Shanann Watts was a smart, capable, and savvy woman. She made many good choices in life. With the information she had at the time, choosing Chris as her husband seemed like a very smart decision. The way he presented himself to Shanann and the way he acted through most of their relationship made him appear to possess all the traits of what we think a “good” husband and father should be.
If Chris could fool everyone—including his own wife and family—into thinking he was the perfect husband and father, then couldn’t Shanann be any of us who believe we have made smart and logical decisions in our lives? In fact, many people who have closely followed this case have commented that they don’t know whom to trust anymore. Some women have looked at their gentle and loving husbands with a side eye and thought to themselves, Do we ever really know someone else? That question, at its core, is the most chilling part of this story. Do we ever truly know anyone? Even the people we live with day in and day out and think we know inside out?
Some people assume that there must have been some red flags with Chris, and it’s just that we didn’t know about them, or, Shanann didn’t tell anyone about some things that could have gone on behind closed doors. I’ve thought about this myself, especially at the beginning of the case. As a psychotherapist, I know more than anyone that people do a great job of painting an impeccable façade, especially on social media. Often the people who post the most glowing statements about their romantic partners have the darkest secrets. When I was on Facebook at one point in my life, I noticed that the people who were the most enthusiastic about their partners publicly were messaging me privately asking for recommendations for a couples’ therapist.
I don’t believe Shanann was hiding problems in her relationship with Chris and overcompensating on social media for it. She seemed to truly believe she had a great relationship with him, and he was very good to her for most of their time together. Months before her death, she recorded a video of appreciation for Chris from their home in Colorado and said, “I had some health challenges and then I met Chris. I met Chris because of those health challenges. My friend sent me a friend suggestion for him. It was actually his cousin’s wife and I deleted it. I was like, I’m not interested, I don’t wanna meet a guy! Buh bye! So, I deleted her friend suggestion for him. I was diagnosed two months later, and I went through one of the, I would say, darkest times of my life because things just got scarier, worse. I thought my life was crumbling underneath me and I didn’t know which way to turn…and I got a friend request from Chris. I was in a really, really, really bad place and I got a friend request from Chris on Facebook. And I was like, ah what the heck I’m never gonna meet him. Accept. Well, one thing led to another and eight years later, we have two kids, we live in Colorado and he’s the best thing that has ever happened to me…At that time he knew me at my worst, and he accepted me. And because of my health challenges, because I got so sick, I let him in. and he only knew me at that time. He knew me at my worst, and he accepted me, and you know, through your vows, through sickness and everything, he’s been there. He was the one that let me lay on him and fall asleep for three and a half hours on his lap while he had to pee. He is the best thing that has ever, ever happened to me. I’m telling you, when I met Chris, I pushed him away. I gave every excuse for him to run. I mean, every…I gave him an out every single day. And if you guys knew my story with Chris, you know I gave him an out. He went to my colonoscopy, I tortured him, I rejected him. I pushed him away time and time and time again, but when I canceled dates last minute, because that’s how life is with my health challenges. You cancel things last minute and it’s hard for people to get. It’s hard for me to understand. But he stuck around, and he stuck around because he was the one for me and he is amazing, and I can’t tell you how wonderful he is”.
One month before he started the affair with Nikki, Chris surprised Shanann with thoughtful Mother’s Day gifts, as he always had since she became a mother. This particular year, Chris framed all the important dates in their lives: their wedding day and the respective birthdays of their family. He included homemade picture frames decorated by the girls: Bella’s was a photo of Chris and the girls, and CeCe’s frame had a photo of Shanann and CeCe in it. Both photos were full of embraces and smiles.
When Chris started his affair with Nikki, Shanann’s posts about her relationship on social media gradually diminished until they were practically nonexistent. The time she stopped posting lovey-dovey messages about Chris coincided with the time of the affair and when Chris did a total 180 on her. Shanann really believed she had a great marriage until she went to North Carolina for the summer. And why wouldn’t she? Her husband doted on her, showed her constant affection, and he never fought with her.
Shanann was a very open and vulnerable person with those closest to her. As soon as problems with Chris began to emerge, she confided in her closest friends about it, and many of them were aware that the marriage was in trouble at the time of Shanann’s disappearance. If Shanann was having problems in her marriage before this, it’s likely she would have told someone, considering she told so many friends once things got bad with Chris. When she was confiding in close friend Addy over text message, she said, “We’ve never had problems like this in our marriage, ever!”
Shanann relied heavily on her relationships with family and friends for her well-being. She had very intimate bonds with people. Intimacy is when you can share your vulnerabilities with others, and Shanann was never afraid of doing that. Part of her job as a Le-Vel promoter was to portray a fabulous life, because success in multi-level marketing companies is dependent on not only sales, but recruiting others to join your team. Shanann wasn’t going to air all her dirty laundry on social media, but those closest to her were very aware when things took a turn for the worst.
