by Brynne Asher
“I love you, too, Jude,” I whisper and realize the happy I never thought would happen is happening. And having Jude fill me up with that happy it is the most wonderful feeling I’ve ever felt.
Epilogue
Five Years Later
“Baby, you’re gonna wake up the kids,” I say, buried deep in my wife. I give her as much of my weight as she can handle, bury my face in her hair and breathe her in. She wraps me up tight in her arms and legs and we lay here connected. Heaven. A heaven that I never thought I’d have and a heaven that gets better every day.
A squeak from the monitor breaks through my heaven and I feel Gabby’s arms and legs tense around me. “If you don’t want me to wake up the kids, you shouldn’t torture me like that. You know I can’t help it.”
I pull my head back, but staying close. “Sugar, you love the torture. Plus, it’s feeding time, I can feel it in your tits. I don’t need a baby to tell me that.”
She pretends to glare at me. “Okay, know it all. I’ve got to clean up so you get to go fetch the baby.”
She says this like she has to get up regularly to get the baby, which she never does. I always get up to bring our babies to bed for her to nurse and always have. We’re practiced hands at it by now. I love it, Gabby close to me, feeding my children. It makes my world feel right.
“Okay. Clean up. I’ll be right back.” The squeaks turn into whimpers over the monitor. But I don’t get up, instead I press into her one more time, making her face go soft. “Love you, baby.”
Her soft face gives me a soft smile. “Love you, too.”
I kiss her quick, finally get up so I can throw on some shorts and walk through our cabin to go fetch a baby.
The Next Day
“Daddy! Look, it’s a family,” Merri whispers to me in her excited little girl voice.
“Yeah, sugar,” I whisper back, looking down at her, standing on the ridge holding her hand tight. Her long wavy hair, the color of mine, blows in the mountain breeze, but it’s her mother’s bright blue eyes that she shares with her sister that gaze up at me.
“Wookie! Wookie! Wookie!” Olivia squeals loudly, not whispering at all because squealing seems to be the only volume she knows, while bouncing as much as she can where she’s sitting on my back in the carrier. The buck, doe, and fawn scurry into the pines at the sounds of our middle child’s excited shrieks.
“Liv! You scared them off!” Merri admonishes, glaring up at her little sister.
Meredith, who is four going on twenty-four, is smart, mature for her age, full of attitude, and mothers her little sister constantly. This is opposed to her younger sister, Olivia, who at twenty months is already showing the tendencies of an outgoing, carefree little girl that pushes every boundary given to her. Mac, an expert father of three daughters has already lectured me given their little girl beauty, that I’d better keep a gun close when the boys start lurking. But even worse, he’s pegged Olivia, who has a thick head of dark blonde hair just like her mother’s, as the one who will turn me gray and age me beyond my years.
Daughters.
Yeah, seeing as they’re perfect, I’m gonna have to keep my gun close.
I give Merri’s hand a squeeze while shaking my head. Then I reach around to tickle Liv’s dangling leg on the back her chubby thigh. “That’s okay, Liv. We’ll look for more on our way home.”
“Okie-dokie!” Liv squeals again, oblivious to her sister’s mothering.
I turn, pulling Merri with me so we can make the half-mile trek back to the trailhead. “We’ve gotta get back and check on your mama. Plus, you all need to get to bed early tonight, Tony and his family will be here tomorrow,” I add, thinking that isn’t the only reason they need to get to bed early.
“No night-night!” Liv yells.
“I think someone needs a nap,” Merri mutters.
I chuckle, reach down to grab Merri under her arms and swing her up and she lands on my hip giggling, sounding more like a four-year-old. Thus, making her sister laugh hysterically and they start to play over my shoulder. Any wildlife in the vicinity is surely scared away now with two little girl cackles ringing through the mountains. I grin and double time it down the trail to get my girls home in a fraction of the time it took us to hike to the top.
I blink open my eyes, coming out of my rare afternoon nap. I see the beauty that I can’t seem to get used to after all these years and gaze at the mountain ranges that are in prefect view off the deck. But I don’t hear the peaceful sound of the Colorado breeze rustling through the aspen leaves. What I do hear is the loud banter of my girls barging through the house to make their way to me. Lying on one of the thick cushioned lounges on the deck outside our bedroom door, I feel my little man start to squirm on my chest where he’s napping in the shade. Bringing my hand up to his bottom over his light baby blanket with his knees tucked in tight, I pat him until he settles. At two-and-a-half-months, he’s used to sleeping through the chaos and high-pitched sounds that can only be produced by two little girls. Mia, who was asleep by my feet, jumps down to greet her kids.
Skipping down the deck to me, Merri starts to describe their afternoon in full detail. “We saw three deer, Mama. A whole family. The daddy had huge antlers and the baby was so small. We were close enough to see its spots! But then Liv screamed like usual and scared them off. I hiked all the way there by myself but daddy carried me back, even though I didn’t ask him to. He just picked me up without me asking, but I know I could have made it the whole way if he would have let me.”
