“I suppose it is hard to live between times, but it is even more difficult being a conduit for it,” Amir added.
I profoundly appreciated the sympathy in his voice, but only nodded at his conclusions.
“I am glad she has convinced Harshad to work with you. His lessons will serve you well in the weeks to come.”
Amir changed the subject, and I let him.
“I might need your help understanding them,” I said, laughing a little.
“They are a good distraction from thinking of your beloved, too,” Amir added, making me cough. “And if they do not, and you need someone to talk to, I would—”
“I’ll come and find you.” I cleared my throat. “Hopefully, my heart will be all mended before too long.”
Even though I doubt it.
“Thank you. But that is not what I was going to say,” Amir said, his voice quiet and grave. “I was going to say, I would not say anything to Ben. Do not forget, he wants to prove himself too.”
We did not say anything else after that. Amir and I finished cleaning the training room, working together in amicable silence.
After he left, I thought there was likely another reason Amir kept his knowledge of Ferdy to himself. Undoubtedly, he wanted me on his side as much as I wanted him on mine.
*6*
◊
“Eleanora.”
At the sound of my name, I looked up from the book in my hands, only to see Lady POW standing in the doorway before me.
A week had passed since the Advent Ball, and I had finally made it back to the library. Cecilia had forbidden me from using the library after discovering my love of books, and I found peace in having full access to them once more—even if I was consistently distracted. For the last hour, I had been looking past the words while my mind drifted off to other places in search of comfort.
“What is it?” I asked. “Ben and I finished with Harshad today. He said I could rest up for tomorrow.”
“I am not here about Harshad’s lessons. You and I have things to discuss. Come with me.”
From the tone of her voice, I had a feeling I was in trouble. As Lady Penelope guided me out of the library and propelled me down the hallways of my home, I mentally prepared myself for another lecture and stinging letdown. It had to come, did it not? After all, I had already woken up to a world filled to the brim with disappointment last week. Why would Lady POW refuse to add her own distinct flavor to my sadness? Her displeasure was not a question of what, it was a matter of when.
So I was surprised, after several hallways of silence, she pulled out a chatelain and used one of the dangling keys to unlock a door.
“Go inside.”
Her tone was still frigid. I walked inside, unsure if I would be locked in the room as a punishment. It would not have been unearned, I thought sadly.
The room was dark and musty; I wrinkled my nose at the smell. There were only little strings of light coming in from the far wall, where curtains prevented any light from coming through the windows.
“What is this place?” My voice echoed into the dark shadows.
I almost expected Lady POW to snap at me for daring to ask a question. Instead, she struck a light and walked around the room, lighting some candles.
Slowly, the outline of another broad desk, several bookshelves full of books, scrolls, and papers, came into quiet view. In the other corner, I could see a large chair covered in mothballs, and a large globe tucked awkwardly behind the entrance.
“This room was your father’s study.”
I went cold at her words.
This is worse than a punishment.
“Why are we here?” I asked, unable to stop myself from gaping at the room around me.
My father had died there, alone, sitting at his desk. At the time, there had been no reason to suspect anything other than natural causes.
But now, Ben and I knew the truth. Our father had been poisoned by someone using the same silver thallis herb mixture that was unique to the Order of the Crystal Daggers.
My fingers tingled as I remembered touching Táta’s hands at the funeral, unwilling to believe that he was truly gone.
“I wanted to ask you what you know about your father.” Lady POW waved her arm out. “I understand you were quite young when he died. After Eleanor married her Dolf, I did not hear much from her. Of course, I did receive her dagger, and the later request for money to buy out the manor’s debt. But I did not endeavor to know him on a personal level. Eleanor could take care of herself, after all.”
The bite in my grandmother’s words reminded me my mother had left on unpleasant terms with Lady POW.
“So you did not know my father at all?” I pressed, hoping to find out more from her reaction.
“I did not try to learn much about her life after she left the Order. Eleanor left for her last mission to Prague at the end of 1847,” Lady Penelope admitted. “I knew there was a certain risk in sending her. Bohemia was her first home, but because of her talent for taking care of delicate matters, I decided to allow her to go. I never met your father in person. What I know is what she told me, and even that was limited enough.”
From the way she spoke, so carefully precise, I knew there was something she was keeping from me.
Everyone lies. Everyone has secrets.
Lady Penelope’s own teachings were working against her.
Ben had warned me about this at the beginning, I thought, remembering his own apprehension and disgust at the thought of being at our grandmother’s mercy. After meeting her, he had seen her as a woman who put business over family, a relentless fighter in pursuit of her preferences.
Thinking of my brother’s current eagerness to please her, I almost groaned at his complete reversal.
“Ben would be the better person to talk to,” I said slowly, keeping an eye on Lady Penelope. “He was older when Táta died.”
“I have already talked with him. He has seen this room, too.”
“Why do you want to know what I think?”
