“I’m going to head out,” Kevin says behind me. “Have to head to work.”
I nod without looking at him. I don’t know why he feels that he has to tell me where he’s going. He used to do that when we were together but we’re not anymore. “Okay.”
“Savannah—can we talk?” He asks after a moment.
I sigh silently then shut the faucet and grab a cloth to dry my hands before facing him. “What do you want to talk about?” I ask as calmly as I can.
He takes a step forward. “I don’t know, about us?”
I try my best to not roll my eyes. “There is no us, Kevin. We broke up months ago.”
“I know. I kick myself in the ass every day for letting you go.” His look is intense and I have to look away.
“We weren’t happy. I think we’ve both moved on.”
“I thought I had,” He says as he stands in front of me. My lower back is pressed against the sink. “But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t. You’ve been present in my mind. It’s why I broke up with Lindsey.”
“Well I’m sorry to hear that, Kevin, but that’s not really my problem. I’ve moved on.”
He looks hurt by my words and I almost feel bad and want to take them back. I just need him to believe me. There is not an inch of me that wants to get back together with him. He studies me for a moment.
“You know, I’ve read all the stories about him. He doesn’t seem to be serious about anything. He’ll never love you like I do, Savannah,” He says after a moment. “He doesn’t deserve you.”
“And you do?” I ask.
His words bother me but there’s no way in hell I’m going to show it. Besides, I can’t believe he’s saying that after the way he treated me in the weeks before we broke up.
He reaches out and grabs my hand. “Maybe not, but at least I know your worth.”
I want to tell him so many things. I want to call him a liar and remind him of how he used to treat me. He was always doing something else when we were together, whether it was being on his phone or watching TV; everything else seemed more important than me. But I don’t want to argue about the past. The past is the past and I don’t want to think about it or argue about it with him. There’s no point. He’ll never admit to not treating me right. He’ll never understand how many times he made me feel sad and unworthy.
While I’m gathering my thoughts, I don’t realize what he’s doing until he’s close enough for me to feel his breath on my cheek.
I feel a surge of panic and place my hands on his chest and push him as hard as I can. He takes a few steps back, looking surprised.
“What the hell are you doing?” I demand angrily. “I don’t want anything to do with you, Kevin. Never try to do that again, please.”
He scoffs as he looks at me in disbelief. “I’ll be here for you when he breaks your heart, Savannah.”
He walks out of the kitchen without another word.
I suddenly hear something behind me and I turn around and gasp. I see a guy struggling to stand up outside, by one of the bushes. My eyes widen when I notice a camera in his hand.
“Hey!” I yell angrily.
He locks eyes with me then turns around and sprints.
I run out of the kitchen, all the way to the front door, probably startling the guests in the dining room. When I get outside, I stand on the porch and look around but I don’t see him anywhere.
This can’t be happening.
I’ve never seen that man before but I’m almost one hundred percent sure that he’s some sort of paparazzi. He probably took pictures of Kevin and me in the kitchen just now. My heart begins to beat hard against my chest. Oh no. What if he took a picture of Kevin trying to kiss me? And how did he even find me? It feels like my privacy has been violated. How long has that guy been following me for?
I feel anger build up in my chest. I’m angry at that photographer but most of all, I’m angry at Kevin for all the stupid things he said and for trying to kiss me. I don’t understand where that even came from. What made him think we could get back together?
I pull my phone out of my pocket as I begin to walk towards the beach. I know I need to call Derek and give him a heads up. Will he get angry? Thinking back to how jealous he got with Jeremy and then when Kevin called me, I know he probably will. I hope he trusts me.
Why is it that when I find myself in a compromised position with another guy, there's always someone there to take a picture?
I know I’m prone to be followed because I’m dating Derek but, jeez, I’m sure those photographers have more important celebrities to be concerned about. I’m getting tired of it and I’m sure Derek is too.
Is this destiny trying to tell us something?
I sigh as I walk along the beach and let the waves calm me down. There are a few people out, but I can’t spot the photographer. I’m sure he’s long gone. He probably already sold those pictures to someone. My stomach churns at the thought.
I unlock my phone and call Derek.
Please answer, I beg in my head. Please answer.
The line keeps ringing and my anxiety grows. I know he’s probably busy, but I just need five minutes.
The line goes to voicemail and I want to cry.
I feel so overwhelmed. I’m still trying to process my conversation with Kevin and now I have this to worry about. How long will I endure the pressure of having the whole world be interested in my relationship with Derek? I know the chances of this passing are low. He’s famous and loved by millions of people. I’m sure articles about him sell magazines and here I am, unwillingly giving them content.
