She couldn’t be about to ask me what I think she was.
She didn’t know me. I didn’t know her. This was the first time we’d met since she gave me up.
I still resented her, anger still burned my throat.
She exhaled. “If you’re going to leave, at least take the diary back. It belongs to you.” She bent down, lifting it off the coffee table, and then I saw the newspaper. On the front page, an announcement for a wedding: Abigail Crowne and Edward Harlington. My mom’s voice blurred into the background.
Ned had his arm around a stiff-looking Abigail. That was just two days ago, on the fucking pier. How had I not seen him?
“Theo, I know we can’t start over, but can we try and start again?”
I headed to the door without thought.
“Theo?”
I looked back, realizing Miranda had been talking.
A wrinkle formed on her tan forehead. “Is something wrong?”
I was more torn than I’d ever been. I wanted to sit back down and talk to my mom. What if this was my only chance to ask her the questions burning cigarette holes in my soul?
This was all I’d ever wanted in life. I was moments away from no longer being the lonely boy sitting in the sand.
“I…” I raked a hand through my hair. “I have to go.”
Sadness washed her features, but she nodded. She followed me out the door and gave me her phone number at the doorstep. “Call me, please, Theo. If you need anything, anything at all.”
I took it, a foreign feeling in my gut. Hope? Then I turned my sights toward the sea, where Crowne Hall’s jutting and pointed black pepperbox turrets were visible against the sparkling sea.
They wouldn’t let me inside Crowne Hall willingly, but fuck willing. I used my servant code to get inside the gate, and my fists to get inside the main hall once I was spotted. I left a trail of catharsis, of groaning bodies and blood in my wake.
I might’ve forgotten why I’d come in the fury, if not for one single burning thought: Abigail.
I could take two on one, even three on one, but once four fully trained guards surrounded me, fists landing on my jaw, my gut, flying all at once, it was touch-and-go. I wouldn’t give up.
I wouldn’t.
“Stop.”
All at once they let me go. Tansy stood in the middle of the hallway.
“You have made quite a mess,” she murmured, looking at the blood staining her priceless black-and-gold rugs, the groaning bodyguards. I spat blood.
“You…broke…our…deal,” I said my words through heavy breaths, my shoulders dragging up and down.
She tsked, shaking her head. “I’ve upheld my end. Edward was off the property. Abigail had guards. We broke the engagement for the summer… we never discussed the fall.”
Evil. Tansy Crowne was straight-up evil.
“You, however, you’ve been everywhere, haven’t you? Checking with the staff to see how she’s eating and sleeping. Sending her food. Buying her presents. Bribing my son as if I wouldn’t realize who was pulling the strings. You were supposed to leave, and you never left.”
“We never discussed how I would leave,” I said, throwing it back at her.
I swear her face twitched with a smile.
“Where is she?”
She looked at her clock. “Fulfilling empty threats.”
I ground my knuckles into my palm, resisting the urge to tear the entire goddamn mansion apart. I was done playing by their rules. It was a mistake to ever think I could. I should’ve played to my strengths. People like them stayed up in their ivory towers so blood never stained the soles of their designer shoes. It was time to get brutal, vicious, and dirty.
“As long as she’s a Crowne, you can’t be together, Theo,” she sighed. “Trying will just bring destruction. For you.”
“Maybe.” I wiped sweat off my lip with the back of my hand, staining my lip red with blood, eyes locked with Tansy’s. “But I hope you know you’ve just signed his death warrant.”
Thirty-Four
ABIGAIL
I found my mother in the room that started it all. It was hard to believe only a few months ago I’d stumbled in here, still drunk from the night before, about to have my life upended again. I was bleeding from wounds I wouldn’t acknowledge. Now I was healing, I sorta-kinda got along with my sister, and I’d loved.
I’d really, truly loved.
Blood was on the carpet—fresh blood—and I stopped in my tracks, forgetting the reason I’d come. Servants scrubbed it out of the pearly fibers, soap mixing with the blood into strawberry foam.
“What happened?” I asked.
“A dog got loose in the house,” my mom muttered. “You just missed him.”
Theo?
My heart hammered. Why had Theo come, and why had he left a trail of blood?
I shook my head.
I had to stick to my plan.
“I’ve eloped,” I said.
I saw the shock my mom tried to hide. Her jaw clenched, and she nearly knocked over a bucket of soapy water. The maid was there, ready to clean it up.
“I’ve got it,” my mother hissed.
Her eyes landed on mine.
“That joke needs some work, Abigail.”
I threw down magazine after magazine after magazine, just like my mother had done months before. On every cover was a picture of me and a blacked-out picture of a man. Variations of the same title slashed across the glossy fronts, ABIGAIL CROWNE ELOPES WITH MYSTERY BODYGUARD.
A small rectangular picture of Ned was in the corner. The worst photo I could find. They’d spent the time trying to guess whom I’d married over Edward Harlington.
Neither my mother nor Ned were those you can win by force. I couldn’t call the police. I couldn’t call my lawyers. In this world, you won with psychological warfare. You couldn’t get caught up in right and wrong. As my grandma once told me, You can be in the right and lose.
