by Amanda Renee
“I ran into an old buddy of mine the other day. One of the few who doesn’t hate me. He runs a rafting adventure place up in Glacier National Park and he told me this was the last day they were open for the season. He offered me free passes, and I thought it would be something great to do without worrying about who we might run into. I guess I should have asked if you’re an outdoor adventure type of girl first.”
“I don’t know if I’m an outdoor adventure type of girl, considering I’ve done nothing remotely like this.”
“Does that mean you won’t go?”
“I’m not saying that. I’m just saying you may need to buy a pair of earplugs on the way there because I may scream in your ear during the entire rafting trip.”
Chelsea had no idea what she’d agreed to or why she’d agreed to it. But she trusted Ryder enough to do it with him. She reached up and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “This is a sweet surprise. But I’ll reserve my thank-you for the trip home when I know for sure I’ve survived this little river trek.”
A soft tinge of red flooded his cheeks and Chelsea couldn’t help giggling that she made a grown man blush. She climbed in the Jeep and in true gentleman style, he closed her door and climbed in beside her. The man had manners, she’d give him that. And now that they were truly alone, maybe she could find out what he, Tori and Nate were hiding. Because no matter how many times she’d run through her conversation with Tori about the night Frank Slade died, her gut told her more had happened and only the three of them knew about it.
“Do you mind if I ask you something about your father’s death?” Chelsea asked once they were on the road.
Ryder’s knuckles turned white and the side of his jaw pulsated at the question. “If you must.”
“Tori mentioned your relationship with your father and...” Chelsea fought the urge to drill him like a witness on the stand. The man wasn’t on trial and she had zero proof that anything other than what Tori and Ryder said had happened actually happened. “She always seems to stop herself from saying too much.”
“That’s because she is saying too much.” Ryder’s tone had lost all its sexiness from only moments ago. “My father and that night shouldn’t even be a topic of conversation.”
“Unfortunately, it’s not that simple to avoid.”
“Yeah, it is.” Ryder stopped hard at a red light and looked at her. “It’s as simple as you just don’t do it. It’s my business.”
“I realize that.” Chelsea did. But she also knew from her job that hiding the truth rarely did any good, and he’d be better off not doing so. She also felt that, if they planned to be friends and he wanted to accept Chelsea’s help—which he already had by taking the volunteer job—then he should trust her with this subject. “It’s unavoidable when it comes up at work. Or when I have to check with your boss to see if you’re available to volunteer at a parolee program. That night becomes a part of the conversation. And nice deflection by the way.”
“What are you talking about?” Ryder shifted into first as the light changed. “Is this how today is going to be? Because if it is, I’m having second thoughts.”
Chelsea sat in silence, fully expecting him to turn around and head back to Free Rein. He continued driving and after a few minutes, she saw the color return to his hands. But his jaw still pulsated and she heard the faint sound of grinding. She hadn’t meant to make him mad, but his reaction only confirmed there was more to that night. And one way or another, she’d discover the truth.
But not today. She’d already blown her chance. And he didn’t deserve an inquisition after planning their excursion. “I’m sorry. I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t care.”
“I know. Your involvement with me puts your reputation at risk. That’s why I wanted to do this today. To see how we are together away from everyone else. Where we can be ourselves without worrying what prying eyes might think or say.”
“That’s not the only reason why I care, Ryder.”
“It’s a big reason. Please don’t deny it. You don’t know me well enough to be invested in my well-being beyond human decency. You’re worried about how people perceive you once they find out we’re dating.”
“Are we dating?” Because it sure felt like it fifteen minutes ago.
“No.”
Well, that hadn’t been the answer she’d expected. “Okay, then. Good to know.”
“We’re exploring. I don’t think either one of us is ready to date.”
No, of course they weren’t. Eleven days ago, she hadn’t even known he’d existed. Not that she’d been counting the days. Okay, so maybe she had. It still didn’t make his declaration hurt any less. They were exploring. She didn’t have the nerve to ask if he meant exploring the possibility of a relationship or exploring the river. Did it really matter at this point? He’d planned a fun adventure and she was ruining it by giving him the third degree.
“You’re absolutely right.” She squared her shoulders and began mentally preparing for the whitewater terror in her future. “So tell me, just how wet should I expect to get today?”
Ryder looked at her, almost swerving off the road in the process. “Sweetheart, don’t ever ask a man that question.”
“What?” Chelsea replayed the words in her mind. “Oh no, I didn’t mean that.” She buried her face in her hands as Ryder’s laughter filled the Jeep’s interior. At least she’d managed to change the subject...at her own expense.
An hour later, they pulled into a gravel parking lot in front of a massive log cabin. Once they filled out their paperwork and signed the foreboding risk forms, their guide led them to the wetsuit area.
“Can’t we go as we are?” What was the point of Ryder telling her what to wear if she wasn’t going to wear it?
“The air and water temperatures are too low today,” the guide said. “You’ll be much warmer in these.”
A little part of Chelsea died inside when she stepped into the skintight abomination. Wetsuits were not meant for women who had a little extra going on. There was nothing like trying to impress a man when he could see every single one of her curves. And she had a few more curves than most women.
