He gave a half shrug, which guaranteed me nothing. There was no surprise there. Our tar had switched back to tacky and irritating.
I read the letter again.
“You don’t believe this, do you?” I had almost killed the Magician. If I’d gotten close once, I might be able to finish the job next time. But why so vague? Why not write that he was going back to Newco and he was finished with me? If he wanted a truce, we didn’t need to see each other again, ever. Why ask for a meeting?
Callon stretched his arms forward, rolling his shoulders while he cracked his neck to the side, trying to limber up muscles that wanted to stay tense and brawl. Except the enemy wasn’t here to attack. I hoped, anyway. Problem was that he was out there somewhere and I was still on his agenda.
“It’s a trap. If he was intent on letting you part ways, why insist on a meeting?” Callon said.
That wasn’t the answer I’d been hoping for. If I said something was too salty, he’d reach for the shaker. If I said I was cold, he’d put out the fire. Why was it that the one time I wanted him to disagree with me, we were on the same page?
The letter dropped from my loose grasp, cracking the last piece of black wax from it and shedding crumbs on the desk. My heart sank as Callon’s thoughts aligned with mine perfectly. When the Magician had taken off, and then stayed gone, it had left all sorts of room to wonder and imagine, like maybe he’d been too afraid to come back. That I wasn’t worth pursuing.
The longer he’d stayed away, the more time I’d had to bolster my delusions. It would’ve been kinder to have come back the day after, or even a week later. Instead I’d gotten to live here for days and weeks on end, with a sliver of hope that had grown wider and thicker, making me think maybe I’d find a measure of freedom and peace.
“You can’t be surprised by this.” Callon had taken a seat on the desk and been studying my face while I’d been buried in my thoughts, letting my guard down.
I leaned back, shamed by my own naïveté. If anyone knew how dark the hearts of men could be, it was me. I’d lived with two souls whose hearts would’ve made a new moon jealous.
“No, surprise isn’t what I’m feeling.” Stupid was closer to the right label. Or how about utterly dejected, as if I’d wrapped up all my hopes and dreams into a box that was called the lodge, and had even tied it with a big bow that had fangs, and now it was being lit on fire? Yeah, that summed it up.
I ran my hands through my hair and then fisted them. “Just curious, why are you so sure?”
I shouldn’t have asked. It rang of desperation. That question stank like a man who’d been on the brink of dying for two days.
Callon didn’t look at me with pity. I wasn’t sure he had that emotion in his repertoire. He either got annoyed that you fucked up, pissed if your fuck-up cost him somehow, or livid if you kept fucking up. Even when you were in a situation that was beyond all hope, he still looked at you like it’s fucked up, but figure out a way to fix it, because it’s your problem. Pity didn’t enter his vocabulary. So when he was looking at me now, I knew his look was closer to how could you be so stupid? Stupidity like that is going to cause a fuck-up.
Some people might’ve gotten annoyed by the wall of stone he sometimes appeared to be, the craggy harshness of his psyche. I didn’t. It was one of the few things I liked about him. I didn’t need, nor want, someone’s pity. And when I asked a question about how he knew, he’d give me a straight answer, my feelings be damned. Because even when I’d been a scarred and beaten mess, he hadn’t pulled his punches. He’d treated me like an equal.
“I’m sure he won’t let this go because the Magician rules Newco and everyone is aware he bought you from Baryn. Even if he wanted to walk away from you, he can’t. People would know you bested him. He’d look weak. It would be inviting an uprising, especially since word is there isn’t a man or woman in Newco that wants to be there. He can’t afford to walk away from you.”
Bought. It was hard to hear anything past that word. It stuck in my craw like a glob of sap in my hair. Maybe it was for the best we were to meet again. I’d almost killed the Magician the first time I met him. Surely I’d be better at it the second time around. Maybe the nightmares would stop when he was dead.
Callon stood and walked the length of the office as he said, “In truth, he’s probably debating on whether or not to keep you alive at all. You came too close to killing him. My guess is he wants you dead more than anything.”
