“I want to be with you, and it has nothing to do with Ian or the app or Sadie or anything. It’s just what I want. Please believe me,” Derek says after a moment of silence.
“I want to believe you,” I say quietly, looking up at him to meet his gaze.
He takes a step forward and strokes my cheek with the back of his hand. “So do it. Believe me.”
God. Why are his eyes so beautiful? Why is he so beautiful, so perfectly good-looking, and irresistible? I’ve never met a man like him, and I doubt I will ever feel this way about anyone again. I don’t know if I should believe him. How much do I trust Derek? I can’t make that determination right now, with him hypnotizing me with his eyes.
His gaze drops down to my lips and I don’t move as he leans in. He presses his lips against mine and I close my eyes, feeling defeated because I can’t resist him.
His arm goes around my waist and he pulls me closer to him as we begin to make out. I forget that we’re standing on the sidewalk until a car drives down the street.
“Let’s go inside,” Derek says against my lips as we pull away.
He grabs my hand and pulls me forward, but I stay where I am. He turns to look at me and with a frown.
“Derek, I really think I should go,” I say slowly.
He gives me a pained look. “Are you breaking up with me?”
Yes. No. Maybe. No.
“Maybe,” I say then sigh. “No, I don’t know. I just—” I hesitate.
“You don’t trust me.” He realizes.
I gulp slowly, trying to find the right words to say. “It’s hard to after this. Remember what I told you when you asked me to be your girlfriend? I—” I sigh. “I care about you, Derek, and I don’t want to get hurt. So if this has been a game to you, then I’d rather you be honest with me and we part ways right now.”
“This is not a game,” He says looking frustrated. He reaches for my hand. “How can I make you believe that? I don’t want to lose you.”
There are those words again. They make my chest tight. I want to run away and run into his arms at the same time.
I shake my head. “I don’t know.”
There’s a moment of silence. I can feel his eyes on me while I look down at my feet. I don’t know what to do or say. He admitted to this starting as a plan to make his ex-girlfriend jealous, how can I just forget that?
“I don’t want to leave like this, Gin.” He finally breaks the silence.
I look up at him. “I’m leaving for Newport on Tuesday too, maybe… the distance will help.”
“When will you be back?”
“Sunday night.”
I’ve been waiting for this trip for months and now that it’s here, I feel sad to leave. A whole week without seeing Derek or talking to him. How will I get through that? Especially knowing he’s going to be traveling with his ex-girlfriend whom he still cares enough about to want to make jealous, at least up until a few weeks ago.
My phone suddenly begins to vibrate in my pocket and I take it out and look at the caller ID.
“Is something wrong?” Derek asks glancing down.
I frown as my phone stops ringing. “No, um, sorry.”
“Who’s Kevin?”
I look up, feeling nervous for some reason. “He’s my ex.”
Derek nods slowly. “Your ex, huh? Does he call you a lot?”
“No, he hasn’t tried to contact me since I came to New York,” I say slowly.
Why is Kevin calling me? What does he want? I realize that I haven’t stalked his social accounts. I stopped caring about him and his beautiful girlfriend since I met Derek. Why is he calling me when I’ve finally moved on?
Derek takes a deep breath. “And he knows you’re going to be in Newport next week?”
I look at him and realize that he’s jealous. “No, why would he? I haven’t spoken to him.”
“Maybe he asked your family? Your parents? Your sister?” He clears his throat. “Maybe he wants to see you? Rekindle your relationship?”
I narrow my eyes. “Why are you getting so angry?”
He sighs, frustrated, then he puts his hands on the back of his head and begins to pace in front of me. I look around but there’s nobody outside. That’s good, I guess. The last thing I want is a headline about us fighting out in the street.
“I know I fucked up, Gin,” He finally says, standing in front of me. The muscles in his shoulders flex as he brings his arms down. “I’m sorry.”
I purse my lips. “You know what the difference between you and me is?” I ask him and continue without waiting for a response. “I didn’t use you to make him jealous.”
He winces, almost as if I’d just slapped him. “I know I’m an idiot and maybe I did want to make Sadie jealous—but it’s been real, Gin. I promise it has.”
I sigh, feeling conflicted and then my phone begins to ring again. Jeez. What does Kevin want?
Derek looks at me. “Are you going to answer him?”
“No.”
“Can I?” He asks.
I frown. “Uh—”
He reaches for the phone in my hand and I don’t stop him. I watch as he slides his thumb across the screen. I still have my guard up but I’m curious on what he’s planning to say to Kevin. He doesn’t even know him.
“Hello?” Derek answers, looking across the street.
I cross my arms on my chest and watch him curiously.