People want to believe there were “red flags” with Chris because everyone wants to think that if they were in this situation, they would be able to spot someone capable of doing what he did and get out before it was too late. This is most likely a situation where if there were any “red flags” before he met Nikki, they would be incredibly subtle, and nothing that would suggest someone capable of murdering his pregnant wife, let alone his own children.
Abby Ellin, author of “Duped: Double Lives, False Identities and the Con Man I Almost Married”11 who did extensive research on pathological liars said, “Some people are just really good at lying, and there aren’t going to be any signs.” Ellin goes on to say that our need to have a “modicum of control” and to think we’re smarter than we are leads us to believe that we would know if someone is deceiving us.
Diagnosis helps people make sense of “abnormal” behavior. Although there isn’t always a “normal” way of acting and behaving, abnormal behavior or pathology can be thought of as something that significantly interferes with relationships and functioning in life. However, any experienced clinician understands that diagnosis is not always that simple, and you can’t always put people in neat little boxes. Furthermore, there are issues with diagnosis and our current healthcare system, and that could be a whole other book!
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8. Black, Donald W., and Jon E. Grant. DSM-5 Guidebook: The Essential Companion to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition. Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Publishing, 2014.
9. Ethics Primer of the American Psychiatric Association. Washington, D.C.: American Psychiatric Association, 2001.
10. Lilienfeld, Scott, Josh Miller, and Donald Lynam. “The Goldwater Rule: Perspectives From, and Implications for, Psychological Science,” 2017. https://doi.org/10.31234/osf.io/j3gmf.
11. Ellin, Abby. Duped: Double Lives, False Identities, and the Con Man I Almost Married. New York: PublicAffairs, 2019.
Chapter 18
“Exploitation. Entitlement. Empathy Impairments.”
Some of the media experts such as Dr. Phil and well-regarded f
ormer FBI criminal profiler Candice DeLong believe that Chris Watts is a “psychopath” and/or a “malignant narcissist.” It is certainly possible that he is, based on all the available information, but first let’s examine all the possible diagnoses that have discussed.
Psychopath? Sociopath?
The words “psychopath” and “sociopath” are often thrown around interchangeably. William Hirstein, a philosopher and scientist, described the history of psychopaths and sociopaths and how they differ: “In the early 1800s, doctors who worked with mental patients began to notice that some of their patients who appeared outwardly normal had what they termed ‘moral depravity’ or ‘moral insanity,’ in what they seemed to possess no sense of ethics or of the rights of other people. The term ‘psychopath’ was first applied to these people around 1900. The term was changed to ‘sociopath’ in the 1930s to emphasize the damage they do to society. Currently, researchers have returned to using the term ‘psychopath.’ Some of them use that term to refer to a more serious disorder, linked to genetic traits, which produces more dangerous individuals, while continuing to use ‘sociopath’ to refer to less dangerous people who are seen more as products of their environment, including their upbringing. Some people like to make a distinction between ‘primary psychopaths,’ who are thought to be genetically caused, and ‘secondary psychopaths,’ seen more as a product of their environments.”12
Although there has been a lot of debate about the distinction between sociopathic and psychopathic behavior, sociopathy can be thought of as something severely wrong with one’s conscience; psychopathy is characterized as a complete lack of conscience regarding others. 13 “Psychopath” and “sociopath” are not technical diagnoses in the DSM-5 but are under the umbrella of a personality disorder known as “antisocial personality disorder.” Some mental health professionals believe there is a distinction between a psychopath and a sociopath, while others argue that they are essentially the same thing.
In order to be diagnosed with a personality disorder as classified by the DSM, one must have impairments in personality both self and interpersonal. Symptoms often start in adolescence or early adulthood and span the course of a lifetime. Personality disorders cause difficulty in interpersonal relationships (conflicts, diffuse or lack of relationships) and significant interference in social situations and the person’s life. The technical criteria for diagnosing a personality disorder in the DSM-5 is:
• Significant impairment in self and interpersonal (empathy or intimacy) functioning.
• One or more pathological personality traits.
• Impairments in personality stable across time and consistent in situations.
• Personality impairments not better understood as a normative part of a developmental stage or social environment.
• Impairments not caused only by substance use or a medical condition.
The DSM 5 defines antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) as someone having three or more of the following traits: 1. Regularly breaks or flouts the law, 2. Constantly lies and deceives others, 3. Is impulsive and doesn’t plan ahead, 4. Can be prone to fighting and aggressiveness, 5. Has little regard for the safety of others, 6. Irresponsible, can’t meet financial obligations, 7. Doesn’t feel remorse or guilt.
