One, slight and barely her own height, drove her to her knees at its approach and she could feel the wet runnels of her tears down her cheeks.
“You were the best of us all, Sterlyn,” Alexis told the shade of Sterlyn Artley. “It was you who truly saved us at Giron, keeping the lads at their guns through that Hell. I — I feel like I stole from you, using it as I did on Erzurum, I —”
Alexis broke off, for the dream was differing now.
Behind the usual shadows were new ones, but not dark.
These sparkled with light as they strode toward her, passing close on either side. They turned featureless heads toward her as they went by and seemed to laugh.
“What is this?” Alexis asked.
This nightmare was for the dead, not the living, as she somehow knew these figures were.
One even gave her a jaunty salute as it passed, soundless mirth echoing in her mind.
But where these sparkling figures walked, the shadows stirred. Their footsteps roiled the very essence of this place, and new figures rose — these darker than any she’d seen before.
From each of the shining, living, figures’ footsteps the dead rose to surround Alexis. They huddled about her in misery and pain, each pointing or staring or somehow wordlessly demanding Alexis pay for what she’d done, how she’d wronged them.
“I had to,” Alexis whispered, understanding who these were.
The glowing figures of the pardoned pirates moved on out of sight, yet even there more shadows rose in their footsteps.
She’d known it as she offered the pardon, known it as she signed them, yet she’d gone on anyway to free the slaves on Erzurum.
Some of the pirates would go home, to whatever homes awaited them after so many years roving, and live out the rest of their lives in peace — but others would not.
Others would return to their pardoned trade — taking ships, killing crew, looting and raping their way through Fringe world towns and villages.
“It’s no more than they’d have done if I hadn’t pardoned them!” Alexis cried, shocked by the density of the figures around her. These weren’t enemies or her fellows who’d fallen in action — these were innocents who’d pay the price of her decisions. “I couldn’t stop them all entire!”
The shadows didn’t care, closing in and grasping at her, seeming to rend her with each touch, though her body remained whole.
Alexis woke, shaking and sweating, bedclothes damp and clammy to the touch.
She swung her legs over her bunk’s edge and stood.
Deep breaths.
She followed her own advice, taking in great lungfuls of air, slowly and deliberately as she calmed herself.
There was nothing for it, she knew — no point in thinking on it further. The dream would come no matter how much she rationalized things while awake, and now she knew what new horrors awaited her in sleep.
That she couldn’t have stopped those pirates didn’t matter, nor that she’d put an end to hundreds aboard the ships or dancing at the end of a rope after the action, nor all the lives who’d come off Erzurum and out from under Ness’ hand.
The dream’s scales had only the one side for balancing, and cared not at all for the other.
Alexis stood and paced a bit. She longed to call for Delaine and let his comforting bulk keep the dream away the rest of the night, but she couldn’t.
Mongoose was properly in commission, at least until they reached Penduli and her own commission met its fate there. While some captains might take their spouses or lovers along on a sail, she’d not become one of them and rub the crews’ nose in the comforts they couldn’t enjoy.
She made her way to the sideboard and the bottles there.
Oblivion would do as well.
Cap off the bourbon and bottle halfway to her lips she paused, stood still, and lowered it.
No, she’d been down that road and she owed her crew better than a captain who drank herself to senselessness every night, no matter the cause.
She set the bottle back and replaced the cap.
A soft chittering came from the Creature’s cage. Not the angry sound the thing usually made, but one that felt like an invitation.
Alexis sighed and made her way there.
She undid the latch carefully and slowly, so as to make no noise. Isom had promised to find how the thing escaped its cage so often, so had come to wake easily at such sounds, even from his berth in her pantry.
The Creature came to her hand in silence and she picked it up.
Back at her bunk she sat and raised the thing so that it hung limply from her grip around its middle and looked it in its dark, beady eyes.
“Look, you,” she said, “not a word to anyone about this, right?”
She took the Creature’s sniff for agreement.
“Especially to bloody Creasy.”
This time she’d almost have sworn the thing sniffed amusement.
She lay back on her bunk, set the Creature on her chest where it curled into a ball and vibrated with its version of a purr as she stroked it.
Alexis closed her eyes and settled into a dreamless sleep.
Fifty-Nine
They were two days out from Penduli and working their way toward the system, when Alexis found herself too anxious to spend a watch on the quarterdeck. She wandered toward the gundeck, wishing to walk the ship and get a feel of her crew once more before they arrived at Penduli. There’d be little opportunity for such after, she thought — not once Admiralty was through with her.
After they arrived, she’d have to turn Mongoose back into some semblance of a civilian ship, pay off the crew as best she was able, and see the vessel protected from Admiralty’s greedy hands. That wouldn’t endear her to whatever board of inquiry was assembled to look into the matter any more than her other actions, but she could at least see Dansby didn’t lose his ship.
That she’d be seeking the man out and possibly killing him for sending her into the Erzurum mess didn’t make a difference. Promising to keep his ship safe and slitting his gullet were two different things.