Talk about a great bedtime story. Just what I needed to hear when I couldn’t sleep. Why we were in sync at the very time I wanted him to disagree was a testament to how my luck was running these days.
Koz walked in without knocking, as if he’d been summoned here as well. Hess and Zink followed seconds afterward.
Zink picked up the note but only gave it a passing glance, as if he’d already read it.
“So, the Magician wants a meeting,” Zink said, before passing the letter along. One by one, they read it for what I was sure was the second time. Koz’s forehead wrinkled, sadness in his eyes. He was the softy of the group. He’d been the one to break me out of the village in the first place. Hess was silent, but I knew he was concerned because it was logical. No one looked any happier than I was feeling, even Zink, who barely tolerated me.
It was probably because my problems were Callon’s problems. Even if they wanted to hand me over, they couldn’t, not unless they were sure the Magician would kill me. Although Zink looked like he could think of one good solution, and it probably ended with me limp on the ground.
Koz dropped the letter onto the desk and then wiped his hands on the back of his pants, as if he’d touched some sort of muck. “What if we meet him with a fake Teddy?”
“We can’t leave her behind, remember? She goes where I go.” Callon couldn’t speak on that subject without sounding like he’d spotted a guy who’d sucker-punched him a year ago.
Sometimes I wanted to tell him to punch me back so we could move past it. Then I remembered that his hands weren’t so clean either and lost the desire to make amends. After all, it wasn’t like they’d simply stumbled across my village. They’d heard whispers and come looking.
How Tuesday thought our relationship was ever going to be anything more than hate—well, maybe not hate, but strong dislike—was beyond me. I used him for sleep; that was it. She had to stop reading all the romance books around this place and staring at Koz with gaga eyes. It was clouding her judgment.
“He wants to meet with me. I’d say whoever you brought, he’d still figure out it was a decoy. To be honest, I’m thinking we don’t need one, you know, considering…” I waved a hand. Telling people you could suck up a life and shift it over to someone else was too creepy to say aloud. Point was that everyone knew I had the best chance of killing the Magician, especially as he’d immobilized everyone else the last time we’d met. Beasts might think they were the top of the food chain, but only because they weren’t used to having someone like me around. There’d been a new link added way up high.
Callon was shaking his head and walking toward me. “No. You’re not getting anywhere near him.”
“How’s that supposed to work? I know you’re concerned about being vulnerable, but I can’t kill him if I don’t get near him.” Covering his own ass again. Sometimes I was surprised he wasn’t the one who wanted to kill me. It would solve all his problems.
“Then you’re not going to be the one to kill him,” Callon said.
“How else will it happen?”
When Callon said nothing, I looked at Hess and Koz, who had expressions of doubt. I was the best shot, and we all knew it except for Callon. At least I wasn’t the only one in the dark. It was nice to have company over here in the shadows of confusion. I was normally bumping into chairs and furniture all alone.
I didn’t bother looking at Zink. He’d disagree because it was me. He’d swear that pigs could fly to spite me.
“You all agree with her?” Callon asked.
/> Even Zink was nodding. Well, look at that. Maybe pigs could fly.
“Because they know it’s the right choice,” I said.
“It’s not their choice,” Callon said without so much as a hitch, in that tone he liked to use. It was the laying-down-the-law type, and I didn’t care for it one iota. If he thought he was the law, then I was the worst criminal known to man.
“You’re right. It’s not their choice. It’s mine.”
“You’re tied to me. I’m the one who can get trapped if something goes wrong. I get to choose.”
I glanced over at Koz and Hess but knew I’d lost all support. They wouldn’t go against Callon. If beasts were like wolves, Callon was the leader of the pack, and they all fell in line. My only hope was Zink. He might not be alpha, but he was most likely to nip back if he were feeling his oats.
One quick look in his direction and his stare into nowhere disabused me of that notion.
Callon was staring at nothing but me, with a did you really think you’d be able to manage a coup? look.
