“Thank you for the wonderful food, Mooki. I'll have your access card done today and you can get it in the morning. I'll see you in the morning for breakfast. If I can waddle in there in time.” He laughs as he leaves and I feel good that we have someone to take care of Charlie's kitchen. I was worried about a replacement. It makes things so final when you think about it. Candi did really good finding him.
With all my work done I have time to see the pond. I slip out the back and walk the distance quickly. Socket and his boys have done a fine job looking after Wayne's shop. I see them and wave. The boys seem to enjoy coming here with Socket as he works on Tiff’s bug. They, Greg and Nick, have kept Tiffi away so she doesn't see what they are doing to it. I just hope it is street legal or she will need a second ride. She doesn't go to many places alone, but having your own car is empowering. Gives you that feeling of independence we all need.
The boys come running to see me. I can't tell them apart to save my soul. They refuse to help me so I just started calling them Trouble Times Three.
“Hello boys.”
“Hi Miss Lizbet.”
“Hi Miss Liza bet”
“Hi Mith Momma.” I have to laugh as they all seem to have a slight lisp from a lost tooth.
“You boys doing good today? You seem to be taking care of the pond very well. Thank you for mowing around the bench.”
“You're welcome. We didn't want the grath thakes to theak up on you if you came to vithit.”
“And I thank you for that. I think the whole state would know if they did. Ask your father to bring you by the Pen for lunch tomorrow. We have a new cook and the food is very good.”
“Thanks Mith Momma, we will. Bye”
“Bye Miss Lizbabet”
“Bye Miss Lizbet”
I watch them run back to Socket and find something fun to do. Kids are fun at that age.
I walk around the pond to my bench and see the ducks and geese floating leisurely around. It's a warm summer day and the cool breeze is relaxing. A dragonfly lands close and brings back the adage of them being a spirit from heaven. Maybe it's Charlie. And with that thought the memories come slamming back.
***
I couldn't wait to get into the hot shower. I ran into the bathroom and turned the water on. I stripped in record time and jumped in. I just stood there letting the hot water cascade down my head. Oh it feels like heaven. I found the shampoo and washed my hair twice. No conditioner but I have time to brush it out. The water starts to cool after twenty minutes so I try to finish quickly. I hear a door shut so I turn the water off and grab for a towel. I don’t know if Greg will walk in or not. I see the door open, but it isn't Greg. Looks a lil like him, but this is an older version.
“Well, well. What do we have here? This is a nice surprise.” I don't know what to do. I don't know this man. And I have nothing on but a flimsy towel. Greg said I would be safe here.
“Uh um… Greg isn't here.” I can barely get the words out. He's looking at me like Dennis did. I wish he would back up and shut the door. I need to put my clothes on and leave.
“Yeah I know where Greg is. I sent him on a run for two weeks. Did he put you in here?”
All I can do is nod my head. I have a feeling this is going bad really quick.
“Bullit did say he was going to fix his attitude. Didn't expect him to do it like this. But I must say I like the way he says sorry. What's your name?”
“Elizabeth”
“Elizabeth. Well that's a real pretty name girl. Real pretty. And how did you end up here pretty girl?”
“Greg said I could use the shower and he fixed me a plate from the party. I can just get my things and leave. I'm really sorry if I intruded. I don't want any trouble.”
“Oh darlin' you’re not any trouble. Just pay the water rent and food price and everything will be fine.” I start to squirm with his words. I don't have any money. Last time I came here I found eighty dollars in my bag after I left. I used that up.
“I've got no cash on me today. Can I just cleanup for you or something and bring the money back tomorrow?” If he lets me out of here I will never come back.
“Well you see that might be a problem today. I really need to pay the water bill. In fact, we been conserving the water to keep the bill down and I walk in and see you here. So I 'm gunna need that payment from you now.”
