s so attractive, it hurts. A warmth fills my belly as I stare at his full lips for a second longer than necessary. He blinks his eyes open, and as if he can read my mind, or sense exactly what I want, he leans forward, his lips brushing against mine in a whisper. He does it again, his top lip grazing mine, stoking a fire somewhere deep inside me. I grip his shirt even tighter, wanting more of him, whatever parts of him he’ll give me. He continues to kiss me lazily, touching my lips with his, teasing me, and making me pant with need.
As if he’s tested the water enough, he presses his lips against mine fully. The kiss is powerful, searing a possessive hold over my body. His hand comes up to cup my cheek gently as he deepens the kiss, his tongue swiping across my bottom lip. I open to him, my heart sounding like a galloping horse inside my chest.
My movements are rushed and unsure while his are firm, full of determination. His touch remains gentle as he swipes his tongue against mine, forcing a moan from my throat. Liquid lighting shoots down my spine as I try to elongate the kiss. Before I get the chance, Roman pulls away, and I whimper at the loss of contact.
He leans forward, pressing his forehead against the side of my head as I turn in his arms, slightly embarrassed by my reaction to him. He kissed like I imagined a man would kiss, with unbridled passion and a possessiveness that could make a woman weep with need.