by S J Batsford
~*~
After a week Ethan starts making his visits again. Never with their daughter, though.
Weeks pass, with Ethan constantly radiating happiness. I don’t begrudge him his happiness, but I can't help feeling sad and lonely... It’s just hard to see it. Don't get me wrong, waking every morning to my twins’ smiles is amazing, it erases the sadness, filling me with happy memories of seeing them grow and learn. And being their Mom, is the most rewarding experience of my life, but the loneliness... Even Nan and Mace have noticed. So when Nan comes over and we have a small cookout, it lifts my spirits some watching Mace bond with the twins is amazing their faces mesmerised by their uncle Mace. I snap pictures capturing precious memories.
~*~
When my six-week check-up dawns. I wake feeling refreshed, thinking positively. Deciding it’s time for me to move on, maybe make some more friends. I feel so much better after the C-Section.
The morning of my check-up arrives and I’m nervous about leaving the twins for the first time.
I dress in a light pink, flowing summer dress, off the shoulder with matching flats. I look pretty good to say I just had twins. I’m pretty much back to my normal size, apart from a little baby fat. Unfortunately, my boobs are still huge and my arse is very much noticeable, but today I’m concentrating on being and feeling positive. After a small amount of makeup and a vigorous brushing of my locks, I like the result.
Happily walking downstairs, I see Ethan talking to Seb and Eliza. Smiling, I drop to the floor kissing both their cheeks.
“Okay, I’ll see you both in a little while, be good for daddy.”
“If they get hungry, I expressed milk this morning. It’s in the fridge just ask Mace he’s in the study. You know where everything else is. Thanks for doing this.” Receiving no answer. I look back at Ethan. Who is staring at me dazed, his eyes dark and shining with desire.
Oh, hell no. I can’t be pulled back into him.
“Ethan?” I snap, his eye shoot to mine from my body. Blinking, he licks his lips swallowing hard.
“Sorry, got it. Milk, fridge. Mace, study.” Nodding, I grab my bag, phone and keys.
“I have my phone if you need me, I shouldn’t be long.”
He walks me toward the door, “okay, we’ll be fine, don’t worry” I look back at him nervously and catch him checking out my arse.
“Ethan. Stop checking out my arse.”
Smiling guiltily, he holds his hands up in defence. “Hey, I can’t help it, you’re walking in front of me. God, your body’s changed since having the twins. You sure don’t look like an eighteen-year-old anymore.”
“Thanks, but I’m nineteen now.” I say sarcastically walking out the door.
~*~
After my check-up, I walk to my car, happily absorbing the rays. I text Ethan to let him know I’ll be home in a little while I just need to grab a few things for the twins.
Walking around the supermarket alone, it feels weird, because I’m usually with Mace or Nan. It’s refreshing to do normal things without being babysat though. I grab the nappies and wipes and head for the cashier, thankfully there aren’t a lot of people here, I’m getting anxious being away from the twins so long.
“You’ve got to be freaking kidding me!” I yell at my car frustrated, hitting the wheel.
Me to Ethan: I’ll be later than I thought. Car won’t start, sorry. I’ve called the local garage, I’ve got to sit here and wait.
Ethan: It’s fine, are you okay?
Me: I’m fine, just stuck at the store. Sorry, hope you’re okay to stay a little while longer. How are Seb and Eliza?
Ethan: Okay. It’s fine they’re my kids too, stop worrying. They’re adorable, perfect. We’re watching cartoons.
Me: Okay, if you’re sure. They’re here so see you soon.
Getting out the car I watch as a tall, lean young guy walks towards me. He’s handsome even in his grungy uniform. After a quick glance at me a quick “hi,” his head goes under the hood.
As he works, I check him out. His hair’s so dark it’s almost black. His shirt sleeves are rolled up, muscled arms on full display. They’re sexy, nicely tanned and look like they’d be comfy to snuggle into.
Wow. Am I really drooling over a guy’s arms?
“Your battery’s gone. It’ll need replacing, a couple of hours at the shop and it’ll be good to go,” he says, wiping his hands and turning towards me. His eyes take a slow trek from my legs all the way up until his eyes meet mine. His widening as he smiles.
