The Cowgirl’s Chosen Love: The Colemans of Heart Falls: Book 3

by Vivian Arend

  “I’m always nice.” The sexual innuendo in the words was strong, especially when combined with the sultry glance she tossed him.

  Beside him on the mattress, real-time Julia shuddered. “Dear God, I do not do sex kitten very well.”

  Zach wasn’t about to argue because he liked his anatomy where it was currently located. She didn’t need to know how instantly he’d just reacted to her tone. “I hope this isn’t a sex tape.”

  Julia stabbed at the phone screen, hitting the pause button. She twisted toward him, one fist landing on her hip as her jaw dropped. “You did not just say that.”

  Holy hell, the places his mind leapt to. “Why? Because you hope it is?”

  “Of course not!” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “Be quiet.”

  A snicker escaped before he could control himself. “Yes, ma’am.”

  Ignoring him, she put the phone back into position and hit play.

  That voice echoing in the background began again. “Before we get to the official ceremony, we like to start with something we call the True Love Test. I’m going to ask you questions, and you get a chance to show how much you truly know about your dear soon-to-be-wedded partner.”

  “This part should be good,” Zach muttered.

  On the screen, Julia laid her head against Zach’s shoulder, one hand patting him on the chest. “Smoochy Bear and I are ready.”

  The groan from here-and-now Julia was loud and sincere.

  “What is Zach’s favourite food?”

  Julia answered instantly. “Ice cream!”

  “And Julia’s?”

  “Meatballs and sausage.” Online Zach said it with a straight face, staring at the camera as if his life depended on it.

  Beside him on the bed, Julia snickered harder than the drunk version of her did. But then again, only one of them was alert enough to have caught the joke.

  “And what is your partner’s favourite thing to drink?”

  The unanimous response came back with such perfect synchronization they might’ve practiced for a month. “Tequila!”

  “There’s our confirmation of how we got into this mess,” Zach said.

  Another half dozen questions and answers followed, interrupted when last-night Julia got an attack of hiccups. Online Zach tried to help by patting her violently on the back. Fortunately, that ended only a few seconds later when he slid off the couch.

  Both of them vanished onto the floor and out of sight.

  The video cut off briefly, returning to a new location. The Mile-High Wedding chapel had a distinctively western theme. The man standing at the front with Zach at his side wore a ten-gallon hat in a less than pristine white tone.

  A few folding chairs were arranged on either side of the room to make a path to the altar. There were actual people waiting to watch the ceremony. All turned toward the camera, waiting for Julia to arrive.

  Zach tilted the phone toward himself a little more because what he was seeing couldn’t really be real. “How did you convince Dolly Parton to come to our wedding?”

  “I’m very proud she’s there. Dolly is awesomeness to the extreme.” Julia lowered her voice. “I’d like to confess that I would also kill to have a set of tatas like hers.”

  A sharp burst of laughter escaped him. “Your tatas are just fine. It looks as if we also got Roy Rogers, but I don’t know who the rest of them are.”

  “I’m bitterly disappointed in you, Zach Sorenson.”

  She said it with such an absolute conviction he hit the pause button, stopping the wedding march that had just begun to play. “What?”

  Julia folded her arms over her chest and blinked hard, annoyance dripping from her expression. “You did not ask a single Elvis impersonator to attend our wedding.”

  Dear God, he was going to die. His grin was so wide his face hurt, but the back of his head ached, and his brain swirled with unanswered questions. “What the hell did we do, Julia?”

  She let out a big sigh, the phone resting in her lap. “We got drunk. That much is obvious.”

  “I guess the good part is, my mentor always said if you’re going to do a thing, do it to the best of your abilities.”

  “Well, then. In our Wild Adventures for Beginners class, we just scored a hundred percent.” Julia held a hand in the air, and he gave her a high five.

  They both groaned as the shock of impact vibrated through them. “No quick moves,” Julia reminded him as she pressed a hand to her forehead.

  “Got it.” He pointed to the phone. “You want to watch the rest of it?”

