by Brynne Asher
“Ah,” I exhale.
My tingles have turned to fire and between Tony lapping, sucking, biting, and me moving on his mouth. He keeps this up in a way he knows he’s driving me crazy but doesn’t give me enough to come.
“Tony,” I complain as I try and press down again to get more contact.
He smiles against my clit before gently putting his teeth to me finally sucking hard and it comes over me fast and intense. I throw my head back to hear my own strangled cry and come down to my forearms because I can’t hold myself up any longer. I feel Tony move out from under me and I fall to the bed on my stomach. I hear his belt clank and then the whoosh of his pants hit the floor. As I’m sprawled on the bed trying to recover, I hear the rip of Tony’s condom and then his hand comes to my hip, lifting me up to my knees.
His lips come to my ear. “Up sweetheart. We’re not done.”
Tony cocoons me with his body, his lips at my neck and one arm is under me with his hand moving on my body as his other supports his weight.
“Arch your back for me,” he says in my ear.
I arch at the same time I breathe and feel him slide inside. Beautiful. I’ve never had anything more beautiful than this.
“Leigh,” Tony calls as he starts to move. “Tell me you’re mine.”
I arch further to take as much of him as I can and turn my face to his. “Yes, honey. I’m yours.”
“Yeah, you are.” He moves faster and harder.
But all of a sudden, we’re up. I’m on my knees with Tony pressed up to my back still inside me. I feel one hand go down and he finds my clit while the other pulls at my nipple again, but he stops moving.
“Don’t stop,” I whimper.
“You love me?” His breath labored.
I turn my face into his neck. “Yes. I love you.”
His lips capture mine in a searing kiss as my second orgasm rocks through my body. But then I lose him as he pulls out of me and flips me to my back. Yanking my legs up high he surges back into me, filling me up.
“Never thought I’d have this, Leigh. Never,” he breathes with his face close to mine and I wrap him up as best I can as he moves. When he finally slams into me one last time and stays buried deep inside, I circle my legs around him while threading my fingers in his hair.
“I love your hair,” I mumble into his neck. Tony gives great drunk sex but I’m starting to get tired.
I feel his long hard body tense and tighten around me. “I’m not letting you forget this tomorrow, you understand? I’ll remind you of every second and every word uttered in this bed. You said you loved me and you’re mine. We’re not going back after what you gave me tonight, gem.”
I try not to yawn in his face because it’s rude, but I’m really starting to fade. “Not going back, honey.”
“Love you, Leigh.”
“Love you, too, Tone.”
Then I can’t help it, I have to yawn in his face.
He kisses me on the side of my mouth, pulls out and flips the covers over me. I vaguely hear him in the bathroom, dealing with Finny, and finally feel the bed move again. As usual, I roll into him, stuff my face in his throat and wait for him to hitch a thigh in between my legs. Once he does, I sigh, let the heat of his big, hard body seep into mine and relax into the dreamless sleep that has become my normal that only Tony can give me.
I wake up to whining, but it’s more of a whine grumbled with a low bark. I can tell it’s going to be a bad day because I haven’t even opened my eyes and feel like they’re being pushed out of my eye sockets by the jackhammer pounding inside my head. I barely peek through my lids when the whining becomes excited moans. Those moans turn into barks, making my jackhammer work double time. Finny is standing at the side of the bed shaking with delight that I’m awake.
“Oh,” I protest with my own whine and bring my hand up to cover my face.
“No, Fin,” I hear coming from behind me and I sense Tony entering the room. Finny immediately quiets and settles his snout on the side of the bed, continuing to stare at his stupid, stupid mama who thought it was fun playing drinking games last night.
“You hung over, sweetheart?” I feel a hand on my ass at the same time I swear I hear Tony’s voice smiling, which pisses me off.
“No,” I grunt into the pillow without turning to him. “I’m not hung over, I’m dehydrated.”
I feel him sit down by my hip and start to pull the covers off my back.
“Stop it,” I protest into the pillow.
“I’ll get you some meds and water. You’re hung over but you’ll be fine.”
“I’m not hung over,” I keep mumbling into my pillow. “I’m dehydrated. I’m a nurse, I know the difference. After I get an IV of fluids I’ll be fine.”
I hear him laugh and feel him leave the bed. A moment later, he’s back and I hear him set something down on the nightstand. But this time the covers are pulled all the way off me and I feel hands under my arms.
“Tony!” I yell, upsetting my jackhammer again.
Before I know it, I’m up and being twisted so our hips are touching and we’re facing one other. I immediately grab the sheet to cover my body as Tony thrusts pills and water my way. “Take this.”
Pushing my hair out of my face, I take the pills and swallow them down chasing them with the entire glass of water.
“I need more.” I push the glass back at him.
He smiles, leans in to kiss my forehead which only makes me wince. I fall back to the bed, pulling the covers up over me again and roll to my stomach. I hear water in the bathroom and then another clink on the table before I feel him at my back climbing in bed with me this time.
“Gem?” he calls as he brushes the hair out of my face.
“Hmm?”
“You gonna be able to get up and go see Tina?”