“Oh ok. I have a friend here I can get the cash from her and pay you. Can you shut the door and let me get dressed?” I know I sound scared. I can't help it. He's creepy. He won't stop looking at me and he leans in and out of the door like a drunk. I don't smell any beer on him but I don't like it.
“No darlin' I can't do that. I think if I turn my back, you’re going to scurry right away like the mouse you are. I think I'll just stay right here till I get my payment. I like the view.”
“Please just turn around so I can get dressed. I feel really uncomfortable with you looking at me. You can help me find my friend. I'll pay you and leave. I promise.”
***
I feel a hand on my shoulder and let out a scream. I look and see Greg standing there. He has a bottle of water in his hand and is looking at me with raised eyebrows. “You alright there?”
“Yeah. You just startled me.”
“Socket called me. Said you've been sitting in the sun for a while. Said you looked upset with those tears running down your face. His boys say you need a hug.”
I reach up and touch my face. I feel the wetness. I didn't notice I was crying. I thought I had this under control. I put on a brave front most of the time. “I'm fine. Just a few sad memories surfacing.” I smile up at him trying to get myself in control again.
“Baby if you want to talk about it I'm a good listener.” He smiles and hands me the water he brought.
“Thanks. For the water and the care. I'm good. I'll get past it.”
“You seem to be getting lost in thought a lot lately. Tiffi mentioned you were going to celebrate Charlie's life. What's your thoughts on it?”
“Haven't got it all worked out yet. Maybe something to help pay for the funerals of vets. Maybe use the profits from the kitchen to fund it. What do you think?”
“I think you can talk to the guys. They know about that and can help you. It's a great idea. Some families struggle to pay for them. Come on. Let’s go back. You've been here long enough.”
I let him pull me up and into a hug. It's still hard to allow a man to touch me without flinching, but I can fake it pretty well now. I pull away with the pretense of pulling my shirt away from my back and we walk our way back. I turn with a wave as I hear Socket hit his horn. The boys have their arms out the windows waving frantically. I smile without faking it this time. We're both quiet as we walk back but I see him watching out the corner of his eye. I can't think of anything to say so I stay quiet. We part ways at the side door as he goes around the back and I go inside.
I make my way to the private area and enter my rooms. I have been drinking more and I shouldn't, but it does seem to help. Locking the door and taking the phone off the hook gives me the feeling of privacy. I pour myself a large tumbler and drink it fast. The burn hurts and shocks me for a second. I place the cap back on the bottle and tighten it. I don't need to become a lush on top of everything else. Maybe a hot shower would be better?
My reflection in the mirror is like a slap in the face. The memories of that day rush back.
***
He steps forward and leans right into me. I have nowhere to go. “If you don't have cash we can work something out lil' darlin'.”
“I would rather just borrow the cash if you don't mind.” I need him to step back. My voice is shaky and I can feel the tears coming. I don't want to look weak here. I know that gives him power and I can't do that.
“But I do mind. I think I'll let you work it off. I like fresh girls with a look of purity on 'em.” He wraps his arms around me and my struggle is futile. He drags me to the bed and rips the towel off. I can't stop the tear
s or the begging. His weight holds me down and I hear his zipper. As I scream out, he slaps his hand over my mouth. He pushes my legs apart and I feel like I have been split in two. I fight with everything I have and it isn't doing any good. It hurts so bad. He grunts and moans forever. When he finally stops I'm relieved.
I watch as he goes into the bathroom. I hear the water turn on then off. He comes back with a wet cloth and throws it at me. “Clean up. I don't like cum puddles on my bed.”
I scurry to the bathroom and shut and lock the door. When I look there is blood all over the inside of my legs. I want to shower him off of me, but I want my clothes on more. I hurriedly wash up and get dressed. I don't want to face him. I listen to the door for sounds of him leaving. I don't hear him. Maybe he left. I open the door and notice him standing at the side of his bed. He is just staring at the blood stain. I think I will throw up. “How old are you lil' darlin'?”
“Al.. almost seventeen.”