She stopped first at the surgeon’s compartment, but the man was out and about the ship, so settled for looking in on the wounded. All who were still alive would likely recover fully once they arrived at Penduli and the station’s medical facilities, save Morgan, from her boat crew, first injured in the crash and carted along so far across Erzurum’s swamps. He’d yet to regain consciousness, and the surgeon gave poorer odds for that, for the man had been unconscious for so long.
Alexis laid a hand on his shoulder, certain he could feel her near.
“You take heart, Morgan, and stay with us,” she whispered. “Your mates will speak ill of you if you kick off now, after they carried you halfway across Erzurum.”
She spoke a word to each of the other injured, those she knew well and those she didn’t — though her frequent visits on this sail home let her think she knew them each a little.
That task complete, Alexis made her way up toward the gundeck, thinking to speak to the rest of the crew, or merely wander Mongoose’s length and feel the ship.
Coming up the companionway she heard voices, hushed, but with angry tones, and slowed her steps. She couldn’t make out the words, nor who was speaking, but if there was conflict aboard she wanted to know of it.
She eased down a step, then another. A lull in the argument let her hear the sound of music coming from the gundeck, so whatever the argument was about it didn’t affect too much of the crew — most seemed to be having a fine time, finally back aboard ship and off Erzurum’s surface.
She thought for a moment whether she should intervene in the argument or merely ease her way back up the ladder. What a captain saw, the captain knew about, and it was sometimes better if the captain could pretend to take no notice. It might be better if she eased away and sent Dockett or Nabb to investigate. …
“… put a bloody stop to it!” Dockett’s voice rang out from the arguing pair.
; Well, that settles the way of it, Alexis thought, letting her footsteps thunk down the last few steps, and then turning to face the two arguing before the gundeck hatch.
Dockett and Nabb both turned to face her, eyes going wide and, if she was any judge, paler than the typical spacer ought to be.
“Gentlemen,” Alexis said. “Is there some trouble?”
The two shared a look, then, both quickly, “Trouble, no, sir, none!”
“I should hope not,” she said. “Not from you who’ve been with me through all this already, and not when the new hands seem to be settling in so well, and us being nearly home.” She nodded toward the hatch where the music sounded from. “This isn’t about your bets, is it? I thought that was already settled.”
“No, sir!” Dockett said. “It’s —”
Her bosun cast a glance at the hatchway and Nabb did as well, then they both turned toward her, edging closer as though to hide the way to the gundeck.
There was a roar of laughter from the gundeck hatch, drowning out the music for a moment.
“The lads seem in fine fettle, so what is the matter?” She frowned. “And is that live playing?”
“It is, sir,” Nabb said. “The lad Aiden. Got a guitar off the pirates as we left Erzurum, he did.”
“Load of twangy bung-twaddle, sir,” Dockett said, edging toward the hatch. “I’ll put a stop to it.”
“There’s no need of that,” Alexis said. In fact, a bit of music, and the fellowship that came with it, might be just the thing to lift her spirits and drive away the ghosts. “Certainly not. In fact, I might slip in and listen for a mom —"
“Aye, sir, stoppin’ it instanter, sir,” Dockett said, slipping quickly away and through the hatch while Nabb stepped toward her.
A loud bit of chorus echoed through the companionway before the bosun slammed the hatch with a forceful clang.
“… look me hearties, see me mates? Us lads were not forgotten …”
“It’s a rough, tune, sir,” Nabb said. “You know how the men are. To have an officer, much less the captain —”
Alexis frowned as the men on the gundeck raised their voices to sing over the shouts of the bosun, both coming garbled through the hatch.
“Was that my name?” she asked.
“Name, sir? Couldn’t hear it, myself, sir,” Nabb said, his own voice echoing in the companionway. “But if you’ve a moment, sir, there’s a thing about your boat and resupply from the new purser —”
Nabb gestured up and forward to where her boat nestled against Mongoose’s hull.
Alexis sighed. She saw that both Dockett and Nabb were trying to keep her from the gundeck and that only deepened her sadness. She supposed they were right to do it — her days as a midshipman, when she might sit with the lads and share a pint, were over. They deserved their fun without the judgmental eye of an officer looking on.
She followed Nabb to her boat, only half-hearing her coxswains lament on how miserly the purser had been in resupplying it, as though the man thought his temporary warrant on Mongoose would somehow become permanent and —
Alexis tuned him out, knowing that, in the end it wouldn’t matter. She ran fingertips along the bulkhead, feeling what might be her last ship. In a few short days, Mongoose would return to Dansby and she’d face whatever Admiralty might have in store for her.
Sixty
Alexis’ arrival at Penduli Station was quite unlike her arrival there from Giron with the victorious fleet of little ships.
Then she’d been aboard the flagship of an admiral, nearly in tears as the full fleet paid tribute to her crew aboard Belial and what they’d accomplished.
Now it was only Mongoose arriving, transmitting her written report to the port admiral as they transitioned to normal-space at L4, and enduring the long slog toward the station while awaiting a reply.
That reply did not come before she brought Mongoose alongside the station’s quay and made fast. Docking tube extended and sealed to the station’s airlock, Alexis, flanked by Villar and Delaine, stepped through to find that her report had not exactly been ignored — for she found, waiting for her, not only Penduli’s port admiral, but several captains she assumed were senior on station, and none of whom she knew, save one.
