by J E Mueller
At first they didn’t question my odd dress habits, but of course it came up.
Sam was the first to breach the subject. “It’s hot as a barn in here, why do you wear six layers at all times?”
“Sam!” his mother chastised, “It’s been a week and she’s been through enough.” Talon nodded in agreement. “Your mother is right. You need to give people some time and space.” He paused and turned to me, asking sweetly, “But, since we are on the subject, might we know why?”
Kana, who had been working on some mending threw a bundle of yarn at him, “This is hardly the time!”
I laughed a little. It would be better to just get it over with while they still felt sorry for me and my situation. I decided to start with the family card again since it had worked so well the first time. “Mother said we were to always be with the Early Dawn. The Lady brings us so much in our world…” I spoke slowly trying to remember everything Mother had taught us about the local customs of the varying religions. “It is our way to dress modestly, and to keep our bodies hidden from the sins of the world.”
“You see? Simple as that!” Kana glared at the rest of her family. “Now, if either of you would actually pay attention to the community you’d have known that without asking! The Collingwood family five miles down worship the Lady of the Early Dawn.”
“Oh yeah,” Sam mumbled, running a hand through his hair. “Forgot about them.”
Kara continued to glare at her husband who turned beat red under her glare. Talon cleared his throat. “Apologies, young lady. We’d be lost without Kana here, and I’m sure you’re feeling that way without your Mother too.”
Tears welled up in my eyes and I didn't bother to hide them. It was true. I nodded my reply.
Kana, letting her motherly instincts kick in, patted my shoulder, “No worries dear, you’re free to practice your beliefs as you please. You’re more than welcome to be yourself here.”
Her brief contact caused me to tense up, but I was fully clothed, and I forced myself to calm down and wipe the tears from my eyes. “Thank you…” I said softly, more to the floor than anyone else.
This was going to take a while to get used to. Realizing I needed a break from the conversation, Kana handed me something to mend. I happily accepted the distraction as she went to talk on about other things, monopolizing the conversation.
With the story in place, and my true gratefulness, I helped in any and every way I could; from cleaning dishes to mending, to tending the gardens and the field. Quickly, I learned to tend the small herd of livestock they owned, and a routine fell into place with ease. I finally knew what it meant to be a part of a family that loved one another without politics.
At first it felt very unnatural to me; I didn’t know how to be part of a family like this. There were so many moments when I was asked how I was, and they wanted a real answer. They cared about what I liked, what I was interested in. They also were very affectionate; a pat on the back, a quick hug, everything that made me want to scream. They quickly learned I wasn’t as affectionate as they were, but to no fault of their own, it came up again and again. They were used to being caring, and I wasn’t used to being cared for in such a capacity. It took many months to not cringe when they got too close. I still kept enough distance to preserve their lives.
By my adoptive mother Kana’s standards, I was a wonderful seamstress. At first I didn’t see a lot of Talon and Sam since they worked in the fields most of the day. Sam was only a little older than myself and loved having a friend. The houses here were on the outskirts of a town and separated by miles. At night you could see smoke in the distance, and sometimes a glow of fire, but never much more. It was quiet. I enjoyed the peace.
Breaking the curse was pushed aside in my mind. I knew I needed to find answers, but I was lulled into complacency by the feeling of belonging. Months went by and before I could blink it had been a year. After the hot season, Sam started teaching me how to use a sword. It was mostly for fun and games, but it was also a great way to blow off steam. At times it reminded me of Isaac, but I shoved those thoughts aside. Let my nightmares take me there, my time spent while awake was meant for joy and life.
During the day our friendship slowly deepened. It was fun to laugh and joke together. Sam would sometimes throw hay at me, or hide my current mending project in a tree. In turn I’d hide his tools or replace his box of nails with crickets.
It was harmless fun in between tasks, but sword training was always a more serious affair. I didn’t let the joking continue during it. When we started to get off track my mind would bring back memories of Isaac. It happened enough that Sam took notice and I had to explain that my brother was killed in a training exercise. The Isaac I told them about what much older than the real one had been, joining the castle guard. It was the only way I could think of to explaining his death, and the lie hurt more than any other. Isaac didn’t have a chance to live his life, to even make any decisions an adult might make.
“I’m sorry.” Sam replied after hearing my story.
Tears filled my eyes, but it was more from me being angry with my own lie. I killed him, but I couldn’t afford to explain my curse. This damnedable curse.
“We can stop….” He let his sentence trail off.
I shook my head, “No, it’ll help clear my thoughts. Let’s just keep the games separate?” I asked, almost pleaded.
With a resolute nod, Sam raised his sword, “Back in your guard stance, then.” I had no idea what his thoughts were, but thankfully he was willing to go along with what I wanted.
The next morning he was up early, explaining what he had learned about me softly to his parents.
“I’m actually afraid to ask what else happened,” Sam admitted to them. “I can’t imagine life without you both, and she’s lost everyone. I can’t imagine….” He was so shaken by the story I had spun.
