by S. E. Lund
"Hi, Maryanne," I said and sat down at the chair in front of her desk. "Thanks for agreeing to see me without an appointment. I wanted to ask a few questions about jobs at Dominion."
"Ask away? What are you interested in?"
"What does it take to get hired as an editorial assistant?"
She pursed her lips and considered. "Usually, some experience in the book publishing business and some familiarity with the editorial process, experience editing at some level."
"Do you usually look for an MA in English?"
"It's a bonus but not a requirement, if the other qualifications are exemplary." While she talked, she went over to a filing cabinet against the wall and searched through some files. She found one and pulled it out, bringing it back to the desk.
She opened it up and I saw that it was my HR file.
"For example, you have a degree in English from Dartmouth. That's impressive. It's an Ivy League college and so it carries a lot of weight. You were also the editor of the Stonefence Review, which is a notable student literary journal. You had a couple of short stories published as well. That's a great resume for someone hoping to go into book publishing."
"So, it's not unfair that I am going to be an editorial assistant in May?"
"No, of course not. Why would you think that?"
I shrugged, not wanting to mention Krista. "I didn't want to be seen as getting the job without being properly qualified."
"Did someone make you think that?" she asked, frowning, her hands folded on the desktop. "Tell me who and I'll speak with them."
"No, it's okay. I just didn't want people to resent me for getting the job after only four months."
"Did someone say something to you?"
I shrugged, not wanting to actually name Krista. "I heard a whisper, and that's all I'm going to say."
She leaned back in her chair. "Don't think you were hired because of Josh for a second. We were lucky to get you as an intern. That's why Sharon hired you on the spot when you asked if the job was still available."
"I thought it was because she had no one for two weeks and was desperate."
"That, too, but you shouldn't discount your credentials. Ivy League degrees and experience editing a literary magazine are not bad for a starting resume. You were a catch. Don't forget it. You and Josh marrying won't diminish that."
"Good," I said. "I just don't want the staff to resent me, and think that I got where I get because of my relationship to Josh."
"You didn't have that relationship when we hired you. As long as you don't screw up majorly, you should be fine. Don't let the naysayers get you down. In this life, they will always be there, trying to undermine your confidence. If you doubt yourself, they win." She closed the file on the desk and gave me a firm nod. "Don't let them win."
"I'll try not to," I said and exhaled, telling myself that her words were wise. Krista was just jealous. People were going to be jealous of me because I met and was marrying Josh, one of the richest eligible bachelors in Manhattan. I couldn't let them get in the way of my happiness.
I was determined not to let the haters win.
* * *
That weekend, a blizzard hit the whole eastern seaboard as the Polar Vortex swept down and engulfed the region in a blast of cold air. Josh and I stayed in the penthouse and watched sports and new movies on Apple TV. I had my period and was somewhat crampy, so I drank extra red wine, which seemed to lessen my cramps. It wasn't a very sexy weekend for us, but luckily, we got some loving in the previous week. Both of us had needed extra affection and sexual release, probably due to the stress of the coming paternity test. On Sunday night, we snuggled on the sofa and I finished my second glass of red wine.
"You getting drunk tonight, are you?" Josh asked as he poured me more.
"Drowning my cramps," I said and held up my glass in a toast. He held up his bottle of beer and we clinked together.
"I'll join you and drown my sorrows in beer."
"What sorrows could you possibly have, Mr. Macintyre?"
"Other than fears that I'm an accidental father, you mean?"
"You have me," I said, my brain feeling a bit fuzzy from two big glasses of wine. "You have a new penthouse apartment that will be renovated according to your preferences. You have a newspaper that you are re-creating from the ground up. You're set to get access to several million dollars as soon as we get married with which you can hire even more staff and make the Chronicle even better."
"You're right," Josh said and leaned back, his head against the back of the sofa, his eyes closed. He rubbed the bridge of his nose and then turned his head to look in my eyes. "I'm damn lucky and I know it. This glitch, even if it turns out bad, is just a small speck on an otherwise-wonderful life." He smiled and I couldn't help but smile back at his large blue eyes, which were warm. "I love you, Ella."
I leaned closer, my arm around on the back of the sofa. "I love you, Josh. Whatever happens this week, we're in this together."
"We are," he said, and we kissed. "That means the world to me. I want us to be totally honest with each other and open with everything -- every fear and doubt and worry."
"And every bit of happiness, too," I said, remembering Maryanne's words from the day I met with her.
"Yes, every bit of happiness. We have every right to be over the moon," he said and rubbed my cheek. "No matter what happens with the test, you're everything I could have ever dreamed of in a partner."
I smiled and kissed him again, my heart swelling with happiness.
Then, I remembered my discussions with Maryanne and decided it was time to tell Josh what happened. I didn't want to get Krista in trouble, but he did want me to be completely honest. It was something that had upset me so if I wanted to remain true to our pledge to each other, I had to come clean.
"There's something I've been meaning to talk with you about and now is as good a time as any," I said and played with the collar on his t-shirt.
"What's up?" he asked, his brow furrowing. "Something wrong at work?"