“No, this is Savannah’s phone. She can’t get to the phone right now but this is Derek, her boyfriend, how can I help you?”
I bite my lip to keep myself from smiling. Is he serious? I can’t believe that he’s acting this way especially after the argument we just had. I’m angry at him and he still manages to make me want to smile. I’m so screwed. So, very screwed.
I find myself admiring his side profile—his sharp jaw, his straight nose, his soft hair, his eyes, the way his shirt sleeves hug his muscular arms. The same arms that held me all night. I think about the way he made me feel last night. He made me feel wanted, desired and he made me feel a sort of pleasure I’ve never experienced before.
I think about the way he looked at me as he moved on top of me. The way he kissed me, the way he held me, the way he made sure I was enjoying it, the way he made me feel like I was up in the clouds over and over again…
It’s hard to believe he faked all of that. I want to believe that he didn’t.
“Are you sure?” Derek asks after a moment. “I can pass on a message…alright…have a good day. Bye.” He brings the phone down, ending the call.
“Do you feel better now?” I ask him, a little amused.
He scratches the back of his head, looking embarrassed. “Actually, I do, yes.”
I shake my head with a smile. “If I ever did something like that, you would think I’m some crazy, jealous girlfriend.”
“I told you I had a problem with jealousy.”
I nod. “Yeah, you really can’t fake that, can you?”
My smile fades when I listen to my own words.
Derek takes a step forward and reaches for my hand. “No, I can’t,” He says softly.
Well, crap.
He leans in and kisses me softly.
“If you want to leave, I can drive you,” He says looking at me. “And if you want space, you can have it, but is it okay if I call you or text you? Maybe both?”
I nod slowly, fighting back a smile. “Okay.”
So much for breaking up with him.
33. miss you more
I look out the window as the plane begins to slow down until it comes to a complete stop. Everyone around me begins to stand up. The tiny hallway is crowded in a second; everyone is trying to get out while trying to get their carry-on bags above their seats which just causes more traffic.
I stay seated and look down at my hands. I’m not in a hurry. I hate crowded places so there’s no way I’m going to try to get out along with everyone else. I just texted my sister, Natalie, to let her know I lande
d so they’re barely on their way.
I take my phone off airplane mode and a text comes in from Derek from about four hours ago. A smile creeps onto my lips as I open it.
Please let me know when you land. Have a safe flight. Miss you.
We haven’t spoken since Sunday, but we’ve been texting throughout the day both yesterday and today. He’s in California right now, filming interviews and promoting his new movie. I worked both Sunday and Monday evening, so I haven’t really had a lot of time to dwell on everything that happened on Sunday. Unfortunately, all I did was think during this six-hour flight.
Think and miss Derek.
Is that all I’m going to do all week until I see him? Probably, yes.
That really sucks because I’ve been looking forward to this trip for months and I want to be present for my family. I also can’t help how I feel, though.
I press my thumbs on the keyboard as I begin to text him back.
Just landed, I type then hesitate. Oh what the hell? I miss you too, I add because I do. A lot.
I press the blue button and send it before I change my mind. Not two minutes later, my phone vibrates.
I miss you more, Gin. take care and say hi to your family for me
I smile but I feel sad. God. Why does this feel so complicated? Would I be a complete fool to believe that he’s being genuine about his feelings? Do I even care? No. I don’t think I so. The only thing I care about is about being with him. That does make me a fool. One hundred percent.
Call me Savannah the Fool now.
It’s a couple minutes before the hallway finally disperses and I stand up and walk out of the plane with my carry-on. I just brought one bag with me since I have most of my clothes here, anyway. My feet still hurt from last night’s shift, but I find comfort in knowing I won’t have to work for a few days.
It’s a cloudy day in Portland, at least from what I can see through the windows in the airport. As I make my way out, I begin to feel the anticipation of seeing my sister. I haven’t seen her yet and I already feel like crying.
I surf through social media while I wait. I already know what I’m going to see but I still log in. There are a lot of pictures of Derek in California. I read one of the headlines and frown. Derek Collins was spotted in LA with co-star and ex-girlfriend Sadie Brown as they begin to promote their new upcoming movie, FALLOUT.
There are pictures of Derek walking, others of him with fans, smiling at the camera. I’m pleased, though, because there are no pictures of him next to Sadie. They are always photographed with all their other co-stars. This makes me feel relieved and happy and it makes me miss him even more.
During my lurking, I come across an article talking about how their movie has been approved for a sequel. I didn’t know that. Unless Sadie’s character was killed in this movie (which I doubt), that means that Derek will continue to be working with her. I don’t know much about the plot of the movie, but I know that’s it’s an action movie and that Sadie plays Derek’s character’s love interest because of course she does.
