by S J Batsford
“Well, looks like daddies on his way. Shall we change these nappies and put on some nice clothes?” Mace smiles, swapping Eliza for Seb.
“I’m sorry, I love her, but I have no clue how to do girlie clothes, and I’m not doing her bum she’s got girl bits.” I laugh.
“I love you, Mace... Don’t worry, we got it, don’t we baby girl? Could you just pass me a nappy and some pretty clothes for the princess please?” Eliza makes a happy noise kicking her legs, making us both smile. Until I feel warm, wet fluid trickle down my leg.
“Oh, you did not?! You wouldn’t do that to Mommy.” Mason bursts out laughing at my disgruntled face.
Pressing the button, I finish making her pretty while I wait for a nurse.
Mace has Seb changed in minutes. Those classes really payed off.
A pretty young nurse comes in with kind eyes.
“I think I need a clean sheet, she just peed on me.” The nurse looks at my face, then Mace who’s sitting in a chair laughing so hard he’s crying, to the two innocent babies and chuckles.
“Okay, let’s get you sorted,” she comes in taking Eliza wraps her up and places her in the cot. Grabbing a fresh sheet, she helps me out of bed and into a chair. While she strips and makes the bed again, all within minutes.
“Thank you. I’m expecting their dad any time soon. While I’m up, can I get changed?”
“Of course. Do you want to go wait for him while I help Lily change?” She asks Mace shyly.
Placing Seb gently in the cot, he kisses them both before leaving.
“Is he related? He really loves them doesn’t he?” She asks, grabbing clothes.
I opt for sleep pants and a tank top, they’re loose and comfy.
“Yeah, he’s their uncle, their dad's brother. He’s my best friend, and yes, he’s loved them since I found out I was expecting.” I can tell she likes him, because she goes all swoony and flushes.
I sit, waiting quietly for Mace and Ethan to arrive, feeling hopeful. Wondering what the future holds for me and the twins. Hoping Ethan will be a good dad to them. Hoping I’ll do a good job raising them alone. Hoping I find love again.
~*~
Chapter Seventeen
Mace pops his head in, eyes closed, asking if I’m dressed. I laugh assuring him I am. So he opens the door wider letting an anxious looking Ethan in.
Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve seen him, but not long enough for my body to behave the way I would like it to.
Flushing, I look to see if Eliza or Seb are awake. They are and just like in the womb, they’re both kicking up a storm.
Ethan stands in the doorway waiting for me to speak first.
“I’m going to get a coffee. Do you two want anything?” I ask for a hot chocolate, as Ethan asks for coffee. Neither of us look at Mace, his eyes burn into me.
“You have to come in the room to see them.”
“I’m sorry, Ash…”
“Don’t.” My voice is quiet, but firm. “Do not bring her in here.” Agreeing, he comes closer.
The twins start to cry. “Can you get them for me? I can’t move around right now.” Shooting me a nervous glance, he takes his first glimpse of his daughter and son. He stands frozen, stunned.
“Wow, you’re more daddy’s double than uncle Niles.” He chuckles, starting at Sebastian in awe.
“Look at you, my little princess,” he whispers, choked up. He kneels down between them, touching their hands. It’s the most beautiful moment, seeing them connected is amazing. Grabbing the camera, I snap a shot as both the twins grab his fingers. Watching him with them, I can feel the love emanating from him.
“I’m sorry, I’ve missed so much. I love you guys, so much. You are the most precious gift I’ve ever had,” he whispers, kissing them both on the head.
“What have you named them?” He asks, not taking his eyes away from them.
I’m nervous, I hope he’s not mad about Sebastian’s name.
“Elizabella Rose Barker and Sebastian Mason Barker.”
Looking at me, he smiles. “I don’t think I could have chosen better. Thank you for giving them my last name.”
“Ethan,” I sigh. “I may be mad and hurt, but they’re your kids too. They should carry their father’s name. They come first above all else.” Smiling gratefully, he picks up Seb holding him close.