I shrugged, wanting to downplay it. "Nothing, really. Just something someone said to me after a meeting. This other employee suggested that I got the job as an editorial assistant because of my connection to you. It upset me so I went to see Maryanne in HR to talk about the usual qualifications for the position."
"And?" Josh said, his eyebrows raised. "I'm sure Maryanne set you straight."
"She did. She said that I was more than qualified as an editorial assistant, especially after working for Dominion for six months."
"Exactly," Josh said and pulled me closer. "We're lucky to have you. Don't ever doubt yourself. You went to Dartmouth. That's choice. You edited the literary journal. You're even published. When Sharon hired you, she told me she'd snagged a real gem. She was right."
He kissed me and I couldn't help but feel warmth well up inside of me at his words.
"In fact, she wasn't the only one to find a gem. I found one, too. It cost me scraped elbows and knees, but it was worth every moment of pain."
He smiled and held my gaze, and I teared up at the sentiment. "What would have happened if I didn't jaywalk that first day? I might never have met you in a way that would lead to us becoming instantly intimate."
"I know. Twists of fate are amazing. I'm glad we had ours or life would have been completely different. I would have been trying to find a partner using Marcella's service and being disappointed with every person I met. I would have been going to clubs and bars with Keith and company, trying to meet Ms. Right and failing because unless you were there, she wouldn't be Ms. Right."
"Do you really believe that?" I asked, feeling uncertain, although I was flattered. "Do you really believe you would still be single?"
"No one has compared to you," Josh said and pulled me into his arms, so that I lay across his lap, my arms around his neck. "No one could. You're everything I want. Everything I need. It's like you were made for me. Perfect fit."
I smiled and closed my eyes
when he kissed my neck. "You're everything to me and everything I could dream of."
"Good," Josh said and held his hands on the sides of my face, his eyes burning into mine. "Don't ever doubt my feelings for you. If you need me to tell you, I will happily. Every day of my life for the rest of my life."
I felt emotions well up inside of me. "I'd love to hear it every day. If you want, I'll tell you happily every day of my life for the rest of my life."
"I think we have our wedding vows."
I smiled. "You think so? We'll have to see what the officiant says but I agree."
"Speaking of which, who should we get to officiate? I'm failed Catholic. What are you -- failed Presbyterian?"
"Yep."
"I guess we should go with Presbyterian, because I think the penalties for being a failed member are less onerous to overcome if you want to get married."
"I thought you'd want to be married in a cathedral in Manhattan," I said, surprised that he was so willing to forgo a Catholic ceremony.
He shrugged. "I did at one time, but I don't expect you to become a Catholic. I'm not a good Catholic. I like the cathedrals and the pomp and ceremony, but more for theatrical purposes than religious. If my parents were still alive, I probably would want to coerce you into becoming Catholic and marrying me at St. Patrick's. In fact, I believe Marcella was going to book it for me, on the off-chance I found a bride through her matchmaking service."
"Oh, that's right," I said, remembering the whole business when we first met. "You had it all figured out."
He shook his head. "Yeah, I thought it would be so much easier to find a wife using her." He kissed me warmly and we snuggled together, our foreheads pressed against each other's. I couldn't help but tear up, remembering those first days when I was so new to Manhattan. It was like a dream to me at that point.
"I looked at the prospect of falling in love and finding my soul mate like it was a business project," Josh said and looked in my eyes. "I thought I'd have to go through date after date, interviewing potential fiancées, matching likes and dislikes, hopes for the future, backgrounds. Little did I know all it took was a couple of scraped knees..."
I smiled and laid my head against his shoulder, glad I had jaywalked that morning. It turned out to be the best mistake I had ever made.
* * *
The next day, in the middle of the morning when my head was in the middle of a manuscript that I particularly liked, my cell dinged indicating an incoming text.
I checked and saw it was a text from Steph.
STEPH: Hey kiddo, I'm going to be in Manhattan for the weekend on Thursday night. I thought we could get together and shop for dresses on Friday and I could finally meet this mystery man who stole you away from me. I'll be returning to Concord at five o'clock on Sunday, but we'll have all day Friday and Saturday to enjoy.
I smiled to myself, excited that she'd soon be in town and we could spend time together. If the news about Josh and the baby was bad, I'd need Steph to help me get through it. I'd always have her ear and could call or text her if I needed to sound off but having her in town would be a bonus.
ELLA: I can't wait to see you. Where will you stay? You could stay at the apartment. There's a spare bedroom.
STEPH: Naw, I'm staying at a cute little Airbnb I found. It's already paid for so I can't back out due to the short timeline. Besides, I don't want to get in the way of your time with Mr. B -- for billionaire.
ELLA: He's really not a billionaire, Steph. He's worth millions, but not billions -- yet. His father didn't believe in inherited wealth.
STEPH: That's rare. Usually, rich people can't wait to make their own kids rich.
ELLA: His dad was a self-made man and believed in his sons making their own way in life, with his help of course, but they had to work for it. I wish you were staying with us.
