“How about we talk about your mother’s treatment plan and go from there.” His tone was soft as if he were trying to coax a frightened animal out of a cage.
She nodded, glad to have something more concrete to focus on.
For the next twenty minutes, Eric explained Judith had told him she was battling alcohol addiction. After undergoing a psychiatric evaluation, the doctors had also diagnosed her with bipolar disorder. The alcohol abuse wasn’t surprising to Jenna, but the bipolar disorder came as quite a shock until Eric shared that individuals suffering from the disorder were often manipulative, unpredictable, and childlike.
He went on to say those with the illness could exhibit severe impulsivity and long-term patterns of unstable relationships often with a frantic need to avoid abandonment.
“And the suicide attempt, could that be part of it?”
He gave Jenna a consoling smile. “Certainly, substance abuse, risk of suicide, and depression are all commonly associated with bipolar disorder.”
“Can she get better?" Jenna asked, knowing the shake in her voice betrayed her stony expression.
“In most cases, yes. Behavioral therapy combined with medication has helped many people with this illness live normal, productive lives.”
And then Jenna felt it. The tiny glimmer of hope she’d always harbored in her heart twitched. Though she had tried for years, she could never suppress that small part of her still yearning for her mother’s love.
“What now?” she asked. Her limbs were begging to run, begging to leave this place, if only for a moment.
Eric motioned to the door. “Now, we’ll go see your mother.”
6
Jenna had to take a second to make sure her heart was still beating.
Trailing behind Eric, she focused on counting her footsteps. It was a pointless exercise, but she needed something to distract herself from what lay beyond the set of double doors. Eric swiped a keycard, and the doors opened. She followed, still silently counting, then joined him at the nurses’ station.
“Is Judith available?” Eric asked, directing the question to the nurse sitting in front of a computer.
Jenna’s pulse raced. The moment was surreal. This was happening. Would she even recognize her mother? What would she say?
“She has a session with Dr. Walker at one o’clock,” the nurse said, looking at the screen. “It looks like she’s got time for a quick visit.”
Jenna’s hammering pulse slowed.
A short visit. She could get through a quick visit.
“Judith’s in room 206,” Eric said as they continued down a hallway.
She hoped she looked composed on the outside because, on the inside, she was vibrating. Every instinct told her to run. What was she going to accomplish here? She had no plan to stay in contact with her mother after this ordeal was over.
Now, too late, she realized she hadn’t thought this all the way through. Her face flushed and a bead of perspiration slid between her breasts.
Eric gave Jenna a comforting smile. “There are no expectations for this visit, Jenna. I can imagine this brings up many emotions for you.”
She caught herself wringing her hands. “I’m just not sure what to say, or where to start.”
“I could guide the conversation. Would that help?”
She nodded, giving Eric a tight smile, then forced her fidgeting hands to hang at her sides.
Before she knew it, Eric knocked on door 206.
“Come on in.”
Jenna froze. That was her mother’s voice. The lilt of her southern accent floated through the air like poisoned gas.
Eric opened the door. “Hi, Judith, I have your daughter with me.”
The room wasn’t what Jenna had expected. It was more like a studio apartment with a tidy bedroom and small adjacent bath. Judith sat on a small couch in a compact living area reading a book. A book. Jenna had never seen her mother so much as touch a book, let alone read one.
Pushing aside the bizarre image of Judith reading, Jenna couldn’t help noticing how small her mother looked. Was she always that tiny? She seemed almost childlike sitting on the couch with her legs curled beneath her.
As they entered the room, Judith rose to her feet and came padding over with a bright smile. “JJ, sweet girl, I knew you’d come.”
JJ.
She hadn’t been called that in years. The sound of her mother calling her by her nickname was as comforting as nails on a chalkboard.
Judith looked her over. “Isn’t she so pretty, Eric? I told you, she was always a beauty.”
A statement that couldn’t be farther from the truth.
