by Carol Rivers
'Thanks, but we're five minutes away from dishing up,' Joyce said over her shoulder. Ever since Joyce had moved in she had insisted she cook dinner for the family and Sean and Ashley had been happy to accept. They knew it was important to her to carry on the tradition.
'How efficient.' Sean made a little wave with his hand. 'Next year you'll have to come over to our place for cocktails,' Ashley purred and everyone laughed as he put on an exaggerated voice. 'I mean it. We'll have it all decorated by then with a fantastic new cocktail cabinet in the lounge.'
'He's only showing off,' Sean admonished teasingly.
'We'll come if you do our hair,' Bella grinned. 'You can give us our drinks whilst we sit under the dryers.'
'Cheeky!' Sean screeched as everyone laughed again and the Christmas spirit began to take effect.
Sean and Ashley were very fashion conscious and had employed an interior designer to decorate the salon. Everyone seemed to be smartening up their homes, Bella pondered as she stirred the rich brown gravy. Perhaps she should really do something about the airey? No one had mentioned Micky and Bella knew they wouldn't. They didn't want to embarrass her.
When they were alone she turned to Joyce. 'Do you think downstairs could do with smartening up?' she asked as she poured the Bisto into the gravy boat.
'We could go up to town to the January sales and look for ideas,' Joyce suggested as she lowered the roasting dish to the oven.
Bella liked that idea. 'I'll arrange a day off from work.'
Joyce frowned thoughtfully. 'It's a shame Gina couldn't come today. I don't like to think of her on her own.'
'Neither do I, but you know what she's like.' Bella had tried to persuade Gina to join them, but each Christmas was the same. They always asked her and she always found an excuse. Bella knew that Christmas was still a difficult time for her.
'I wish she'd find herself a man,' Joyce murmured, expressing Bella's own feelings. 'Surely you must have some eligible customers?'
Bella sighed. 'Gina laughs and jokes with them all, but keeps them at a distance. She's not interested in men in that way. Not after Lenny.'
'She must have loved him a lot.'
'I think she did.'
Joyce sighed and drew her hand across her forehead. 'I'll just sit down for a minute. It's very hot in here.'
'You should be in the other room with your feet up.'
'And spoil Ron's surprise?' Joyce laughed softly as she sank down on a chair and folded her hands over her stomach. 'I feel so fortunate, Bella. I have all a woman could want. A family around me, a husband like Ron and a baby on the way. Who would have thought that Joyce King, Madam and brothel owner would be given the chance to change her life like this?'
Bella looked into Joyce's flushed and radiant face. 'No one deserves happiness more than you Joyce. Ronnie is going to make a wonderful father.'
Joyce giggled. 'I can't wait to see his face.'
'Neither can I.' Bella wagged her finger. 'And next year it will definitely be me who's going to cook the Christmas dinner. Baby Bryant will be wanting attention and you won't know a moment's peace.'
Both women looked at each other and Joyce managed to whisper as tears of mirth and happiness filled her eyes, 'And Ronnie, poor lamb, will have been up all night, looking after him!'
The dinner had been eaten and the dishes cleared away, with the dining table once again back in the corner. They had opened all their presents and were enjoying a slice of Christmas cake in front of the fire.
Michael's head was buried in a book called Dennis the Menace. Bella felt a wave of nostalgia. The comic annual, amongst all his other presents, seemed the last from childhood. All his other presents were very grown up. A leather football from Ron and Joyce and a fashionable blue polo neck sweater from Sean and Ashley. She herself had bought him the most grown up present of all. A Dansette record player.
The salesman who had sold it to her had explained this model was cutting edge. Unlike all previous models, it played 12 inch 10 inch and 7 inch records at different speeds. Throughout the afternoon they had been listening to Frank Sinatra and Doris Day, some of Ron's old collection that was almost worn smooth by the clumsy needle of the cumbersome radiogram. The record player could sit on a shelf or table and was light to operate. Michael couldn't wait for the shops to open. He wanted to buy recordings of Lonnie Donegan and Tommy Steele, his musical idols. Luckily Bella knew what they sounded like, as she'd listened to them many times on the jukebox.