I wanted to tell them the truth then and there, but then what? Even the most understanding people have their limits, and when it came to curses, that was a quick limit to reach. Not that I didn’t understand. I didn’t want to live with me either, but I had no choice. My heart was torn – do I leave now? Should I resume my search for a cure or stay a while longer? There was so much I was learning here; it couldn’t hurt to stay, could it? Retracing my steps back a bit, I made more noise on my way over to them so they wouldn’t know I had been eavesdropping. Having a family seemed worth the risk. Who knew, maybe this was meant to lead me to the answers I needed. After all, magic does work in strange ways.
With my decision made, time flew quickly. I helped them with everything that I could, and felt a strong bond with my new family. I vowed when I found my cure I’d tell them the truth about everything. They deserved it.
In a blink I had been with them for two years. The winds were picking up in the evening bringing down the insufferable temperature. Of the four of us I was the most grateful with the slowly cooling temperatures because of my many layers.
“Have you considered at least taking off the gloves?” Sam teased as I wiped a layer of sweat from my brow.
“About as much as I’ve considered knocking that smirk off your face.” I tossed my rag at him.
Sam batted it aside with mock difficulty, “You’ve thrown a stone at me! I’ll never move my arm again!”
I rolled my eyes and got back into my fighting stance. “I think you have another round in you.”
“Always for you.” He winked.
Ignoring him, I struck. He swept his blade in an arch and deflected mine upwards.
The dance of blades continued. My tutor was being more smug and sarcastic than usual.
“I see you’re not in the mood for this,” I sighed after a while. I leaned against the garden fence.
“Maybe something less combative?” Sam suggested.
I raised an eyebrow at him. “Like where I hid the rake? Because I’m still not telling you until you return my favorite yarn.”
“Not quite,” he quipped, stepping towards me.
Before I had time to react his lips were on mine.
I froze. Immobilized as my fears, my nightmares, my past leaped out from the back of my mind. I felt my cheeks flush fiercely, and unfamiliar fire rushed through me.
Sam laughed at my expression. He was fine, he was alive. Relief flooded through me, my veins ablaze with emotion. Heavens be praised.
“Ummm,” I stuttered, trying to get out of the situation. My heart raced. If I didn’t think fast, another move like that could be his end. “Let’s get back to work. I’m getting the hang of this I think. I really need to get it down tonight.”
“Oh fine,” he laughed again, trying not to look disappointed or let defeat darken his evening. His dark eyes looked like creamy chocolate in the slowly darkening horizon. His oak brown hair a dark contrast to the pink slowly spreading across the sky. His body was toned and tan from working long hours in the sun. There was no denying that he was good looking. He was also smart, funny, and the way he looked at me... but that wasn’t for me. It couldn’t be, could it? Maybe true love was what would break the curse? Or did that only apply to fairy magic? I had no idea what I was feeling, or how I felt towards him. In truth I had given it no thought prior to this, and wasn’t sure if I liked this anxious feeling that still fluttered through me.
We got back into the swing of practicing and it continued until it was too dark to see. Sweating and worn out, we made our way back to the house. Just as we reached the porch Sam stopped me. He tapped my shoulder, and without thinking I turned to look at him.
“You’re doing really great,” he smiled. “Seriously, keep practicing and you’ll be good in no time.”
“Uh-huh.” I rolled my eyes at him teasingly, “And you’ll be mending your own clothes just as quickly.” I tried to keep the mood light. I wanted time to sort through my emotions, and didn’t want to burn all bridges just yet. Did that mean I liked him back the same way? My head felt clouded.
I watched for a moment as he began putting things away. Sam was very much alive and well, and I started wondering exactly what the parameters of my curse were. Being upset while practicing with Isaac had been his end. My fear of hitting the cold hard ground before Elena caught me catered to her end. Mother was already dying, and likely wouldn’t pull through. There was no moment of fear, or being upset right now, and that was what my curse seemed to center around, all the negative. Hadn’t a healer tried to guess at that? But I was still afraid then.
There were many other emotions now. While I couldn’t put my thumb on what they were, I wanted to be open to finding out. My heart raced at the thought. Would it be safe? It just had been, but I was also once told my curse wouldn’t necessarily be stable for some time. On the other hand, wasn’t life supposed to be about taking risks, or was that not meant for the Cursed?
“Are you okay?” Sam asked pulling me from my reverie.
I hadn’t realized that I was just staring off into the distance. My eyes were dry and I blinked to ease the strain. “Sorry, I was just thinking.”
“Whatever you were thinking about looked painful.” He made an overly disgruntled face and I laughed.
“No, it wasn’t really painful.” I tried to find the right words, “More… I don’t know. Confused? That doesn’t fit either.”
Sam thought for a moment, “Curious? Flustered?” He smirked.
The words fit oddly well. My heart pleaded with me to make up my mind, but my mind didn’t want to try and reason. Another part of me was screaming to throw caution to the wind, to let myself enjoy happiness to it’s truest, fullest potential.
“Is that a yes, then?” Sam asked, still smiling. I hadn’t realized he had gotten so close to me. There was barely any air between us now.
What was I supposed to say in reply? The fluttering in my heart was almost overwhelming, and thoughts weren’t forming coherently. I tried to say something, but stopped when no words came.
