by Brynne Asher
“He is,” I agree.
“I can’t wait to meet him,” Paige keeps on. “I love dogs. And it was a hoot to hear Soph go on about how Lanny told her all about how pissed Tony was about showing you a Golden Doodle because he wanted some manly dog. Knowing Tony, he probably Googled the Top Ten Dogs Containing the Most Testosterone or something ridiculous like that. But she said yours is blonde with wavy hair. I Googled them last night and, hoe-ly smokes, so cute! As much as my brother annoys me, the three of you are going to look like you stepped out of a fashion magazine. Tony, tall and dark. You, tall, blonde with your model-like body, and your precious curly, blond Golden Doodle sitting at your feet? Perfection.”
“Tony was pissed about Finny being a Golden Doodle?” I ask.
Paige plops her petite behind attached to her petite body down on the stool next to me with her coffee answering an affirmative, “Uh-huh,” into her coffee. “But from the sounds of it from Lanny, who told Sophia, who told Charlotte, who told my mom, he was completely wooed by seeing you with the dog and couldn’t say no.”
“Huh,” I mutter into my own coffee cup.
But before I can lament the fact Tony got a dog that he didn’t want—basically for me, which I already knew, but can’t really let myself think about—Paige keeps talking. “You guys are coming to Joe’s party, right?”
“What party?” I ask.
“Figures.” Paige huffs in frustration. “Men are so last minute with stuff. I mean, you’re gonna need time to get a costume together.”
“Costume?”
“Well, sort of. You’ll need an eighties outfit. So, to me that’s a costume. My cousin, Micah, has a birthday party for her husband, Joe, every year. It’s their thing. She throws him a party on his birthday and he takes her away for a long weekend on hers. Anyway, Joe loves a party and he’s a total product of the eighties—wha-la an eighties theme this year. Now that I’m thinking about it, Tony probably doesn’t want to go because he doesn’t want to dress up, but you have to come. It’s gonna be a blast. And I’m doing the food.”
Trying not to let that feeling seep into me that Tony and I have plans like people have when they’re couples, I say, “I’ll have to see if Tony wants to go.”
“Oh, Tony will go if you want to go. Gabby and Jude will be there, it’s the weekend after next and they’ll be back from the honeymoon. Oh,” Paige screams out of nowhere. “You should be Madonna! Like the early Madonna. Like, Like a Virgin and Material Girl Madonna. Maybe we can talk Tony into being Sean Penn.”
“I don’t know,” I say hesitantly, but grin with the thought of Tony dressed up as anything eighties. “What are you going as?”
“I’m gonna be a roller skater.”
“A roller skater?” I ask.
“Yep. I can’t wait,” she says, her face expressing that she, in fact, cannot wait.
“I’ll talk to Gabby. If she and Jude are going, I’m sure I can talk Tony into going.”
“Leigh,” she starts. “You don’t have to talk my brother into anything. You say you want to go, he’ll go. Trust me on this. We’ve all decided you’ve whipped my brother big time. This is proven by the fact, that come this weekend, he’ll be the proud owner of a Golden Doodle.”
I press my lips together, not knowing what to do with the information that I’ve whipped Tony into anything.
But before I think of what to say, Paige chirps like we are at a slumber party or something, “What do you want to do first?”
“Well…” I look at the clock because it’s all of seven forty-five in the morning. Paige has a lot of energy, I might need another cup of coffee to keep up with her all day.
I guess I didn’t think of something fast enough, because Paige starts talking again. “I don’t need to start working on dinner ‘til around one or so this afternoon. Tony has On Demand. Do you watch Spartacus?”
I shake my head. “You do?”
“Just discovered it. I’m catching up watching past seasons. I know, it’s bloody and gruesome, but holy shit, the men are hot. Big, muscly, and tan, and they’re all fighting each other. Even fighting to the death. In their underwear. And,” she pauses, putting both hands up, palms facing me, “sometimes in slow motion.”