'I've got some of Crosby's here,' Ronnie suggested as he began to blow the dust off a pile of large, heavy records. But it was Joyce who took the record from his hand and made him sit down. 'Before you play that,' she murmured as she sat beside him, 'There's something I'd like to say about your present. As you may have noticed, you haven't got one.'
Everyone laughed and Ronnie made a face. 'What! No socks this Christmas!' Everyone chuckled again, but Joyce's voice shook slightly when she answered. Bella knew this was the moment Joyce had been waiting for all Christmas.
'No, you haven't got socks.'
'A tie, then?' Ron looked puzzled as he met his wife's dark eyes.
'No, it's not a tie either.' Joyce reached out for his hands. 'I can't give it to you yet, as, in a way, it's on order. And I'm afraid you'll have to wait about seven months till it arrives.'
The room was silent until Sean jumped up. 'Joyce, you don't mean? You don't! You do?' Suddenly he and Ashley were rushing forward and hugging her. It was only Ron who sat with a straight face, unable to comprehend.
'Ronnie,' Joyce whispered softly. 'I'm expecting.'
His jaw fell open. 'A baby?'
'Of course a baby.'
'A baby?' Ronnie repeated. 'You mean I'm going to be a father?'
Joyce nodded. 'That's the general idea.'
He reached out for her. 'I just can't believe it. Are you sure?'
'I've seen the doctor. He doesn't seem to think there's much doubt.'
'We're going to be uncles,' Sean said emotionally looking at Ashley.
'What will I be?' Michael asked.
'You'll be in charge!’ Ashley teased. 'And as such, will be given the privilege of changing the first nappy.'
There was another burst of laughter and Ashley ruffled Michael's hair teasingly as Sean hurried off to the kitchen in search of the glasses and the unopened bottle of cream sherry.
It was the last Friday in December and all through the week Bella was at a loose end. She missed the busy atmosphere of the coffee bar; the week between Christmas and New Year had seemed very long. Even though she had brought the accounts up to date, given the airey a spring-clean and was now entertaining her mother.
Mary had called with Teresa whilst Gus dug over the garden before the frosts. 'I suppose you'll be celebrating the New Year,' Mary hinted heavily as she parked herself by the fire. Teresa and Michael disappeared into the bedroom to play the Dansette.
'I've no special plans.' Bella shrugged as she poured the tea she had made into the best china. 'Just a quiet night in.'
'Good,' Mary said bluntly, 'as Gus and me are going up to the Rose and I thought I'd leave Teresa here.' As she was eating the slice of sponge cake that Bella had cut her, she added sourly, 'Not that after Christmas there's any money left over to buy a tipple.'
'I didn't think Gus liked the pub.'
'Sure, where else should we go, if not to the boozer? It's New Year's Eve. And I'd like to buy the poor bugger a drink seeing as all he's done for me.'
Bella opened her bag and took out three pounds. 'You'd better have this. But be sure to buy food first.'
Mary took it quickly, raising her eyebrows. 'I can't work miracles on a few quid. There's the larder to fill and I'm not back to work yet.'
Bella took out another two pounds and Mary grabbed it. As she was closing her bag there were footsteps outside.
'So he's home, is he?' Mary scowled as Micky burst in the door.
Micky glowered at the sight of his mother-in-law. 'Wha
t's she doing here?' he demanded angrily.
'It's Christmas, Micky, or haven't you noticed?' Bella stared at her dishevelled husband.
He ignored her and strode into the kitchen. Bella followed. 'Where have you been all week?'
He took a bottle of beer from the cupboard and opened it. 'Where I go or what I do is my business. I've told you that before.'
'But the last time we saw you was Boxing Day.'
He drank greedily from the bottle. 'What was the point of coming home?'
'To see your son of course.'
Micky laughed at her words. 'Michael wouldn't care if he never saw me again. You've turned him against me and you know it.'
Bella was shocked. 'That's not true, Micky.'