I take a deep breath and begin to type a text, hoping he sees it before the pictures.
36. does she know
SAVANNAH
Derek doesn’t answer my calls or text.
The text doesn’t say ‘delivered’ under it, so his phone is probably off. Now I’m starting to get worried. I hope he’s okay.
I walk back to the inn after about an hour of contemplating my life while looking at the ocean. I get nowhere. I keep wondering if being in a relationship is supposed to be this hard? Is it normal to have so much anxiety? Anger? Sadness? Uncertainty?
I’m not an expert in relationships. This is just my second one and my first relationship wasn’t exactly a good example. At the same time, I learned a lot and while I don’t know much about relationships, I do know the answer to those questions and it scares me.
I head straight to the kitchen and find my mom cleaning the fridge.
“Mom, you really need to stop inviting Kevin over for lunch.”
Natalie walks in from the dining room with some dirty plates. I notice Samuel sleeping on the baby carrier to my left. I’ve never wanted to be a baby more than I do right now. I wish all I had to worry about doing was sleep and food. We’ll never have the peace we had when we were babies.
Mom gives me a regretful look as she turns around and closes the fridge. She grips the cloth in her hands. “I’m so sorry, mija, I thought you two were friendly.”
“He’s my ex-boyfriend, Mom,” I say, more softly this time. “It’s weird for him to come over and have lunch with you guys, with me. You need to stop doing it. It’s making him think we can get back together and I don’t want to.”
Mom looks down and Natalie takes a step forward. “You need to tell her, Mom.”
I frown, looking from Natalie to Mom. “Tell me what?”
Mom looks up and takes a deep breath. “Your father and I were struggling to get approved for a loan to add a few more rooms and do some remodeling to the inn. Kevin was kind enough to help us.”
I look at her, confused. “Okay. Well, that doesn’t mean you owe him anything. That’s his job.”
Kevin is a loan specialist for a local bank. It’s his job to help people get approved for loans. In return, he receives a commission based on how much the loan is. My parents have been talking about remodeling for a few months now, even back when Kevin and I were together, so I’m
not surprised that he agreed to help them. Again, that’s his job.
“Kevin also let them borrow money,” Natalie says impatiently. She looks at me. “The loan wasn’t enough so he offered to let them borrow the rest.”
I look at them in disbelief. “How much?”
“Fifty thousand.” Natalie answers.
I look at Mom and I feel bad because she looks ashamed, but I also feel angry. Why would they agree to borrow money from Kevin? My ex-boyfriend?
“If you guys didn’t have the money, why would you want to move forward with the remodel?” I ask, my voice is snappy and judgmental but I can’t help it.
My parents Kevin fifty thousand dollars.
The inn makes enough for them to live comfortably but I know it will be years before they can pay him back, considering they also have the loan. I’m too scared to ask how much the loan was for. Kevin comes from a wealthy family. I know he inherited a trust from his parents when he turned twenty-one, so I’m not surprised he had fifty thousand dollars lying around. Why would he offer them to my parents? Now he probably thinks he can stop by whenever he wants. No wonder.
God. I’m so angry, I’m shaking.
I shake my head at Mom. “Mom, you guys shouldn’t have accepted that money.”
She looks at me. “We were going to halt the plan to remodel when the loan wasn’t enough, but Kevin so graciously offered to let us borrow the rest. Once the remodel is done, I’m sure business is going to improve and we’ll be able to pay him back.”
I run my hands through my face, frustrated. I look at Natalie and she sees the question in my eyes.
“I didn’t find out until after they accepted the money.”
I take a deep breath. “God, I hate this.”
“It’s not that big of a deal, honey,” Mom says. “We’ll pay him back.”
“Yeah, in how many years, Mom? Meanwhile, he’s going to keep thinking we have to please him and invite him over whenever he wants.”
“You’re going back to New York so it’ll be fine,” She says and I know she’s trying to ease my anger.
“You guys shouldn’t have done that.” I repeat shaking my head. I hate that he has that over my family now. I pace around. “I’ll help you guys pay him back.” I decide. “I’ll pick up more hours and send you guys money.”
“That’s not necessary, Savannah.”
“Yes, it is.” I insist. It feels like Kevin won’t be out of my life until we pay this debt. I need to move on. I need him to move on. I suddenly can’t wait to get back to New York.
I suddenly have fifty thousand reasons to go back.
DEREK
“Why is it that every time I go on Twitter, there are pictures of your girlfriend with another man?”
I look up at Sadie with a frown. “What the hell are you talking about?”
