by J. L. Sutton
I felt my nerves spike to new heights as we neared the gathering. Realizing I was about to be on display to four strangers with unfettered access to my emotions made those same emotions almost impossible to control. The faint chattering I heard died away as we stepped onto the disheveled paving stones, so the only sound that could be heard was our footsteps and the soft crackling of flames. Dawn stopped just behind a fairly undamaged section of the wall, glancing up at me encouragingly with what looked like a very forced smile. I didn’t have to see into her eyes to know she was just as tense as I was. I returned her smile, gesturing for her to start the proceedings. Dawn nodded tensely, squaring her shoulders before disappearing around the corner, and taking an unsteady breath, I followed.
A cursory glance revealed the interior of the ruined building was in no better condition. The whole structure was slowly succumbing to the process of nature reclaiming it—stone by stone. Flickering light from the small fire in the middle of the room cast long, broken shadows on the two walls that remained standing. The walls seemed to be leaning precariously, threatening to collapse at any moment. Long jagged cracks ran along the dirty, tightly packed earth floor that was covered in a thick layer of debris and old scorch marks. A round wooden table and five matching chairs looking far too modern to belong in the decaying surrounds sat in the corner, beside a pile of rubble that used to be a section of the wall. Everything about the strange scene before me warranted further inspection, however my attention was solely focused on the four silhouettes spread around the ruins.
Their faces were cloaked from the firelight, but I could feel their dark eyes were on me—studying my every movement, discerning every churning emotion. My gaze darted anxiously between the fire and Dawn standing beside me. The blood pounding against my temples felt like it was going to reach boiling point, but the heady, earthy scent of sage and a sweet wood I couldn’t identify rose from the wispy tendrils of smoke that helped to ease my nerves. For what seemed like an eternity the six of us stood in silence, the only visible movement coming from the dancing flames.
“Welcome, sister,” A deep, rich voice finally said. “You’ve been rather . . . absent of late. It’s good to see you. Would that it was under different circumstances.”
The figure who stepped into the light looked to be in his late thirties, a tall man with dark hair and a close cropped beard. His eyes were the exact shade of Dawn’s, though slightly less pronounced due to his tanned complexion. Dawn walked forward to meet him next to the fire, her tense shoulders relaxing slightly as they greeted each other. It was a very formal gesture. They each clasped the others inner forearm with their right hand like a fireman’s grip, and rested their left just above the opposite elbow.
“It is good to see you too, brother,” Dawn said as they separated, turning to me. “Benjamin, I would like you to meet Logan, this cadre’s Speaker.”
“Ah yes, of course. Welcome Benjamin. I can’t remember the last time I’ve had the honor of a human guest,” Logan said graciously.
I bowed my head respectfully, not exactly sure how to proceed. From the way Logan kept his distance I assumed a handshake was out of the question. “Thank you.”
He gestured dismissively. “Let’s do away with these formalities. We’re all among friends here.”
At his words two more figures stepped out of the shadows, flanking Logan on either side while the last remained seated high up on the back wall. To my left was a young man whose face looked like it was permanently set in an amused expression. He had rounded features and an unruly mop of black hair streaked with bright orange, the fringe curling just above his almond shaped eyes. On Logan’s right was a little girl, innocently staring up at me from half my height. She wore a baby blue dress with a frilly trim, her bouncy platinum blond curls decorated with a matching silk ribbon. She was devastatingly adorable, and even with those big black eyes she could have passed for a tiny Cherub.
“This is Sebastian, the youngest member of our cadre,” Dawn said, and the smiling seraph nodded his head.
“Nice to meet you,” Sebastian said cheerfully.
Dawn then turned towards the little girl, her expression shifting to annoyance in an instant. “And this, is Ivy.”
The way Dawn’s lips wrapped around the girl’s name made it sound like the dirtiest of expletives. While the rest kept their distance the little girl smiled as she skipped around the fire, stopping less than a foot from me. Were it any of the other seraphim I would’ve immediately taken a step back, but nothing about her seemed even remotely threatening.
“My. My. Isn’t he a handsome plaything,” Ivy said, her thick accent indicative of an old world southern belle. There was silence for a long moment before a hearty laugh erupted from Sebastian, presumably due to my slack jawed expression. I looked down at the little girl, desperately trying to remember how to close my mouth. She leaned in closer, closing her eyes as she inhaled my scent.
“Back off,” Dawn warned venomously.
“Oh lighten up Dawn,” Ivy replied without turning to face her. “You can have him back . . . eventually.”
Dawn took a step towards Ivy, the slender muscles in her upper body coiling tightly. Her eyes were empty, expression calculated, and for the first time since I met Dawn she looked truly terrifying.
“Enough,” Logan said calmly.
Ivy lingered for a moment longer before twirling on her heels and skipping off to join Sebastian sitting at the table, both smiling widely at each other. Dawn straightened slowly, her shallow breathing making it look like the simple movement was highly taxing. Realizing the little girl’s act had likely been orchestrated for the express purpose of making me uncomfortable I allowed myself to breathe again. It worked too, but what I couldn’t quite figure out was Dawn’s strong reaction.