“Hi, Lily. You don’t remember me do you? From school?”
Blinking, I really look at him. His eyes a rich chocolate brown, angular jaw, he has some scruff. But I don’t recall him. I was going through a rough time, so I probably wouldn’t.
“I’m sorry, I don’t. Were you in any of my classes?” I feel bad for not recognising him.
“No, but I was friends with Mason. Well, I was until he left. I’m Jackson Garcia.” His name rings a bell, but only vaguely. I shake his outstretched hand.
“Sorry, I went through a rough time while I was at school. How are you?” He nods, in understanding.
“Weren’t you pregnant?” He blurts, turning red.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that. I’m doing good. How are you?” Smiling, I cringe inside remembering how I was after my Mom died. Then everything with Ethan and finding out I was pregnant...
“It’s okay. Yeah, I was, gave birth six weeks ago,” he looks shocked, looking me up and down.
“Wow. You look great… I mean, to say you just had a baby,” he looks away his face getting redder by the minute.
I giggle. “Thanks, I had twins though, not just one.”
“Wow.” He sounds breathless, I blush under his gaze.
Clearing his throat, he lowers the bonnet of the car. “Anyway, you need a new battery. I can take it in and have it back to you in a couple of hours or so.”
Sighing, I grab my bag and shopping from the front seat.
“Do you need a ride home?” He asks, taking my keys.
“Yes, please, if you don’t mind.”
“Not at all. Let me just hook this up, then we can go.”
We chat all the way to my place, we laugh a lot. He tells me funny stories about his family and friends. I tell him about the twins and Mace. He asks about the twins’ dad and I tell him the short, simple version. That we didn’t work out, but he still sees the twins.
Pulling up outside my house, I feel sad.
“I’ll bring it back in a couple of hours, don’t worry,” I nod, grabbing the door handle.
“Lily?” Turning, I’m drawn into his gorgeous eyes.
“Yeah?”
“Would you… Like to go out sometime?” He sounds nervous. I’m shocked he’d want to go out with me, since I’m a single Mom and all.
“Yeah, I’d like that. You have my number on the paperwork, text me when and where.”
His smile lights up the truck, and my dormant heart flutters. Biting my cheek, I say bye and rush up the path, waving before going inside.
Blowing out a breath, I lean against the door, closing my eyes. God, it’s been ages since my heart's beaten that wildly. Smiling, I feel my excitement bubble, I can’t wait for this date.
“What’s put that smile on your face? I thought you’d be pissed about your car.” Ethan’s voice breaks my thoughts and my giddy mood. Shit, can I get a break?
Opening my eyes, to see him holding Seb over his shoulder, looking at me bewildered. I’m not sure whether to tell him or to keep it to myself.
I guess he’ll be okay, since he’s married and happy. Why shouldn’t I be happy too?
“Erm, it’ll be fixed and back in a few hours, needs a new battery,” I mutter, avoiding eye contact and going to take Seb. He hands him over, but I can feel his stare. I know he’s not going to give up, not when he can tell I’m purposefully changing the subject.
Sighing, I concede, I’ll have to tell him sooner or
later. “I just ran into an old friend of Mason’s from school, he was the mechanic who picked up my car. Erm, he asked me out,” I whisper, feeling bad.
Ethan looks stricken, which makes me feel worse. I shouldn’t have told him.
“Ethan…” I’m not sure what I can say. I have to move on, he’s married, and I don’t want to be alone forever. I may have a chance with Jackson.
“Are you going to go out with him?” He asks softly, not meeting my eyes, he’s staring at Sebastian who’s kicking and squirming.
“Yeah, I am.” This is so awkward. He looks close to tears, it’s so painful I tear up just seeing his face.
“Where’s Eliza?” He swallows twice, pointing toward the living room. Not able to bare his pain anymore, I go in search of my little girl.
I smile, taking in the sight of Mace and Eliza, snuggled on the sofa watching cartoons.
