by Linda Ford
“I can’t answer for her reasons.” He faced her. “She didn’t tell me she was leaving. She just dropped out of my life without one word of explanation.” The admission still brought a burning sensation to his innards. “I thought she cared for me.” The words came from a hurt in the depths of his heart. An echo of how he felt when Ma left them. He had just begun to think it was safe to let himself care then Celia... “I trusted her. And yet she left without a word of explanation.” He paused to calm his thoughts. “And now she’s gone forever.”
“I know. She hurt me too.”
He faced her. Saw the pain in her eyes. He tried to smile but it felt more like a grimace. “I guess she fooled us both.”
“You have no idea who she was seeing? Who Megan’s father is?”
“Do you want the whole truth?”
She nodded.
“Very well.” He shifted so he could watch her without appearing to stare. “A half dozen men had come to town to work on that three-story building on Main Street. We often walked past, and she would always flirt with them. Nothing bad, really. But it bothered me the way she smiled and laughed, encouraging their advances.” He shrugged. “They were only there long enough to complete the building and then they left. But while they were there, Celia had many excuses as to why she wouldn’t accompany me to things we normally went to. My suspicion is one of those men is the father.”
She had kept her gaze fixed on him as he talked. Emotions had crossed her face—surprise, shock, and confusion.
“Do you intend to find them and confront them about Megan?”
She shook her head hard. “They don’t sound like the sort who would give her a good home. Besides, what could I say? Was one of you fooling around with my cousin?” Her gaze went to the giggling baby. “No, I will keep her. I want to keep her. I will give her the best home I can provide.” Her firm tones caught Bowser’s attention and he trotted over to her feet.
Megan wailed a protest.
Connie picked her up and kissed her soundly. “I love you, Megan Hooper.”
Jake was instantly on his feet. “You can’t call her that. She’s not my child.”
Connie sat down and perched Megan on her knees so she could pat Bowser. “That’s what it says on her birth certificate, so I think it’s legal.”
“But—” He sputtered. He leapt off the porch and took two steps toward the barn then ground to a halt. If he showed up there without the saddle, Levi would hound him until he found out why.
He returned to the porch and set to work cleaning the leather. He didn’t look at Connie even though he felt her watching him.
“Jake, I can’t change the document. I could call her Megan Sewall but that would mean Celia and I both have the same last name. People would suspect Megan’s illegitimate, and you know how she would be treated.” She sighed deeply. “I suppose I could pose as a widow and pretend she is my child, but Megan deserves to know who her real mother was.” Connie shook her head.
“I guess. What sort of story are you going to tell about her?”
“The truth, as much as possible. She’s my niece. Her mother is deceased. Her father… I don’t know how I’ll explain that.” Silence followed her words.
He didn’t know if she expected him to supply an answer. “You could say her father is unable to care for her.” He gave a snort of laughter that totally lacked amusement.
“That should work. Thanks.”
“Except with the last name of Hooper, it means people will assume you mean me.” He kept his attention on the saddle, not wanting to see the stubborn look he guessed she would have.
“What do you expect me to do about it?”
He slowly straightened and came around to face her. “You could get the name legally changed. I’ve heard that can be done.”
Her look said so much she didn’t need to speak, but she did anyway. “Do you not have any fondness left for Celia? Or her baby?”
“I—” Fondness? Once he’d thought he loved Celia. Once he’d entertained the notion of asking her to marry him. But she’d proven unfaithful, leaving him with nothing but regret. He should have been more cautious about throwing open the doors of his heart.
As to Megan? He felt no responsibility to her even though she was sweet, and his name was on her birth record.
“When you marry, won’t she take your husband’s name? Seems ideal.”
“You assume I will marry?”
“I assume there is a man back in Broadstone waiting for you to return.” Though if there was why would she be thinking of settling in Fort Macleod? He studied her. “Did your beau refuse to accept Megan?” He could see her dismissing such a man.
“There is no one waiting for me. I’ve never had a serious beau.”
“Why not? You’re pretty with those big brown eyes, and you seem pleasant enough. You haven’t been terribly cross with me even though you assumed I was a father who would abandon his child.”
“Thanks, I guess. The truth is…” She shrugged. “Never mind.”
“No, tell me. If you’re the same age as Celia, that makes you eighteen going on nineteen. Plenty old enough to be married. So why aren’t you?”
“Most people would consider that a very personal question.”
“No more personal than showing up on my doorstep with a baby and accusing me of being the father.”
Her eyes crinkled as if she found his accusation humorous. And he supposed it was now that he’d convinced her he was innocent of such a deed. “You do believe me when I say I’m not, don’t you?”
“You are very convincing.”
It wasn’t the unequivocal answer he’d hoped for, but it would do. “So has some young man broken your heart? Or are you pining after someone who hasn’t noticed you?”
“Neither. I simply got tired of taking Celia’s rejects.” She pressed her fingers to her mouth. “I shouldn’t have said that. It makes me sound bitter. And I’m not.”
Her gaze was steady and challenging. His was the same. They studied each other. He was the first to speak.
“Are you saying men only showed an interest in you after they’d approached Celia and were rebuffed?”