I smile big at my oldest daughter, thinking I know how she feels. Even after all these years, her father is still known to pick me up and put me where he wants me.
“Deers!” Liv screams, as she toddles up behind her sister.
“Sound like you all had a good hike,” I say and snuggle them one at a time, kissing their soft hair.
“Okay you two, time to clean up the loft and bunk room before dinner.” Jude stalks toward us through the slew of outdoor furniture that now adorns the deck. He’s wearing long loose shorts, an old faded FBI t-shirt and his hiking boots. And since we’re in the mountains, as usual, he hasn’t shaved for about three days. He looks just as good as he did the day I met him and he patted me down, frisking me for weapons.
Meredith starts bossing orders. “Come on, Livie. You need to help this time. I’ll tell you what to do.” With that, she grabs her sister’s hand and pulls her through the house to climb the stairs to the loft and bunk room with Mia trailing behind.
I started decorating our mountain home right away after the kitchen was finished, but as soon as I found out I was pregnant with Meredith, I made the decision that we needed to sleep as many kids as possible and an upstairs bunk room was the perfect solution. Most of the furniture we have here are pieces I’ve refinished or painted, but I splurged and ordered two sets of bunks for one of the upstairs bedrooms. They’re huge and made of pine logs with a twin on the top and full on the bottom, allowing us to sleep six kids in there if needed. It’s decorated with denim bedding—plaid flannel sheets and black bear throw pillows. It’s perfect for kids of all ages and with my big family, they’ve been put to good use.
The other bedroom upstairs now has a queen bed and the sectional in the loft is a sleeper sofa. Two years ago, we had the basement finished, adding a family room, another queen-sized bedroom, and a full bath. Now we can host tons of people and do this on a regular basis. Jude thinks the home is now finished, but I still manage to squeeze in another piece of furniture and more accessories into the Suburban every time we make a trip to the mountains. He just shakes his head and uses his newly found packing-the-car-for-road-trip-skills he’s acquired through our marriage and growing family.
“Sugar. No wonder he doesn’t like to sleep on his back when you let him nap on your chest like that all the time,” Jude chides me.
He leans over to give me a not so quick kiss as he gently picks Luka up off my chest to cradle him in the crook of his arm and settles int
o the lounge beside me. It shouldn’t surprise me that my bossy husband has turned into one overprotective father. I was expecting this when Merri was born seeing as he was overbearing my entire pregnancy, but his overprotectiveness has continued with the second and third kids. I don’t mind it because I understand it. Jude knows what it feels like to lose everything, so I do what I can to put him at ease and give in to his domineering protectiveness—for the most part.
“I can’t help it. He’s getting so big so fast, before long he’ll be too big to snuggle up and nap on me like that.” I look over at my husband. But my brow furrows. “Jude, you’re all sweaty. I just gave him a bath.”
“Boys are stinky, Gabby. Get used to it.” He smiles down at our son, who is now stretching his little baby arms and legs, trying to blink the sunlight away. I can’t help but smile, Luka is going to look exactly like his dad. His mass of dark hair is starting to wave and his deep blue baby eyes are already turning dark brown. I know they will be the color of melted dark chocolate, just like Jude’s.
Turning my head to the sun, I mutter, “My son won’t stink, he’s perfect.”
“Gabby.” I look back to him. With his melty eyes searing into mine, he rasps, “Love you, sugar.”
I reach out to grab his hand, entwining our fingers. “I love you, too, Jude. More than anything.”
Not thinking my happy could get any happier, my husband treats me to his beautiful smile. And my happy overflows.
Read Link and Avery’s story:
Until Avery – A Carpino Series Crossover Novella
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Overflow Bonus Scene
A Love Letter
Thirty-five hours…
Gabby,
I’m writing this to you as you sleep—as you recover. I realize I’ve never written you anything more than a text. That’s me. You know I’m not a man of many words … until now. Now, I’m putting pen to paper because if I don’t, I’m afraid I’ll explode from pent-up energy.
All it took was a day-and-a-half. Thirty-five hours to be exact. My life turned on its end so fast, it was painful to breathe. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. So much pain—soul-crushing and heart-ripping—yet it was nothing compared to what you went through.
I spent years wandering through life. I was in my own personal desert, dying from thirst. It was a hell I slowly grew accustomed to because it became my normal. I’ve tried to explain it to you—in our bed, in the dark—and you ate up every word I laid on your selfless heart. You healed me. I know you don’t see it but it’s true. It doesn’t matter how many times I try to convince you and how many times you try to turn it around on me—I’m going to say it again now.
You saved me.
My story was ugly and I never thought I’d see beauty again. I didn’t think anything could fix me, cure me, glue me back together in a way that would make me whole and forget the pain.