It’s been a long day. I’m so exhausted. All I need right now is some sleep. My head feels like it’s going to explode. We’ve been doing photoshoots and filming teasers for the sequel all day. I usually enjoy days like these but I didn’t have a good night. I haven’t been sleeping well and I know very damn well that it’s because I miss my girlfriend. I miss Gin. I’m emotionally, physically and sexually frustrated. What a fucking day.
My acting skills were really put to the test today. I had to push everything out of my head and smile at the camera as if I was Mary fucking Poppins.
I’ve been dodging Sadie all week and that has also been exhausting. I’ve been careful about how we’re positioned on pictures and interviews. I don’t want to give Gin any more reasons to not trust me.
Sadie raises her arm and puts her phone in front of my face. It takes me a moment to understand what I’m looking at and I narrow my eyes when I finally make the picture out.
It was taken through a window, I can see the glass and part of the frame. Gin has her back to the camera but I know it’s her, I would know that back anywhere. Standing in front of her is a man and by the headline, it looks like it’s her ex-boyfriend. He’s leaning in towards her. The picture is not clear enough to know whether they were kissing but that’s the impression it gives.
I clench my jaw and finish unbuttoning my shirt. It’s past midnight and they’ve finally released us. I really need to get out of here.
I take the shirt off and throw a T-shirt over my head.
“You’re not going to say anything?” Sadie asks, studying me.
I pull my phone out of my pocket and realize that it’s fucking dead, just like me apparently.
“What do you want from me?” I ask Sadie, not hiding my annoyance.
I’m not surprised that she is well invested in my relationship with Gin. It’s always been like this. We begin to date new people and we become obsessed with each other's relationship. Right now, I really hate it and the last thing I want is to look at her face.
She’s still wearing the clothes from the photoshoot we just did. Everyone is in their dressing rooms, eager to get out of here and Sadie is in no hurry to leave. I hope she doesn’t think she’s leaving with me.
“You don’t have to pretend with me, Derek,” She says, ignoring my question.
I sit down and begin to put on my shoes. “I really don’t know what you’re talking about.”
The picture of Gin with that man is frozen in my head. It’s all I see right now and it’s making me angrier by the second. Why was she so close to him? Is this some kind of payback for what happened on Sunday? Is she punishing me? It doesn’t sound like her, but my thoughts keep going places I don’t want them to. They’re not helping.
I tie my shoes angrily. My left one is too tight so I redo it.
“You know, I’m used to you rebounding right after our breakups.” Sadie continues, ignoring my annoyance with her. “But this time you went too far, Derek.” She waits for me to stand up and look at her. “I mean, a girl like her? You’re going to shatter her heart when it ends. How selfish of you.”
I look at her for a moment. I’m too angry to speak. I don’t want to speak to her. I don’t want to look at her. I don’t want to listen to her. I just want to get away. Be alone. No. Not alone. I need to speak with Gin. There has to be some sort of explanation.
I clench my jaw and walk past her.
“Does she know why we broke up, Derek?”
Sadie’s question makes me stop and my shoulders tense. Fuck. I need to blow some steam. I’m too tense, too angry to be around people right now.
I turn my head to look at her.
She smiles. “You should tell her, babe.”
“Stay out of it,” I say then turn around and walk out of the room before she says anything else.
I walk out of the studio, ignoring everyone so they know I’m not in the mood to talk. I walk out to the parking lot and get in my rental car. I reverse out of the parking space then speed out of there. Luckily, the hotel is only ten minutes away. I get there in five.
I grip my jacket as I half run inside and get on the elevator. I pull my cap lower to my face when more people get in with me. I get off on the twelfth floor and head to my room.
Thirty minutes ago I was ready to throw myself on the bed and sleep. That’s gone. All I want is to charge my phone and call Gin. I hope she’s awake.
I need her to tell me that it was all a misunderstanding or I’m going to lose my shit.
I get to my room and connect my phone to the charger then I take a cold shower. I’m wide awake when I get out and my phone is at five percent.
I sit on the bed in my boxers and look through it. I have a few missed calls from Gin and one text from her. I open my messages. It’s just one text but it’s a paragraph. It was sent a couple hours ago.
I was really hoping you would answer, it reads, because this can’t wait. Kevin came over my parent’s inn today and my mom invited him over for lunch because that’s what my mom does. I swear I didn’t invite him. Afterwards, I was washing the dishes and he came into the kitchen. He began to talk about the past and he
tried to kiss me. I pushed him away before anything happened. I know the pictures won’t show that but I really hope you believe me, Derek. Please call me back as soon as you can.
DEREK'S MATCH Page 25