I hear him whisper. “I love you, my little Sebastian. You really are my double.” He chuckles, looking at me. “Let’s just hope you’re only my double in the looks department.”
Handing me Seb who cuddles right into my neck, sighing and dropping off to sleep.
He lifts Eliza kissing her cheek, he sits on the bed looking at her. I’ve heard there is a special bond between a father and daughter, but Ethan looks enchanted by her.
“She’s somewhere in the middle. But you’re going to have your mommy’s hair by the looks of it,” he says, raising her the same way he did Seb.
“I love you, my little Lizabelle. My little girl, wow. Is she the youngest or oldest?” I blink back tears.
“Erm, she was born first and a few ounces heavier than Seb. She came out Wailing, where Seb gave a small cry, but not an ear splitting one like she did,” he laughs, looking at Eliza.
“Are you going to be a firecracker like your mommy?”
“Hey! I’m the quiet one, like Seb. She obviously takes after her daddy.”
Our happy banter is interrupted by an unhappy Mason.
“Lils, I just got a call, one of my sites has been hacked and I need to sort it out., but the nurse said if I go I can’t come back until morning. I can’t leave you alone, I promised to be here for you.” Ethan winces, it’s unintentional but a direct hit.
“We’ll be okay, don’t worry.”
“But you need help, you can’t walk around or pick them up yet.”
“I can ask the nurses to help. If I can’t cope alone, they’ll put them in the nursery until morning.”
“NO!”
We all jump at Ethan’s sharp tone. The twins cry simultaneously. Lucky for Ethan, it’s feeding time or I’d be really pissed at him.
“They’re hungry, could you fetch the nurse, please?” I ask Mace.
“I’ll stay. I don’t want them in the nursery, anything could happen to them.”
I don’t want them in the nursery either, but I don’t think it’s a good idea for him to stay here.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I mutter, arranging the pillows for the twins’ feed.
“I know, but you can’t look after them alone. You need help right now, and I’d like to spend time with them.” His sincerity and his pleading gaze weaken my resolve slightly.
“What about Ashley? She can’t be alone either, and she’ll be really angry, I won’t have her making a scene in front of the twins. Does she know where you are right now?” He winces, just thinking about it.
“Yes, she knows I’m here, and yes, she’ll be mad, but they need me right now. I’ll ask Alex to stay the night. He offered to stay with her so I could come here.” Shocked, I stop fiddling with the pillows and stare at him.
He chuckles at my face. “Yeah, that’s what I was like when he turned up at my door and offered, but there it is.”
A nurse comes in, Mace knows the drill and stays in the hall. She sets about settling Eliza and Seb on the pillows. So intent on what we’re doing, we forget Ethan’s there until it’s too late.
The nurse leaves without handing me the blanket. I look up to see Ethan staring at us in awe. Embarrassed, I try to reach it myself. It’s just out my reach.
“Could you pass me the blanket, please?” I don’t look at him, I try to cover myself with my hands, but my boobs are huge. They were big before, but they’re just embarrassing now.
Thankfully, he passes it to me silently, not removing his eyes from my chest.
“Ethan,” I try to get his eyes off my chest. Things are awkward enough without him staring at my exposed chest.
“So
rry, that’s amazing. Does it hurt?”
“Not really, it’s more weird than uncomfortable, but they hurt if I don’t feed them regularly.” Crap, I can’t believe I said that. My face turns bright red, amusing him.
“Still embarrassed? How is that even possible when you’re holding our children?” Shrugging, I feel Seb release me. I hand him to Ethan for winding. If he wants to stay, he’s going to have to learn.
He looks at me, his eyes huge, he looks terrified.
“Lily, I’ve never done this before.” He sounds so scared, I smile.
“Me neither, but I had to learn. So, put him over your shoulder, pat and rub his back gently.” He does so gingerly, making me giggle.
“He’s not going to break, just be gentle.” Smirking, he carries on while I sort myself and wind Eliza.
“Wow. You’re really good at this,” he smiles.
“I had classes,” I shrug, thanking god that I was able to attend them.