“Well we might have a problem then.” The tone of his voice is dull. Lifeless. It scares the crap out of me.
“No. Nope, not a problem at all.” I try to sound unconcerned. If I can just get around him and out the door I can get out of here. I try to edge around him and he grabs my arm. He leads me to a chair in the corner and pushes me down.
“I don't think you understand what I mean. I need to talk to the guys before you leave. So I gotta ask you to stay in here for a minute. And the problem is, I don't like the look in your eye. I think if I turn my back for even a second you'll scoot. So I really hate to do this, but I gotta lock you in here. You understand?”
No I don't understand but I find myself nodding my head at him. I watch him go to the door and pull it open. He takes a set of keys out of his pocket and searches for one. I watch as he inserts it into a dead bolt and turns it. Satisfied it works he turns it again and lets himself out. I hear the lock turn and let out the breath I was holding. There isn't a clock in here so I lose track of time. There is a small window in the bathroom and even frosted I can tell the sun has set. I'm sleepy but I'm afraid to go to sleep. I sit back and try to relax. What else could he possibly do to me?
***
I shake off the past and see myself in the mirror. Yeah, what else could he possibly do? Two Ambien and another tumbler of whiskey helps me clear my mind and let me sleep.
Chapter Three
I wake well before dawn. I check the clock and see I slept nine hours. I still can't shake the feeling of loneliness. I feel it all the way to my soul. I have people around me all day long. I can choose to have company or not. In a room full of people, I feel alone. I feel that I can't talk to anyone about my past. I can't admit it aloud. I know it was my fault. Everything that happened to me was my fault. I allowed it to happen because I was weak. I need to find my strong. I need to do it for myself.
I dress for the day and spend a few extra minutes on my hair and make-up. If I look pretty, maybe it will make me feel pretty. My small coffee pot only makes a cup or two so I need to get to the kitchen for more. I've never been one for luck, but I have my fingers crossed for a piece of the cobbler from yesterday's lunch.
I find Candi sitting at the counter drinking milk and looking sad. “Good morning, Candi.”
“Morning. You’re up early. Couldn't sleep either?” I laugh a little at the sleepy tone of her voice.
“No, I slept fine. I just went to bed at sunset so I woke early. What has you not sleeping? Anything I can help with?”
She watches me for a bit as I set up the coffee pot and ready my favorite mug. I can hear the stool scoot so I know she turned to follow me. “I'm pregnant and I have decisions to make and I'm not sure which decision is best for me.”
“Well that is a reason to lose sleep. No one can make those decisions for you. But, whatever you decide I will stand by you all the way. What is the decision you have to make?”
“Well the easiest was whether to tell Jax. Got that out of the way quick. Then we had to decide if we were ready to be parents or not. We both agree we are not ready for that. His lifestyle is not accommodating to kids and I think I am too young.” I nod my head and don't offer any advice. It wasn't asked for and I won't butt in.
“The big decision is whether to have an abortion or adoption. If I have one, I have a lifetime to feel guilty and if I have the other I might spend a lifetime looking at every child and wonder is that him or her.” She watches for a reaction from me. I just nod.
“Well?”
“Well what? You didn't ask me anything.” I smile to lessen the sting, but I still see her flinch.
“You’re right, I didn't ask anything. I think I want someone to tell me what to do so I don't make the decision myself. You ever felt like that?”
As I look at her, I don't see the competent twenty-five-year-old kitchen manager. I see a scared and confused little girl. “Have you confided in your family about this? Asked for their advice?”
“No, I haven't. We don't see eye to eye on my life choices and I really don't want a lecture. I want options and I don't know where to get them. Can you help?”
“Are you sure you want my help? I never had a child. I never had to make this kind of choice.”
“Yes, please help me.” Her words hurt me. I hope I don't screw this up. I pull her into a hug and over to the table. We sit and I hold her hand.
“You mentioned guilt when you said abortion, so I think you know that's not what you want to do. So if you skip that, it leaves you pregnant for what, another seven months or so?” She nods her head so I continue.