'You married the wrong brother, Bells, why don't you admit it?' He pushed his face up to hers. 'Michael thinks more of his uncle than he does of me. And who was it who done all that? I am looking at her now, standing right in front of me. What else has gone on behind my back?'
'Micky, stop it. You don't know what you're saying.' Fear crept up into her throat as he grabbed hold of her. 'You're hurting me.'
His wild eyes stared into her face. 'How much money have you got in your bag?'
'Wh … what do you want it for?' she stammered uncertainly.
'I need it, that's all. I'm short of ready cash and I know you must have some from the coffee bar.'
'But it's not mine to – '
'Where is it?' he demanded, shaking her roughly. 'You'd better cough up Bells, because if you don't, I'll chuck that old bat and her kid out and then I'll turn this place upside down till I find it.'
Bella felt her blood run cold as she looked into his gaze. This wasn't Micky. It was as if someone else had stepped into his body. What had happened to him? And why did he want money?
'All right, I'll get you some,' she said quietly. 'But please don't cause any trouble as the children will hear.'
'Then you'd better hurry, hadn't you?' He reached down into the cupboard and snatched up another bottle.
Bella didn't look at Mary as she went through. She didn't want her to witness how frightened she was. She prayed the children would stay in the bedroom playing their records.
There was fifty pounds in the cash box. She took it from her dressing table drawer. The amount was sufficient to pay all the January bills at the coffee bar. She began to take out some of it when a hand gripped her wrist.
'So this is where you hide it.' Micky grabbed the box and pushed her down on the bed. 'Quite the little hoarder, aren't we?' He took out all the notes and thrust them inside his coat. 'Is that the lot?'
'Micky, you can't take it all.'
'Why not? Look at how much I've given you over the years! It's about time you started paying your way. I'm fed up with watching my hard earned money frittered away on that old soak you call a mother.' He pulled out the drawers of the dressing table searching for more. 'Anyway, Gina can afford it. She's loaded.'
When all her belongings lay scattered on the floor, he glared at her. Then without a word, he turned and strode out.
Bella slowly got up but her knees threatened to buckle. After replacing her things, she stood still, gripping the side of the dressing table to steady herself. She was still shaking when Michael came in. Quickly she put on a bright smile. 'What are you two up to?'
'We've played all Uncle Ron's records. I wish we had some of our own - ' Michael stopped, looking at her anxiously. 'Are you all right, Mum?'
She nodded and sat on the bed. 'Come here.' She took his hand and drew him close. She wanted to be reassured. Micky had said some dreadful things. How could he believe she had turned Michael against him?
'I love you very much, you know that, don't you, Michael?'
He blushed. 'Now I know there is something wrong!'
'I just wanted you to know that. Mothers always say embarrassing things at special times of the year, like Christmas.'
'I really like my record player,' he said awkwardly and she laughed.
'Run along now and have some fun,' she told him.
He smiled as he left, the smile that was so like his father's and it almost broke her heart.
Bella felt full of despair. What was wrong with Micky? He looked so strange. Why had he been so rough with her? Now she had to face her mother and pretend nothing was wrong.
'You've got trouble there, girl,' Mary predicted when she returned to the front room.
'I don't know what you mean,' Bella said shortly.
'Of course you do. Sure I can see right through the eejit, always did. I tried to warn you, but you'd have none of it.'
'Don't speak about Micky like that, Mum.'
But Mary wasn't listening. 'Your old man had a face like a bag full of spanners when he walked out. I ask you, is that any way to treat his mother-in-law when he sees her?'
Bella picked up Mary's coat. She didn't want to listen to any more. And now her mother had gained the satisfaction of seeing her daughter unhappy, Mary was pleased to leave.
Bella woke early the next morning. She had slid the bolt on the airey door last night, to prevent another distressing visit from Micky. She knew it was unlikely he would return as he had taken all her cash and the money was all he was interested in. But even then she slept lightly, waking at the slightest noise.