“Are you sure it’s okay if you stay tonight?” I smile hearing Eliza’s burp and kiss her soft cheek. Contentment washing over me, making me hopeful that I can be a good Mom.
I look up to see Ethan staring at me, love shining in his eyes. I look away, it’s just too painful.
“If it’ll cause too much trouble then go home,” I say, it comes out sharper than it was meant to, but the unfairness of the situation, and emotions swirling inside me right now take precedence.
Shocked by my sharp tone, he blinks, staring at me.
“It’s no trouble. I’d like to spend some time with them,” I nod, texting Mace, letting him know it’s safe to enter now.
He enters gingerly, but seeing me fully dressed, he comes and takes Eliza, holding her close humming like he did earlier.
I love that he loves the twin’s so completely he needs to hold them. Ethan doesn’t look so pleased with his brother’s fierce love and connection with his daughter.
“Ethan’s offered to stay, so you don’t need to worry about us. You do what you need to and I’ll see you bright and early.”
“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” I know, he’s worried about leaving us alone together.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. He wants to spend time with the twins,” nodding he passes Eliza to me, and approaches Ethan expecting him to hand over Seb.
He looks torn, then reluctantly passes Seb to his uncle.
Mace walks over to the window, talking quietly to Seb.
“Now, Sebby, uncle Mace needs to go to work. You need to take care of the girls for me okay? You be a good boy and I’ll be back in the morning.”
I turn to mush watching them, the fact that Seb seems to be listening intently to Mace is so cute.
Chuckling, Mace kisses his cheek and whispers. “Good boy.”
Catching us watching, he shrugs, smiling and hands him back to a dismayed Ethan.
“I’ll see you in the morning. Call if you need me, okay?” I nod smiling.
I sigh as Ethan scowls angrily at Mason's retreating back. I can see he still harbours jealous feelings where his brothers concerned.
“Do you still have a problem with Mace?” I ask, my voice quiet but harsh. I won’t allow anyone to harbour bad feelings toward Mace. He’s amazing. He has always been there when I needed him.
“No. Just upset that he’s closer to my kids than I am. I know it’s my own fault, and that’s why I’m angry at myself, not him.” I feel better knowing he’s finally taken responsibility for his actions.
“I wish I had done and said things differently. But I did what I thought was for the best at the time. I knew you were more than capable mentally and physically to take care of yourself and these two, but Ashley she isn’t. “
A sharp laugh escapes me. “You thought I was mentally and physically capable of taking care of twin babies at the age of eighteen? After all, that I’d been through mentally and emotionally the past year? I lost my Mom just before you walked into my life and turned it on its head. You were my first boyfriend… Lover… Friend with benefits or whatever the hell you want to call what we were.”
“I know, but you’re stronger than any one your age, because of that. I didn’t mean it the way it came across, but Ashley isn’t strong. She’s mentally weak and physically needs someone… Me.”
“Wow, so because I wasn’t needy enough, I got pushed to the side-lines to raise our children by myself, and because I take care of what I need to instead of bitching and trapping someone into marriage, I get left alone with no support what so ever?”
Thoroughly pissed, I get up to put Eliza down, forgetting that I’d just undergone surgery. I gasp at the pain that radiates through my belly.
Luckily I’d placed Eliza on the bed before getting up, or I might have dropped her. I close my eyes, trying to breathe through the pain, while holding onto the bed.
“Oh god, Lily, are you okay? You’re not supposed to be out of bed.”
Huffing out a breath, I ask him to put Eliza in her cot through gritted teeth.
God that hurts. I wish I hadn’t gotten so worked up now.
Gentle hands hold my sides trying to take the weight off me.
I freeze, his hands are on me and really close to my breasts. My breath is frozen in my lungs.
Clearing his throat, he moves his hands down. “Sorry, I... I didn’t mean to… It just happened. Here, let’s get you back into bed, you’re not supposed to be moving around yet.”
~*~
I must have fallen asleep after getting back into bed. I wake, my boobs aching.