Little did I know, all it would take was the clink of my cuffs around your wrists.
When I touched you for the first time in a way that should’ve gotten me written up or, who the hell knows, probably fired, it spurred something in me. I was the moth and you were my light that burned as bright as the sun. Damn the consequences—you blinded me and I didn’t fucking care. I was happy to hop on your rollercoaster and go wherever it took me.
And what a ride.
I got you.
Merri.
Liv.
Luka.
Life.
You gave me my life back.
When I walked into the bathroom eight months ago and found you sitting on the floor, pale-faced and shocked-as-shit, you kept giving. Our oops baby might not have been a part of the grand plan, but from the moment you tipped your sweet blue eyes toward that test sitting in front of you, our world shifted again.
Our number four is more of you, more to love, more of life. And you know from the quiet moments over the years as I’ve bared my fears that haunt me, I want nothing more than life. I’ve watched your beautiful body swell with the baby we didn’t know we needed and have never thanked the man upstairs more—and that’s saying something because there’s not a day that goes by where I don’t fall to my knees for you.
Which is why the past thirty-five hours were a visit to hell I didn’t need. I’ve been there. I know what I’ve lost and what I have. I didn’t need the reminder but I got slapped in the face with one anyway. Just when I thought I’ve experienced pain, life thought I needed a refresher course.
Almost lost you today, baby.
When I got the call that your water broke and to meet you at the hospital, I never thought our joy would turn into a war.
But this time, I came out life’s victor.
You know me better than anyone. I am not hearts and flowers. From the day I slapped my cuffs on you and patted your sweet ass down, I wanted to beat my chest and say to the world that you were mine, but I’d be wrong.
That’s the day I became yours and yours alone. You fucking fisted my heart and I’ve never gotten it back. Where you go, I’ll follow … to the ends of the earth.
As I watch you sleep and recover from emergency surgery, our oops baby whom we never knew we needed, sleeps on my chest. He’s small but healthy, and has the strongest set of lungs you and I have created to date. He needs you. I need you. We all need you.
You have my heart—I won’t survive without you.
You’re going to be okay. Max is going to be okay. The doctors promised that as they talked me off my ledge. Merri, Liv, and Luka can’t wait to meet their little brother. And they miss you.
So today, like everyday, I’m thankful. Our rollercoaster took one last run and I refuse to ride it again. My need for you is as much as my love for you and I’ll be fucking content on the Ferris wheel with our family of six from here on out.
When you wake up and read this, you’ll be an emotional mess, but that’s okay because you’ll be in my arms and Max’ll be in yours with the big kids bouncing off the walls.
We’ll be together, like we’re meant to be.
Love you, sugar.
Forever,
Jude
About the Author
Brynne Asher grew up in the Midwest and now lives in Northern Virginia with her husband, three children and her perfect dog. When she isn’t creating pretend people and relationships in her head, she’s running her kids around and doing laundry. She enjoys cooking, decorating, shopping at outlet malls and online, always seeking the best deal. A perfect day in “Brynne World” ends in front of an outdoor fire with family, friends, s’mores and a delicious cocktail.
Beautiful Life
The Carpino Series, Book 2
Beautiful Life
Beautiful Life
Brynne Asher
Published by Brynne Asher
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Text Copyright
© 2015 Brynne Asher
All Rights Reserved
No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission from the author. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of author’s rights. Only purchase authorized editions.
Any resemblance to actual persons, things, locations, or events is accidental.
This book is a work of fiction.
Dedication
The Mister to my Mrs. –
Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for wanting my dreams to come true. Thank you giving me what I need, when I need it, but especially before I even know I need it. Your selfless love inspires me.
Elle –
You’re my alpha reader, my beta reader and my editor. But you’re really t
he truest friend in every sense of the word. My heart still aches when I look out my front door you’re not across the street anymore, rather across the country. Even though we still talk daily, I miss you dearly.
Goodreads Readers –
Thank you for giving me a chance as an author and investing your time in me. I appreciate each and every one of you and will never take you for granted.
Prologue
Leigh
“You stupid bitch,” he seethes through his teeth.
I can’t run. I’ve tried to run. To hide, to lock myself away, but it never works and I always wonder if it’s worse when I try. It’s always bad. I have no idea bad could get worse by prolonging the inevitable. What I do know is it’s become inescapable.
It’s become my life.
My life that has turned into a living hell. But not just hell, I think I might take hell over this. My life has turned into something from the deepest, darkest hollows of fire and brimstone. Hades. I think I would settle for hell on Earth as bad as the life I’m living has become.
My body starts to shake—conditioned for what’s to come and, even though I know what’s predestined, instinctively my mind can’t help but to look for an escape. That’s when I miss it. Looking to the side for my next move, I fail to see his hand coming at me square from the side connecting right with my eye.
Shit. That’s harder than normal.
I guess he really didn’t like my news, moving us out of the normal.