Passport to Happiness

by Carrie Stone

  Last night when I’d arrived back at my apartment after everything that had happened with Spencer, I’d decided that it would better to wait a while before seeing Luuk again. It wouldn’t have felt right reaching out to him this soon after Spencer’s departure, especially if there was any chance that he might assume my interest in him was some kind of rebound reaction – after all, would he believe that I didn’t intend to try again with Spencer anyway?

  So for that reason, I’d settled on the idea that it’d be best to take some days to formulate a plan for my future here in Bali. I’ve got so many new things to keep me busy, the new tutoring which is already filling up my diary, the new placement at the turtle conservation, my BDR mornings… The list is endless.

  And then there’s the discussion I need to have with Wiwik and Dewi on whether I can make my stay with them a permanent one. My heart flutters happily at the thought.

  At least once my circumstances were in order it’d ensure that if I did declare my feelings, Luuk wouldn’t feel any pressure to reciprocate. He would see that my heart is set on continuing my life here in Bali, whether he chose to share it with me or not…

  Except now, as I walk towards him and watch as he rubs his eyes before resting his head in his hands, I know that there isn’t any way I can hold back my truth any longer. I’m intoxicated by all that he is and I desperately want him to know how I feel about him and whether there’s any chance at all that he feels the same.

  As if sensing me approaching, he looks up and turns around, his exhausted expression lighting up as he sees me. I feel my stomach flutter as a rush of endorphin courses through me.

  ‘Hey, you made it.’ I look on as he pats the chair next to him, his eyes lighting up as he smiles his warm, welcoming smile, despite looking utterly disconsolate only seconds earlier. ‘Thanks so much for coming.’

  I sit down, grateful to be so close to him and reach out, putting my hand over his. ‘As if I’d stay away. This is Panda we’re talking about.’

  We lock eyes and it’s as if time stands still. He makes no move to remove his hand and his gaze drops to my lips for a brief second before meeting my eyes again. An overwhelming urge to lean in and kiss him sweeps over me, almost rendering me helpless. Instead, I look away, gently removing my hand as I do so. It’s not the time or the place.

  ‘So what happened?’ I ask softly, as what appears to be a flicker of disappointment passes over Luuk’s features. I dismiss it, fearing that I’m reading too much into things.

  ‘The gardener left my main gate open this morning and for whatever reason Panda must’ve run off. My neighbour saw it happen, apparently Panda just ran straight into the path of the oncoming car. She said he didn’t stand a chance with the speed it was going.’

  ‘What are the injuries?’ I ask, hoping that things aren’t bad as they sound and I feel my face flush with heat as he locks eyes with me once again.

  ‘Not good. Internal bleeding, various fractures and a shattered leg. They don’t think they can save it. But the rest they’re working on.’

  ‘As long as they can save him, the leg isn’t important. Think of how many dogs at BDR thrive with just three…’ I stop talking, my mouth feeling dry as he stares at me with what I can only interpret as lust. I can’t help but admire every part of his face, my heart beating ten to the dozen and my thoughts becoming fuzzy as he once again glances down at my lips.

  ‘Where’s Spencer anyway?’ he asks, suddenly snapping me back into reality. ‘I hope he’s cool with you being here.’

  I take a deep breath, avoiding his eyes for a second, knowing that it’s now or never. I need to be honest. Whether it feels to be the right time or not, whether there’s Indah in his life or not – this is my moment. Anxiety dances in the pit of my stomach as I consider my next words.

  I look up, almost afraid to meet his gaze in case he doesn’t react how I hope he will.

  ‘Spencer and I aren’t back together, Luuk,’ I say sincerely, hoping he believes me. ‘He unexpectedly visited and took me completely by surprise, hoping to reconnect … but, well, that was never going to be an option. Still, it wasn’t like I could be rude and completely ignore him – I needed him to know I wasn’t interested. Anyway, he’s gone now, back to Bermuda.’ I stare down at my hands, fiddling with my dress. ‘At least I assume he has.’