“Maybe.”
“Then they aren’t worthy of your interest.”
“That’s how I feel. But can you blame them? Were you any different?”
He swallowed hard. She had a point. He knew her from back in Broadstone in a passing sort of way. He’d seen her with Celia from time to time, but she seemed content to stay in the background. Maybe if she’d been more involved in Celia’s life this wouldn’t have happened.
As soon as that thought surfaced, he dismissed it. Celia had fooled them all.
“I’m not interested in being second best.” She rose, Megan on her hip. Her eyes were darker than usual, her smile gone, her chin tipped upwards. She crossed to the door.
He followed her. “It’s drying enough we’ll leave first thing in the morning.”
“I’ll be ready.” She closed the door quietly and firmly, leaving him staring at the wooden slab.
He could understand her not wanting to be stuck in Celia’s shadow. But he hadn’t intentionally ignored her.
He shrugged. What difference did it make now? Like he’d said to his brothers, Connie and Megan were leaving.
No point in thinking how he might have handled things differently.
5
Connie insisted on helping Audrey with the cooking. She offered to make cookies and even took the broom and swept the porch…once Jake and the saddle were gone. She helped serve dinner, and as soon as Megan was asleep, she took a bucket and mop to the porch to scrub off the mud.
She needed to keep busy. Not think about the future or the past.
She’d said more than she should have to Jake. Even gone so far as to confess how she had always felt she’d been in Celia’s shadow. Well, it wasn’t going to be that way anymore. She bent over and pressed her hand to her middle as pain and loneliness swept over h
er like a storm. Celia was gone. Her best friend. Her confidant. And Megan’s mother.
Connie straightened. She and Megan would survive. They’d do better than that. They would thrive. She’d create a new life for them in Fort Macleod or wherever she had to go to succeed.
Later in the afternoon, Audrey joined her on the porch, carrying two cups of tea. “Time for a break. You don’t need to work so hard.”
“Hard work never killed anyone.” But she gratefully took the offered tea and sat down. “No sound from Megan?”
“Not a peep.”
Bowser came from the barn and headed toward the house. He saw the women and stopped. His tail drooping, he slunk back to the barn.
Connie laughed. “Is he afraid of you?”
“I wish he was. But I think he was looking for Megan.”
“I never thought she’d be so good with a dog.”
“Bowser is a big baby himself.”
After a moment, Audrey continued. “You don’t have to leave, you know. I’d be glad of your company. And Megan’s.”
“That’s generous of you, but I need to start building a life for the two of us.”
“I understand. I wish…”
Connie waited a moment, thinking Audrey was collecting her thoughts. But when she didn’t continue, she pressed her to finish. “Please, I’d like to hear what you were going to say.”
Audrey chuckled softly. “I could almost wish it was possible for Jake to be Megan’s father, but of course, he would not then be the man I know him to be.”
“I’m glad for your sake, and I suppose his, that he is so certain he isn’t her father. But I’m not so happy for Megan’s sake.”
“It’s a tangle for certain, but I will pray that God guides your steps in the right direction.”
Connie would have asked for her to expand on what she meant but Megan cried, and she went to get the baby. Then they were busy with supper preparations. Supper was late as the men didn’t come in until dark. Megan had already been fed and put to bed.
Levi looked around for her, and Connie explained her absence. “Aw. I wanted to play with her one last time.” He sent a daggered look at Jake. “I don’t see why you won’t keep them.”
“Because they aren’t mine to keep, brother.”
“You loved Celia, didn’t you?”
“I thought so at the time.” Jake’s expression gave away no clue as to how he felt.
“Well, you can claim her daughter, and I’m sure if you asked her, that Connie would stay. They’re cousins. Close enough.” He turned big blue eyes to Connie. She could see how he beguiled Audrey into letting him have his way, but it wasn’t going to work on her. Especially when he suggested she might be glad to take Celia’s place.
“Levi.” Warning rang from Jake. “You don’t ask one woman to take the place of another.” His gaze came to her. She could almost believe she saw sympathy and understanding.
He continued. “Everyone—man, woman or child—wants to be seen as valuable in their own right.”
“Aw.” Levi scuffed his feet on the floor. “I didn’t mean it like that. Connie, I’m sorry. If you stayed, it would be because we want you to stay. I hardly knew Celia, and if anyone wants to know, I found her a little stuck on herself.”
“Levi, we don’t speak ill of the dead,” Audrey said.
“I’m sorry. Seems I can’t say anything right.”
Blaze turned the conversation to plans for the trip to Fort Macleod. He listed things he wanted Jake to get. Audrey added items to the list.
“I’ll stay as long as I need to,” Jake informed them.
Talk of work and the trip consumed the rest of the evening and by the time the kitchen was clean, Connie was ready for bed. With a murmured good night to them all, she slipped to her room.
