by TC Matson
She nods. “They always have great food.”
That’s the extent of our conversation for the next twenty minutes as we finish eating in silence. It’s not awkward, but it’s not comfortable. Since the kitchen, the air has become palpable, thickening with tension.
She pushes her unfinished plate onto the coffee table, grabs the remote and flips through the channels until she lands on a rerun of White Collar.
Smiling, I toss my napkin on her plate and slide mine under hers. “I’ve watched every single episode,” I admit. “I loved this show.”
She doesn’t look at me. “I only watch it for Matt Bomer.”
“Of course,” I breathe a chuckle.
Aimee jerks to her feet, snatches our plates, and quickly makes her way into the kitchen to deposit them onto the counter with a clank. She leans against the counter with her palms, head hanging down as she breathes—slowly pulling in an inhale and letting it out.
Once she realizes I’m watching, she straightens with an expression I can’t make out.
“I really appreciate you doing all this, helping me, making sure I’m fine.” She uses her hands as she talks. “I truly do, but right now, I need you to leave.” Her voice wavers on the end of the sentence.
“No. You don’t.”
Anger flashes. “Yes, Cody. I do. I don’t need you swooping in. I’m not a damsel in distress. I’ve been taking good care of myself on my own without a man.”
Her words grate my spine. “I don’t think you’re a damsel in distress.”
“Then leave me alone!” she shouts, her chest heaving.
The moment her words register, her anger slips into shock, but she continues to hold her ground.
I grind my molars together realizing she only sees me as a burden and not what we could be, what I’ve been trying to get her to see. The feelings in my chest? They’re new. “When will you quit punishing everyone because of what he did? Not all men are the same. We’re not all cut from the same cloth.”
“This has nothing to do with William,” she seethes, pain riding out.
“Does it not? Really? You’re only punishing yourself and preventing your own happiness because you’re scared. You’re pushing everyone away, but there’s one problem. I saw you in Florida. The raw, vulnerable, you. You let your guard down and I saw everything I needed to see in your eyes. You want me just as much as I want you.”
Her chest rises and falls, mirroring mine. “You didn’t see anything, Cody. Nothing.”
“When I was inside of you, I saw it all, Aimee. You gave yourself in that moment. You gave me a glimpse.”
“I gave you nothing but an orgasm.” Her voice is level and full of conviction.
Exasperation demoralizes me. All my thoughts screech to a halt. Inside my chest feels like a knife twisting. I blow a heavy breath. “Right. Nothing but an orgasm.” On my heel, I spin around and grab my briefcase and jacket. “See you tomorrow,” I toss out as I leave before I can say things I’ll never be able to take back or make right.
ELEVEN
Although I was with Brooklyn when she picked out her wedding dress and knew how beautiful it was, nothing prepared me to seeing her in it today. With her hair and makeup done, glowing with a mixture of excitement and nerves, she’s even more breathtaking.
She smooths her hands over the ballerina bodice to the cascading skirt and fluffs it out. “Is it okay to be nervous? Is it bad luck? Shouldn’t I be excited?” she rambles flicking her view between Shyla and me with anxiety eating her.
“I was scared shitless. Remember? You laughed at me,” Shyla says.
“I take it back. All of it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I laughed,” she rushes out, her voice trembling.
Needing to calm her down before she freaks out and her makeup becomes a mess, I squeeze her hands. “I’m willing to bet you’ll break Nathan’s stoic expression when he sees you. Today will be the day he buckles and you bring him to his knees. He’ll cry, for sure. And if he doesn’t, I’ll stomp his foot until he does.”
For a moment, the tension subsides, and we all laugh.
“You look so beautiful,” Shyla adds just as there’s a knock on the door. She hurries away leaving just B and me.
“I don’t think I’ve had the chance to tell you how happy I am for you.” My voice cracks and tears…damn these tears. I try blinking them away furiously. “You two are meant to be together and I’m so glad we set you up. I’m totally jelly,” I quip because it’s getting deep.