“It was worth a shot.” I gave him a halfhearted shrug and a face to match.
His lips twitched. If he laughed, I’d punch him for sure. I didn’t know what he thought was funny. That I’d failed or that I’d been delusional enough to try.
Either way, it was going to be tough doing things my way when I was surrounded by them.
“Fine. We’ll do it your way, but I don’t want to drag this out. I want it over with, one way or another.”
“We could do it close to Cardach,” Hess said. “The Magician will think it’s neutral turf, but we’ll have the edge of Cardach’s spies in the area and a safe place to hole up overnight.”
Callon nodded. “It’s a good call. I don’t want the Magician anywhere near here. I’ll send a pigeon telling him we’ll meet him a few days.” Callon glanced at me, as if to check if that worked.
“Fine.” I shrugged, doubting he’d change it if it didn’t. “When do we leave?”
“Tomorrow. It’ll take us a day or so to get there.”
A few days. That was all I had left before the nightmare might become a reality.
Six
“I’m never talking to Koz again,” Tuesday said, arms crossed and mouth stern. She sat on the bed, watching as I threw a shirt into my bag.
“It’s not his fault. It was Callon’s call that you didn’t come. He wants to keep the traveling party lean.” It was all true. Callon had insisted, and I’d never been happier about him being bossy in my life. Koz might’ve kept quiet as well, not that I’d tell.
“Koz should’ve argued with him. Instead he tells me how right Callon is.”
“He’s just worried about you.” I knew the feeling well. The one thing I feared worse than my death was Tuesday dying alongside me, or worse, in my place.
I slung the bag onto my back. I didn’t have that many things but I wouldn’t need much. I’d be coming back, I’d be dead, or the Magician would have me and I’d kill myself. Either way, it was pointless to over-pack.
Tuesday stood and moved in between me and the door. “What about the snow? Koz said he could feel a storm coming. Is it smart to leave now? Maybe you should insist on a postponement.”
Her eyes were desperate. She looked the way I felt, except I was burying it deep where no one would see. I couldn’t show it. If I did, she’d push harder, and then I might give in.
“I need to get this over with. I have to close the door on this so I can get on with my life.” I wrapped an arm around her. “I’ll do whatever I have to and make it back.”
I felt her head nodding before I pulled back. Then I headed toward the door, only stopping when I realized she wasn’t right behind me.
She was still in the middle of my room, head dropped.
“Aren’t you coming downstairs? Don’t let Koz leave without saying goodbye.”
“What if it’s the last time I’ll see him?” She looked up, a watery sheen coating her eyes and beginning to pool.
“It won’t be.” I didn’t think it would be, but then again, none of us had any guarantees. “But you don’t want to have regrets, just in case.”
“Teddy,” Callon yelled from below.
Tuesday didn’t move. I left her with a nod, hoping this wouldn’t be the last goodbye and that she’d see Koz again. I made my way downstairs to the waiting guys. Koz looked beyond me, to the empty space where Tuesday should’ve been.
“She’s having trouble handling it,” I said softly as I came close to him.
“Sure. I get it.” He nodded, as if he did, but then he kept watching for her anyway.
Callon opened the door. “Let’s get going.”
We all made our way to the door but Koz, who was still looking up.
There was a sudden flurry of footsteps, and I turned to see Tuesday running down the steps. She leapt off the last few and flung herself at Koz. He caught her midair, and she wrapped her legs around him.
“He’ll catch up,” Callon said.
* * *
My cheeks burned with cold as the wind whipped my hair about. The smell of pine trees was everywhere, duller in the cold, but I could still smell it. I loved being out here, with nothing holding me back, no walls or chains. I could run forever if I wanted. I’d have to drag Callon along with me, but still, it could happen.
I glanced at Callon’s back. Sometimes I felt bad I’d trapped him. It burned him bad. I could understand that. One of these days, if he didn’t piss me off for more than a few hours, I might give him a sincere, drawn-out apology. Since he was so adept at pissing me off, it would most likely take a while. When this day did come, he better have an apology ready to lob back at me.
