“I need to go help organize. We don’t have much time,” he said. He stared at me for another couple of moments before he walked out of the room.
He was wrong. There was one thing that could be done.
* * *
The place was asleep as I walked the halls. Callon was out staring at the Hell Pit. Dal and Dax were hopefully sound asleep in their bed. Tuesday and Koz were otherwise occupied and definitely not worried about what anyone else was up to, if the moans coming from their room meant anything.
I walked until I came to the door at the end of the hallway. Zink was already out there on the deck, leaning on the railing. I stepped outside and wrapped the blanket around me as I took a seat on the bench.
“Thanks for meeting me.”
He tipped his head in acknowledgement. “Can’t say that curiosity wasn’t partially to blame. What’s with the clandestine vibe? I was fairly certain that secret meetings and notes under the door weren’t our thing.”
He was still leaning, but his body was tilted toward me now.
The seconds ticked on by as he watched. Once I said it, it would be set in motion, real. As soon as I told Zink my plan, I wouldn’t back out.
What did it matter? I wasn’t backing out anyway. There was only one way to stop the encroaching monster, and it was to give it what it wanted.
I looked down at my fingers where they fidgeted with the blanket and let a single tear escape. That was all the softness I could afford. What came next would require nothing but cold, hard strength, or it wouldn’t be done.
“Zink, you’re a pragmatist. You know what needs to happen.”
He straightened, turning fully my way now, his back to the forest.
“Are you saying what I think?”
I notched my chin up, shoving the pain and loss aside and focusing only on the plan. “This stuff, whatever it is, will never stop. My life is not worth everyone else’s here.”
His eyes dropped from mine. If it were possible, coldhearted Zink was thawing slightly.
“I’m going to need your help. I won’t be able to pull it off without you,” I said.
“What do you need?”
“Callon has people watching the Hell Pit, monitoring it at all times. If I know Callon, they’ll have orders to keep me away from it. They might spot me before I get close enough. All I need is for you to get me to the edge fast enough that I can do what I have to do before anyone can stop me. I also need you to be there to stop him if he tries to follow me in.”
His gaze dropped to the floor. “When?”
“Not tomorrow, but the next day.” Two days would be soon enough, and I had to put some things in order tomorrow. Goodbyes that needed to be said, in some manner or other. This trip would be different. There was no chance of a return.
He looked back up at me. “I don’t know what you feel for him, but I know he’ll never forgive me for this.”
“But he’ll be alive. So will everyone else. Anyone on the run with me will be easy pickings. There are deaths already changing.”
“You’re right. You’re not worth all the lives here.”
I nodded. It wasn’t a surprise. This was why I’d picked Zink.
“But for what it’s worth, you’re good people, Teddy. If I could find some way to change this, I would.”
“Thanks. But now you can kindly shut the fuck up, because I can’t have you making me soft before I do this. If I thought you were going to get all weepy, I would’ve asked Koz.”
In one of the rarest moments for us, we laughed together.
Thirty-Eight
Easiest to hardest, I’d knock them out one by one. That had been my grand plan when I woke this morning. I’d stood at the door and realized there weren’t any easy goodbyes. They’d all twist my insides up worse than they already were, even Dal and Dax.
They deserved a goodbye too. They’d come a long way to see me. They’d offered to help in any way they could. If a person could discover long-lost parents, those would be the ones you’d want. Plus, they hadn’t gotten much of a goodbye with their real daughter. It was the least I could do for them.
My plan already trashed, I decided to go with closest to farthest. I’d knock them out as I found them.
That put Dal and Dax up first, if they were still in their room and not down at breakfast.
The door was open, and Dax turned to me before I set foot inside. Dal turned, sensing me there.
They had that look on their faces again, like I was an angel that had descended from heaven. They knew what I’d gone through, the way that I’d lived, and yet here I was, floating on air.
Neither of them spoke as they waited to see what wondrous words I had to utter, wondering if I meant to grace them with my presence, scared that if they spoke first, I might run away. It was too much.
“Do you have a minute?” I asked.
“Of course, come in,” Dax said. Dal lit up like a daffodil on the first day of spring.
I moved into the room, and Dal glanced at the spot on the bed beside her. Normally I’d ignore that. But since this might be the last time I’d see them. I swallowed hard and sat beside her.
“There’s been a lot going on lately, so we haven’t been able to spend that much time together. But I wanted you both to know that I really appreciate the effort you’re putting out in my direction. And whether or not I’m your daughter, I know you’ve tried to do the best by me since Bitters said I was.”
Ah, fuck. She was going to cry. I could see the tears starting to well up. This was nice stuff. Why was she crying now? Did she have some sort of endless supply? How could someone cry this much?
Double fuck. My eyes were starting to water. This was not going well, and it was only my first goodbye.
I stood so fast that I got lightheaded. “Yeah, so I just wanted you to know that.”
“Maybe after all this settles down, we could spend some more time together?” Dax said, putting his hand on Dal’s shoulder. She looked incapable of words right now.