  This time when she hit play, they managed to sit quietly and let the travesty unfold before their eyes.

  Part of it was Zach didn’t feel like making any smart comments anymore, because there was something about watching Julia walk toward him and take his hand, and the expression on his face that seemed too real to tease about.

  The vows were short and to the point, but the instant the I do’s were exchanged and the faux French speaking administrator asked about rings, the solemnity of the occasion fell apart.

  “Dammit—no rings.” Last-night Zach glanced around the room. “One second.”

  He stepped to the wall and grabbed down a decoration. One of the lariats that had been draped on a hook.

  Online Julia squealed, ducking behind Dolly Parton as Zach twirled the lasso. Chaos ensued. Chairs tipped, the witnesses scattered…

  When Julia made a break for it, headed back down the aisle toward the camera, Zach neatly roped her, pulling the loop tight around her arms and bringing her laughing self back against him.

  The instant he released her, she lifted her hands to his face, leaning in.

  There on the bed, Zach’s heart pounded. Dammit, he was turned on and waiting with breathless anticipation for online Julia to kiss him.

  At the last second, she twisted his head and pressed her lips against his cheek, blowing a solid raspberry that echoed over the recording equipment.

  The half dozen witnesses returned to the screen, cheering loudly. Rose petals flew in the air, then Julia and Zach were being marched down the aisle toward the camera. Huge grins in place.

  Julia jerked to a stop. She glanced down at her shirt and caught hold of the B in BRIDE. One solid tug ripped the cheaply fastened letter from her chest. She twisted and handed it daintily to Dolly before coming back and grabbing Zach by the hand again.

  His head tilted to one side. “RIDE?”

  Her cheeky grin flashed. “Hello, cowboy. You’re the one who lassoed me.”

  Fortunately, the video ended at that moment, except for continued music and credits.

  Julia let it keep playing, but she placed her phone on the end table beside the bed and shot to her feet. “Well. That was exciting.”

  Yeah. That was one word for it. “Still don’t think we had sex?”

  Strangely, that was the trigger that made her cheeks bloom with colour. “Yes. I mean no, we did not have sex. More to the point, what do we do now?”

  It was the wrong answer. Zach knew it before he said it, but he could no more hold back than stop the seasons returning. “I suppose we should go on a honeymoon.”

  Julia nearly pulled a muscle rolling her eyes as she headed back to the table. “There’s got to be some bacon left.”

  There was no correct follow-up to that video they’d just witnessed. Married? The whole idea was complete bullshit, and they both knew it.

  But his teasing suggestion of a honeymoon hit her interest buttons way harder than she’d have ever imagined possible.

  Stick to facts. Stick to friends.

  “We’ll figure out something,” Zach said in a far more serious tone of voice. “Sorry, but this has just been one ridiculous thing after another. We should find out if there’s actually a wedding chapel called Mile-High Memories.”

  That was somewhat reassuring. “What time are we supposed to get together with the others?”

  Zach frowned as if thinking was still hard. “Lunch.�
�

  She nibbled on the lone piece of bacon she’d discovered hidden under a lettuce leaf. “Okay. We have time to do some research and formulate a plan before we get together with anyone.”

  He joined her at the table and poured a new cup of coffee. He lifted the carafe in a silent ask.

  More caffeine? Desperation shoved her mug forward. “Okay, since our phones need a few more minutes to recharge, let’s make a list.”

  Her purse was within reach—thank goodness she hadn’t lost that along with her mind last night. It only took a second to pull out her journal and open it to a fresh page.

  Zach’s lazy smirk was back. “That’s awesome.”

  “What?” Julia demanded.

  He wiggled a finger at the open journal. “Boy scouts got nothing on you.”

  An enormous sigh escaped before she could stop it. She put down her pen and folded her arms over her chest. “Okay, get out all the teasing at once so we can be done with it.”

  Shock slipped into his expression. “Umm—”

  “Carrying your spare brain, Julia? What’s on the agenda today, Julia? Want some gold stars for your notebook, Julia?”