And now they’re going to keep working together for more months to come.
I close the app, knowing that I did this to myself.
“Savannah!”
I look up at the sound of my name and search the room for Natalie. I spot her a couple feet away. She waves at me then begins to walk quickly towards me. I can see her husband, Josh, behind her. He has a baby in his arms.
“Oh my God.” Natalie puts her arms around me. “I missed you!”
I smile as I put my arms around her. “I missed you too.”
Natalie and I look alike. We have the same dark brown hair, though mine is shorter, and we also have the same brown eyes, and nose. She’s a little taller than me and she’s also curvier and, in my opinion, livelier than me. She’s always smiling at everyone. I don’t. I’m pretty sure I scowl when I walk and when I’m around strangers. I do it so no one speaks to me and it works like a charm.
She turns around and grabs the baby from Josh’s arms.
“Hey,” Josh says as he hugs me with one arm. “Good to see you.”
I smile up at him. “You too, Josh.”
Josh and Natalie have been married for over a year and they are one hundred percent soulmates. They went to high school together, but Natalie dated his brother for a very long time. They were even engaged at one point. Their relationship started when Josh came back from the military. He’s always been in love with her. I mean, he cried at the altar as Natalie was walking towards him. They’re perfect for each other.
“This is Samuel,” Natalie says, handing me over her baby boy.
“Oh my God.” I murmur, feeling the knot in my throat. I don’t know why I feel like crying. I’ve known about him since Natalie found out she was pregnant, but it’s not until now that I realize I’m an aunt. I have a nephew. He’s tiny and perfect in every way. His head rests on the crook of my arm as I hold him. I lean in and press a kiss on his small forehead. He’s awake and he looks up at me in wonder. “OMG, Nat, his nose is so cute.” I look up at her through blurred eyes. I clean them with my free hand. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying.”
I realize that Nat is crying too, and she puts her arm around me as we both look down at him.
“Let me take this,” Josh says reaching for the bag on my shoulder.
“Thanks,” I say still looking down at my nephew. I touch his tiny fingers on his tiny hand. God. He’s so perfect. I’m in love.
“Come on,” Nat says. “Mom and Dad are waiting at the inn.”
Josh walks ahead of us and he holds the door open for us once we reach the airport’s exit. I concentrate on walking with Samuel in my arms. I smile down at him, wanting him to know my face.
“I’m auntie Sav,” I say to him and he just puts his hand in his mouth. I smile. “He’s so adorable, I can’t.”
Natalie smiles. “I know, right? I don’t know what I’m going to do when my maternity leave is over which is in, like, two weeks.”
I frown as we walk down the parking lot. “Who’s going to take care of him?”
“I felt bad because she already has so much on her plate with the inn but I asked Mom if she would watch him on the days Josh works in the morning. I told her I would pay her. She said she’d do it for free.” Natalie looks relieved and so am I.
I look down at Samuel. “I wish I could take care of him.”
“You and me both.” Natalie laughs.
We reach their sport wagon and I hop in the back with Samuel. Josh helps me strap him because I have no idea what I’m doing. Then he gets behind the wheel and begins to drive. I reach out and put my index finger through Samuel’s tiny hand and he squeezes it making me laugh.
“He loves me,” I say happily.
Natalie laughs. “Of course he does, dummy.” She turns around from the passenger seat. “So where did you leave your movie star?” She asks teasingly
I roll my eyes. I knew this was coming. “He’s in California promoting his new movie.”
“Wow, I still can’t believe you’re dating a celebrity.” Nat says. “How is it going? Is it serious?”
I keep my eyes on Samuel as he moves his hands around. “It’s good. We’re just dating.”
Natalie frowns. “Uh-oh.”
I purse my lips, hoping she gets the memo that I don’t want to talk about that right now. She does and she faces the front again but I know she’s not going to let it go. That conversation is coming and I’m both dreading it and looking forward to it.
“Kevin came over the inn on Saturday,” Nat says.
I frown. “Why? What did he want?”
I see her shrug. “He said he wanted to say hi to Mom. He ended up staying over for lunch. You know how Mom is, she wants to feed everyone.”
I nod. “Right.”
“She let it slip that you were going to be here this week.”
“Well that explains his calls on Sunday.” I murmur, feeling annoyed.
&n
bsp; “He probably wants to get back together. He broke up with his girlfriend, you know.”
I didn’t know and I don’t care.
“I have no interest in getting back together with him.”
Natalie laughs. “Of course not. You have a movie star now.”
I roll my eyes at her. “His name is Derek.”
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