  Silence lingers between us and my breathing becomes shallow and rapid, as I wait for my words to register with him.

  Luuk slowly exhales, the gesture putting me on tenterhooks as I pluck up the courage to look up.

  ‘Well, I wasn’t expecting that.’ Taken aback, his shocked expression is clear to see, as is the small smile that plays at the corners of his mouth. ‘I thought you two were back together. In fact, I sort of assumed you’d be going back to Bermuda with him.’

  Trying not to get too hopeful, I watch as he sits up straighter in his chair, glancing at me, dumbfounded.

  ‘So there’s nothing between you both?’

  I shake my head fiercely, meeting his captivated and – dare I think it – excited gaze.

  ‘No, we’re completely done. It always was. Well, for me at least.’ I wait for him to say something, my legs jittery as nervous yearning runs through me.

  ‘And what about being in Bali?’ He leaves the question open, both of us almost not daring to breathe and his searching eyes not leaving my face.

  ‘I’ve decided I want to stay here.’ I bite down on my lip, sensing his overwhelming relief as his features relax, his entire expression brightening.

  ‘I’ve been feeling for a while like I belong here … so I’m going to make it my home.’

  A door crashes open in front of us, startling us both as a male vet appears, removing his surgical mask whilst walking toward us; my euphoria is immediately replaced with concern.

  He heads directly for Luuk and I regard his serious expression, feeling a jolt of sorrow as I make a grab for Luuk’s hand in support. I feel him reach out for me at the same moment, our fingers interlocking.

  And then suddenly, to both our relief, the vet smiles.

  ‘Luuk, we have good news. Panda is stable. We’ve managed to stem the internal bleeding and we’ve inserted a metal plate to reconstruct the affected femur. We’ve also administered a high dose of antibiotic to prevent any septicaemia. He’s still a bit woozy from the anaesthetic and in recovery but if you’d like to come through I can take to you where he is.’

  He waits for a moment as we both take time to process the news.

  ‘When pets see their owners, I find it’s always the best medicine.’

  Luuk is the first to stand, his grin as wide as mine as he shakes the vet’s hand.

  ‘Thank you so much. This is the best news we could’ve hoped for. We’d love to see him.’

  He turns to me in excitement, squeezing my hand as the vet turns away asking us to follow him.

  ‘Can you believe it? I’ve seen so many dogs in less critical situations not able to pull through… Our Panda is a little ninja. That’s our boy.’

  I laugh then – a happy, carefree, liberated sound as my spirit soars at the realisation that he has chosen to use the word ‘our’. Could that mean he sees me as more than just a friend?

  I follow him to where Panda is being kept, noticing that his hand is still holding onto mine.

  ‘There he is,’ I whisper, noticing familiar black and white fur and pointing to the left of the large room the vet has taken us to. For a brief moment I wonder if I’m mistaken but as we draw closer there is no doubt it’s Panda, as his pink and black nose presses up against the glass cage he’s being kept in.

  ‘Hey buddy,’ Luuk says, peering into the cage and we both notice a sleepy Panda make a valiant attempt to wag his tail.

  ‘Hello, you reckless little munchkin,’ I say, placing my finger to the glass, my eyes welling up with tears at the sight of his bandaged and shaved body. Beside me, Luuk does the same.

  ‘Aww look, he’s trying to lick the glas
s, I think he must know it’s us,’ I say excitedly, observing the tiny but enthusiastic movement.

  ‘Of course he does,’ Luuk responds, again slipping my hand into his and causing my stomach to flip for the hundredth time.

  ‘He knows his mum and dad have come to visit him.’

  Puzzled, I turn to him with what must be a quizzical expression wondering if he’s joking but as I catch his eye, I realise he’s deadly serious.

  ‘Am I suddenly a dog mum now then?’ I ask with a giggle, intrigued and mystified.

  ‘If you want to be?’ he says, holding my baffled gaze.

  All at once I realise what he is alluding to. An explosion of electrifying emotion sears through me as the realisation hits.