I smile. “I can’t think of anything better to watch over coffee.”
Paige grins and lets out a little “Yay!” We move off our stools with our coffee and head to Tony’s family room where Paige adds, “It’s going to be even better on Tony’s big fancy TV.”
At almost eight o’clock in the morning, Paige introduces me to almost naked, hot, muscly men fighting grisly, gory battles over coffee.
She was right. It was great.
Chapter Fifteen
Soon
Leigh
“Faster, gem.”
“Honey—”
“That’s it. I feel you.”
His hand moves from my breast where his fingers are working my nipple, down my body to between my legs where I’m straddling him. His thumb goes directly to my clit pressing and circling while his hips surge up, pressing into me. My head falls back and I moan, my orgasm washing over me and I feel Tony’s other hand, strong at my hip, pulling me down hard on his shaft as he knifes up at the waist. He tips my head toward his and his mouth hits mine, drinking up my moans as my body shakes.
“Don’t stop,” he murmurs against my lips. “I want you to ride me.”
“Yes,” I agree quickly as he lies back down and I start to move.
“So beautiful,” he grunts looking up at me. “Your legs, fuck. They go on forever.”
“Tony.” I’m out of breath, wanting to give it to him as good as he always gives me.
His hand reaches for mine and pulls it between my legs, “Make yourself come again. I want to watch you.”
Oh my.
I start to touch myself where I’m still sensitive and I try to concentrate on him, but it’s hard. His eyes are hot and burning, looking straight down his body to between my legs, watching me work myself for him.
“Fuck,” he mutters and I feel his hands come to my thighs and move up my hips to help me move as he thrusts up at the same time.
“Oh,” I gasp and have to lean forward putting a hand to his chest to hold myself up as I come quick for a second time. All I can do is press down hard on him as he thrusts into me three more times before pulling my hips down when he comes. I collapse to his chest where he nuzzles the side of my face while his hand is cupping the other side.
We lay here connected and let our breathing even out. I feel his lips come to my ear where he breathes, “Love you, gem.”
Again, I don’t say anything but acknowledge him silently like I always do when he tells me he loves me, this time squeezing him tight.
“There’ll never be anything better than this. Ever,” he keeps on.
“Tone.” I breathe into the side of this neck.
“Never.”
There he goes again, giving to me beyond measure. And here I go, taking everything from him, unable to give back. I know how I feel about him but I can’t make myself express it. Hating myself for not being able tell him how I feel or even what it means that he’s given me everything by actions and words.
But just as my heart is warring with my head, I hear an excited single, “Ruff!” coming from elsewhere in the house.
Tony stills immediately, then presses up into me one more time while I giggle.
We’ve had Finny for two days.
Finny is fun. Finny is energetic. Finny is lovable. And Finny is an early riser.
“Shit,” Tony mutters into my hair.
“Maybe we woke him.”
Tony grins up at me, “If one of us woke him up, it was you.”
“Tony!” I lightly slapping his arm for good measure. “You’re the one that talks. I’m pretty sure it was you who woke him up.”
Tony loses his grin and his eyebrows rise in question, “I talk?”
“Ruff!”
“Well,
yeah. You talk. I like it, but you do talk.”
“I talk,” he repeats.
“Mm-hmm.”
He rolls me in the bed quickly, never losing our connection and his eyebrows go from raised to frowning as he tips his head to glare at me. “I don’t talk.”
“I didn’t say I don’t like it. I do. I was just making the point it could be you who woke up Finny. I’m not the only one making noise,” I defend myself. I mean, I really can’t help it, he’s the one making me make the noises.
“Ruff!”
“Whatever,” he says. He leans down and kisses me. “I’ve gotta get rid of this condom. I’ll let him out, you can stay here. We don’t have to be at the airport for another three hours.”
“Okay,” I say. “I’ll go to the doctor this week, get a prescription so I can start birth control again after my next period.”
“Ruff, ruff!”
Tony pulls out of me and kisses me quick. “Don’t do that.”