One of Judith’s greatest talents was ridiculing her daughter’s appearance. She vividly remembered sweating bullets in a department store fitting room as her mother yelled for her to suck in her gut, pulling violently on the zipper of a pair of jeans two sizes too small. That was the last time Judith Lewis had taken her daughter shopping.
Jenna looked at this wisp of a woman and willed herself to smile. Judith reached toward her, and she wasn’t sure what was happening until she realized her mother was trying to hug her.
Bending down, Jenna breathed in her mother’s familiar scent. Slightly musky with a hint of spice, the smell of perfume mingled with tobacco smoke evoked a torrent of emotions. It made her feel shaky and off-balance. She bit the inside of her cheek, trying to block the wave of anxiety that threatened to paralyze her.
Only able to endure her mother’s touch for a few seconds, she pulled away, drawing herself up to her five-foot-eight-inch frame.
Eric motioned to the sitting area. “Let’s sit down and chat. Judith, you’ve got a session with Dr. Walker coming up at one, but I thought we’d have just enough time to talk a little bit about your treatment and how you hope Jenna will be involved.”
Jenna took the chair, leaving the small couch to Eric and Judith. She needed some distance from her mother. She couldn’t even remember the last time her mother had touched her with kindness.
“Jenna, I know your mother is very glad you’re here. When I told her you were coming in today, she was very pleased.”
“Yes, Eric, I am pleased as punch. And sweetheart, look at those lovely shoes.” Judith eyed her daughter’s boots approvingly.
Jenna looked down at her Prada boots. She couldn’t believe that after fourteen years of no contact, Judith was commenting on her footwear. Jenna couldn’t stomach any more of this charade. All the nervousness drained from her body as a simmering anger took its place.
“Mom, are you still with Travis?”
“Why would you even ask me that, JJ?” Judith’s smile faltered just a fraction.
“Yes or no? You know it’s important.”
Judith glanced at Eric with a wounded expression. The poor abandoned mother and her insolent daughter.
“Judith,” Eric began, “you told me you wanted to be completely open with your daughter.”
Judith nodded and took a dramatic breath. “I’m done with him. He’s no good for me.”
Words Jenna had heard before.
The room was quiet for three long beats before Eric broke in. “It’s very common when people have been apart for some time for it to feel awkward. But I think we can all agree that Judith is on the road to living a sober, healthier life. And Jenna, we are very pleased you are here to be a part of that. There is healing that needs to happen in your relationship, and I feel our work here will be beneficial to you both. I think we can all agree on that.”
Jenna glanced at Eric, and then she met her mother’s gaze. She was trying to read Judith. Could her mother be ready to turn over a new leaf?
“I agree. I want you to get better, Mom. I’ll do what I can to be a part of that.”
Judith patted her daughter’s knee. “JJ! Thank you, baby. Thank you so much. I know with your support I’m gonna make it.”
Jenna smiled tightly, unnerved by her mother’s enthusiasm.
“Okay,” Eric said. “
Let’s talk about our first step. Our family group therapy session is on Mondays from one to two in the afternoon. We’ll start there. Jenna, does that sound like something you can commit to?”
Waves of competing thoughts crashed through her mind as she weighed Eric’s proposal. She wanted to believe Judith honestly did want to change, while she also worried her mother was going to abandon her for Travis yet again.
“Yes, I can agree to that,” Jenna said, attempting to sound resolute.
A knock at the door interrupted them.
“Judith, I’m here to take you to see Dr. Walker.”
“Hi Sally,” Judith called out. “This is my gorgeous daughter, JJ.”
“How nice for you, Judith. She’s just as pretty as you are.”
Jenna still couldn’t understand what her mother was doing. Was all this affection for show, or was Judith genuinely trying to make amends?
As they said their goodbyes, Judith grabbed her hand. “Thank you for comin’, JJ. I know this must be hard on you.”
Jenna gazed down at their clasped hands. Her mother’s delicate, manicured hands intertwined with her plain, long fingers seemed completely foreign.