“Hey, you two.” Eliza looks around at my voice. “Aren’t you supposed to be working?”
Smirking, he shrugs. “What can I say? I love spending time with my niece and nephew and it just so happens that they love cartoons too.” He coos at Eliza, who looks at her uncle and bats him in the nose. I laugh, she’s such an uncle Mace’s girl.
Ethan still hasn’t come into the room. So, I sit by Mace and keeping my voice low tell him about running into Jackson and that we have a date.
He looks happy, then winces as I tell him about Ethan’s reaction.
“I think he’s upset, but what am I supposed to do Mace? He’s married.”
He nods sadly “I know, he just needs time to come to terms with it. You deserve to be happy though. So, when’s the big date?” I smile and kiss his cheek, he’s always got my back.
I place Seb flat on my knees and play with his feet, while he chews his fingers.
“I don’t know yet he’s going to text me. I’m really nervous, I haven’t been on many dates and only with…” I don’t finish my sentence as Ethan comes in looking mad.
“Mason, can you take the twins upstairs please? Lily and I need to have a talk.” His voice cold and unyielding, surprised Mace looks at me. I nod, if he’s going to rage I’d rather the twins be out of the room.
“You wanted to talk, so talk,” I snap, as Mason’s footfalls fade.
He has no right to be mad. He’s happy with his wife, why can’t I be too?
“Don’t you think it’s a bit soon to be dating, after having the twins?” His condescending tone pisses me off.
“Ethan, I’m going to say this once, so you better hear me,” standing, I look him in the eye. “What I do romantically is none of your business. My kids will always come first, but I deserve to be loved too. Whether that’s by Jackson or someone else is my choice. If it turns into more, then great. You need to get over it. You’re Seb and Eliza’s dad, not mine,” I try to keep my voice even and censor my words, so I won’t hurt him.
“It is my business though, they’re my kids too. I don’t want them being confused by their mom introducing them to different partners,” I don’t think he realised what he implied until my face hardens.
“Well, lucky for them, they don’t have a mother that jumps from one relationship or bed to another.” I know, I hit the mark when he winces looking down.
“Okay, I was out of line implying that and I’m sorry. But I don’t know how to deal with this. I thought we had just got on a smooth, even path and now you throw this at me.”
“Ethan you don’t have to deal with anything. What I do and who I see is none of your concern. This shouldn’t affect you, you’re with Ashley, happily married.”
I’m so tired of repeating myself. It seems I’m the only one of the two of us who remembers he’s married. Exhausted, I sit and close my eyes.
“You know that’s not true, and you know why it affects me.”
“Which part do I know isn’t true? And I don’t know why it affects you. You’re married and you’ve been blissfully happy the past few weeks.”
The sofa dips beside me, but I keep my eyes closed.
“What you do will always be my concern and you know why, it’s not a secret. I have been blissfully happy, because I have three beautiful children.”
“I can’t keep doing this. It’s not fair of you to keep implying that you love me and that my love life has anything to do with you. You don’t love me Ethan, if you did, you wouldn’t be married to anyone but me. You’re confused. Yes, I’m the mother of two of your children, but that’s it.”
“No, that’s not it, Lily. I do love you. It hurts to even think of you looking at another man, let alone dating one.”
“What do you expect me to do? Be alone for the rest of my life? While you get the best of both worlds? That’s not fair and you know it.” I huff, opening my eyes slightly.
Rubbing his face, he looks at me pleadingly. “Just give me some time to come to terms with it? I know you deserve to be happy and loved, and I know it’s unfair. But I love you and no matter what has happened, you love me, too. I know you do; I can see it in your eyes.”
Reaching out he strokes my face gently. It feels good, but wrong. I close my eyes mustering the strength to pull away. I jump feeling warm, soft lips touch mine. My eyes flash open meeting his now dark ones.
“Please, Lily, just...” He’s breathless, staring at my mouth. My heart is beating fiercely. My mind a whir of confusion, I want to kiss him because he’s still the man I love, but I know we shouldn’t, that he’s not mine. It will only complicate things more.