“Ellender,” she murmured, eyes locked on the man.
“Sir,” Villar said.
“Mon couer,” Delaine murmured, with just the barest touch of his fingertips to her arm.
Alexis was having none of the restraint their voices urged. She cleared the lock’s hatch, shrugging off her officers’ attempts to call her back, and strode toward Ellender, ignoring both the other captains and the admiral.
The admiral had her written report. The lost spacers were safe on Enclave — though crowded and on sparse rations, they were in no danger. More and better ships would be sent to retrieve them, and there was nothing in Alexis’ next actions that might impede that. She’d be judged on what she’d already done, and there was nothing, she thought, in these next actions that might change that, either.
But before she was taken up, and she suspected the file of Marines behind the admiral and captains were there for that purpose, she had a promise to keep.
“Lieutenant Carew —”
She ignored whoever spoke and stopped a pace away from Ellender who was staring at her with barely disguised hatred.
“Captain Ellender, where is Lieutenant Deckard?”
“I had him hanged and left adrift, as I hope to see you soon,” Ellender said. “Admiral Acton, this person was in league with —”
“I read your report, Captain Ellender, as I will hers. There’s far too much to —”
“Captain Ellender,” Alexis said, overriding the admiral and ignoring his astonished look, “on behalf of my principal, Captain Weyland Kannstadt of the Hanoverese Navy, I name —”
“Sir —” Villar was at her elbow, tugging her to the side.
“Alexis —” Delaine was at her other arm.
“—you coward, abandoner — “
“Carew!” Admiral Acton fairly yelled, but Alexis had attention only for Ellender who’d backed up a step, eyes wide.
“—and murderer, sir! Name your second that we might —”
“Marines! Shut this —”
“—arrange a meeting, sir, or be known craven!”
Rougher hands than Villar’s or Delaine’s seized her arms and dragged her back a step.
“This is outrageous!” Ellender said.
“Carew! What are you about?” Admiral Acton stepped between her and Ellender now that there was space.
“My duty, sir,” Alexis said. She leaned to the side so that she could see Ellender. “Your second, sir? I’ve need of a name, instanter!”
“Well, undo it!” Acton yelled. “Queen’s officers may not duel!”
“I’m acting as second, sir, not —”
“I do not bloody care!” Acton yelled. He paused and looked around into the silence that engulfed the quayside.
In addition to their little group, the ships to either side of Mongoose had crew and officers out and about, all stopped in their work to watch the drama unfolding. More were coming from ships farther away.
“We’ll take this to my offices,” Acton said.
Acton’s offices were quite crowded, as it seemed none of the captains who’d accompanied him to the quay wished to miss the rest of the show.
Alexis sent Villar and Delaine back to the ship to arrange leave for the crew after so much time of deprivation on first Erzurum and then Enclave. They were reluctant to go, but she insisted, both for the sake of Mongoose’s crew and themselves — she didn’t want them tarred with her actions.
“Very well, then,” Acton said once they were all settled — it nearly more than Alexis could bear to sit, drink in hand, with Ellender but two seats away. “First, Carew, I’ll have you withdraw your challenge and we’ll get that settled.”
Alexis shook her head. “I will not, sir. I’ve read the regula
tions, sir, and there’s no prohibition against a serving officer acting as second in a challenge. In fact, sir, it’s frequently done.”
“Not on behalf of a foreign officer,” he said. “Not on behalf of a foreign officer with whom we are still, technically, in state of war, cease-fire be damned!”
“It’s not prohibited, sir.”
“That’s because such a thing would never bloody happen!” Acton pounded a fist on his desk. “There are any number of absurd things the regulations don’t explicitly prohibit, Carew! That’s because we rely on Queen’s officers to not act the bloody fool!”
“With respect, sir —”
“Yes, that would be quite refreshing.”
“Sir, I gave my word to a fellow officer, foreign service notwithstanding, and I will fulfill it. Captain Ellender —” Alexis took a deep breath, wondering what she might say to make Acton see Ellender as she did. “Sir, I have no further words for Captain Ellender until he names his second … but you may find that the —” She swallowed hard, still astounded at the number. “—twenty-nine thousand one hundred eighty-nine men awaiting transport on Enclave do.”
Alexis turned her gaze to Ellender, who’d gone white at her words, though she still addressed the admiral.
“While I do not act as their second, sir, I’m given to understand you’ll be faced with more than a few resigned commissions when Captain Ellender’s fellow captains arrive.” She smiled at Ellender. “Regulations being what they are, sir.”
Alexis took a deep, cleansing breath, possible now that she’d delivered Kannstadt’s challenge, little hope there might be of a meeting between the two. She might, at least, send the Hanoverese captain a description of Captain Ellender’s face as he hurriedly begged leave of Admiral Acton and rushed from the office. She suspected he might resign his own commission and flee Penduli — if not, well, she’d arrange somehow for word of the man’s eventual fate to make it back to Kannstadt.
The Queen's Pardon (Alexis Carew Book 6) Page 38