by N R Brooks
“Well then, why are we here at the park? Why don’t we go to your house?” She asked in all seriousness.
“That is where it gets weird.” I took a breath as I had no clue what her reaction would be. “There is…another me in that house right now. A younger me. He should be about…seventeen? No, eighteen. His…our birthday in a few days, he will be eighteen then.”
“…” As expected, Keiko didn’t have a response.
“I am not joking. We can’t go in there because I have no idea what will happen if I run into my other self. Either nothing can happen, or some universe destroying paradox will take everyone and everything out with it. I have no idea. And I am not going to play with fire with that kind of thing.”
“So you knew about the planes because…you are from…” She didn’t finish her sentence. I decided to finish it for her.
“The future. About seventeen years from now is when I last…existed? Not sure what the right word would be for that.”
“So did you know about me before we met?”
This was a question I was not prepared for. I guess at this point it wouldn’t hurt to just come clean.
“Well, that is an odd story. I actually purchased one—”
Before I could finish my sentence, the rumble came again, but this time it was much louder than before. Instead of coming and then slowly dying down, it stayed at a steady, consistent rumble before slowly growing louder and louder in a crescendo of chaos. Our swings were bouncing and shaking to the point that neither one of us could get a sure grip on the chains or plant our feet firmly on the ground.
I jumped—or fell—off my swing and tried to go over to Keiko to act as her support. Even a simple fall from a swing only a couple feet off the ground could cause injury in her state. I tried to stand up, but the rumbling was not only audible but the ground was physically shaking as well. So much so that I couldn’t keep my balance.
When I looked up into the sky, I could see a handful of the black hole objects appearing out of thin air, but unlike the ones that were kept in the transparent enclosures behind the wooden barricades; these were floating in the sky and seeming to grow at an accelerated rate. What the hell are these things? As I was staring at them, I could faintly hear Keiko yelling for me and trying to reach her arm out to me before immediately pulling it back to grip the chain of the swing she was sitting on.
I once more tried to get up, but the shaking ground was just too much and I couldn’t keep my balance. I looked up again and saw the black holes beginning to orbit each other in what looked like a decaying rate. They were slowly getting closer and closer and were eventually going to coalesce into one single black hole. I scampered over to the support beam of the swing set that was buried into the ground. These were the strong swing sets with the thick steel supports that were held firmly into the ground and could handle even the heaviest of people.
I wrapped my arms around the beam as the ground continued to shake. It was getting to the point where the grass was beginning to come apart with the soil being flung from the cracks in the top layer. The ground was literally coming apart. Keiko was holding on to the swing as it was flinging in all directions, being pregnant, she was apparently afraid to jump out of it. I wanted to make another attempt to get to her and bring her safely off the swing. If I crawled over there, that would require less balance, and I could make it to her.
Just before I was ready to make my attempt to get to her, the shaking became more violent, and trees were beginning to crack and split apart. The black hole objects in the sky above us were spinning so rapidly that it appeared as one large solid object. A gust of wind suddenly picked up and felt as though it was actually flowing towards the orbiting objects. A loud crack was heard, and above us, I no longer saw any orbiting objects. Instead, there was what looked like a tear in the middle of nothing, as if the space where the objects had been orbiting each other had torn itself apart into a giant black fissure.
Inside the tear was the blackest nothingness imaginable. It looked as though the sky I was looking at was nothing more than a canvas backdrop that had been ripped right down the middle.
The wind was picking up more and more to the point that if I let go, I would have been pulled into the blackness that was staring at me. I had to hold on for dear life. The swings were no longer dangling down from the overhead beam that was supporting them. They were held still at almost a ninety-degree angle from the rest of the set. The swing that Keiko was holding on to with all her strength was at a much lower angle as her weight was holding it down to a certain degree. I suddenly realized that she was not going to be able to stay on such a flimsy structure. Either she would lose her grip or the swing would break.
I was beginning to grow hysterical as I had to save her, but if I were to let go, I would be sucked into the black void. I looked around and saw the damage that the vacuum the void was creating had caused. Trees were losing limbs; smaller sproutlings were being completely uprooted from the ground. I was losing strength and that only meant that Keiko would be faring even worse. I saw her mouth open, apparently screaming, but I could hear nothing from her. The sound of violent wind and rumbling earth was too loud to hear anything else.
I looked in every direction, trying to think of some way of saving both of us, but the lack of anything useful only frustrated me. Suddenly, the metal supports for the set we were on began to move. The beams buried into the ground on the opposite side I was on, the one closest to Keiko were being unearthed. I saw one beam completely rip out of the ground, causing a jerking motion on the swing she was struggling to hold on to. She fell out of the seat and was now holding on to only the chain links while her legs flailed in the air in the direction of the void.