This time my eyebrows go up in surprise, but he’s already on his way to the bathroom. He doesn’t want me to be on birth control? What guy wouldn’t want the woman he’s sleeping with to be on birth control? I thought most guys wouldn’t want to mess with condoms if they didn’t have to.
Tony walks out of the bathroom in a pair of sweatpants and nothing else, so I call, “What do you mean, ‘don’t do that?’”
“Hang on, I’ve gotta let the dog out,” he says, walking out of the room.
All of the sudden, a weight hits my chest like a brick. Is he worried about having unprotected sex with me? All of a sudden, I want to escape and die. Tony knows Preston cheated on me regularly. I was tested in the hospital for everything when I lost the baby and I even had my doctor do blood tests again a few months later just to be sure. I was clean both times, thank goodness. Tony says he loves me but he must be worried after my past with Preston.
I hear the back door open and close. If I was thinking, I should have taken this opportunity to escape, get out of bed, get dressed, and mentally prepare for what’s to come.
But I’m so shocked I barely get a foot to the floor before Tony is back in the room and sees me getting out of bed. “Where are you going?”
I try not making eye contact with him. “I need to get ready.”
I reach for his t-shirt on the floor while holding the sheet to my body, but Tony grabs the shirt out of my hand and tosses it across the room. “We have lots of time.”
I try not to look at him, the brick in my chest is pressing hard and digging deep. Tony yanks the sheet out of my hand, puts his to my belly and pushes me back down into the bed.
“I want to get up and get ready.”
“What’s wrong?” he asks, a frown playing on his face.
“Nothing,” I lie. “I’m just worried about what today will bring.”
“Today’s gonna suck, but what else is wrong?” he asks, reading me like a book, just like he always does.
“Nothing.”
“Sweetheart, three minutes ago you were talking to me about doing away with condoms and now you won’t look me in the eye. I’m not giving you space on this. What’s wrong,” he demands.
I sigh. He’s not letting up and I don’t know what to do or say to get him to leave me alone. He’s covered me with his body, pinning me to the bed. I look toward his shoulder, not able to look him in the eye.
“Leigh?”
I feel my eyes flutter to his face at the sound of his voice. Sweet, calm, patient. Everything Tony is with me. Perfect. But I can’t be perfect for him with my awful past, he still thinks he needs to protect himself when it comes to me.
“Don’t go into your head again. Talk to me.”
“You don’t need to worry,” I blurt. “I’m clean.”
His brow furrows, pulling deeply together. “What are you talking about?”
“I’ve been tested,” I explain quickly. “Twice. Either I lucked out or Preston was smart enough to be careful when he cheated on me. But I’m clean.”
His brow goes from furrowed to smooth. “Did you think I was worried about you?”
“Well, unless you really like them, why else would you want to keep using condoms?”
“Sweetheart, I’m not worried about you. But since we’re getting it all out in the open, I’ve been tested, too. When we have nothing between us, we can both breathe easy.”
“Oh.” I still don’t understand, but at this point I think I’d rather wonder than talk any more on the subject.
Of course, Tony isn’t done talking. “Gem, look at me.”
He’s still pinning me to the bed, I don’t have to look far to see the warmth in his expression.
“I don’t want you to have to go on the pill, just to go off the pill,” he explains, albeit, not making sense at the same time.
“What are you talking about?”
He leans down to kiss me and barely pulls back. I feel his breath on my lips when he explains. “When you’re mine in a permanent and real way, which I hope will be soon, I don’t want you on the pill. And I don’t want to use condoms. I can’t wait for that.”
“What?” I ask, barely able to hear myself.
He smiles at me. “I’m ready. You’re ready, whether you think you are or not. We’ve got a dog and our dog is gonna need some kids.”
“Well, maybe. Eventually.”
Tony’s smile becomes a grin. “Not maybe. And not eventually. Soon.”
“Soon?”
“Soon.”
“How soon?”