“You could’ve warned me about the wetsuit.” Chelsea tried to swallow her bitterness.
“Number one, I didn’t know about it. And number two, if I had would you still have come?” he asked as he zipped up his suit.
How was he already in the blasted thing when she couldn’t get hers past her Lycra-covered thighs?
“Maybe. After going on a crash diet.” She tugged hard, causing her hand to slip off the wetsuit and almost knock herself out in the process. She was hot and out of breath and they hadn’t even begun their little adventure yet.
“Do you need a larger size?” the guide asked.
Really? Could this get any more embarrassing?
“Yes, please.”
“You don’t need a crash diet.” He held the legs of the wetsuit as she peeled her calves from it. “I love every inch of your body. I have since the moment I met you.” He rose before her and lifted her chin. “I mean that with all that I am.”
Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me. This was the Ryder she wanted to explore today.
“Try this one.” The guide nudged her arm with another wetsuit, breaking the moment. Ryder stepped back and gave Chelsea space.
The second wetsuit glided over her leggings with little effort and she didn’t know if she should be flattered that the guide thought she was three sizes smaller or if she should kill him for embarrassing her.
“Are you ready to do this?” Ryder took her neoprene-gloved hand in hers.
She exhaled the breath she’d been holding. “Let’s do it.”
Chapter 7
“That was amazing!” Chelsea squealed as she climbed out of the raft. “I’ve never been more terrified and excited at the same time.”
“
I’m glad you enjoyed it.” He resisted the urge to pull her into a kiss, their earlier argument still churning in his brain. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t tempted. Chelsea’s usually perfectly styled hair hung wet and wild over her shoulders. Any makeup she’d worn had washed off in the river. This was the woman he’d been dying to see. Why couldn’t it always be like this? No pretense. No history. Just living in the moment. “I’ve never seen anyone as happy as you are right now.” He wanted to say and more beautiful, but he didn’t want her to become self-conscious like she’d been earlier. Not that she had any reason to be.
“I thought I would hate this. You took me way out of my comfort zone, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when you told me where we were going.”
Ryder tugged off one of his neoprene gloves and tucked a strand of wet hair behind her ear. “And now?”
“Blissfully happy.” She stepped toward him and snaked her arms around his neck. “This was just what I needed.” Her eyes fluttered closed for a second before meeting his again. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” His mouth hovered inches above hers. He wanted to, needed to kiss her. To taste her. But he couldn’t. Not until he was sure she’d leave his past in the past. “Maybe we can go on some other outings this winter.”
“This winter, huh? It’s nice to know you’re still considering going out—I mean exploring—with me in the future.”
Hell, right now Ryder had a hard time thinking of anything other than the full length of her body pressed against his, and if he didn’t put some distance between them, the rest of their rafting group would soon be aware of his attraction to Chelsea. The second group paddled to the shore, giving him reason to break from her grasp. “I’m going to help them get our raft out of the water.”
“Okay.” The slight pout of her lips only confirmed she’d wanted to kiss him as much as he wanted to kiss her. He knew he’d regret it tonight, when he lay in bed...alone. He only prayed Chelsea would take precedence in his dreams tonight instead of the nightmares he’d been having the last few nights about the accident. He’d gotten to where he wouldn’t go to bed until he’d exhausted himself to the point of breaking. And even then, random images of Tori and his parents haunted him.
Ryder waded into the river. The temperature drop forced him back to the present. His wetsuit offered protection from the frigid glacial waters, but he wouldn’t want to stand in it for too long. If only he could wrap a wetsuit around his heart to protect him from the woman watching him from the rocky beach. She’d gotten under his skin in one too many ways.
Once they loaded the rafts onto the trailer, they climbed into the van and rode back to the rafting company.
“Would you believe this is my first time in Glacier National Park?” Chelsea grinned out the window. “Peyton’s visited with school, but I haven’t had a chance to see it myself. No photo could ever do this place justice. You were right. I need to make more time to do things like this. Maybe we can take her rafting this summer.”
While Ryder loved that Chelsea had included him, he didn’t want to make any promises he couldn’t keep. “We’ll see what happens. Maybe I won’t be so much of a pariah by then.”
She gave his hand a gentle squeeze and he fought the urge to entwine his fingers with hers.
“You need to reach out to your family. Ignoring your brothers and hoping they’ll come to you solves nothing. Although I would caution you to stay away from Wes, or at least wear a helmet the next time you see him.”
“Oh, you’re funny.” Ryder still felt the force of that punch almost a week later. “I plan on talking to Harlan about that today.”
“Have you seen him again?”
“No. He’s been working the late shift and I’ve been getting my bearings at the Bloodworth Ranch in my spare time.” A place he’d begun to feel guilty about because if a permanent position became available, he’d be hard-pressed to pass it up. He loved Tori for giving him a job when no one else in town would, but he wished he’d explored other options before agreeing to her offer. Even though she said she needed him, he was just as much of a burden to her and probably a thorn in Nate’s side. Regardless of his generosity, no man was that confident. “Harlan’s meeting me in Kalispell later this afternoon so we can talk privately since Ivy and Belle are at the house.” Ryder never thought he’d need to meet his brother in another town, but after last weekend, he hadn’t wanted to risk another public scuffle.