  Zach held up a hand. “Whoa. I hit a sore spot. Didn’t mean to. I mean, I’m impressed. And thankful.”

  She paused, the anger inside wavering with uncertainty. “Thankful?”

  “We need ideas. The way my brain feels at the moment, we could come up with the solution to world peace, and I’d forget it three seconds later. I’m glad you’re taking notes.”

  It was her turn for sheepish discomfort to sweep in. “Sorry I overreacted. Journaling helps me focus, and I’ve done it for as long as I can remember. But people can be shits.”

  He laid his hand on her arm and squeezed. “Nothing but respect here. Honestly.”

  She picked up her pen and wrote a simple To-Do at the top of the page. Even with his reassurance he didn’t think her journaling was silly, she didn’t bother to try and make things fancy. “Check for the wedding chapel—although I’m pretty certain it exists. Having an online portal is a bit far for an elaborate hoax.”

  “You’re right. I was being hopeful.” Zach reached for the file and reopened it, digging a little deeper and pulling out pictures and papers. “…and it looks as if we have an official marriage certificate. Drat.”

  He placed it on the table between them.

  “Gah. Okay, so if it’s not filled out correctly, are we off the hook?” She leaned in, suddenly hopeful. “The cover of the file has my name as Jules, and I’m definitely Julia.”

  He groaned, running a finger under the spot with their names. “Julia Gigi Blushing.” A blink of surprise then amusement arrived as his gaze lifted to hers. “Gigi?”

  “No idea why Mom inflicted me with that, other than to cause me unending torment during junior high.”

  “I hear you on that.” He pointed to the next line.

  She snickered as she read his full name. “Zachary Beauregard Damien Sorenson? Seriously?”

  “I know. The whole thing is so pretentious.

  “Beauregard is different, but Damien as well?”

  He sighed mightily. “I was named for my father and both grandfathers.”

  “That’s…a mouthful.” Julia grabbed a glass of water, suddenly needing something to do with her hands. She knew so little about Zach, really, that this moment of cracking the door seemed important.

  Seemed intimate.

  He leaned back and nodded. “After having four girls, I think my parents wanted to make sure they used all the masculine familial names possible while they had a chance.”

  “Four girls…” She gaped. “You have four sisters?”

  “Five. My little sister turns thirty this year.”

  Recalibrating. The urge to up and apologize struck all over again, and Julia went for it. “I am so sorry for mixing you up in my nonsense.”

  “What are you talking about? This isn’t your fault.” Zach shrugged. “Well, it’s both our faults for drinking too much, if we’re honest, but otherwise, don’t go blaming yourself for the midnight-marriage thing.”

  “I meant for hooking you into the whole fake-girlfriend thing in the first place.” It wasn’t easy to continue, but she had to. “I didn’t think very hard, and now I realize I don’t know you very well. It was wrong to tangle you in something without being aware of what dragging you into my mess could mean.”

  His body was still relaxed, but that lazy expression slipped into something more solemn and forthright. “It’s okay, Julia. I mean it. I’m glad I can help you deal with the rumours, and we’re going to deal with this as well. Trust me.”

  The problem was—she did. Far too much, all things considered.

  Still, she met his gaze head on. “Thank you.”

  His chin dipped decisively. “Okay, problem-solving time.”

  “How old are you?”

  Another question that slipped out, but Zach took it in stride, pointing to the paperwork before them. “Thirty-three. Thirty-four on December twenty-seventh. And this says you’re…damn. You’re just a baby.”

  That earned him another eye roll. “Stop that. I’m twenty-five.”

  “A perfectly good age for a bottle of scotch.”

  “Don’t be annoying, Beauregard.” His lips twitched at her comment. “No? You like Beau better, baby?”

  “I like baby, better,” he confessed. “Okay, to-do list. As far as I can tell from looking at this certificate, it could be totally legit or bonfire kindling. I think we need to contact a real lawyer.”

  She wrote down lawyer. “You have someone on speed dial, if I remember correctly.”