“Pretty soon, gem.”
I feel my body go limp under his. Honestly. He’s thinking of kids already? How can he be so sure about everything? Me? Us? Especially me? I mean, I’m pretty sure I’m still semi-screwed up.
“Sweetheart.” He gives me a little squeeze. “Get dressed. We’ll walk Fin before we get ready to go to the airport. We’ve got a long day and he’ll be pinned up a while. A tired dog is a good dog. He needs a walk.”
He starts moving to get up, but I grab his arms to halt his process. “Tony, we need to talk about this.”
He comes down to the bed by my side this time, framing my face with his hands and he whispers with meaning, “For me, gem, don’t go on the pill yet. Hold off for now. You forget how patient I am. I’ve got all the time in the world for you. Don’t think about it and don’t stress it. Let’s keep things the way they are for now, okay?”
Just like all things Tony, he wears me down and honestly, if he’s going to tell me not to think about something, I’m not going to think about it. That’s for sure.
“Okay,” I whisper.
He smiles down at me. “Good. Get dressed, I’ll go get Fin and make coffee. We’ll make breakfast when we get back.”
With that, he leans in to kiss me one more time and he’s off to get Finny and make coffee. But I can’t move. I’m still in shock from everything. I lay here thinking about babies for Tony, kids for Finny and not in the far future, but the near enough future Tony doesn’t want me to go on the pill.
Holy shit. I’m in serious trouble.
I tear the check out of my checkbook and hand it over to the manager of the treatment center we just checked my sister into. It’s late Sunday and the end of yet another eventful week.
My days at work have changed to Wednesday, Thursday and Friday’s every week, unless I want to add overtime. After work on Friday, Tony and I went to get Finny and brought him to Tony’s house. He’s rambunctious, cute, and absolutely, one hundred percent perfect. We spent all day Saturday hanging out at Tony’s house playing with him.
It took Mac most of the week to track down Tina, but they found her in Panama Beach. Mac told Tony she was running in circles that were downright scary. From what they could tell she really did owe her dealer a large amount of money, but there was no way we could really know if she was telling the truth about exactly how much she owed. Because of the information Mac supplied local law enforcement in Florida, her dealer is at least temporarily o
ut of commission and behind bars.
Dealing with Tina was another story altogether. My mom wanted me to send her money, which I refused to do. When I talked to Tina on the phone Friday, she broke down and said she needed help. She’s done this before but there’s no way I can deny her help if I have the resources to help her when she’s asking for it. She also begged to come home, so I decided to make that happen, too. I mean, what else am I going to do with all that money I got from my divorce?
The police followed up on Tony’s report about Preston keeping tabs on me while under the restraining order. Unfortunately, there was no way they can prove he’s doing what he’s doing, whatever that might be. They left issuing him a warning and reminding him of all the conditions of the restraining order. A trial date is yet to be set and Tony informed me this week it looks like Preston’s attorneys are offering a plea bargain with the DA’s office for a lesser charge so he will escape jail time. Tony isn’t happy and I have to say the whole thing makes me a bit nervous, but what can I do? As usual, I’ve decided not to think about it. I have enough to think about right now.
Today is Sunday and if I wasn’t freaking out enough about Tina flying back to Omaha to check into a treatment center, I would be freaking out about Tony wanting me to be his in a permanent and real way, sooner rather than eventually. And if I wasn’t freaked out enough about all that, I’d be freaked out about Tony not wanting me on birth control so we can make babies for him and kids for Finny. All of this and my mom is still staying at my apartment I have yet to sleep in for one measly night.
Basically, I have plenty to freak out about right now.
Tina walked out of the airport with the drug counselor, who I also paid to fly here with her so she won’t have to be by herself. I almost didn’t recognize my own sister. Tina is two years older than me, but now she looks many years past her age. Her blond hair is thin and stringy, her skin grey and drab. Her clothes are old and worn, hanging on her body, and her hazel eyes are sunken with deep circles surrounding them.