This time I came to the paparazzi with a scandal. The people who’d burned down my life over and over again, I’d handed the matches.
I held out my left hand, where a simple rose gold ring wrapped around my finger and small, rough-cut pieces of translucent seashells refracted light. I thought it some kind of poetry to use my own jewelry.
I was saving myself, after all.
It didn’t matter there was no record of any marriage. I gave the press a good story and enough information for it to seem legit. Oh, what a scandal. I eloped right after the press announcement of my engagement. Everyone ate it up. I’d been on such good behavior, after all, but now I was back to starting fires.
“They came out this morning,” I said. “I fell in love with my bodyguard. All those late nights and close quarters. Guess they figured it out.”
It wasn’t entirely a lie. I had fallen in love. For the first time, I recognized the power in truth. It not only destroyed my mother but cut me in the process.
“Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” she all but hissed.
“I imagine the acquisition will fall through. Marrying Ned will as well. You’ll take away my trust fund, my equity, and leave me with nothing, then kick me out. Oh, and you’ll have to disown me. Publicly.”
Her eyes slimmed. “You want a punishment?”
“A reward.”
I swear I saw a look of admiration in her face, but it faded quickly.
“I was never a princess. I was always a reject.”
A moment passed, Mom studying me like I was some new creature, not her daughter.
“Was it worth it?” she asked.
I would lose my family, my mother, my grandfather, and my siblings. I’d be left with no money—nothing. Was it?
Yes.
I kept waiting for the time I wouldn’t be afraid, as if that was the moment my love for Theo would become real, but love isn’t real without fear. Love is fear. Fearing it can be taken away, but trusting him not to. Jumping into a black abyss without a bungee cord.
�
��You might want to find that dog of yours before he runs loose,” she said obliquely. “Take what you want out of your room. I don’t know how you’re going to carry it, or where you’re going. I don’t care. You’re gone by tonight.”
Oddly enough, she wasn’t angry, and her eyes had softened.
I nodded, smiling now, and turned to leave, fully expecting to be cut out like the stories had led me to believe.
I was at the door when my mother’s voice stopped me.
“Abigail,” she said. I spun around, bracing for the next round of Tansy’s bullets. “That ring is quite lovely.”
It was the first time my mother had ever said anything about my handmade jewelry.
“See you at Christmas… daughter.”
Then she smiled. My mother smiled.
The gates to Crowne Hall were swarming with press, and Ned was just inside them, walking up the cobblestone steps. When he saw me, he ran.
“Why would you do this?”
“It’s all a mistake,” I said. “We can still be together, Ned. Run away with me.”
He ran a hand through his hair, obviously torn. I stepped closer to him, eyes big. Lush, green hedges fenced us, the flash of the paparazzi just a few feet beyond.
“We can live off the grid, foraging for our food. I saved all your roses”—lie—“we can eat them and live off our love.”
He took a step back, having the gall to be frightened. I smiled wide, doing my best to look out of control.
“I thought you loved me? I’ll give you what you deserve, Ned.” I reached for him and he backed away until he was pressed against a perfectly trimmed hedge.
“You have no money,” he said. “You have no name. You have nothing.” Shock usurped his breath.
While he looked at me like I was an alien, I bit back my smile.
I never thought hearing those words would feel so damn freeing. I thought all my life I wanted to be the best of them, but now it was like I’d just grown wings.
I tilted my head. “So you don’t love me?”
“I never want to see your face again. I don’t even know who you are anymore.”
I acted sad, watching Ned run out of my life, into the paparazzi.
There was still one person who would know who I was, but he’d made it clear he didn’t want me anymore. After my mom’s ominous statement and the blood on the carpet, I was even more confused about his intentions. Still, I was determined to find him. I’d put it all on the line, one more time.
THEO
I found Ned running out of Crowne Hall. This time I wasn’t letting him get away. I wasn’t going to put my faith in anyone else. This time when I saved the princess, it’s going to stick.
Even if I have to give up everything in return.
Thirty-Five
ABIGAIL
I spent all day looking for Theo, magazines in my hand, practicing in my head what I would say. That was the thing with Theo, he always showed up. I had no idea where he was or how to find him.
Discouraged and dejected, I went to the pier where we’d first met.
That was when I found him.
I felt like an idiot for not checking there first. When I saw him, the magazines fell out of my hand, and everything I prepared vanished.
Ned was a bloody heap at his feet, the sand beneath them dark burgundy, like the wine stain on my sheets the first night we’d made love. The moonlight created a shocking outline. His shirt whipped in the dark night wind, exposing the cut muscles of his lower back. He was a god dispensing justice.
“Don’t do it,” I yelled, still too far away.
Theo froze, his fist in the air.
I took a tentative step forward. “You’ll go to jail.”
Ned was barely conscious.
Theo glanced at me, then at my finger. My ring finger. He looked like he was going to rip apart Ned all over again. I should’ve explained everything then, but months—no years—of half-truths spurred me on.
“Does the idea of me marrying someone else bother you?”