  “Yeah.” Zach shook his head. “Alan’s going to be far too entertained by this.”

  “If it’s real, will he be able to help us cancel it? Or annul it, or whatever it is you do to bogus marriages. I mean it’s not as if we need a divorce.”

  He stretched again, drinking his coffee thoughtfully. “That’s one part we can relax about. Alan will know what to do. You want me to call him now?”

  A quick glance at the clock on the wall and Julia said, “Before noon on Sunday? That’s just mean.”

  Zach waved off her protest. “He gets paid to deal with the nonsense we fall into, but I’ll send him a message instead. That way he can respond when he wants. We probably can’t do anything about this until we get home anyway.”

  Which meant they had to tell her sisters. “My sisters are going to laugh themselves silly when they hear what we did.”

  Zach made a face. “We could skip sharing the ‘imagine our shock when we woke up naked’ part of the experience.”

  That was an easy answer. “Agreed.” Julia nodded vigorously before remembering that wasn’t a smart move. “Owwww.”

  He hummed in sympathy. “We’re both a little delicate right now. For the to-do list—want me to find us a spa to help work out some of the kinks?”

  “If we’re supposed to meet the others at noon, it would have to be after.” She tapped her pen on the notebook. “Problem-solving, first. All we have is contact lawyer.”

  “Which is pretty much all we need.” Zach stroked his fingers against his shadowed jaw. His gaze fixed on her, growing more intent. “Except I need to be utterly serious here and embarrass the hell out of both of us. Regarding that waking-up-naked business.”

  Julia braced. “You’re really going to ask this again?”

  “The problem is, I’m not one hundred percent certain we didn’t have sex. And while there is nothing wrong with us having sex at some point, the fact I can’t remember is terrifying me. I’m not the kind of guy who sleeps with a woman after she’s been drinking, Julia. The fact you were three sheets to the wind should have meant sex was off the agenda.”

  He really was one of the good ones. Which made it easier to pony up the details that would reassure him even as she hated having to share something so personal.

  She lay down her pen and leaned forward. “We were both d
runk. But I believe you, absolutely, that you wouldn’t have taken advantage. The way I was acting all handsy in that wedding video, it’s possible you had to call me off. Not probable, but possible.” This was kind of like tearing off a bandage—easier if she just spat it out. “I haven’t had sex in a couple of years. If we’d had sex last night, I’m pretty sure I would feel it today.”

  “Oh.” Zach lifted a hand as if he was going to say something else, but he closed his mouth and his brow furrowed. He nodded slowly, eyeing her with curiosity. “That’s a long dry spell.”

  “Self-inflicted. Don’t worry, I’m not about to combust or anything.”

  She could tell he was itching to ask more but wasn’t sure where the line between them stood and how far politeness would extend. And while there was more she could share, it wasn’t necessary.

  Instead, Julia went back to her notebook and wrote down physical. “Well, if anything sexual did happen, I’m due for one of my regular checkups sometime this coming month. Which means I’ll be tested for everything anyway, what with my position as an EMT. Any possible social diseases I need to be aware of?”

  His lips twitched again. “This is like having a conversation with my RN mother. Far too blunt, and yet I know better than to try to avoid the interrogation. No, I’m not carrying any communicable diseases.”

  “Your mom’s a nurse?”

  “Retired now, but yeah.” His grin widened. “I begged my dad to give me the birds-and-the-bees talk, but no. By the time he got around to it, my mother and older sisters had already traumatized me.”

  She could imagine. “My mom—”

  The memory stalled before she could even share it. Her mom had shared about the mechanics of sex at the appropriate time. Looking back, the very dry and clinical descriptions hadn’t been the best introduction.

  Realizing that sent another sharp jab through already painful memories.

  Then damn if Zach wasn’t there again. Kneeling beside her and looking up with concern written all over him. “You okay?”

  She forced a smile. “I guess I’ve developed a little baggage when it comes to my mom. Sorry. Didn’t mean to go off on a tangent.”