“What’s on your mind?” He said, more than asked.
“You.” I finally managed to say. Heat rushed to my cheeks again.
Slowly this time, he moved to kiss me. I hesitated at first, but deciding against what should have been common sense, I met him. Sam’s lips brushed against mine, soft for a moment, and then he gave me a second, stronger kiss.
The third was the final straw, as I could feel the heat from my face rush from my lips to his. Before I could comprehend the different feeling, Sam started screaming and I felt everything inside me shatter.
Quickly Talon came out. Stunned by the sight of his son on the ground screaming in pain, he turned to me. Words formed on his lips, but they didn’t reach my ears. Everything in me felt like it was dying. Kana was suddenly shaking me. I was so in shock I hardly noticed when she slapped me. It was her screams that snapped me out of it. Talon held his wife, and like the terrible magic that raged within me, caught fire. It didn’t make sense. It seemed like the magic from my curse became even more magnified.
Talon fell back onto the doorframe and everything quickly began to catch fire. I knew it was too late for them. I went to get my things and fled into the night. It was hours before I realized I was still clutching the sword. Sam’s old sword. It would serve as my reminder to never get too close again.
Chapter 6
Things got worse before they got better. The huge blaze drew a lot of attention, and the community went to investigate. I knew several of the neighbors and in my haste I hadn’t thought about how my leaving would look to others. My thoughts were consumed by the tragedy at hand, and the worry that my curse could flare out with my emotions. Maybe it was not as limited to touch as I had once believed.
The neighbors found three bodies. Many rumors surfaced about what had happened to me. One side believed I had started the fire and killed the family to take their possessions. Thankfully others believed something else must have happened, though none could agree upon what. The area was on high alert regardless. People were afraid of what could have happened, and that it might happen to them.
I stayed in the area long enough to attend the funeral from a distance. To let myself have a goodbye. I needed to get back to moving and figure this curse out. No longer was the game plan to find an answer to defeat the mad king, but instead to keep Sam’s death from being in vain. That my adoptive family was not gone for no reason.
For the first time in years, I had to push myself to travel far. As far away from my comfort zone as I could go.
I carefully learned to cover myself at night using trees and shrubs as well as making sure I was well away from any main roads before lighting a fire. Thankfully, after almost six months of wandering as far as I could and living off the land, I ran into good luck.
Great luck, really.
A fairly quiet collective came looking for me. the Order of Reawakening, a group of Cursed and gifted alike, was always on the lookout for young wanderers and rumors of Cursed children. Their goal was to give those cast out because of their differences a chance to learn and grow. They provided shelter, a place to learn, and helped many get back to their lives, even helping to cure some of their curse. When the news reached one of the Order of a child that could kill by touch, they began looking for me.
It was early one afternoon when they, a group of three, found me. Two stayed put while one followed me on her own. After a short time, I decided to see why.
“My name is Lilith. We can help you,” she assured me.
I rolled my eyes, staying on the defensive. “How?” I was standing several paces away and wouldn’t let her close the gap. It was more for her protection than anything else.
“Whatever rumors are true, you’re not the first,” Lilith explained, taking a step forward. I responded by taking a step back, and she sighed. “Something with fire. What is it? Being close? Touch? Is it dependent on line of sight? Whatever it is it makes no difference.” She studied me for a moment. “Touch,” she decided with a firm nod. “And there are plenty in that boat, since it is common with demon magic. Don’t you want to l
earn how to live with it? Or perchance how to get rid of it?”
Her words caught my ears.
“Why didn’t you come sooner?” I asked.
Lilith sighed. “We find people based on rumors,” she explained carefully. “If you’re keeping things hidden or under control, we have no way of knowing you exist.”
Her words made sense, but I had no reason to trust them.
“We have a place a couple of days away,” she continued when I didn’t say anything. “There’s food and shelter, and everyone has their own room. It’d be worth just checking out. It doesn’t make sense to make up your mind about whether or not to stay with us until you’ve seen it and had something to eat.”
That night my traps came up empty again. I was frustrated and hungry. I missed my adoptive family, and was wondering what was happening to my birth family. There were so many reasons to give this group a chance, but I was still worried about a repeat of everything that had happened in the past. I tossed and turned all night. Worry and an empty stomach wouldn’t let me sleep. In the end I came to a decision.
In the morning I went back to Lilith. Her small group was camped where I had met them yesterday. A small campfire burned and the smells of something cooking over it were almost overwhelming thanks to my hunger, but I didn’t want to approach them. Instead, I stood at a distance and waited for Lilith to come to me.
“Would you like to join us for breakfast?” she offered, stopping a short distance from me.
“I’d like to know more about this place you’ve mentioned,” I replied instead.
“Perfect! First some breakfast, and we’ll talk as we pack up,” she smiled brightly.
“I’d rather not be around a group,” I said as she motioned for me to follow her.”
Lilith laughed and held up her hands, covered in leather gloves, “We’ll be fine, and you’ll be fine. Your space will be respected. They’ve all got gloves and you can see they are well covered even from here, now come eat. No one should try to travel on an empty stomach.”