“Because you are different from your brother, and you might know something that will allow me to see him in a different light.” Lady Penelope held herself steady, keeping her eyes focused on me. “I want to know why someone would want to kill him.”
My father was almost as elusive in my mind as mother was, but it was hard to dispel his ghost when I stood in his study. I thought about the reasons he had to die, and I could not think of personal ones.
“He worked for the king, mostly as a court ambassador and then later as a soldier,” I said. “He was knighted at the end of the Revolution, before King Ferdinand abdicated in December.”
“Your mother would have been in Prague for about a year at the time,” Lady Penelope said. “Thanks to Tulia, we know that your mother knew about the king’s son. They helped hide and protect him.”
“They?”
Lady Penelope grimaced, ever so slightly. “Tulia and your mother, of course.”
There it was—she was lying. There was someone else who had been helping my mother. Philip’s earlier comments echoed in my memory, and at Lady POW’s irritated hesitation, I wondered if my grandfather had worked with my mother on her mission.
Why would Lady POW hide that from me? He was dead, after all, even if she did not want to remember him.
Looking at her now, and recalling her vehemence before, I decided I would ask Amir. He had contacts from the League who might be able to tell us what happened when my mother came to Prague.
That was not the only thing she did not want to discuss, I thought. Lady POW had been loath to admit the Order of the Crystal Daggers used the silver thallis poison, and someone was using it now to poison politicians, and someone had used it to kill my father.
A new thought suddenly struck me. Was it possible the Order was responsible for Táta’s death?
Ferdy’s voice, the one voice I tried to muffle more than any other, called to me at that moment. His assertion that the Order of the Crysta
l Daggers was a group of assassins ran through my mind. While I did not agree with his perspective, I was suddenly very aware that I was floundering in a sea of confusion and distrust.
If I was going to protect my kingdom, save others, and restore my honor, I would have to find out the truth about the past, and how it connected to the present, and I would have to do it before anyone else was injured or killed.
“Well?” Lady POW put her hands on her hips, clearly irritated I had slipped away into my own world. “What do you think?”
“My apologies.” I glanced around the room, trying to think of how to describe my father. “Well ... Táta was a very kind man—to me, at least. He would travel for long weeks, but he always came home. Before Máma died, he would hold small parties here occasionally.”
I had been too young to understand many things; I was only five when Máma had been lost at sea, and nine when my father followed her to the grave.
“What was his temperament like?”
“He was a quiet, studious man, but still very tough. He always had time for me. He would dance with me sometimes, and he read to me at night.” I lowered my eyes to the ground. “He was very upset when Ben broke his leg. He had been training Ben to be a soldier for about two years when it happened. After that, they were never close.”
“I see.” Lady POW frowned. “So you were his favorite, then?”
Hearing her echo Ferdy’s earlier observation made me even more uncomfortable.
“I think so,” I admitted softly. “But I’m not sure it was because of my own merit. He told me once I was proof of Máma’s love, since I looked so much like her. He said he could enjoy her for two lifetimes instead of just one.”
The room seemed to settle from our earlier intrusion. I stood there, watching the last of the dust dance around in the dim lighting, waiting for Lady Penelope’s next question.
“I can understand his feelings on that particular matter,” she finally said, a small smile forming on her wrinkled face.
I looked around the room again, eying the framed items on the wall. There were maps and a few documents, but no pictures. “There was a portrait of my mother hanging in the library when I was younger. I remember after she died, he looked at it quite frequently. Cecilia removed it after she married him.”
“It was in here when Benedict came in with me,” Lady Penelope said. “I am having it restored by one of the footmen. Hopefully you will see it again in the library soon, where it belongs.”
“Really?”
She nodded, and I beamed with pleasure. “Thank you. I appreciate that.”
I had agreed to work with Lady POW because I wanted to know my mother more. Having her portrait restored was an added blessing, one that would help exorcize Cecilia’s harsh memory from the manor.
“Nonsense, Eleanora. You should know I loved your mother, too, even if ... ” Her voice trailed off, and then she sighed. “What else do you remember about your father?”
Renewed by her revelation, I looked around the room once more. “He had dark eyes,” I murmured, sinking into my own past, shocked at how much I had let myself forget. “I think they were hazel. He was a tall man, too. Or so it seemed, from the shortness of my age. I knew he collected a lot of things from the different places that he went for the king.”
“Books?”
“Most of the ones I remember are books,” I said. “Cecilia has made me trade them or sell them off over the years. The day I met you, I had just sold his copy of The Prelude.”
I did not mention that Cecilia had wanted me to sell my mother’s journal, too. Amir had stolen it from me, and I was more grateful than ever that he had. Not only had I met him, and by extension Lady Penelope and the Order, but that was how I met Ferdy, too.
“Ella.”
Impossible yearning momentarily devastated me. It seemed in allowing his voice to speak inside of me, there was no longer any hope of suppressing it. I would go from suffering of one sort and then slide into another too easily, all while I was compelled to further hide my true self from everyone around me.