I remember what today is. “Oh, I’m the worst sister ever. Who goes to visit their sister in drug treatment hung over? What have I done?”
“You’re fine.” He nuzzles my ear. “Get up, I’ll make you some eggs and toast. You’ll feel better after a shower and food. I’m pretty sure you won’t even need an IV. But before you go, we’re gonna talk.”
“Talk?” I remember every detail of last night. I was drunk but not that disjointed. I know exactly what he wants to talk about. I keep mumbling into my pillow. “I might not have time to talk. I don’t want to be late for my visit with Tina.”
“You won’t be late. Get up and shower. I’ll start your eggs,” he kisses me under my ear while giving my bottom a squeeze and exits the bed.
Finny barks one more time. I reach out to scratch under his ear and his whole body shakes with excitement. “We’ll walk you later, okay?”
As if he knows what I said, he starts dancing in circles with glee in anticipation of later. I hear Tony whistle and he stops but his head swings to the door. Upon hearing the second whistle, he bounds for the exit and I lose sight of him but hear him lose his traction, crashing into the wall as soon as he hits wood floors.
Trying not to smile from Finny being too cute for words because I don’t want to antagonize my jackhammer, I slowly pull myself from the bed. I grab Tony’s shirt from last night off the floor and make my way to the bathroom.
Oh, shit.
There’s a reason people don’t crimp their hair anymore and that reason is the morning after. Crimping your hair should be illegal in all fifty states and Canada. My hair has never looked scarier not to mention my morning after Madonna makeup. I shudder at the thought of Tony having drunk sex with me looking like this, never mind snuggling with me this morning. I suddenly feel sorry for him and think he really must love me to not blink an eye with me looking like this.
I turn to the shower groaning as I vow to retire my Madonna outfit and pray crimping your hair never comes back in fashion.
“Wipe that smile off your face, Tony. It’s not funny.”
“Sweetheart, it is.”
“It’s not,” I repeat as I push my eggs
around my plate before dropping my fork, deciding to stick with toast and coffee. “I can barely eat anything, I feel awful. But I’m pretty sure I’m going to need a cheeseburger and a ton of fries later. Or maybe some fried chicken.”
“I bet you will. I’ll take you through a drive through, get you whatever you want.”
I can’t decide if I’m hungry or going to be sick, so I ignore his smile and sip my coffee.
“Come here,” he says, losing the grin.
“What?” I take a bite of toast, thinking it tastes good and bad at the same time.
Tony doesn’t wait for me to come to him. He gets off his bar stool where he’s sitting next to mine, comes as close as he can, and turns me in my seat to face him. He brings one hand up to cup my jaw and the other threads through my damp hair tilting my head back to look up at him. His eyes sweep my face and I wonder if I’ll ever get used to how that feels—like he’s memorizing me.
“Yes or no answer,” I hear him say and look up at him.
“What?”
“We’ll make this easy. I want a yes or a no, but I want to hear it from you sober.”
I pull my brows together in question.
“You gave me you last night?”
“Tone—”
I feel his hands flex and he repeats firmly, “Yes or no.”
I inhale. “Yes.”
“You love me?”
I feel my throat clog up and my tears pool.
“Do you love me?” he asks again.
I know I said it last night. I remember saying it. I even remember meaning it, mind, body, and soul—down to my bones. Even in my drunkenness, I remember how good it felt to say it out loud. But this morning is different and the barriers I’ve lived with for so long are standing tall and as strong as usual.
“Answer me,” he demands.
I nod my head in his hands and his eyes flare.
He lowers his face even closer to mine. “Say it, gem.”
I owe it to him and want to give it to him more than anything. As I feel my tears falling over my lower lids, I exhale on a shaky voice. “Yes.”
He leans in to kiss me, saying against my lips, “Okay. Talk over.”
He brushes the tears away from my face before kissing me again. Then he straightens, takes my plate to the sink, rinses it, and sticks it in the dishwasher. He smirks at me, cocky-like, before sauntering around the island, through the great room, and around the corner to his bedroom. I vaguely hear the shower turn on from far away and I look down to my coffee wondering what just happened.
I hear another whine at my feet and see Finny sitting with his happy tail sweeping the floor in back of him, probably wondering what we’re going to do next or if it’s later yet.
I put my hand to his head and sniff away my tears while vowing to my dog, “I’ll never drink again.”
I look over at Tina, wrapped in the throw I brought her along with three other bags of stuff including more clothes, lotions, a little makeup in case she feels like it, and some more hair products because everyone knows new hair products make you feel good. We’re having an unusual bout of warm weather for the middle of March. Tina said she wanted some fresh air, so she and I are sitting on a park bench overlooking the gardens and walking paths of the treatment center.
She’s been quiet but has answered every question I’ve asked, seemingly reflective and thoughtful in her answers. She looks much better than she did when we checked her in just a week ago. Her coloring is back to normal, her hair is clean, and she even looks like she’s gained a little weight—not looking gaunt and sickly anymore. She’s gone quiet and as hard as it is, I’m trying to take stock from Tony’s playbook, letting her have her silence.
