by Evie Drae
Plus, hadn’t he just reminded himself of the importance of maintaining his independence with Henry? If he stopped contributing to his own subsistence and let Henry “take care” of him, he would lose respect for himself, and his very existence would become a liability to the continued health and happiness of their relationship.
“It’s not that I don’t want to come with you, but…” Ellis winced when Henry’s hopeful expression flattened into an unreadable mask. “I can’t leave. I have a job, a family. Obligations.”
Henry circled the tip of his tongue along the point of an incisor as he absorbed Ellis’s words, then sighed and rolled off Ellis to stare up at the ceiling. Neither of them were in the mood anymore, but Henry’s departure still hit Ellis with both a physical and emotional chill. He shivered and tugged at the blankets until they covered his exposed skin, leaving his heart to bear the brunt of Henry’s distant silence.
“I want to spend every possible moment with you while you’re still here, and am open to trying a long-distance relationship when you go on tour—”
“Long-distance relationships never work. Especially not in my line of work.” Henry’s voice was eerily flat. Emotionless. Terrifying. “It’s not like I can come see you on weekends or anything. The schedule is packed. Days off are spent traveling from one city to another. We might go months or even a year or more without seeing each other in person. That isn’t a relationship.”
The frigid chill turned arctic, and Ellis pulled the covers tighter around his shoulders, willing their warmth into the frozen tundra overtaking his insides. “We could talk on the phone. Or video chat. It would be better than nothing, wouldn’t it?”
Again, Henry was silent for a long stretch before speaking. “For a while, sure, but then…?” He cursed and swung his legs over the side of the bed. After standing, he tugged his boxer briefs over his hips, then stalked across the room to yank the blinds open so the moonlight could spill unhindered into the room, mitigating the darkness.
Turning to face Ellis, Henry crossed his arms over the expanse of his leanly muscled chest and furrowed his brow. “I don’t understand why you’d choose staying here over coming with me. I don’t buy the job and stepfamily as real excuses. You’ve said yourself that your heart isn’t in this job, and Ray and Suzette are monstrous at best. So what’s the real reason?”
Huffing out a sigh, Ellis slid up the bed until he could sit against the headboard. With the blankets pooled in his lap, he was left exposed and vulnerable. “You’re right. I don’t love being a stagehand when it was only supposed to be a foot-in-the-door position and I can’t seem to escape it, even ten years later. Still, it’s my job. It’s how I make a living. It’s part of who I am. And as for Ray and Suze?” Ellis lifted a shoulder and fiddled with the edge of the comforter. “Are they perfect? No. But they’re still family. And they need me. This is my home. It’s all I’ve ever known. It’s all I’ve ever had.”
Latching on to those words, a glint of hope lit Henry’s eyes. He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled up a knee so he could face Ellis. “I used to think a home was a physical place, but it isn’t. It’s a lot more than somewhere you live. It’s a feeling. It’s warmth and love and every good emotion you can imagine all rolled into one beautiful package.”
Henry placed a palm over Ellis’s heart and offered a soft, crooked smile. “You’re my home, baby. You’re everything I was looking for during those lonely nights on the road when I thought it was physical permanency I lacked.”
Something niggled its way into Ellis’s chest and cracked the ice there with a fiery blaze of remorse and guilt and agonizing regret. By refusing to leave Vegas, was he essentially telling Henry he didn’t love him?
The temptation was there to cave to the dreadful terror of hurting Henry. To ignore his own desires and concerns. To bend himself to Henry’s will. But only disaster could come from such a decision. Just as Ellis feared Henry’s resentment if he allowed himself to become a burden on their relationship, so too did he fear his own if he gave up too much of himself to please Henry.
“I love you, Henry. I don’t want to lose you, but I can’t commit to such a big change when what we have is still so new.” Ellis diverted his gaze when Henry’s face fell. He couldn’t keep watching the pain his words would cause. “I can’t leave the life I have here until I’ve figured out how I can continue being who I am somewhere else. For the time being, this is where I need to be. I need to work, and I need to be here. For Ray and for Suze and for me.”