ELLA: No. It's good I got the Airbnb. This way, I can enjoy the New York experience and see my bestie at the same time. Win-win!
ELLA: Okay, if you insist. I can't wait to see you!
STEPH: You get the big news today, right?
ELLA: Yes, and either way, I'm going to need to party this weekend so it's great timing on your part.
STEPH: I'll be here for you, no matter what the result is. Count on it. Talk later. Let me know what happens.
ELLA: I will. OXOXO
STEPH: XOXOX
I smiled and put my cell away, glad I had such a good best friend. Whatever happened in my life, I knew she had my back.
Of course, I called Sharon right away and asked if I could take Friday off since Steph was going to be in town.
"I promise I'll make it up to you," I said. "I'll come in and work on the weekend next week. Put in the time."
"That's okay," Sharon said. "Have fun."
I leaned back in my chair and smiled, imagining the fun we'd have looking for dresses. This time, unlike the last, I knew I'd be wearing it for real instead of taking it back like I did with the dress I bought for the wedding I had planned but never went through with.
Although Josh and I had only known each other for a short time, I felt like I really knew him, knew his heart, and that made all the difference.
16
Josh
Tuesday couldn't come soon enough.
On Tuesday morning, I tried to sneak out of bed without waking Ella, but as usual, she was a very light sleeper and her eyes opened when she felt movement.
I kissed her as she lay snuggled under the covers.
"Good morning, sleepyhead," I said and smiled as I nuzzled her. "Don't get up. I'm going for a ride."
"You're going this morning for the test, right?" she asked and stretched her arms over her head.
"I am," I said and sat on the side of the bed. "You still have an hour before you have to get up. "Go back to sleep. The alarm's set."
"Okay. Ride carefully."
I tucked the blankets around her and kissed her once more. Then, I got up, determined to get in a ride around Central Park first thing to clear my mind. I'd lain awake for hours the previous night, thinking through everything, worrying about the test results and what it would mean for me, for Ella and for my child. I hated the thought that my son or daughter would be raised separately from me.
I brushed my teeth and then dressed in my riding suit. Then, I filled a water bottle and slipped on my shoes and helmet before hitting the elevator button, my bike in hand.
As I took the elevator down to the lobby, I thought about my own life. I had loved my father deeply growing up and had been so privileged to have him with me my entire childhood and most of my adulthood. The thought of my son or daughter living with me as only a part-time father who only saw me on every third weekend was depressing. When I had imagined falling in love and getting married, it always included having children and being a father to them -- an involved father just like mine had been. Big dinners around a formal dining table, picking them up after school and doing baseball practice on the weekends. Teaching them how to do things, like change a tire or how to ride a bike. All the things my father had done for me. While I knew a mother could do those things just as well as I could, it would be my son or daughter.
I wanted to be in their life, no matter what.
It made me sad to think of a child growing up and not living with their biological father. Seeing me on weekends and alternating holidays -- or whatever arrangements we eventually made -- wasn't good enough.
I was determined that even if I couldn't live with my child, son or daughter, I would be the best father I could be, given the circumstances. I would make our time together special. I would prioritize spending time with them. It wouldn't be optimal, but it would be the very best it could be.
Outside, the streets were busy with early-morning pedestrians and cars were already backed up due to traffic. I hopped on my bike and started my journey around the park, the cold air waking me up. Overhead, the sky was clear, and soon, I'd be able to see the light from the sunrise. I decided to ride along
the Hudson instead of the park, wanting to see the water. It wasn't very busy, so I had the lanes mostly to myself. The ride was meditative, and soon, I'd worked up a good sweat.
When I arrived back at the apartment, I was soaked and went right into the bathroom after parking my bike and removing my shoes and helmet.
"I have fresh coffee waiting and there's some bagels and fruit," Ella called out from the kitchen. "I'm on my way to the office."
"I'll stop by later," I called from the bathroom. "Before I go to the lab."
"Okay."
I had a quick shower and then dressed in a grey suit and white shirt, a black tie finishing the outfit. I went to the kitchen and ate a bagel with cream cheese and some of the fruit Ella had cut -- bananas, orange slices and pineapple. I filled my coffee thermos and then went down to my office, saying hello to my staff on the way. I popped my head into Keith's office and asked if we were still on for the three o'clock meeting.
"You're the boss," he said and glanced up from his computer screen.
"Okay," I said and held up my cup of coffee. "I have a meeting downtown this morning, but I'll be back after lunch. If you need me for anything, I'm always on my cell."
"Sounds good," he said and gave me a smile. "Something to do with MBS?"
"Nope," I said, clearly indicating with my tone I didn't have any intention of telling him the reason.
"Nuff said," he replied and held up a hand. He knew enough not to push further for an answer.
I sat at my desk for an hour and went over my agenda for the day, reading whatever documents my assistant had placed on my desktop for signing. About fifteen minutes before I planned to leave for my appointment at the lab, I checked my cell and saw I had a message from the rehab facility in California.
That couldn't be good. I checked my calendar and saw that Penny wasn't due to be finished her time there for another week.