No!! This was unbearable to watch. There was no way she could hold on much longer. My own arms were burning from the excess lactic acid building in my muscles just from holding on to the beam. The stress of our situation was too much, and my head was beginning to throb. The worst possible time was now. I was holding on for dear life, Keiko was only moments away from being sucked into the anomalous black tear in the sky, and now I was getting a crushing migraine. The ringing in my ear was still being drowned out by the rumbling and the sucking sound of the vacuum. I knew it was there. It was always there.
Just then, as if it happened in slow motion, I saw Keiko lose her grip and her entire body flew towards the void. It happened in only a second or two, but to me, it felt as though time slowed down to a snail’s crawl. I saw the horror on her face and the screams that had to have been coming from her mouth, ones I couldn’t hear. Her arms were stretched as if she was trying to reach for me, but it was no use. In only a moment, she flew into the black void and was gone. No more. Not only her but my unborn child. I was all alone once again.
As I held on, my muscles on the brink of failing me, I felt a warmth on my upper lip and then across my whole mouth. Of course, I had to have a gusher to top everything off. I had no reason to hold on any longer. My only purpose for living was now gone, into some unknown void that nobody could explain. Actually, I could explain it. I was sure now. I was the cause of this. I meddled in the past, and now I was suffering the consequences.
As the last of my strength whittled away, I realized that everything was being destroyed because of me. Keiko died yet again, and I couldn’t save her. I wished I hadn’t even come back to the past. I wished that I could just start over and hide away so that I would not interfere in anyone’s life. Everything I do turns to shit. Maybe I should have just killed myself…
The ringing in my ear was now louder than everything around me. I saw white spots that filled my vision until it was all I could see. I just wanted to go back and tell myself not to interfere. I held on to the beam until I finally lost my strength and my arms went limp. Just when I let go, my ear let out a deafening pop, and everything went black.
I awoke and realized I was lying down in the grass, and I was freezing. I was feeling incredibly weak as if I had been hit b
y a truck. I thought my eyes were closed but realized they were not. It was night time. I looked up and was finally able to see faint stars in the sky. Is everything over? Did I live somehow?
It was too dark to see anything. I tried to survey the damage around me, but I had to rely on feel only. The swing set seemed normal, all of the beams were firmly in the ground. I felt the trees, and they seemed to be in perfect condition. No split trunks or branches lying about.
I walked across the street where it was lit and walked over to the store. I was shivering by this point and needed to get some warmth. At least inside I can gather my bearings and figure out what to do. I realized it was way too cold for mid-September. This felt like winter weather. I started to jog lightly even though my body was far too exhausted for it.
When I made it to the store, everything began to look awfully familiar. I didn’t know the person working inside the gas station, but I felt like I had seen him once before. He still looked like someone from 2001. The style fit. Maybe even a few years earlier he would have fit in with the current trend.
I walked in the store, arms held tight against my chest, trying to retain what little warmth I had. I decided to ask the attendant if he knew what happened earlier at the park.
“Hey, what’s up?” I said as I walked up to the counter.
“Not much my man, just working on the holiday like I do every year.” He replied.
“Holiday? What holiday is that? It’s September.”
The attendant looked at me as if something was wrong. “No, man. It is Christmas. Are you alright? You don’t even have a coat on.”
“What? Yeah, I’m fine.” None of this was making sense. I needed to splash my face with water or something. “Where is your restroom?”
“Uh, in the back at the end of the coolers.”
“Oh, right. I know that. Thanks.” I said, remembering I already knew where the restroom was. I only worked here for six years.
I walked into the restroom and looked in the mirror. No blood anywhere. The only thing abnormal was the dark, heavy bags under my eyes. Of course, I was tired as hell after the long flight and then the drive here from Boise.
I splashed water on my face and washed my hands. I looked in the mirror one last time, and then the gears in my head finally started turning. It was Christmas according to the attendant. This has all happened before. I have a migraine, nosebleed, ear pops, and I wake up sometime later wondering what the hell happened and where I was.
I ran out of the bathroom, yelled a quick ‘thank you’ to the attendant and went outside to where the coin-operated newspaper dispenser was. Of course, right there on the front page was my answer.
“December 25, 1998” I read out loud, feeling a slight hint of déjà vu.
Chapter 33
I kept my promise to myself. It wasn’t easy, but I went completely off the grid and secluded myself where I could be no harm to anybody. For over two and a half years I lived by myself away from society, all alone in a little wooden shack that I built with my own two hands. It is definitely nothing to brag about, but good enough for me to live the rest of my life in.
When I first realized that I had once again ended up in my own past, I was less shocked than I had been the first time around. I knew what to expect this time. That isn’t to say that I wasn’t shocked at all. I had literally just witnessed the earth coming apart and what I can only describe as space-time itself tearing open. I saw Keiko die before my eyes. My unborn child that she was still carrying was also gone. It seems like no matter what I do, I lose those who are closest to me. Am I destined to be alone?