When Henry’s warm palm cupped Ellis’s cheek, guiding his eyes up so their gazes could meet, Ellis’s heart pinched. The rejection he’d feared wasn’t clouding Henry’s eyes. Instead, they swam with tears but spoke of understanding and acceptance. “I love you too, baby. I won’t pressure you into doing anything you aren’t comfortable doing, and if leaving Vegas to tour with me isn’t what’s right for you when the time comes, then we’ll figure out a way to make it work. Just… Will you do me one favor?”
The tight band around Ellis’s chest loosened enough to allow him a small gulp of air. He nodded. “Anything.”
Brushing his thumb over Ellis’s bottom lip, Henry blinked back his tears and smiled. “Will you think about it? Over the next three months, will you keep an open mind on the subject and see if, maybe, an acceptable middle ground might be found? Something that might give us both what we want?”
“Of course.” Ellis captured Henry’s wrist and pulled him back into bed. When their bodies were intertwined once more, he brought their lips together for a languid, love-fueled kiss. “If there’s an answer, we’ll find it.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Cinder strolled through the backstage area, clutching a to-go cup of coffee and grinning to himself. The memory of waking to Ellis’s solid warmth at his side wrapped around Cinder like a comforting hug, while the ghost of Ellis’s good morning kiss still lingered sweetly on his lips. Never in Cinder’s twenty-nine years had he ever been as happy as he was right now.
When he’d asked Ellis to move in and begged him to consider following Cinder on tour, Ellis’s initial response had nearly eviscerated Cinder. He’d feared Ellis didn’t see their relationship going the same places he did.
But he’d long since laid that anxiety to rest. The past two and a half months had been pure bliss. Even better than the two before that, and lightyears better than his first month in Vegas—the time he now referred to as post-meeting the man of his dreams but pre-realizing it.
Ellis had quietly moved his scarce belongings into Cinder’s house the day after their talk, and just like that, they now spent every free moment together without fail. Although it meant Ellis sacrificing a bit of time out of his day to make the trek to and from Cinder’s home, he had claimed it worth the loss of sleep. Especially considering he could often sneak a nap while his security team battled the traffic for him—something Cinder had insisted upon. Cinder might enjoy driving himself now and again, but there was no way in hell he’d let Ellis take public transportation when his security crew had a perfectly good mode of transport Ellis could be safely tucked inside.
Thankfully, Ellis hadn’t fought him too hard on that idea. Afterall, if he’d insisted on taking the bus, the security team would’ve had to as well, and Ellis was nothing if not accommodating to everyone else’s comfort and ease.
Still, if Cinder had thought he’d known the meaning of home before, there was no doubt he understood now. Living with Ellis was like taking that first breath of life-sustaining oxygen after trying to hold out as long as he could underwater.
He felt like, for the first time ever, he was finally living.
The only dark spot left was the wavering uncertainty about what would happen when the final curtain fell on Cinder’s Vegas show in only a few short weeks. They’d talked about Ellis coming with him a couple of times since their initial conversation, but Ellis remained hesitant. Cinder liked to believe he was wearing him down, but at the same time, he didn’t
want to be yet another albatross around Ellis’s overburdened shoulders.
If a long-distance relationship was the only feasible route right now, Cinder would make it happen. He’d rework the tour schedule so he had a few longer stretches off every month. And he’d insist Ellis keep living in the desert estate, which would allow him to officially give up the caretaker position. That would mean he’d have days off too.
They could make it work. Honestly, there was no other option. Ellis was the most important thing in Cinder’s life. They either found a way around this road bump or they drove straight over it. There was no turning back or giving up.
“Get your grubby paws off me, old man.”
Cinder’s attention shot toward Lizbeth’s angry growl, followed by a ringing smack that sounded distinctly like a palm meeting a well-deserving cheek. He jogged toward the commotion, his hackles already raised. When he rounded the corner and found Lizbeth squared off against the red-faced bulk of none other than Ray fucking Brunswick, Cinder’s fury turned venomous.
“What the hell’s going on here? Liz, you okay?”
Lizbeth’s eyes spat fire when she rounded on Cinder until she realized his arrival wasn’t adding to the threat of the situation. “This prick is getting handsy and doesn’t seem to understand what the word no means.” She pointed a finger at Ray, who sneered and crossed his arms in a cocky “prove it” move that had Cinder’s rage surpassing the boiling point in no time flat.