“If you do the adoption there are lots of options to look at. There are open and closed adoptions. Both with pro's and con's.” I see curiosity in her eyes and I know I have her attention.
“If you choose a closed adoption they take the baby right after birth and you never know if it's a boy or girl. You never see the baby again. So like you said. Every child you see you could look at and wonder. If you choose an open adoption there are different levels. You could get pictures and updates all the child's life or you could help raise the child. Or somewhere in between. You get to decide what or how much you want. You can pick the parents and be a part of the child's life.”
“You really know, for sure, I could know this about the baby?” I see hope in her. She doesn't want to raise the child, but she does want a good life for it.
“Yes darling, I do. You decide what you want to do and when you figure it out, talk to Jax and tell him first. Then if I can help come find me.”
The relief is all over her. She holds herself up straighter and her worry lines are gone. She has a smile on her face and a gleam in her eyes. “Oh thanks, momma. I feel like I can breathe again. I will talk to Jax later and we can decide what's best.” With a kiss on my cheek she bounces out of the room.
Well that was easy. I didn't tell her what to do, only the options that are available. If only all of her life's decisions came with options. She will have a hard choice to make, but I trust her to do what's best for herself.
I enjoy an hour of quiet as I drink my coffee. I can't find any of the cobbler so I don't get the treat. A knock on the back door has me checking the time. Six in the morning is a little early for company. A peek through the window and I spy Mooki. I let him in and see he isn't alone.
“Good morning Miss Elizabeth. I really hope this isn't a problem. I didn't want to leave Belinda alone. I thought if I came in early I could do a quick breakfast buffet then leave and take her to daycare.”
“Of course it isn't a problem. Most times no one is up this early anyhow. Would you like to introduce me?” I can tell this is his child. They share the same jaw line and nose.
“Yes ma'am. This is my daughter Belinda. Belinda, please say hello to my new boss Miss Elizabeth.” I squat down and hold out my hand to shake.
She is a bit shy and her hello is very soft. “Pleased to meet you ma'am.”
“You have a beautiful child Mooki. You must be proud.”
“Ye
s ma'am I am.”
“I need to go get your access cards and I will get you a key to the door so you can come and go when you want. Will you always be this early? I can let the guys know if there will be a breakfast choice.”
“If you don't mind. I like the early shift so that I am free for Belinda after school. I'm trying to get us a better place to live so I try not to leave her alone often. My neighborhood isn't the nicest. I've been saving for a while now to get us out.”
“Oh my. I totally forgot to even mention it. I didn't think you would be interested so I didn't say anything. I'm sorry.”
“Umm, Miss Elizabeth I don't know what you mean. What did you forget to mention?”
“Oh come with me. It'll be easier to show you than tell you.” I have them follow me through the dining room and to the side hall. I open the door and invite them in. I haven't been in here in months. It seems so empty even with all the personal things here.
“These three rooms are for your use. I will have them empty by the end of today and you can move in. They all connect and only the first room opens out. The windows are for emergency exits since we walled up the other doors. This will give you each a bedroom and a sitting area. Will this work for you?”
“Wow. Are you sure. I never expected this. I mean you pay a great wage. I didn't expect board also.” I can see he thinks there is a catch to it. I don't blame him. It isn't often somebody offers you something without a catch.
“Yes I'm positive. If you become unsure later, you can always leave with no hard feelings. Feel free to choose any furniture you want to stay and anything you don't want will go to storage. I haven't been in the bedrooms but there should be beds and such and if you want your own things here I will have them removed.”
“Leaving the furniture would be great as our house came furnished. I wouldn't need to bring a lot as it isn't safe to let the neighbors see we have much. Keeps them from breaking in. Thank you. We can pack up tonight and move in tomorrow. What do you think Belinda?” I look to see a nodding head with a big smile.
Mercy's Angels: Elizabeth Page 3