In the DSM 5, conduct disorder is very much like ASPD, but ASPD is considered a diagnosis for ages eighteen and older, and conduct disorder needs to be present before the age of eighteen in order to meet the criteria for diagnosis. conduct disorder is defined by the following: Aggression to people and animals (uses bullying, initiates physical fights, has a weapon that can cause physical harm, physically cruel to people and animals, has stolen while confronting a person, has forced someone into sexual activity), Destruction of property, Deceitfulness or theft, Serious violations of rules. There are varying degrees of severity to conduct disorder and can be classified as mild, moderate, or severe. Some of the infamous serial killers showed these signs before the age of eighteen and therefore could potentially be classified as having antisocial personality disorder preceded by conduct disorder. For example, Jeffrey Dahmer, Dennis Rader (aka BTK), and Lee Boyd Malvo (one of the DC Snipers) all had a history of killing and torturing animals in their childhood.
Robert Hare, a researcher in the field of criminal psychology, developed the Hare Psychopathy Checklist after working with psychopaths over many years. On the checklist, there are twenty traits that each have a score between 0-2. The highest mark someone can achieve is 40. If someone rates over 30 in the test, they are said to be “psychopathic.” The traits are pathological lying, glib and superficial charm, grandiose sense of self, need for stimulation, cunning and manipulative, lack of remorse or guilt, shallow emotional response, callousness and lack of empathy, parasitic lifestyle, poor behavioral controls, sexual promiscuity, early behavior problems, lack of realistic long-term goals, impulsivity, irresponsibility, failure to accept responsibility, many short-term marital relationships, juvenile delinquency, revocation of conditional release, and criminal versatility.
What is a narcissist?
The word “narcissist” has been used liberally in the media and with many different definitions. Generally, when people think of narcissism, they think of someone unhealthily obsessed with themselves. In the world of social media, narcissism can be thought of as a person who takes tons of selfies and is preoccupied with their appearance. People also equate narcissism with self-obsession and selfishness. All these things are true, but they do not mean one qualifies for a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), which is an official personality disorder in the DSM. According to the DSM, between 0.5 and 1 percent of the general population meet the criteria for NPD and 50-75 percent diagnosed are men. If you’ve heard someone labeled as a “narcissist,” it doesn’t necessarily mean they have NPD, but they could fall on a spectrum of narcissism.
In order to meet the criteria for NPD, a person must demonstrate grandiosity, lack of empathy for others, and a need for admiration. They often believe they are superior or special. Their self-esteem is incredibly fragile, and they do not take even the slightest criticism well. If they experience any perceived criticism, they fly off the handle, which is referred to as “narcissistic rage.” In order to be diagnosed with the disorder, a person must have five or more of the following symptoms: 1. Exaggerates own importance, 2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence, or ideal romance, 3. Believes he or she is special and can only be understood by other special people or institutions, 4. Requires constant attention and admiration from others, 5. Has unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment, 6. Takes advantage of others to reach his or her own goals, 7. Disregards the feelings of others, lacks empathy, 8. Is often envious of others or believes other people are envious of him or her, 9. Shows arrogant behaviors and attitudes. Many people with NPD are thought to be in positions of power and fame, such as actors, politicians, CEOs, doctors, and lawyers.
Covert, communal and malignant narcissists
Several professionals in the mental health field identify different types of narcissists that deviate from the criteria of someone with classic NPD. Another type of narcissist is commonly referred to as a “covert” or “introverted/passive aggressive narcissist.” These types of narcissists do not seek the type of outward admiration and attention as those with classic NPD do, but they do share some of the hallmark traits of NPD, such as lack of empathy and taking advantage of others.
Dr. Craig Malkin in his Psychology Today article, “What’s the Single Greatest Danger of Covert Narcissism?”14 describes covert narcissism as follows: “They may be quiet or shy, and often are, but inside, in other words—covertly—they still harbor overblown visions of themselves and their future: dreams for example of one day being discovered for their remarkable creativity, intelligence, or insight. What’s different about covert narcissists is that because they’re introverted, they don’t advertise the
ir inflated egos. They agree with statements like ‘I feel I’m temperamentally different from most people,’ and ‘Even when I’m in a group of friends, I often feel very alone and uneasy.’” These two statements seem like things Chris might agree with about himself based on his interviews.
Malkin also describes another sub-type of narcissism, what he refers to as “communal narcissism.” Because all narcissists are addicted to feeling special and unique, they are willing to do whatever it takes to get their “high.” A communal narcissist is often described as the most helpful, caring person in the room. The difference between an authentically caring person and a communal narcissist is the communal narcissist is doing nice things only to get affirmation and admiration, and these are the things a true narcissist wants the most. Communal narcissists are those who give generously to charity, work in nonprofits, are presidents of the PTA, or religious leaders. They always do good deeds for others. They are martyrs.
The communal types may boast about all their generosity and let you know about all the selfless work they have done, but it is also possible that they are covert and won’t brag about their good deeds. The bottom line is this: They thrive off approval and being helpful to others, and those behaviors are what elicits praise from others.
My Daddy Is a Hero Page 18