“I’m not trying to pry, but you never mention your mom. Do you ever talk to her?”
“No. Not since the night of the accident.” And he doubted she remembered the conversation. He’d seen his mother drunk before, but never to that extent. “She lives in California with her new husband. From what I understand he has a huge family, and she’s very involved in his kids’ lives. I’m glad she’s found happiness out there.” Because she’d never found it in Saddle Ridge.
“What about her family here? She has grandkids.”
“I’m not sure when she last saw Harlan’s oldest daughter or Garrett’s two kids. They may have flown out there to see her at some point. Harlan visited me in—” Ryder cut his sentence short, not wanting to divulge his past to the new acquaintances they’d made today. “Harlan only visited me a couple times a year. We didn’t get much of a chance to talk about who went where.” Instead, his brother had wasted their time together trying to discover what had really happened the night their father died.
“Only a couple times a year? I got the impression you two were closer than that.”
“We are. It was too far of a drive for him to pop in. Plus, until last year, he was a single dad raising Ivy on his own. I wish I could’ve been there for his wedding. Dylan’s and Garrett’s too. I still can’t believe three of my brothers got married within months of each other. And now Wes is engaged. I’m sure I’ll miss that one too.”
“When are they getting married?”
“I have no idea. I’m not privy to that information. It’s better I don’t know because I might be tempted to show up. Not to ruin it, but to wish them luck. I miss my family.” More than words could ever say. “It looks like we’re here.”
The van rolled to a stop in front of the rafting company. It was almost three in the afternoon. Ryder had just enough time to get them back to the ranch and change before meeting his brother for dinner.
He helped Chelsea down from the van. A part of him already regretted ending their day early, but it was the only night that had worked for him and Harlan. The other part needed the reprieve. Between Chelsea’s inquisition earlier and her exuberant thank-you on the riverbank, his frustration had reached an all-time high. “I have to ask. Have you swiped right on anyone lately?”
“I deleted my profile and the app. I was a fool for letting Jocelyn talk me into it. I don’t have a lot of time to date.” One of her brows raised as she looked up at him. “Why do you ask?”
“I was concerned about your safety.” That and he didn’t want to think about her body pressed against another man.
“As long as that’s the only reason.” Chelsea reached up and held his face in her hands. “I wouldn’t want you to be jealous or anything.” Rising on her tiptoes, she kissed him softly on the lips, her mouth lingering a second before backing away.
Ryder gripped her hips and held her in place. “Chelsea Logan, you’re going to be the death of me.”
* * *
By the time Ryder arrived at the bar and grill in Kalispell that evening, his stomach was protesting the lack of food. The rafting company had provided a picnic lunch along the river, but it hadn’t been enough to satisfy his voracious appetite. His mother had always said he could out-eat ten men.
He tried not to think about her much. She had moved on and found the life she deserved. Hopefully she was sober. Tori had gotten her into one of the best and most discreet rehab facilities available. The recovery program had be
en why she sold the ranch so quickly. Not for the money. Her health insurance covered that. But to leave behind the painful past she had tried so desperately to escape in the bottom of a bottle.
Ryder pulled the parking brake on the Jeep and grabbed the keys. He appreciated Nate loaning him the vehicle until he could afford one of his own. The man may try to assert his dominance whenever he was home, but he had a good heart.
Harlan’s police SUV pulled in beside him. “I guess I don’t have to worry about anyone bothering us tonight.” Ryder gave his brother a slap on the back bro-hug. “I hope you didn’t wear your uniform for my benefit,” he asked as they entered the restaurant.
“My shift just ended, and I didn’t feel like driving home to change.”
Ryder wasn’t about to argue with him. If his little brother felt the need to protect him, then so be it. “How have you been? Are you getting any more sleep these days with the new baby in the house?”
They grabbed a booth and Harlan ordered an iced tea while Ryder ordered a beer under his brother’s watchful eye. He’d forgotten what it was like going out with him. Always on duty, even when he wasn’t. That was what made him a great deputy sheriff.
Harlan shook his head. “I don’t remember Ivy being this difficult at almost six months old. At two months she had slept through the night. Occasionally she’d wake up and want to be changed or fed, but she was pretty good early on. But Travis...” Harlan raked his hand down his face. “It’s every night. His diaper isn’t wet. He doesn’t seem to be hungry. All he wants is for Belle or me to hold him. And rock him. All night long.”
“You know you’re not supposed to give in to them.” Not that Ryder was an expert on children. Missy had been an exceptional baby. She hadn’t made a sound. Which he’d found unusual. Just because she couldn’t hear didn’t mean she couldn’t cry or screech like other infants. But she hadn’t. On the rare occasion she had, it had been more of a muffled whimper.
“We’ve tried to let him cry himself back to sleep, but one of us ends up caving. It’s not just us who he keeps awake. Ivy has to get up and go to school in the morning. I can’t send a half-awake kid to class.” The waitress set their drinks between them. “You’ll see. One of these days you’ll have another kid.”