Sympathy stares at me and I hate it. “Are you okay?”
Barely hanging on by a thread… “This is your day, B. Of course I’m okay. I’m over the top for you to start this new chapter of your life.”
“Your dad has asked for a moment alone with you,” Shyla announces. “Aimee and I have been summoned to gear up anyway.” She kisses Brooklyn’s cheek, grinning widely. “Catch you on the flip side.”
We make our way from her master bedroom and down the stairs to find our wedding partners—which, I’m not really excited to find. Yesterday, Cody was quiet, all business, no snarky remarks or flirty banter. It was like I didn’t know him at all. I wanted so badly to apologize for what I said, that I truly didn’t mean it, but I just couldn’t tell him he was right…
When we round the corner into the living room, my eyes land on Cody and my ovaries combust. My heart slaps my chest before leaping into my throat. Apparently the racket wakes the butterflies in my stomach and they begin to flurry.
His normally tousled dirty blond hair is fixed, swooping to the side. Not slicked, but sexily textured. The light-gray long-sleeved shirt that matches Nathan’s suit is rolled up to his elbows and the dark charcoal vest, the same color as his slacks, is pressed tightly against his beautifully delicious body.
Holy mother of all things sexy.
His smile is genuine—true and happy—as he laughs with Brady and Nathan.
“I’m going to object and steal her,” Cody jokes with a ton of humor.
“Stop this and I’ll make sure you’re unable to walk for the rest of your life,” Nathan replies without a trace of humor in his tone.
Cody smirks that sexy smirk of his. “As long as my dick still gets hard…”
Brady notices us first and clears his throat to get their attention. When they look to him, he tips his chin in our direction. The moment Cody spots us, his gaze slides down my body. His smirk explodes into a full-blown grin and he licks his lips.
“Damn. Look at the two of you.” Brady kisses Shyla on the cheek. His attire is the same as Cody’s just vice versa on the colors. The mixed matched look between the groomsmen and groom is chic.
Cody keeps his distance.
“How’s Brooklyn?” Nathan asks.
“Ready to meet you at the altar,” Shyla replies sweetly.
As if right on cue, Natalie, the wedding planner, comes rushing to us. “It’s time to go!” She ushers us into the staging area just inside the house.
As rehearsed, soft music begins to play and it’s Nathan’s cue to head down the aisle, but not before him and Cody share a hug. Cody whispers something I can’t hear to him, and then Nathan disappears out the back door and into the seated crowd.
Cody grins down to me. “Think anyone will notice my raging hard-on?”
I choke on a laugh, fighting the urge to look and see if he’s telling the truth or not. “Tuck him into your waistband because we’re about to have several eyes on us.”
His deep chuckle washes over my body. “You look…” His gaze travels lazily over my body, warming every inch it touches. His eyes follow the spaghetti straps down to the V neck that shows off a very classy amount of cleavage, sliding over my princess bodice and past the slender rhinestone belt to the pastel chiffon that sweeps off my hips, clean and crisp, and falls to my shoes. Ever so slowly, his perusal begins to ascend but snags at the start of my slit on my hips. His eyes dilate, heating with desire before flicking back up. “You look sensationally gorgeous, Aimee.”
The
way his deep voice wraps around the lust forces the air to rush out of my lungs. I meet his gaze, staring at the sincerity. I open my mouth to say something, probably something stupid since my brain has cross-fired, but Natalie breaks the trance.
“You’re up!”
Shaking the thoughts out of my head, I rip my eyes from him to the door in front of us, hook my arm into his, grip the bouquet of dark purple calla lilies, and nod. As we take our steps out and down the white aisle runner toward a smiling Nathan, my heart thunders in my eyelids. How Cody makes me feel cherished and wanted drops from my mind and is replaced by the fact that for the second time this year I’m walking down an aisle that’s not mine. The familiar sting burns the back of my eyes and deep in my cheeks as I force my smile and the tears away.
“You’re going to outshine the bride today,” Cody whispers from his polished smile.