Fists clenched, he stepped between Lizbeth and Ray. Nothing would satisfy him more than beating this smarmy asshole to a bloody pulp. Considering what he’d done to Ellis after their relationship first became public and several of Ellis’s inadvertent admissions about his brutal childhood under Ray’s thumb, Cinder had wanted to kick Ray’s sorry ass into next Sunday for a long while now.
“I’d suggest you apologize, Brunswick. And make me believe you mean it, or you won’t like what happens next.”
Ray scoffed and rolled his eyes. “I’ve got nothin’ to be sorry about. The little lady here got things confused, tha’s all.”
With a snort, Lizbeth stepped around Cinder to glare daggers at Ray. “As if, you creepy bastard. You’ve been riding the edge of inappropriate since day one. I’m not a wilting flower who’s gonna let you get away with blatant sexual harassment.”
“It’s my word against yours, sweetheart.” Chuckling, Ray pressed a fist into the palm of his opposite hand, cracking each knuckle in turn. His glassy eyes shifted from Lizbeth to Cinder and back again. “Poor li’l Lezzy Lizzy doesn’t have the best rep with the crew, anyway. Likes to tease and flit around, flaunting that girl-on-girl business. Everyone knows she’s askin’ for attention, then goes and gets all prim ’n’ proper when she gets it.”
When Lizbeth reared forward, Cinder threw out an arm to stop her. Between clenched teeth, he hissed, “Go find Kumiko. I’ve got this.”
She placed a protective hand over her belly and turned her eyes on Cinder. “Don’t do anything stupid. You’ve gotta be onstage in less than an hour. No breaking your hand or nose or anything else you need to be your rock star self, ’kay?” She rounded on Ray and smirked. “We can leave the tough love up to my lovely lady wife. It’s been a while since she’s had the opportunity to use her black belt in aikido.”
Cinder coughed to hide a laugh when Ray turned ashen and Lizbeth flounced away, her jab hitting exactly where she wanted it to. Anyone who knew anything about aikido would know it was a martial arts style that was peaceful in nature, emphasizing holds instead of strikes while using the opponent’s aggression against themselves. It was for self-defense rather than offense, but Cinder wouldn’t clarify on Ray’s behalf. Let the guy shiver in his boots for a bit.
Once Lizbeth was out of earshot, Ray cracked his knuckles. Again. It was all Cinder could do not to roll his eyes to the heavens and cackle at the boorish show of oh-so-manly strength. Tilting his head and squinting an eye, Cinder gave Ray a slow once-over. “It’s a shame it took so long for us to finally meet, Brunswick. And on such unpleasant terms.”
Ray barked out a coarse laugh. “Don’t act all high ’n’ mighty with me, boy. Fame doesn’t mean shit to me.”
“No?” Cinder twisted his face in mock intrigue. “Here I thought it meant an awful lot. You sure got cranky when you found out Ellis and I were dating. I was under the impression it had something to do with who I was. Otherwise, your little temper tantrum over the subject makes even less sense. What is it, then? You don’t like to see Ellis happy, or what?”
Face contorting into a mask of loathing disgust, Ray turned away as if he couldn’t stand to look at Cinder anymore.
“You’ll be gone in a few weeks, then Ellis can get his focus back where it belongs. On work. And his family.” Ray made a revolting noise at the back of his throat before spitting at Cinder’s feet. “Won’t be any more nancy boy shit happenin’ once you’re outta the picture. I’ll set him straight again, don’t you worry.”
Seething wrath colored Cinder’s vision in a kaleidoscope of fiery reds, bruised purples, and pulsing blacks. His muscles vibrated as he fought against the urge to punch Ray square in the nose. Without thinking, he hissed in return, “Yeah? What’ll you do if I take Ellis with me when I go?”
Ray’s eyes bulged, the muscles in his neck and jaw jumping beneath his mottled skin. “He wouldn’t dare.”
“Wouldn’t dare, what? Live his life?” Cinder’s teeth chattered in rage. “Ellis is a grown man who holds no obligation to anyone but himself. If he were to choose to leave Las Vegas behind, along with your sorry ass, it would be his prerogative to do so. You’d have no say.”