Nodding her head and trying her best to smile, Jenna gave her mother’s hand a quick squeeze. She searched her mother’s face but couldn’t read her eyes. Judith wanted something from her, but Jenna couldn’t tell what.
As Judith turned to leave, Jenna realized that watching her mother walk away had been the only part of this interaction that felt natural.
Heart pumping, limbs moving, Jenna ran.
After seeing her mother, this was the only way to process what had just happened. After getting back to the carriage house, she changed clothes, laced up, and took off for the trail.
Jenna ran down Prairie Rose, the street that bordered the north side of the town center. A path appeared, and she veered off the road and found herself at the Lake Boley trailhead. The trail looped around the lake and was at least a good three miles. Jenna had lost count of how many times she’d gone around, but it didn’t matter. She would run for as long as it took. Comforted by the sounds of the trail beneath her feet, she kept going over her mother’s face, trying to discern what was in her eyes, but was at a loss.
Fourteen years apart had hindered her ability to read Judith Lewis.
Slowing down, Jenna walked toward the town center. She was parched. She looked at her phone and checked the timer. She’d been running for nearly two hours.
She headed toward Pete’s Organic Market to grab a coconut water when she came upon a row of bikes parked in front of a shop called The Pedal on Honeysuckle Way. A bike shop. Jenna stopped, forgetting her thirst, and peered in through the large display window.
A yoga studio, an organic market, running trails, and now a bike shop. She had barely even explored Langley Park and already found herself falling in love with the place, then shooed the thought away.
Langley Park wasn’t her home. It never would be.
“You look like you just fell in love.”
Jenna was startled, then she smiled as Zoe walked toward her.
“I think I may have. It’s a Yeti Beti,” she replied, pointing at a bright red mountain bike hanging inside.
“Yeti, what? I’m pretty sure I’m missing something here.”
“It’s the name of the bike. I saw a few of them on the trails back in Denver.”
“Shiny bikes are your thing, duly noted,” Zoe said, giving Jenna an amused look. “I was about to text you, but I’m glad I ran into you. I’m much harder to turn down in person.”
“Should I be worried?”
“No, I’m a very considerate friend. I always wait until alcohol has been consumed before I drop any real bombs.”
Jenna smiled. Zoe had just called her a friend.
“Come to Park Tavern tonight and have dinner and drinks with Sam and me. My brother’s back in town and will probably swing by. You’ll get to meet your landlord.”
She gave Zoe an apprehensive look. Despite her friend’s many reassurances, Jenna was not so sure Zoe’s brother would be okay with some random stranger living above his garage.
“Go home and shower, then meet me at Park Tavern around seven,” Zoe said, pretending to fan off Jenna’s post-workout scent.
“I don’t think saying no is an option.”
Zoe cocked her head to the side. “I’ll tell you one thing, Jenna Lewis, you’re a fast learner. Seven o’clock.”
A few hours later, Jenna found herself showered, dressed, and sitting at a table near the bar with Zoe and Sam at Park Tavern. She enjoyed their company. It was a welcomed distraction from the worries that surrounded her mother.
Sam opened a bottle of her favorite cabernet and had been chatting with them when a harried server passed by the table. “I’m still technically on the clock. I better get back to work. Enjoy the wine, and I’ll catch up with you after things slow down.” Sam started to back away, he reached over and took a huge bite of Zoe’s BLT.
Sam wasn’t just a bartender at Park Tavern. He and his brother, Gabe, owned the establishment. However, his brother rarely made an appearance, acting more like a silent partner.
“Hey, Big Red! You forgot this,” Zoe said, mock outrage in her voice.
She proceeded to throw a french fry at Sam’s head which he caught deftly in his mouth, giving her a cheeky grin.
“Sweet Jesus! He makes me crazy.”
Jenna laughed politely. There had to be something more than just friendship going on between Zoe and Sam, but she wasn’t in Langley Park to stir that pot.