“You wait until you see her. She’s breathtaking.” I hold my smile and keep my eyes trained to the archway at the end.
“She can’t steal my breath away when you’ve already taken it. I’ll be too busy staring at you to even see her.” The affection in his voice yanks my attention to him. There’s not a drop of sarcasm in his emerald irises. It makes my stomach flutter and trepidation detonate beneath my skin.
Things I don’t need to feel for Cody—the heartbreaker.
I blink back to Nathan. “Stop.” The word final.
With a low hum, he gives my arm a gentle squeeze as I move on shaky legs to stand in my spot. Shyla and Brady stroll our way, happily in love, and smiling at each other with stars in their eyes. I want that—the loving glances…
Peeking over to Cody, I catch him keeping promise to his words. His eyes are latched on to mine. My pulse spikes as my stomach dips. Quickly, I avert my gaze to Shyla as she steps beside me.
The wedding march begins. Everyone stands and my heart breaks.
* * *
The wedding ceremony was perfect. Nathan and Brooklyn shared their vows staring deeply into each other’s eyes, and when it was time to kiss the bride, Nathan really kissed his bride. Nothing was planned to be too formal, so when it was time for the reception, workers took the chairs to the tables that were set up closer to the house.
Under fairy lights, I watched my best friend and her new husband share their first dance as husband and wife. Her smile shined the brightest as they talked and laughed while Nathan held her against him. Seeing Brooklyn finally have her happily ever after made my heart sing. But it was a strange feeling to be wildly happy as my heart shattered in secret.
Their wedding song ends and it’s the cue for the wedding party to join—the dance I’ve been dreading because the last thing I want to do is be in the arms of the man I can’t quit thinking about.
His fingers wrap around my hip as he leads us to the dance floor where he slides his arm around my waist, takes my hand in the other, and we start to dance.
“You’re most certainly outshining the bride,” he whispers as he sways us.
I look everywhere but up to him. “Thanks.”
“I’m glad you’re feeling better.”
“Thank you for, you know, taking care of me.” I tell the top button of his shirt.
“I told you it was no problem. I enjoyed it.”
“You never objected the wedding,” I titter, desperate to change the subject and letting him know I overheard that conversation before the wedding.
His chest vibrates under my palm as he chuckles. He lifts a shoulder nonchalantly. “Yeah. What can I say? I like my legs.”
Under his stare, I feel vulnerable, like he can see into my heart and soul and he knows how hard I’m trying to keep it together. Like he sees that although my smile is genuine and real, today hurts.
He pulls me closer against his body and squeezes my hand as he brings it to his chest. “I could stare into your eyes for days.”
“Please don’t start this today,” I quietly beg. It’s not the place where ripping heads off would be appropriate. “I don’t want to cause a scene at a wedding.”
“One shot is all I’d need for you to see I’m nothing like what you think I am. You wouldn’t have a single doubt in that beautiful head of yours because I’d treasure you.”
“I was treasured and look what happened.” Anger wraps around my vocal cords.
He shakes his head. “You weren’t treasured or cherished. Your ass wasn’t set on cloud nine. You were handed false security, where with me, there’d be nothing false about it.”
My temper threatens to break through. “What makes you so damn certain?” I grit my teeth, hating this stupid long ass song right now.
“I’d give up my entire world to put that smile back on your face, the one that’s free and shines out like a beacon. The second I laid eyes on you, the ground shook under my feet and it has every single time since.”
He tightens his grip on my hand as I try pulling it out from his.
“When you know, you just know.”
Finally able to jerk my hand from his, I glare up to him, hating how his words are filling me with unwanted hope. “You don’t know anything, Cody. The only reason you want me or us is because it’s forbidden and it’s the fucking chase that’s giving you the thrill.”
His eyes narrow.
“Thanks for the dance,” I say and then rush off the dance floor leaving pieces of my heart behind.