“Yes,” he gritted.
“Why?”
“You promised,” was all Theo said.
“I promised not to love. I didn’t say I wouldn’t marry.”
Theo placed his black sneaker to Ned’s cheek and ground, watching me with restrained interest. In his eyes a war blazed.
“What are you going to do?” I asked, hoping to win the war. “Follow me around the rest of my life?”
“Maybe.” He looked away, back to the bug groaning beneath his sneaker. My heart dropped.
“So you’ll be at my heels while I’m married to an asshole, making sure he treats me right?”
He ground the rubbery sole into Ned’s cheek. “If I have to.”
I glanced at the harsh action, then back at Theo. “Why don’t you stand by my side?”
Theo froze.
I took that small victory, edging closer to him. The wind picked up; above us the sky was dark, no stars visible beneath a blanket of black clouds. The ocean crashed and sprayed.
“You treat me right,” I said softly. “You know what I want. Why can’t it be you?”
I was pleading with him, and he turned his head slightly, enough for me to see the surprise wash over his features.
“I know it was you,” I continued. “I know you were the one who applied to college for me. When I got the acceptance letter, I knew only you would do something like that.”
“You got in?” A small smile broke through the storm on his features. “That’s fucking amazing, Abs.”
“I don’t want to go alone. I don’t want to be the only one following my dreams. Don’t throw everything away. Come with me. Be the boy who wanted to change things.”
And just like that, whatever glimmer I’d seen vanished into stone, his jaw iron, his eyes black. He moved his foot to Edward’s throat and pushed.
I closed the distance and brought his hands into mine. They were bloody and broken open. “You don’t have to worry about me anymore, Theo. Ned isn’t going to bother me. Neither will my mom.”
“I will always worry about you.” His words were gravelly, and his chest warbled with the word always, like it hurt coming out.
My fingers lingered, a frown forming. “What are you planning to do to him?”
“Whatever it takes.” The way his eyes darkened and cracked, I knew he meant it.
Whatever it took, no matter the cost for Theo.
Hadn’t that always been the case, though?
My thumb grazed his split lip. “It’s over. I did something today. He doesn’t want me anymore.”
His brow furrowed, unconvinced. “Even if that were true, it doesn’t make what he did to you okay. You expect me to forget? To let him go?”
I didn’t take my eyes off Theo, but whatever he did caused Ned to groan in pain louder than he had before. Theo touched my cheek, so, so tenderly. I closed my eyes, leaning into his calloused, wet-with-blood touch.
“If I had known what would happen, I would have ended the problem that night. I shouldn’t have left you alone, sweet girl. I’m sorry.”
He dropped his hand from my cheek. The loss of contact was like a Band-Aid tearing.
“He’s not worth it,” I pleaded. “He’s not worth you losing everything.”
He looked at me like I was crazy. “You’re worth it, Abigail. I would throw my life away for you over and over again.”
As if that was the last thing worth saying, he turned back to Ned, determination on his face.
“But would you keep it?” I asked. It came out as a squeak, and I cleared my throat. His body language had changed, tight and coiled.
“Would you keep your life?” I asked, voice louder. “Would you love yourself the way I do? Can you promise that?” I swallowed, taking a breath. “I’ll try… If you do.”
He threw me a look over his shoulder, eyes furious. He was a noir, black and white, moonlight and shadow, a nightmare and a dream. I wondered when his muscles had go
tten so sharp, his veins so defined, or if he appeared so because in this moment he was deadly.
His eyes softened.
Then they calcified to rock.
“This is it for us, Abigail. This has always been us.” He gestured at Ned’s prone body on the soft sand. “You’re the princess. I’m the dog. Just let me do my fucking job.”
He turned away, and I knew he was officially done humoring me.
Panic crawled up my lungs.
Ned didn’t get to take this from me. Not Theo. Not after everything I’d sacrificed.
So I did the only thing I could think of—I lunged at Theo, grasping his arm, pinning him with the move he’d taught me.
Thirty-Six
THEO
“What are you doing?”
“What does it look like?” She pressed my right arm to my back. “Pinning you to the ground.”
I exhaled, took a breath, and stood up, shaking Abigail off. She was easier to get off my back than an ant—too easy. Abigail flew backward and I grasped her wrist, catching her before she fell.
Her eyelashes fluttered, eyes wide.
So pretty, too fucking beautiful. I was distracted, distracted by her big, surprised eyes. By the muted red of her lips in the dark night.
Fuck, I’d missed her.
It wasn’t lost on me she’d used a move I taught her, and that made me want to crush my lips to hers, pin her myself and slam my dick in her until she submitted. I was distracted by the Abigail of it all.
Too distracted, because in the blink of a second I’d lost myself, Ned stood up and ran away.
She grasped my wrist with two hands. “Let him go, Theo.”
Ned ran awkwardly down the beach, slipping on small dunes of sand. I ground my jaw, split between wanting to catch him and keep touching her.
“I’ve let him go too many times,” I said.
Her eyes were shining. “You’ve let me go too many times.”
Heartless Hero Page 28