When I recollected myself, I left a note in the newspaper dispenser to my other self that would have just arrived around the same time I did only in the comfort of the house instead of freezing in the grass; the me that would go to New York and then Florida. I had to tell him not to do what he was eventually going to do; that it would spell disaster—I realized that even doing this could result in a paradox, but luckily nothing happened, don’t ask me to explain it. Instead, I told him to do exactly what I was doing now. To leave and to completely abandon society. Neither he nor I had any place in the world other than on our own, to wait out our days in solitude where we couldn’t interfere with the lives of others.
I watched as he read the note. I had to write it quickly as he arrived only shortly after I checked the date on the newspaper. My note to him was quick and to the point. I assumed he took my word for it because I checked the homeless shelter at the old church where I had stayed when I first arrived in the past, and he was not there. I never saw him again which came as a good sign to me.
To my luck, everything I had in my pockets from the timeline where I prevented the attacks was still there. I had my wallet, the keys to the rental car as well as my own keys to the car we left parked at the Newark airport, and a wad of cash that I always had on hand. I always cashed my paychecks from the pizzeria and kept a portion of it in my pocket.
I can’t say that I stayed one hundred percent off the grid as I obviously had to get myself started on a life of solitude. I stayed cheap and bought everything I would need—just like I did when I lived in my makeshift shack in the canyon years ago. Only this time I would be going much further away. I bought necessities like seeds to plant and grow food. A few dishes and utensils I would need, extra clothes, and hygiene products to keep myself at least as clean as I could. The last thing I purchased was a sturdy ax.
When I had everything I needed, I packed them up and left town on foot, heading off towards the wooded foothills to the south. At heart, I was a city boy. I enjoyed convenience and hated hard work. My commitment to secluding myself and avoiding others was strong enough to brush all of that aside and become a recluse in the woods. I would become like the Unabomber, only without the part where he killed people.
When I found a place near a source of water that I deemed sufficient to start my new life. I put up a small pup-tent I purchased at an Army/Navy surplus store as a temporary lodge until I was able to construct something more permanent. It took me a long time, but that was one thing I had plenty of.
After a month, I had built myself a small log cabin out of wood I cut down and shaped myself by hand. At one point I had to make another long, tedious trip back into the city for antiseptics and first aid materials to treat my incredibly blistered and raw hands. I failed to get adequate gloves, and before long they were reduced to tatters, and I was swinging the ax with bare hands. At least now I looked like a true working man with calluses to show off.
All the time spent at the gym the past few years really paid off. I was able to work quite hard without losing my breath and completed my little shack in a little over a month. It was quite small, only one room, just enough to sleep in, stow the few belongings I had, and a tiny bit of extra room for things like reading, writing, or whatever else I decided to do. I was a true mountain man.
I made periodic trips back to the city for things that I absolutely needed. I couldn’t grow food until spring came so for a month or two I stocked up on cheap food like cans of beef stew and anything that had a long shelf life. Once I was able to get a garden started, I could keep myself fed from the land itself. Although I was an omnivore by nature, I could never bring myself to kill an animal. I loved nature. So from this point on, I became a vegetarian. It was much easier to eat meat when you didn’t have to witness the cruel butchering process and only saw the end result, a ground-up slab of meat that didn’t resemble an animal in any form.
When the first summer finally came, I had a decent garden growing in my little patch of woods deep in the foothills. By then I was looking more like Grizzly Adams than Stan Lundberg. My tedious trips back to the city were few and far between. I had everything I needed now, and trips were only reserved for times of desperate need; things like soft toilet paper. There are just some things you get in the city that you can’t ever find a suitable substitute for. I still wanted to wipe my ass with soft manufactured paper and not pi
ne cones or leaves. I was a mountain man now, but I still had tiny parts of city boy that would never go away.
Of course, I couldn’t live without music. As I did before, I purchased a Walkman and a few cassette tapes that I knew I could listen to many times over without getting tired of them. Not only did this help pass the time during the day, but also served to keep me entertained during my all day treks back into the city on the rare occasion that I needed to go there. My interactions were kept strictly to purchase transactions at stores. When my business was done, I left and found an isolated place to rest until I could make my way back to the foothills.
Life for me passed like this for two years and during that time, I never forgot about any of the people I met or the friends I made. I missed them all dearly. Pops and Ian at the pizzeria. I was elated when I realized that since the time had been reset, Ian was alive again. This also meant that he would live a full life. Another reminder of what my meddling had caused. Jeni and David down in Florida. Jeni, a reminder what could have been had I taken a different turn in the previous timeline. She would have been a fun girlfriend to have, maybe even a bit much for a guy like me. And of course, there was Keiko. There was no replacement for her. I loved her more than anything, and yet she was destined to die at a young age. The only comfort was knowing that at least it would be fast and painless, not that that was any real comfort.
Many days were spent just laying around, thinking about all the memories that I made in the nearly three years I spent on my insane mission. I spent many hours just staring at the many pictures I had collected over the years. The picture of my family that I took from my younger self before leaving Idaho the first time, the many pictures of Keiko and me together, and some pictures I had of Jeni, David, and me when we went out on the town.