It was New Year's Eve and the radio was full of nostalgia. As she prepared breakfast for the children, she listened to the broadcaster describing the events of the past year. Alfred Hitchcock's film Psycho had caused a sensation with a gruesome shower scene. The Olympics had taken place in Rome during the height of a blisteringly hot Mediterranean summer. And charismatic John F Kennedy at only forty-three years of age was now the new president of the USA. But none of this really interested her. There was only one thing on her mind. Micky, and what would happen now.
She hadn't decided what to do. The coffee bar had been closed all week and wasn't opening until Monday. Perhaps she should go there tomorrow and explain to Gina. She knew she would be very angry with Micky and the money was a big loss. There were bills to pay at the beginning of the year. They would have to draw money from the bank, leaving them short in the account for January.
Bella placed the plates and the bread, butter and marmalade on the table. She was still considering what to do when there was a screech of wheels outside. She hurried to the window. Was Micky returning? Her heart started to beat fast. But no one appeared and carefully she opened the door.
She could hear voices and went to investigate. She was surprised to see a car parked behind Ron's. It was Dr Cox's. As she hurried up the steps she was met by a white-faced Ron.
'It's Joyce,' he told as he pulled on his coat. 'An ambulance is on its way.' He looked very haggard as he added, 'she started to bleed in the night, not very much at first but then - ' He raised his hands in confusion. 'It was all so sudden.'
Bella's heart sank. 'Is the baby all right?'
'I don't know. She had this bad pain and we thought it was just a stomach-ache. But then it got worse and the bleeding started.'
Bella tried to think calmly. 'Shall I come with you? I can ask Daisy to have the children.'
'No. It's all right. I'm going in the ambulance with her.'
Just then Doctor Cox came down the stairs. He nodded to Bella, but his face was very grave. Very soon the ambulance arrived and as Joyce was lifted in, Bella could see she was barely conscious.
'I'll keep you in touch,' Ron told her hurriedly as he climbed in and the doors were closed in her face.
Bella stood and watched the ambulance roar off followed by the doctor's car. Suddenly Micky and the money didn't seem important. Joyce had looked so still and pale. Tears began to fill Bella's eyes. She could do nothing now, but wait.
It was after the children were in bed that night that Ronnie knocked. 'They operated,' he told her, his voice weary as he sank heavily down on the chair. 'She's lost a lot of blood.'
'What happened, Ron?'
'They said t
he baby was growing in a tube and they have to – ' he stopped, burying his face in his hands. 'To take it away.'
'Oh Ron. I'm so sorry.' She couldn't help him. He was filled with despair.
'They told me to come home and get some sleep. They won't know anything for a while. But I can't … can't go upstairs …'
'Would you like stay here, then? Rest on the couch, perhaps.'
He nodded, but he just sat, gazing into the embers of the fire. It was New Years Eve and the Christmas decorations were still up and strung around the room. The firelight glanced on them and across his face, causing Bella to remember the last time they had sat here many years ago. So much had happened since then.
'I'll make you a hot drink,' she offered but he didn't reply and she left him staring into space, his features set like a mask. He looked much older, the set of his shoulders drooping as though the life had been sucked out of him.
When she had made tea, she brought a mug back to the fire. He'd fallen asleep with his head on the back of the chair. Bella put the drink in the grate to keep it warm. There was nothing she could think of to help. Joyce was very sick. The pregnancy was ill-fated as the baby was growing outside of the womb. She thought of what Joyce had told her in confidence, of her doubts and fears about the life she had once led.
It was almost as if Joyce had known …
She closed her eyes and tried to pray. 'Hail Mary, full of grace,' she murmured, but the words rang empty. She hadn't prayed since she was a child. Memories flowed back of Bow Street and of Terry, the only light in a very dark place.
After all this time she still missed him. Missed his smile, his innocence, his loyalty and the comradeship they had shared right up to his passing.
If only Micky was here to talk to. The old Micky who understood how she felt and had once been able to make everything seem right.
When she woke, daylight slipped softly through the curtains. The mantel clock was striking six. Ron groaned softly as he sat up in the chair. 'You sat up all night with me?' he asked gruffly.