I was still eyeing up his back when he slowed and threw down his bag. The other guys did the same at almost the exact moment. Callon nodded and then took off as the guys began unpacking things. Had I missed some secret conversation, even as I’d been right in the center of them?
“Where’s Callon going? We’re stopping?” The sun still had a good hour or so before setting.
“There’s a storm coming,” Koz explained. “We want to get a shelter set up.”
Zink turned toward me for the first time since we’d been walking. “And some of us are more fragile than—”
“There’s a storm coming, and no one, not even I, want to travel through it,” Koz said, eyeing Zink.
Zink narrowed his eyes. There might’ve been a snarl, but he went back to whatever he was planning on.
Within thirty minutes, our group was running like a well-oiled machine. Hess was spinning skewered meat over the fire as I poked it and kept a steady flow of wood feeding it. Koz and Zink finished setting up tents that looked like they came from a different world, with shiny, bright fabrics in pink, green, and purple. I wasn’t surprised. There were all sorts of weird things leftover from the Glory Years at the lodge. Sometimes it felt like we lived in a time capsule.
The colors didn’t bother me as much as the fact there were only three tents and five of us. Only one person would get to sleep alone.
Koz walked back to the fire and pointed to the purple tent. “That’s the tent for you and Callon if you want to throw your bag inside it.”
I was going to be forced to sleep next to Callon. He was out in the wilderness somewhere, probably being all beastly, and then he was going to come back and settle down next to me. I wanted to jump up and down and skip around the fire, yodel to the sky and do a jig. Even knowing that the Magician was looming somewhere nearby didn’t spoil the moment—after all, he was right in front of me every time I closed my eyes. That was part of the problem.
Callon walked back into camp, his eyes still glowing. It wasn’t the beast, but it was close, as I’d hoped. He walked over to Hess, who handed him a skewer of meat, and then passed one to me, and the other guys as well.
My legs were itching to dance and my vocal cords wanted to sing. Of course, I wouldn’t do any of that. I’d sit there and chew the meat cal
mly. I couldn’t act too excited or people might get the wrong impression and think I liked him or something. What if Callon got the wrong impression? That would never do. That meant I accepted the horrible way he talked and bossed me around, and I absolutely did not. Plus, he was such an arrogant ass, believing he was the wronged one—if he thought I was getting soft, he’d want some lengthy apology now. The only apology he’d get was “I’m so sorry you came to the village to try to use me first. Whoops, I guess I got the better of you.”
I chewed, keeping a long face as I stared over at the tent. “It’s going to be a tight squeeze in there.” I made a little hissing noise, my breath escaping through my teeth. It added a nice touch of misery. Needed to really fill out the scene, after all.
Callon ignored me. The guys didn’t say much, but they were listening intently. Couldn’t blame them. What else were they going to do with themselves right now? I was the best show available when you were sitting around the fire right before a snowstorm.
Callon finished chewing on his dinner before he said, “I can sleep outside. I do it all the time.”
Then he smiled. The fucker knew.
“I couldn’t make you sleep out here. It’s cold and it’s going to snow.”
“Cold doesn’t bother me,” he said, popping the last bit of meat into his mouth.
“I’ll sleep out here, then.” No way would he let me do that. He didn’t want me to leave the lodge alone. Would he really let me sleep in the middle of nowhere?
“I insist you take the tent.” Callon tossed his finished skewer onto the fire.
Zink sighed. “This is the stupidest conversation I’ve ever heard. You know she doesn’t want to sleep outside.”
“Shut up. We have nothing else to do, unless you want to listen to the damn crows all night,” Koz said, of course having to bring up the crows that seemed to always flock around me.
“Fine. I’ll take the tent,” I said, throwing daggers with my eyes at Zink. Pain in the ass. I liked it better when he pretended he couldn’t hear me.
Savage One: Born Wild Book Two Page 3