Rather than prepare for the night and the trip she would take tomorrow, she fell to her knees by the bed and poured out her heart to God. “Father in heaven, this is not what I had planned. I shudder to think of riding all the way to Fort Macleod with Jake. Not because I don’t want his company, but because I do. You know my heart. You know that I was envious of Celia’s relationship with him. I wanted him to notice me. But it never happened. I don’t expect it ever will. My disappointment has made me sharp with him. Not just because he never saw me, but because I thought he was Megan’s father. Now she is without a father. I am without a home. I cast myself on Your mercy, trusting You are the God who supplies everything I need.”
Her faith restored in God’s care, she went to bed and slept soundly.
The next morning, she put on her traveling outfit. The dark gray skirt, pale gray shirtwaist, and long gray coat were designed to protect her from the dust. She put a simple blue dress on Megan. The child needed to be comfortable for the hours it would take to reach the fort.
She packed the trunks, prepared a bag for travel, and then left the room, Megan in her arms. Doors opening and closing had informed her the others were up. The smell of coffee and frying pork indicated Audrey had been up for some time.
The men sat at the table, cups of coffee before them.
Connie hurried to help Audrey. “I should have been here earlier to help you.”
“Nonsense. You’re a guest. Sit down and I’ll serve the food.”
Connie might have insisted on helping but Megan saw the food and cried, so she hurried to the table before the child worked herself into a state. Audrey set a bowl of food before them, and Megan stopped crying and reached for it. Connie moved it and quickly offered a spoonful of food. She held her breath as the child stubbornly closed her mouth. Megan wanted to feed herself, but she made such a mess Connie couldn’t let her do so in a house where they were guests.
“Aren’t you hungry?” Jake asked Megan.
Startled by his question, she opened her mouth to receive the spoonful Connie offered.
Relief eased through Connie’s lungs. Another outburst avoided. They were becoming less frequent, but she understood Megan was feeling upset and lost. She’d hardly met Connie before her mother died. Such profound loss and huge changes for a tiny child to deal with.
Audrey served the meal. Blaze said grace, adding a prayer for safety for the journey Connie, Megan, and Jake were about to take.
As soon as they finished the meal, Jake went to get the wagon. Cash and Blaze brought out Connie’s trunks and loaded them in the back. Audrey hugged Connie. “I’ll be thinking of you. Be sure and write.”
“Thank you, and I will.”
Audrey gave a basket to Blaze. “Put this in the wagon. It’s lunch for the trip.”
Blaze and Cash shook Connie’s hand and wished her well.
Levi took Megan as Jake helped Connie to the seat and handed up her bags. Levi hugged Megan and kissed her cheek.
“Jake is making a big mistake by taking you back, but he’s too stubborn to admit it.” Levi lifted Megan to Connie, gave Jake a piercing scowl, then stepped back.
Connie and Megan waved as they drove away.
“We’re on our way.” Jake’s announcement was unnecessary, but perhaps he felt he had to say something after Levi’s criticism. “It’s what we agreed on.”
“I know.” She sat back. They were going to have much of the day together. An hour back to Willow Creek and then three hours to Fort Macleod. It could be spent in silence, or they could talk. Though she had no idea what they would talk about. Seems they’d said all there was to say.
The trail went through some trees then across a grassy hill to the coulee.
They left the trees behind. “Whoa.” Jake stood and shielded his eyes with his hand. “It looks like—” He sat and flicked the reins. The trail dipped downward then climbed another hill.
Connie saw what had caught his attention. “Where’s the bridge?” She’d had glimpses of the creek from the house, saw how high the water had risen. It had receded now, and with it every bit of the bridge.
Jake drew closer to the edge of the coulee, pushed his hat back on hi
s head, and studied the situation. “It’s gone.” He turned to Connie. “I won’t be taking you to Fort Macleod today.”
She stared at the where the bridge had been. “Is there no other way to get across?”
“Lots of places we can cross on horseback. No place with a wagon. We’ll have to rebuild the bridge.”
“How long, do you suppose?”
“A few days. He straightened his hat and faced her. “I’m sorry. I promised to get you there and I will, but not today.”
“I understand, and I don’t blame you.” She wished she could believe his regret was simply over the washed-out bridge and not because he had to put up with her a few more days. “I’m sure you’re as disappointed as I am.”
His smile was fleeting. “Not so much disappointed as not looking forward to having to build another bridge.”
“It’s my fault. You wouldn’t need to except for me.”
He chuckled. “We might not have to do it so quickly, but sooner or later we need to be able to get a wagon back and forth across this coulee.”
“Why didn’t you build your place on the other side of it? Wouldn’t it have saved you this bother?”
“It would. But Pa had come out the summer before we moved and picked out the home site. None of us were willing to change it, even when we saw the challenges. Pa must have thought there was a place close by where we could cross.”
He turned the wagon around, and they returned to the house.
Audrey came out, curious at their return.
Jake explained about the bridge being out. “Where are the others?”
“They rode out as soon as you left. Said they were going to check the west side for more cows.”
Jake jumped down and came around to Connie’s side. “Hand her to me.”
He took Megan, perched her on one hip, and held out a hand to help Connie down.
On the ground, she faced Audrey. “Seems you’re stuck with me for a few more days.”
Audrey chuckled. “I’m more than happy for your company. Come on in.” Audrey drew her toward the door.