“What is it?” Lady Penelope asked. “Do you remember something else?”
I had to force myself back into the moment, back into my father’s study, facing my grandmother as she watched me along with the rest of the room.
“He has been gone for several years now, and I knew him as a daughter, not as an equal. Maybe when we find Cecilia, she will be able to help you answer more questions about him.”
“I’d rather not rely on her completely, given the choice.” Lady Penelope shuffled her skirts toward the desk. “But you are right. She will be a good source. You can really only trust the people you don’t trust at all.”
“That can’t be right.” The absurdity of her statement almost made me laugh. “That’s irrational.”
“Haven’t you realized it yet, Eleanora?” Lady Penelope hissed. “People are far more irrational than rational. You can’t trust anyone. We are loyal to our mission, but our allegiance is to the truth alone, and that includes the realization that other people will fail you—sometimes purposefully.”
At her temper, I felt my own anger stir. “Is that why you and Harshad work together?”
“Yes.” Lady POW’s lips pursed, souring her expression even more than her tone. “We know each other’s worst traits, and we are well aware of our capacity to betray each other. That means he will be prepared to make sure I stay in line, and I him.”
I gaped at her. “That is madness! How could anyone ever have any normal relationship?”
“Why do you think your mother left?” Lady Penelope shook her head. “This is part of the price you pay to protect others, Eleanora. You only trust people you know well enough, and once you know someone well enough, you know exactly how they will fail you in the end.”
“That’s not true,” I insisted.
“If you truly believe that,” Lady Penelope warned, “you will only be more disappointed in the end.”
Another chill ran through me at her words.
“Right now, we must work to find Lady Cecilia,” Lady Penelope continued. “We know the disaster at the Advent Ball was meant to inflame the public. The former king has managed to quell a lot of conflicts. Since it failed, we can be sure that there will be another attempt to upset the kingdom.”
I thought of waking up in Prague Castle, in Ferdy’s room, seeing the damage done to the city; a sense of determination renewed inside of me. I was allowed to mourn, but there was still work to do.
“While you are training, I will keep making my rounds in the city. It likely won’t be long before there is another plan we will have to foil. Christmastime and the weather may offer politicians a break, but there is no vacation for insurgents.”
“What else would you like me to work on?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. If there was danger, and Lady POW wanted to keep me at home, I would place the blame for any incident on her.
“Keep focusing on your lessons with Harshad for now. We are still working to find more information, but the weather and Society’s stagnancy has slowed our resources in that regard.” She paused. “You should know Benedict is worried about you.”
I squared my shoulders at the sudden change in subject. “Ben knows I am sad that we failed to protect the people at the castle.”
“Forget about that.” Lady POW snorted delicately. “People die all the time. We do what we can. You clearly did what you could, and it did not save everyone. That happens. Now we must work to prevent it from happening again.”
I said nothing, stunned by her brusque tone. Lady Penelope had been quite adamant before that we had to do something to stop the kingdom from crumbling. Now that it had fallen apart, she seemed much more cavalier.
“Ben does not think that there are other reasons you might be distracted, does he?”
I thought of Ben’s antagonism toward Ferdy and quickly shook my head.
“I don’t know what he thinks,” I said, unable to disgu
ise the growing irritation in my voice.
“Perhaps Ben is the one who is distracted in his observations, then?” Lady POW shook her head. “And here I was, thinking he was doing so well, too.”
“I think Ben is doing an excellent job.” I knew from just looking at my brother how much he had changed in the last several weeks. I had to credit the Order, and even Lady Penelope’s own efforts, for Ben’s happiness.
“Maybe I should make him step down from the Order for now. If he is wrong about you, then there is no telling how wrong he is about other things. He knows you so much better than the rest of us, after all.”
“No.” I balled my fingers into a frustrated fist. “He really likes working with you. He would be upset if he had to stop.”
“Should I put the rest of our team in danger, all to spare his feelings?” Lady Penelope asked. “There is much more at risk than one person’s comfort, if I need to remind you.”
She was not just talking about Ben. She was talking about me, too.
I tried to relax and succeeded only in the smallest degree. I did not want Ben’s position with the Order to be jeopardized. After my father’s rejection of him as heir, Ben had carried such a burden. I did not want to be the reason, again, that he would suffer.
“Ben is just overprotective of me,” I insisted. “Even when we were fighting the assassin in the wine cellar, Ben was more concerned with me.”
“I see. I will note your thoughts on the matter.” Lady POW folded her hands together thoughtfully. “Very well, then. Get some rest, Eleanora. Harshad will send for you in the morning.”
“Where are you going?”
“I will continue making my own inquiries. Before Tulia disappeared, she gave me some information, and I must check her reports.”
I felt another chill at her words. Tulia knows about me and Ferdy.
Even if Tulia did not know he was the younger Prince of Bohemia, she might have been able to tell Lady Penelope about the boy I loved. “What did she tell you?”
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