His eyes flicker closed and he kisses me again and moans, the moan that drives me crazy. I forget everything and kiss him back urgently, revelling in the taste of his mouth and tongue. I moan as his scent invades my senses.
I slide my fingers through his soft, wavy hair. More than anything I’ve missed doing this, every time I see him I want to run my fingers through it.
“Lily,” my name a moan as he pushes me flat on the sofa, settling on top of me. My body automatically accepting his.
His hands run up and down my sides, greedily. I pull my mouth away needing to breath, he moves down my jaw and neck to the generous swells of my breasts. God, it feels amazing to have his weight on top of me, his mouth on my heated skin, his hair running through my fingers.
We freeze at the shrill sound of his phone ringing. We look at each other slightly shocked and disgusted on my part.
“Ignore it, please. I need a few more minutes just being me and you. I can’t be sorry for this. I’ve wanted to do this for months. I miss you, more than I ever thought it possible to miss anyone.”
“I’m sorry, I feel guilty and cheap. Please get off me,” I look away. What the hell am I doing?
“Lily, you’re not cheap, we’re in love. This is what people in love do.” He strokes my face, but I cringe away, blinking back tears. I hate myself right now.
“People in love aren’t usually married to another person. People in love, who do this usually aren’t cheating on their wife in the process. We can’t do this. I won’t do this.”
“You’d better call whoever's call you just missed.” My voice is shaky, but firm. I won’t be the other woman again. He got married, and that left no room for us. As a result, I have to move on and find someone for me.
Sighing, he grabs his phone from his pocket, looking even more guiltily at me.
“Hey, yeah, sorry, I was busy… With the twins.” I look away, not even wanting to look at him.
“Yeah, she’s back. I’ll be home in a few minutes then. You, too, bye.” I squeeze my eyes closed. Hearing him profess his love to her cemented my resolve and breaks my heart.
“Lily…” Shaking my head, I stand and quickly wipe my eyes.
“It’s fine, go.”
“Lily, we need to talk. Are you still…? “
My phone rings this time.
“Hey, Jackson. Yeah, I’m at home, I don’t have a car remember,” his laugh is smooth, seductive. I look out the window, blushing.
“Your car�
�s done, I can bring it by now if you like.”
“That would be great, Mace probably wants to say hi, too.”
“You told Mace about...?”
“I tell Mace most things, but we live together and he wanted to know where my smile came from, so…”
“I’m glad I made you smile. Is it okay if I come by then, and catch up with Mace?” He’s hesitant to assume anything.
“Yeah, I’d like that, but the twins are here so it may be noisy.” I bite my cheek, hoping he’ll be okay with the twins because if it’s not, that’s a deal-breaker.
“I’d love to meet them. I love kids, so I think we’ll be fine.”
My relief and happiness is so evident I feel Ethan shooting daggers at me.
“Okay, then I’ll see you in a while. Bye.” Turning, I see a very pissed off Ethan, arms crossed tapping his foot impatiently.
“I thought we agreed it was too soon for you to start dating?” Whoa. I didn’t agree to shit.
“Hang on a second. I didn’t agree to anything. You made your feelings known and I heard you. I won’t bring loads of men into the twins' lives, but that doesn’t mean I won’t date. Jackson is a nice bloke and we’re attracted to each other. I want to see if we could have something.”
“But you’re still in love with me. How can you go out with some other guy?” The gall.
“Erm, you seem to forget that you said you loved me when you were with Ashley. Got me pregnant, promised me the world and left me anyway to marry her. And now you ask… No, you decide that it’s too soon for me to date. That I shouldn’t be able or want to go out with another bloke because I still love you, but you live with and sleep with your wife every day. You’ve got some balls. You got your happily ever after, what about mine?” I yell, surprised at his selfishness.
“Just leave it alone please? I’m asking nicely.”
He agrees, but doesn’t look very happy.
“You need to go, Jackson is on his way over and it’ll be awkward if you’re here.” I’m pleading, but I want my fresh start to go as smoothly as possible, and Ethan will be territorial and possessive. It’ll just make things harder than need be.