  ‘We could both use you in our life. At least, I could …’ He tails off and the words hang between us, my stomach dancing in delight as he squeezes my hand, stroking the underside of my palm with his finger.

  Barely able to contain my grin, I feel myself swept up in delirium.

  ‘Of course I want to be. I want nothing more than to be a dog mum and in both of your lives … but what about Indah?’

  He looks confused for a moment. ‘Me and Indah just had a casual thing. I thought you’d picked up on that…?’

  Realising I’ve been holding my breath, I let out a small, comforted sigh. ‘Well, I felt I had to check because honestly, I wasn’t sure what the situation between you two was…’ I trail off, relief flooding through me.

  He gives me a dazzling smile then, the lines of joy in his expression almost reaching his eyes as he leans in closer.

  ‘So, does all of this mean I can finally kiss you then?’

  ‘It’s about time.’ Laughing blissfully, I draw him to me, pulling on his T-shirt.

  Before I know it, his mouth is on mine and in synchronised harmony, we urgently kiss. It’s more than worth the wait as I lose myself in its heady intoxication, never wanting him to stop.

  After what feels like minutes, he pulls away, his eyes twinkling as they sweep over the rest of my body and I’m aware of the immense sexual chemistry building between us.

  ‘So, now we know everything is OK with Panda here…’ he begins, his eyes full of lust. ‘I think we’d better get you home…’

  ‘Yes, I think so too,’ I reply shamelessly with a seductive smile, not wanting anything more than to get to know him properly after all this time.

  ‘Oh, and by the way…’ He pauses for a second and turns back to me.

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘Don’t forget to put that trip to Borneo in your diary.’ He looks at me pointedly as he says this. In that split second his sparkling eyes tell me that his feelings are more than just lust and longing. I just know he feels something more, just like I do too.

  ‘I’ll be needing you there with me – you know, to help take the photos and things.’

  My heart soars as I contemplate his words, knowing that it’s his way of letting me know we’ve got a real chance at a future together.

  I nod my head enthusiastically, not caring that I’m grinning so hard my face hurts.

  ‘I’m great at taking photos in case you didn’t know that. And I’m up for going wherever you’d like me to accompany you.’

  He smiles before leaning in for another kiss.

  ‘Funny. That was exactly what I was going to say to you, too.’

  Also by Carrie Stone

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  Acknowledgements

  Firstly, thank you to my lovely editor Charlotte Ledger, Emily Ruston and the fab team at Harper Impulse for bringing this book to life.

  To my friend Claire Turner, for inviting me to stay in Bermuda for what was quite possibly, the longest vacation on record. Without those hilariously fun months, there wouldn’t be such a beautiful destination in this book! That incredible summer will be forever etched in my memory as one of the best.

  My thanks to some of the wonderful people I met during that time that also made it such a fantastic experience; Arlene, Anna, Carol and my now-husband, Richard.

  Rich, words can’t describe how happy you’ve made me. Our little family unit is an absolute dream come true. Thank you for everything you do for Primrose and I. For helping me to come up with plot ideas, even though I immediately dismiss them, for supplying me with constant cups of tea and witty remarks during the writing process. And for always being so supportive (except in the case of Luuk’s hairstyle). You’re a legend. I couldn’t have wished for a better man to share my life with!

  As always, thanks to fellow author Sylvia FitzSimons for your invaluable advice and support.

  Finally a huge heartfelt thanks to you, the reader, for choosing this book.

  Carrie Stone was born and raised in London, but her love for travel and adventure has seen her spend the last fourteen years living and working internationally. She is currently based in Spain alongside her husband, young daughter and adopted Indonesian dog, Bali.

  When not writing, Carrie works as a Psychic Medium & Spiritual Coach (www.carriebattley.com). To find out more about her, connect on Facebook, Carrie Stone, or Twitter @CarrieStoneUK.

  About HarperImpulse

  HarperImpulse is an innovative, award-winning digital imprint. In the five years since launch, we have continually hit digital bestseller lists, hosted the UK’s first online romance festival, published into over ten countries and grown an exciting stable of commercial women’s fiction authors.

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