TWELVE
The music is dulled by the distance. Laughter and chatter are softened by separation. I’ve held myself together today, keeping my smile real. On the outside, I was smiling, truly happy for my best friend as she married her soulmate and the man of her dreams. Brooklyn deserves her happily ever after. She’s the most genuine, sweetest human being on this planet and most importantly, she’s like my sister, one I love dearly.
But on the inside, I was smacked with the truth. I haven’t let go of all the hurt the cheating bastard bestowed on me like I thought I had. All my dreams of marriage and being in love are hard to forget when they’ve been promised and thought about every day for years. None of that is in my near future.
Then there’s the little twinge of hope Cody gives me. The blossoming in my chest created by him scares the shit out of me. He makes me want again… I’m sure it’s just the emotions associated with a joyous occasion like this, but I couldn’t help but be filled with hope that one day I will get to experience it with a man I love and who loves me enough to call me his wife.
After I hurried off the dance floor, I made my way to our table and sipped wine. Cody’s toast had me giggling and the cutting of the cake had me smiling—truly smiling—because Brooklyn threatened Nathan within an inch of his life if he messed up her makeup. If I were him, I would’ve tested the limits of that threat.
While everyone enjoyed their slice of cake, I disappeared inside the house to the guest bedroom. For a few minutes, I watched the beautiful setup from the window until my heart ached so much it promised tears. I refuse to cry today. Not today. It’s Brooklyn’s day. Not my pity party.
My legs are spread out in front of me with my back against the wall. A bottle of wine I snagged from the caterer rests in my hands as I enjoy the solitude. Nothing screams happiness like chugging Cabernet Sauvignon straight from the bottle. Life can’t get much better than this.
I don’t look up at the footsteps, hoping whoever it is has gotten lost looking for the bathroom and will pass by without noticing me.
“Damn if you’re not the queen of hide and seek. I’ve been looking all over the place for you,” Cody says from the doorway.
Flicking my wrist, I keep my stare on my manicured toes. “I don’t feel like being found right now.”
He takes a deep breath in and then sits beside me on the wall, stretching his legs out and crossing his ankles. “Well, I found you. What are you doing here?”
Realizing my life’s disappointments.
Shaming myself for them.
Suffering in my loneliness.
A lump form
s in my throat and my eyes begin to burn again. “Sulking in misery.”
Cody reaches out and grabs the bottle from my hand, taking a long sip before placing it back in my grasp. “You realize he’s not worth it?”
Everyone thinks it’s William. I shake my head. “It’s not him I’m hurt over.”
“Then what has you sitting in an empty room alone looking beautiful as ever while your best friend’s wedding is exuding happiness for all the world below?”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“Let me take a stab at it. It was supposed to be you.”
Asshole.
My head snaps to him, anger curdling my blood. “Yeah. It was. It should be me. I thought for sure…” I shake the thought out of my head. “I wasted years of my life, years of unrequited love that I’ll never get back.” I close my eyes and drop my head to the wall. “Fuck love.”
“Not wasted years. Lessons learned. Be happy you dodged a bullet with that fuckface.”
“I wouldn’t have married him. I wasn’t in love with him anymore.” Admitting it to someone other than my best friends feels…freeing. “The years of absence and empty conversations did me in a long time ago. He was just my comfort zone.”
Cody grabs the bottle for another swig.
“I swear I’m happy for Brooklyn and Nathan. They’re perfect for each other. I just thought my life would be different at twenty-six and apparently the epiphany decided to hit home today of all days. I’m pushing thirty. You know how hard it is to find love at my age.”
He sputters a laugh, not at all trying to stifle it. “‘Cause you’re old as shit. Soon you’ll be sprouting hair in really weird places and changing the worn-out tennis balls on your walker.”
And all that while I’m alone. No husband or family.
Tears build behind my lids and seep past my lower lashes. Dammit.
Cody gets to his feet and stretches his hand out. “Come on. Let’s get out of here.”
I wave him off. “I’m fine.”
“It wasn’t a question.” When he’s stern, it’s sexy.