“Now then, why have you called us here?” Logan said when the excitement was over.
I felt my knuckles tighten as Dawn kneeled. “I am here to formally admit my guilt. My irresponsible actions have led to breaches of my oath.”
“Indeed they have,” Logan said reproachfully, casting a glance at me. “I must admit I never would’ve thought that out of all of us, you would lead a human to the truth.”
“It was a moment of weakness, and I fully submit to any punishment you deem fit,” Dawn said calmly. My heart was pounding in my chest as I watched helplessly, very much wanting to come to her defense in any way I could.
“Come now Dawn, you have a cleaner record than Logan does.” Sebastian chuckled. “And Ivy’s gotten close to breaking that law so many times it’s got to count as at least once by now. Surely you don’t intend to punish her for a small lapse in judgment?”
Ivy stuck her tongue out at Sebastian. “He’s got a point though, brother.”
“This is not some small lapse,” Dawn said seriously, holding her hand out in the same way she did with me when we shared our memories. “I ask that you see for yourself the damage I have caused.”
Logan nodded, crossing the distance between them and took Dawn’s hand in his. I found myself unable to move while I watched the silent exchange take place. I hadn’t completely relaxed for one moment since we arrived, and that only intensified with the knowledge Logan was watching my life being laid bare tonight. Dawn would be completely thorough because she took her duty seriously. Though I definitely didn’t want a stranger looking into my past, if it was the only way I could get the information I needed then it had to be done.
It felt like ten solid minutes went by before the Speaker finally dropped his hand, his eyes tightening. “It is good you have come, we have much to discuss.”
“What is it?” Ivy asked curiously from her seat in the corner, her head barely visible over the table.
“Something I don’t think any of us would’ve anticipated,” Logan said gravely. He began to pace back and forth, stroking his beard thoughtfully. “It seems young Benjamin’s future has become fractured. I believe Dawn has set him on a crossroads, either choice having
the potential to drastically change the course of fate. One path for him, one for another.”
That seemed to catch everyone’s attention. Even Sebastian, who had settled in comfortably with his feet resting on the table, broke his relaxed stance. Once again five pairs of midnight eyes were all looking directly at me. The only eyes I searched out were Dawn’s, who just rose to her feet. She was at my side in an instant, her expression filled with concern. We sat together in the corner as the other seraphim huddled around the fire, talking amongst themselves in Latin, too quickly for me to decipher anything with my rudimentary knowledge of the language. Even the figure high up on the wall who had yet to reveal his name, or speak a word, moved close enough for me to see him clearly. He was a tall, lean man, with long brown hair tied back in a ponytail. He was the only one who wore black, and his gaunt features and crooked nose gave him an almost sinister look.
“I know it is a lot to take in, but how are you doing with all this?” Dawn whispered, though I was sure we could still easily be overheard.
“Better than I expected. It’s nice to have a comparison, to see where the seraphim in you ends and Dawn begins.” Every now and then I would catch one of the seraphim staring at me, their looks difficult to decipher. “Although I’m starting to feel like I’m the one on trial here.”
“They are just curious,” she said uneasily, following my gaze to the four seraphim just a few feet away. “Even after hundreds of years, we do not often get the chance to meet humans who can see us for who we really are. That is why they are all so reluctant to have Logan dole out any punishment. Even though I broke the law, it is something new and exciting for them.”
Great, I was tonight’s entertainment.
I found myself watching Logan, clearly the leader of the group. All the other seraphim chose to show themselves as quite young. It must’ve been a calculated move on his part to appear older when he could look like whoever he wanted. Dawn seemed to trust him though, and that was good enough for me.
“How did Logan become the Speaker? Is he the oldest?” I asked, half out of interest and half to kill time.
“No, I am the oldest. We—”
She was about to continue when movement at the fire caught her attention, and following her gaze I saw the group had broken apart and were all watching us talk. Dawn and I got to our feet and walked forward to where Logan was waiting for us.
“These developments are troubling indeed,” he said after a long moment. “I see no reason to involve anyone outside this cadre, but this needs to be resolved soon, preferably before things get any worse. To that end, I would like to hear all your thoughts before I make my decision.”
So this was it then. My fate may be my own, but this decision was out of my hands. My breathing quickened as I gazed at each seraph, wondering what their take on this would be. Though honestly I wasn’t really concerned about the outcome other than what might happen to Dawn. I was more concerned that there would be no way to change her mind if this didn’t go my way. That wouldn’t stop me from trying to keep my promise to Claire though, and I wouldn’t hold it against Dawn. After all, she did all this for me.
Dawn stepped forward first, giving me a pained glance before she spoke. “I believe my involvement has caused enough harm. The law is simple—we are not to willingly interfere with the fate of mortals. As willing as Benjamin may be, continuing to do so is not in anyone’s best interests.”
Logan nodded as she once again took place beside me, a pleading expression on her face as her lips mouthed “I’m sorry”. I wanted to put my arm on her shoulder and tell her I understood, but knowing that was a bad idea all I could do was smile weakly.