Long moments pass before I hear her say, “They said mom tried to come and see me.”
I turn to frown at her. “She found you?”
She’s sitting with her feet on the edge of the bench, hugging her legs to her chest and her head is turned toward me with her temple resting on her knees.
“I guess. My counselor came and talked to me about it. Told me you told them to keep her away but asked me if I wanted to see her. We started to talk about why you would keep her away and it led into a long session of what it was like for us growing up, how she was with us, things like that.”
“Did you see her?” I ask, not understanding where she’s going with this.
She shakes her head, looking back out to the landscape resting her chin on her knees. “No.”
“I’m sorry, Tina,” I say. “I didn’t think it would be good for you right now. It’s not like she’s an encouraging, positive person. I was only trying to protect you from that.”
“I know you were. I told them I didn’t want to see her in case she comes back. I’m learning I need to control the influences in my life and I think she’ll be too much for me right now.”
“I think that’s a smart choice.”
“She was an awful mom,” Tina adds, still staring out to the landscape.
“She was,” I agree.
After moments of silence she asks quietly, “How are you so normal?”
I can’t help my single sarcastic guffaw. “Well, I certainly don’t feel normal. I think she did a number on both of us, just in different ways.”
“Maybe.” After many moments of silence, she quietly adds, “I’m trying, Leigh, but it’s hard. Nothing has ever been so hard.”
“It will probably get even harder.” I reach over to squeeze her hand. “If you feel like you need to stay past the thirty days, I’ll pay for it. I’m sure Tony won’t mind if you stay with us at his house when you get out or you can stay at my apartment. Mom is there right now but I’ve just decided she’s overstayed her welcome. I’ll take care of that today. As long as you’re not using, I’ll be here to help you. I promise to do everything I can to get you back on your feet as long as you promise to fight to get better.”
Turning her head on her knees again to look at me she says, “I know you will because you’re you. I’m sorry I’ve never been there for you.”
I frown and tip my head to her in question.
She goes on. “Your baby. Preston.”
It’s my turn to look at the landscape. I try to pull my hand away but she holds tight. “You would have been a good mom.”
I feel my tears for the second time today and try to blink them away but feel her hand pull on mine and I look over. “You will be a good mom.”
I swallow the knot in my throat. She turns back to concentrate on the landscape, as do I.
And just like Tony taught me, we sit here quietly supporting each other in the unusual warm March sun for as long as visiting hours will allow. As we sit here in sisterly silence, I can’t help but hope that if Tina gets through this, I just might have a chance at a normal relationship with one family member. I want that more than anything. I make a promise to myself I’ll do everything I can to make that happen and it starts with taking care of the issue that is my mother.
Chapter Nineteen
You’re Ready
Leigh
“You’re kicking me out!” My mother’s question comes as an exclamation.
“I’m not kicking you out, I’m sending you home. There’s nothing for you to do here. Tina’s in treatment and doesn’t want to see you. She made that clear to her counselor and me. You know this since you tried to see her and failed. I want you gone by tomorrow and if you get the itch to visit again, you had better call and ask first. If I think Tina can handle seeing you, we’ll make arrangements, but do not surprise me again. I won’t be happy and I can promise you Tony won’t be happy.”
“Tony,” she spits. Putting her hands to her hips while shaking her head. “Those fucking Carpinos. Are you really going to let them come between you and your family again? You’ll never learn—letting a man control your life. Didn’t Preston teach you anything?”
I take a step to lean forward and lower my voice. “Don’t you dare utter another word about Tony. And I
learned more lessons from Preston than you’ll ever know. Lessons that are so deeply ingrained I will never forget. You never did one thing to save me from learning those lessons, did you? No, you only show up to wreak havoc in my life when you need something. Well, not anymore and especially not with Tina. She’s finally on the right path and she doesn’t need you muddying it up. You had better be gone by tomorrow at noon. I could care less whether you leave the key or not, I’m having the locks changed. You almost got the poor maintenance man fired—don’t try and pull your bullshit again breaking into my apartment. Everyone’s been forewarned.”
“I don’t believe you.” She looks shocked, hopefully getting it through her thick skull I’ve had enough.
“Believe it. I’ve given in to you my entire life and I’m done.” I turn to leave.
“Leigh—” she calls in a high voice.
I ignore her and look back one more time. “Tomorrow. You had better be gone. Don’t push me.”
I pull the door shut behind me, pausing for a second to collect myself. I’ve never stood up to my mother. My entire life she has been challenging, thoughtless, conniving, and just a plain bitch, but I’m done. I won’t allow it anymore, especially because Tina needs me now. I have to protect her from our mother so she can fight for her own life and be healthy again.
Pushing off from the door, I make my way down the steps of my apartment building I have yet to live in and feel my phone vibrate in my back pocket.
It’s a text from Tony.
Tony: Done with the press briefing. Meet you at home?
I can’t help but let that word sweep through me and I smile.
Home.
I bite my lip to suppress my grin as I let my fingers fly over the screen.
Me: Yeah, leaving my mom now. Meet you there.
Tony: Y r u with ur mom?