“Definitely.” I wasn’t lying. Not really. I might live. Death wasn’t a foregone conclusion, even when wading into a pit of poison. There was a small chance I’d make it, like maybe only one or two percent, but that wasn’t zero. If I did, I would spend some more time with them. I’d give them a chance. They’d lost a lot too, after all. Who knew? Maybe I’d let them adopt me if things worked out.
I gave them a wave goodbye and headed to my next stop.
Issy would be in the kitchen, drinking tea about now. She’d be the trickiest, as she didn’t miss a thing. I had to be bland, get my point across, and get out before she caught on. But I also had to keep my distance. I didn’t want to know if she’d die anyway.
She was in the kitchen, drinking tea as she went over a list.
“Is that for packing?” I asked, pointing.
“Yes. Trying to figure out what will travel the best but has the densest nutrition.” She bit the end of her pencil, looking at the sheet.
“Issy, I hope you know how much I appreciate you looking out for everyone. I’m not sure what any of us would do without you.”
She waved a hand at me. “It’s just a list. No need to overdo it. We’ll find somewhere else nice, right? Callon will see to it.”
“Yeah, I know. Plus, you always take care of us.” And Callon might need you after I leave. Of course, I couldn’t say that, but she’d be there without a word asked.
She smiled as she bit the pencil.
“I’ll see you later.”
It took me a while to seek out Tuesday. I knew she was up in her and Koz’s room, but there was pure terror as I approached her. If my decision hadn’t changed things, there was nothing left to do.
The door was cracked, and I pushed it open the rest of the way. She was standing in front of the bed, things laid out on it.
“I don’t know how much to bring. Callon said as little as possible, but how little is too little?”
I was glad her attention wasn�
�t on me as I neared.
The second I got close to her, I knew her death had shifted back to dying peacefully at a ripe old age. I couldn’t decide whether I wanted to hug the breath out of her or drop to my knees and cry with relief. It didn’t matter, since I could do neither. She hadn’t known how close to death she’d gotten.
Years ago, Maura, her mother and my adopted one, had shielded me from Baryn’s sickness and proclivities for longer than I’d realized. I hadn’t known myself until I thought back to my childhood years with an adult’s eye. The way she’d come back from Baryn with a glazed look. The way she’d step in front of me and drape herself over him whenever he’d come near—she’d been the only reason I’d had a childhood at all. I’d never gotten to thank her in life. Telling Tuesday of my debt would cause her more pain than good. But I’d finally found a way to repay her, at least in part. Not that I wouldn’t have done it anyway. Tuesday hadn’t lied when she said she was my sister.
“What’s going on? Why do you look so relieved? Figured you’d be in a pickle of a mood today. Is it all that sex you’re having?”
“You know, I was in a bad mood, but I think somehow things will work out. I think we’ll get to come back somehow.”
I sat on an empty corner of the bed. “Sometimes I imagine how happy Maura would be if she knew this was where we ended up. I don’t think I would’ve survived as long as I had without her and you.”
“You’re getting a little weird on me now,” she said, folding a couple of things up.
“I’m just happy we ended up here, is all. You deserve a place like this—you know that, right?”
“And so do you. You’re freaking me out now.” She stopped folding.
I smiled and got up. I’d overplayed my hand. I needed to switch gears to something that would utterly absorb her. “Where’s Koz? Isn’t he helping you?”
“He’s out in one of the sheds trying to figure out which wagons we should take. Been out there half the morning.”
“I’ll go ask him how much stuff he thinks we can bring. It’ll be more than what Callon suggests for sure.”
She laughed. “Good idea.”
I laughed with her and then shot into my room instead, shoving my head in my pillow so no one would hear me cry.
* * *
It didn’t take me long to find Koz a little while later still looking over wagons.
“What’s up? Don’t you have packing to do?” he asked as I walked into the largest shed, more of a barn.
I marched up to him. “Are you going to marry her?”
“What?” He jumped like I’d slapped him.
“You heard me. I need to know if you’re going to marry her. I need to know you’re not going to get bored.” I shoved his arm.
“Teddy—”
“I need to know.” I shoved him again. “We’re going to be traveling around to who knows where, and I need to know you’ll take care of her forever, no matter how bad it gets out there.”
He threw his hands up as he took a few steps back. “I can’t talk to you about this.”
“Why?” I asked, following him until I had him pinned down in the corner.
“Because you’re too close to her. When I do it, I’d like at least a small element of surprise.”
When, not if.
He cringed a little as I reached forward and patted him on the arm. “You’re a good man, Koz.” I walked out of the barn.
“I’m not a good man. I’m nothing. This talk never happened,” he yelled.
“You got it.”
* * *
Callon walked into my bedroom at midnight. He stood at the foot of the bed.
“I’ve been waiting for you,” I said.
“I won’t change my mind.”
“I know.”
“I have to tell you something else. I told Bitters not to undo the spell. I knew what you were going to do and got to him first.”
“And you say I do stupid things. Are you crazy? Why would you do that?”
“Because I know what you would do, and I can’t let you.”
“Why?”