“Wouldn’t I?” Ray narrowed his eyes. “We’ll see ’bout that.”
By the time Kumiko and Lizbeth returned a few minutes later, Ray had taken off and left Cinder seeing angry, exploding stars that tunneled his vision and made his ears buzz and his head spin.
“Where’d that piece of shit go?” Kumiko stomped up beside Cinder and shoved his shoulder to get his attention. “He’s sooo fired. Gone. ‘Time to pack his sexual harasser handbag and hit the homophobic highway’ kinda gone.”
Lizbeth sauntered over and wrapped an arm around Kumiko’s waist, resting her head on Kumiko’s shoulder with a blissful sigh. “I love when you pull out the protective Mama Bear plus Badass Boss routine. Nothing hotter, I swear.”
Cinder shook his head to try and free it of the thought-clouding fury. “Brunswick took off. Probably for the best, because I’m not sure how much longer I was gonna last without punching the fucker’s lights out.”
Huffing out a breath, Kumiko crossed her arms. “Hopefully, he was smart enough to pack his shit, because I’ve already called the big man upstairs, and that was the final nail in Raymond Brunswick’s coffin. He’s been on the way out for a while now, apparently. Too many drunken mishaps and a history of treating staff and talent like shit. I’m glad to be the one to seal the deal. No one treats my wife and the mother of my child with anything but the respect she deserves.”
A wave of guilt washed through Cinder, dampening his anger. He’d known for months that Ray had abused Ellis since childhood. Hell, he had seen solid proof it still went on to this very day. And yet, despite that knowledge, he’d sat back and done nothing to stop it. Then, he’d been nearsighted and selfish enough to egg on the sadistic bastard despite Ellis making it obvious—without even saying a word—that he suffered whenever Ray got pissed.
It didn’t matter if Ellis had begged Cinder not to get involved or that he tried to convince Cinder not to worry because it “really wasn’t that bad.” If Cinder loved Ellis as much as he said he did—which wasn’t even a question—then he should’ve done something a long time ago to protect him.
He should’ve been the one to get Ray fired. Months ago. And Ellis’s security should’ve been upped and required to monitor him everywhere but inside the safety of Cinder’s home.
No, their home. That house was only home because Ellis was in it, an
d no matter whose name was on the deed, it belonged as much to Ellis as it did Cinder.
Resolve pulsing through his veins, Cinder brushed a kiss over both Kumiko’s and Lizbeth’s cheeks. “Sorry to run, babes. Kumi, give Liz some extra love for me, will ya?”
“I don’t need love. I need a punching bag.” Lizbeth harrumphed, her arms folded and resting on her oversized stomach.
“That can be arranged.” Kumiko gave her wife’s shoulder a squeeze before motioning Cinder on. “You go take care of your beau, boo. I’ve got mine covered.”
Tossing them a wink, Cinder headed for the backstage area in search of Ellis. He was done keeping his distance from the man he loved to appease his tyrannical and abusive stepfather. Ray was out, and Cinder and Ellis were going to enjoy the final weeks of his engagement at the Colosseum with no more hidden strings attached.
“Oh, hey, Cin.” A flirty giggle followed those words, and Cinder turned to find a vaguely familiar young woman—possibly a teen, undoubtedly an intern—emerging from the shadows. She wore a headset and carried a clipboard, so clearly she was part of the backstage crew. Batting her lashes, she stepped up to place a hand on Cinder’s forearm. “Sorry to catch you right before the show. There’s a problem with the new lighting cues for ‘Until I Found You.’ I was going to grab Mrs. Matsura-Hodges, but no one seems to know where she is. Any chance you could give us some guidance?”
Cinder hesitated as he weighed his options. They’d inserted “Until I Found You” into the set weeks ago. To his knowledge, there weren’t any recent changes to the lighting scheme, but that wasn’t his area of expertise either. Kumiko handled the orchestration of any big changes like that, and she couldn’t be found because she was off comforting her wife after Ray’s harassment.
There were only two choices. Either he could be a monstrous jerk by blowing the poor intern off so he could go see his boyfriend, or he could be a responsible professional and handle whatever issue was at play and see Ellis after the show as planned.