It was Ivy who spoke next. “Dawn’s right, it’s not our place to interfere. But she already has. He has the opportunity to change his fate, why not use it to do some good where we can’t?”
“Thank you Ivy,” Logan said. His expression was still unreadable, but I took it as a good sign that he didn’t look upset. “Sebastian?”
“I think I’m still far too new to this, so I don’t think I can give a fair opinion, but Dawn is the closest to this. As fun as the other option might be, if she thinks it’s best to stay out of this then I think I have to agree with her.”
“Alex?” Logan asked, looking to the seraph that had yet to speak.
“His life, his choice,” Alex said in a grave voice, his narrow eyes betraying no emotion.
To be honest I hadn’t expected anyone to be on my side, not that I knew any of them but it was surprising to see how differently they saw things. It must be such a strange dynamic having five people, with all that power and differing personalities, working together for so long. No wonder they needed laws to keep everything running.
“Is there anything you would like to add Benjamin?”
I was so caught up in my own thoughts that at first I hadn’t realized Logan spoke. The sprawling night sky felt as if it was growing smaller by the second, tightening around my vocal chords. They wanted me to speak? What could I possibly say? I didn’t know the intricacies of this fate business. Alex had the right of it though—it was my life after all. My will wavered as I struggled to find my nerve, wracking my brain to determine how I truly felt.
Taking a step forward I cleared my throat, trying not to be intimidated by the five pairs of black eyes fixed on me. “I understand this is a difficult situation, and you all have a duty to perform. I came here tonight because I have a duty too, the last one I can ever do for someone I cared about. It may not be as sacred, or even make sense, but one way or another I will find a way to carry it out. Let me.”
I took my place next to Dawn, who was smiling at me. Despite our differing opinions she seemed almost impressed. Then again, maybe that was just my ego running rampant. Sebastian chuckled. “The kid’s got stones, you have to give him that much.”
Logan remained impassive as he resumed his pacing, frequently looking towards Dawn and me. Though this was clearly not a democracy he listened to everyone’s opinion with equal import, weighing all the options from every angle.
For a brief moment I felt a little envious of the seraphim. As much as the idea of having your choices taken away from you sounded awful to me, it must’ve been a little comforting knowing you had a purpose, that there was a right decision—even if you didn’t agree with it. I’m also sure they would all disagree with that thought, but for one second it sounded appealing. It gave me an ounce of perspective—it would be foolish of me to challenge the outcome of this meeting. Pity I was too stubborn to accept no for an answer.
The hushed conversations died around us as Logan spoke in a tone that rang with authority. “I have made my decision. Dawn’s actions were reckless and ill advised—even she does not dispute it. However, I cannot ignore the will of the mortal whose fate hangs in the balance. It was Benjamin’s choice to walk among our world, and that makes the damage caused his doing as much as hers. It is only fair he be given the chance to walk whichever path he chooses, if he is willing to accept the consequences.”
Logan’s gaze bore into me, his eyes filled with an unspoken question. He was giving me the option to choose, just as Dawn always did. Though I couldn’t see where this decision would lead me, it would be my doing. I was given my chance, and that was all that mattered. I would accept whatever came later with a smile. After releasing the breath caught in my lungs, I spoke calmly. “I’m willing.”
From the corner of my eye I saw Dawn close her eyes tightly, her shoulders sinking at my decision. This was not the outcome she was hoping for. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that, but now wasn’t the time to question.
“Very well,” Logan said seriously, turning his head to Dawn. “Dawn’s reasons for her crime may have been selfish, but they were not malicious or for her own gain. And I don’t believe the circumstances will arise where she would ever make this mistake again. I must warn you though sister—this path is his alone. You know better than I that if you directly interfere, in any way, I c
annot be lenient again.”
Dawn’s eyes flickered to me before she bowed her head, the resigned look on her face making me feel like I made the wrong decision. “Yes, Speaker.”
Even though I received the answer I was looking for, I couldn’t help but feel I disappointed her. All I could hope for was after all this was over we could salvage something of what we once had.
“Glad we got all that sorted,” Sebastian broke the silence, flashing a winning smile. “Can we have some fun now?”
17. Wild eyes
As I watched the blurred forms of Ivy and Sebastian bounding across the ruins it quickly became apparent the two seraphs concept of fun was just a touch too dangerous for me to participate in. From my seat next to Dawn and Logan beside the fire I could barely keep track of the whirl of movement around us, set into motion by Sebastian plucking a ribbon out of Ivy’s hair and taunting her by dangling it between his teeth. Logan shook his head as he rubbed his hands together over the warmth of the fire, his expression reminding me of a look I had often seen on parents, who’s children’s antics both amused and annoyed them.
“She isn’t really that young, is she?” I asked as another of Ivy’s very girlish giggles erupted from somewhere across the glade.
“No, she just does that from time to time,” Dawn answered. “I think Ivy misses the innocence of childhood sometimes. You should be grateful though, she is far more of a pain in any other form. Trust me.”