I watch Ethan holding Sebastian close murmuring quietly. The sight is so heart-warming I snap another picture. It’s so beautiful I stay quiet, watching them, until Eliza wails for her feed and Seb follows like a little sheep, startling his dad.
“Let me just get these right, then you can pass them over, they’re hungry.”
“God, you weren’t joking about her vocal cords,” he cringes, making me chuckle.
“I’m ready now. I’m sorry, I’m not going to be able to cover up. If you’re uncomfortable, you can wait in the hall.” He shakes his head refusing to leave.
“It’s fine, as long as you’re okay with it?” I shrug, he’s already seen everything.
~*~
We get a few hours, sleep between feeds, burps and changing nappies. Ethan’s picked it all up quite fast and seems more at ease with holding them now.
But by the time nine a.m. rolls around, we’re both exhausted. Ethan looks rough in his wrinkled clothes, messy hair and bags under his eyes.
“Wow. Who knew parenthood was such a rough ride?” I giggle.
“Yeah, well, we do have twins. Would you be able to stay long enough to watch the twins while I shower?” I ask nervously, still not comfortable with asking anything of him yet.
“Yeah. I just need to call Alex.” He seems nervous. Is Ashley so bad, that even her husband is scared of her?
“Hi Alex.”
“Yeah, they’re fine,” his face breaks into a smile and he chuckles.
“Yeah. It was hard work, but I loved every minute,” he says, looking directly at me. I try not to see any double meaning in what he said. Not wanting to feel hopeful, but it’s there anyway.
God, will I always love him? Will I always hold out hope for us? I hope not or I really will end up alone
“Is Ash up yet?” I blanch involuntarily, blocking out his call, I stare at my beautiful babies stroking their soft cheeks.
They’re so beautiful. Seb looks up at me still feeding. The same eyes as his dad’s. I wonder if they’ll ever resent us for the choices we made? I wonder what the future holds for us? Hopefully Ethan will be there for them, even though he has another family. I must be a glutton for punishment, or an eternal optimist.
“Okay, just tell her I’ll be back in a bit.” The strain in his voice causes me to look up. His eyes are apologetic.
“Everything okay?”
“Yes.”
His quick answer sets off my anxiety.<
br />
“Are you sure? If it’s too much trouble you can go, I can wait till Mace gets here.”
“It’s fine. Just….”.
While I wait for him to continue, Eliza and Seb release me, thankfully. I cover myself quickly, I don’t want to have an unpleasant conversation with him while my boobs are out. I bundle them up, preparing myself.
“What is it Ethan? You’re making me nervous standing there looking like I’m going to rip your head off.”
“Erm, everything fine at home...” I manage to hold my wince this time.
He looks guiltily at me. “It’s just… Ash… She, erm, wants to… Come and meet the twins?” My jaw must be on the bed. I’m so shocked I can’t even blink. My brain is so silent, it’s scary. Is he actually asking if she can come here?
“Why would she want to meet your “brats”?” Sarcasm laces my words.
He looks even more afraid now than he did before, if that were even possible.
“She said… Since they’re my babies, she should get to know them, with…. Her being their step-mom.” He actually winces this time.
My anger rises. So rapidly and strong that I feel it burn in my belly.
How dare she call herself their step-mom. Who the fuck does she think she is? There’s no way in hell she’s getting anywhere near my kids.
Knowing I can’t and won’t shout in front of the twins, I press the nurses button. Minutes later a nurse comes into the room questions in her eyes.
“Could you take the twins to the nursery for a while please?” I don’t look away from Ethan, who gulps and pales.
“Of course. Is everything okay? Do you need any help?” She stutters, tuning into the frigid atmosphere between me and Ethan, I nod looking at her pale face.
“Yes, everything’s fine. We just need to talk and I want to take a shower. What time is the doctor coming?” Appeased, she pushes the button again and two other nurses come in, she tells them to take Seb and Eliza to the nursery.
“She should be here in about an hour,” she informs me before hustling out the room.
Turning back to Ethan. I take a deep breath, because I’m fucking furious that she has the gall to ask to see them, let alone call herself their step-mom after nearly killing them.