She checked her watch. It was getting close to nine. She wasn’t sure if Zoe’s brother was going to show or not. She was hoping to meet him here, thinking Park Tavern was a more neutral location. It would be quite awkward if their first meeting occurred at the house.
Hello there, no need to call the police. I’m just the stranger living above your garage.
Zoe’s phone buzzed with an incoming text. “Ben’s on his way. He just got held up at my mom and dad’s place dropping Kate off.”
“Why would he be dropping off Kate at your parents’ house?”
“They just got back into town, and Kate’s doing a sleepover with them.”
Jenna’s face registered total confusion.
“Ben and Kate go away every year on Mother’s Day. This year she’s six, and Ben told her when she turned six, they’d do Disney. He still likes Kate to do a Mother’s Day-ish thing with my mom, so it’s more like a Grandmother’s Day. Kate gets to spend tonight at my parents’ place, and then she plays hooky from school tomorrow.”
“Wait? Kate’s six?”
“Yep, six going on sixteen.”
“Kate is Ben’s daughter?”
“Yeah, I thought I told you Ben had a daughter?”
Zoe had told her about a Kate, but Jenna misconstrued the information.
“I thought Kate was your brother’s girlfriend.”
“Hell no!” Zoe laughed. But then her tone became serious. “My brother doesn’t date. He doesn’t do much besides work and spend time with…” She didn’t finish the sentence, but her face lit up. “Well, speak of the devil!”
Jenna turned around to greet Zoe’s brother, and her breath caught in her throat.
Zoe began to make introductions, “Jenna, this is—”
“Ben Fisher?” Jenna said, cutting her off, not sure if she could believe her eyes. “Ben Fisher’s your brother?”
7
“Ben, do you remember Jenna? She was at Village East High for a bit. You would have been a senior when she was a sophomore.”
Ben only allowed himself a brief glance at Jenna before meeting his sister’s gaze. Of course, he remembered Jenna Lewis. Village East High School didn’t get many new students. When there was a new face in the crowd people noticed, and Jenna was no exception.
Taller than most high school girls, her golden blonde hair had hung well past her shoulders. She’d often tilt her
head forward and use her hair as a shield, closing her off from the outside. They’d had one class together. He couldn’t remember which one because his attention had been completely focused on her.
Ben had spent what must have been hours watching her twirl her hair around her finger, wishing it were his hands in her glossy locks. She invaded his mind, and he couldn’t stop wondering why her brown eyes always looked so sad.
“Were you guys friends?” Zoe asked.
Ben couldn’t answer. Where was he supposed to start?
“Your brother and I evaded the police one evening,” Jenna said, filling in the gap.
Zoe’s eyes popped open like a surprised cartoon character. “This guy? Mr. Honors Classes, Mr. Tennis Team Captain, Mr. Every-Parent’s-Wet-Dream Child? He evaded the police! How the hell do I not know this story?”
A waitress came by and set a beer on the table next to Ben, giving him a moment to collect his thoughts. He turned toward Jenna, still dumbstruck that she was here. As their eyes met, something familiar and heartbreaking ripped through his chest, but he masked his emotions with a stony expression.
“It wasn’t like we robbed a bank or anything like that,” Jenna added with a nervous laugh.
“For Pete’s freaking sake,” Zoe sighed. “Somebody needs to elaborate on this!”
“Do you want to tell it, Ben? I can’t remember the name of that park or where we…”
He smiled tightly. “It was right before Thanksgiving break, and some idiot got his hands on a keg. Word got out to meet at that park off Rockcress Street. You know it, Zoe. It’s the one set back a bit near the creek with the giant play structure and climbing wall.”
“Yes, yes! You know I know it. Now please, get to the evading.”
“Well, there was a big group of us standing by that giant climbing wall drinking crap beer when three or four police cars pulled in.”
“Jeez, Jenna! At least in college, you didn’t strike me as the evading the law type. Who were you there with?”
“I can’t remember his name. It may have been Adam or Able?”
The Complete Langley Park Series (Books 1-5) Page 5