“Because I can’t let you go, not to that. If you were going to be happier, maybe I could. But not to that life.”
Callon loved me.
I got up on my knees and made my way to where he was. I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his neck. “You’re doing what you believe is right. I won’t fault you for that.”
I hugged him tighter. Just please don’t fault me when I do what I think is right.
Thirty-Nine
Where the hell was Zink? Of all the people I thought would measure up to the task, it was him. There was a rustling in the trees, and he stepped forward fifteen minutes late.
“Where have you been? He’s going to realize I’m missing. He’s already on edge. I need to be gone before then.” It was midday, and Callon would be looking for me at lunch. I just knew it.
Zink opened his mouth, but it took another second for the words to make it out. “I can’t do it.” He threw up his hands.
What? No. I was ready. I’d geared up for this, and it had to happen now, before I lost my nerve.
“What do you mean? Of course you can. You don’t even like me!”
“My sleepless night might indicate otherwise. Apparently I don’t hate you enough to deliver you to your death. I think you should take your chances.”
“We can’t do this. That stuff will be at our doorstep, and it’s the middle of winter. You need to do this. This has to happen. You need to help me.”
“I’m sorry.” He shrugged. “He loves you. I can’t kill the woman he loves. I just can’t.”
“He’ll get over it.” I grabbed his arm and tried to drag him in the right direction.
He yanked his arm back. “He won’t get over it. I know him. He doesn’t love in half measures.”
I’d have to try on my own. There was nothing else to do. I wouldn’t take everything from him.
“Fine. But don’t try to stop me. I don’t want to have to kill one of Callon’s best friends, all right?”
His chest swelled before he let out a long breath. “I’d considered it, but I won’t. We each make our own choices in life, and we each live with the consequences. I’m choosing what I can live with. I won’t stop you from that same choice.”
I shook my head and took off. I didn’t have any more time to waste. I ran so fast that my lungs burned.
Callon had posted guards around the Hell Pit as it had gotten closer. I wouldn’t doubt for a second that they’d been warned to keep me far away. As soon as they saw me, they’d yell. Callon would hear, and he was lightning fast.
I kept running. As soon as I got in sight, it happened exactly as I feared. The guards saw me running toward the edge of the Hell Pit.
“Stop!” they yelled. When I didn’t, they charged me from both sides. I ran faster, but I was never going to make it. The Hell Pit was too far, and they were faster and closer.
Then there was a tinkling noise, like the sound of a thousand wind chimes all at once. A golden mist filled the air. Dazed by what was happening, I slowed. The men who had been running toward me looked like they’d slammed into an invisible wall on either side of me.
I heard yelling and turned to see Callon crashing into the same invisible wall behind me. And then Dax was there with him, trying to break through. Dal, Tuesday, and Issy, who were slower, were running toward them. I could already see Dal crying.
“Don’t do this!” Callon screamed. “Teddy! We’ll find another way.” His voice sounded muted, though, as if he were screaming through a thick piece of glass.
Tears streamed down my face as I yelled back to him, “I love you.”
Hess and Zink stepped forward, pulling him away from the wall that he was battering himself against. I saw him struggle against their hold, my vision blurred by my tears. I finally understood Dal’s endless supply. When you loved someone, truly to the depths of your soul, there were no words for
the agony of loss. Losing someone you loved defied any other pain you could feel; it changed who you were, who you would be. It darkened your world for the rest of your life.
Callon was the reason I could do this. Had to do this. I wouldn’t ruin his life, running and hiding. It would destroy him eventually, and everyone who went with us. I’d stolen from him before. I wouldn’t do it again.
“It’s all right. You need to do this.”
I jumped at the sound of the little girl’s voice. “I saw you in the forest. Who are you?”
The little girl took my hand, walking me toward the mud. The muted screams dulled further as we made our way. “Tiffy. I came here to help you. You need to go into the mud. It’s what you’re supposed to do. You’re the only one who can help it. You need to go to it, give it what it wants. It’s the only way to heal it.”
We stopped by the edge.
“Are you part of it?” I said, looking at the mud and then her.
She giggled. “No, but in a way, I’ve known it for a very long time. We’re friends, sort of.” She stepped into the mud, our arms outstretched now as she urged me forward. “Come, I have things to show you.”
“Will it hurt?”
She smiled. “No.”
I followed her in, letting it ooze in around my feet. And then we were no longer wading through a Hell Pit. We walked through a field of flowers. In front of us, Dal and Dax knelt, sobbing at a freshly dug grave.
“Was that me? Is it true?”
“They buried you here to save you, but this place changed you and your magic, gave you the gift of taking and giving life that you would need to heal things when the time came. But you wouldn’t be ready until you were older.”
“Do you know who took me? Why would they do that?”
Dal and Dax faded from view. Faceless robed beings appeared, and lifted a wriggling baby from the ground.
“My people did. They didn’t do it to be cruel. They did it because it had to be done. You had to remain hidden until you were strong enough. Once you were changed, you weren’t safe there. No one could know about you.”
Savage One: Born Wild Book Two Page 23