by Linda Ford
At his reluctance to state his reasons, Connie’s heart sank. What was wrong?
The Mountie gave a quick nod as if making up his mind. “She’s a Metis. Mixed blood. Her father was French, her mother native. Some people think she should try and hide the fact, but she flaunts it. Says she’s proud of who she is. I’m simply warning you of her attitude and suggesting that Miss Sewall will be judged for associating with her.” He studied Connie as if awaiting her decision.
“Sir, I am not in a place to refuse a job because of what people might say. Tell me where to find her.”
The Mountie gave directions. “Her name is Thelma Lagasse. Tell her that Sergeant Jones sent you.”
“Thank you.”
“Oh and be careful of her dog. He’s rather protective of her and her property.”
With that warning, they returned to the wagon, but Jake didn’t immediately move.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“You heard him. You’re going to invite the disapproval of the townspeople if you work for her.”
“You know what?” She faced him squarely. “I admire a woman who is proud of who she is. It’s how I intend to live.” She turned to look straight ahead, waiting for him to take her to the place.
And if he wouldn’t, she’d get down and walk.
* * *
Everything in Jake rebelled at the thought of putting Connie in an awkward position. But apart from taking her back to the ranch against her will, what could he do?
He flicked the reins to get the horses moving. “I am reluctant to do this.” He could only hope this Metis woman wouldn’t hire Connie. “She might not welcome a child.”
“Only one way to find out.”
With a long-suffering sigh, he went to the woman’s quarters—at the back side of town. Lines of laundry hung behind a small, yellowed house. Steam rose from large tubs. When they stopped, a brindle dog with black ears greeted them with hackles raised and bared teeth.
Megan shivered and clung to Connie.
Jake had no plan to get down until someone called the dog off. Nor was he about to let Connie get down.
The garments on the line parted and a woman with long black braids peered out. “Dog, sit.”
The dog sat, his ears twitching.
“What ken I do fer ya?” The woman drew closer. She wore a shapeless gray garment with a beaded sash around her waist.
“Sergeant Jones sent me. He said you were in need of help. I’ve come to help. I’m Connie Sewall.”
The woman stood next to the wagon and studied Connie then lowered her gaze to Megan. “Is the baby part of the agreement?”
“Yes, she is. Is that a problem?”
The woman chuckled. “Babies are never a problem.” She eyed Jake. “And who be this man?”
Connie introduced him. “I was visiting at his ranch. But now I have to get on with my life.”
The dark-haired woman studied them all again. “Ya think ya can work and look after the little one?”
“I wouldn’t want her around the hot water.”
“Tha’s fine. Could you iron and mend?”
“I sure could. Are you offering me the job?”
“Seems tha’s why yer here.” Her chuckle was deep.
Connie grinned while Jake’s reluctance to leave her here grew stronger.
“Ya got a place to live?”
“Not yet.”
Jake hoped that might put an end to this.
“I tell ya what. I had a niece living here and helping out. She left. She was living in a cabin at the back. Ya can live there if ya like. It’s real handy for helping.”
“That sounds fine. Can I see it now?”
“Bring the wagon round.” She pointed to the dusty trail that went past the house and trotted ahead of them, the brindle dog at her heels.
“Connie, it’s not too late to change your mind.” He wished he could say something to convince her.
“Can’t think of a reason I should.”
Her words sliced through his heart, leaving an aching trail. He had hoped he might be reason enough.
The cabin was small—a kitchen and living area and one small bedroom. But it had the necessary furniture.
“It’s ideal,” Connie declared. “Miss Lagrasse or is it Mrs.?”
“Just Thelma is fine. I had me a man, but he run off.”
Jake bit back the words of protest building inside his head. He couldn’t stop Connie from this. Thelma helped him carry in Connie’s things and then gave him a look that suggested he should leave. He twisted his hat in his hands. Wished for a way to stop this from happening.
“Thank you for everything, Jake.” Connie sounded as eager for him to leave as Thelma was.
“I only did what I said I would.” There were so many things he wanted to say. But the time for saying them had passed when she said she wouldn’t marry him. “You take good care of this little one.” He bent close to kiss Megan on the head then straightened slowly to look deep into Connie’s eyes, silently begging her to reconsider, wishing his gaze would say what his heart felt.
She squeezed his shoulder. “I guess this is good-bye.”
“Good-bye.” The loneliest word in the world. He climbed into the wagon and began the journey home.
15
Thelma wasted no time in putting Connie to work, which was just what she needed to keep her from feeling sorry for herself. There was a mountain of ironing and a large basket of mending. Connie settled Megan nearby with pot lids and a wooden spoon. She worked with only the screen door closed, allowing a cooling breeze through the little house. From where she worked, she could see Thelma scrubbing clothes. She didn’t envy the woman the hot hard work.
She had no supplies for a meal so gladly accepted Thelma’s invitation to join her. She waited for Thelma to order the dog to sit before she crossed the yard.
“I need to go to the store for supplies,” she said over the plate of tasty stew.
“Ya got money?”
“Enough for now.” Wages had never been discussed.
“I’ll pay ya every Saturday night.”
She named a sum that surprised Connie. “How much is rent on the cabin?”
“It goes with the job.”
“I don’t understand.”
“It was empty. Ya needed a place. Yer welcome to it as long as ya need it. No charge.”
“That is most generous of you. Thank you.”
“Ya run along as soon as yer done eatin’ and buy what you need. Ya’ll find a wagon in the little shed next to yer cabin. Use it.”
The wagon was ideal. It had high sides to keep Megan safe and would hold the supplies Connie needed. She was pleased to learn she could get fresh milk delivered to her door. She returned pleased with how things were going. Thank you, God.
She would learn to manage on her own. She would learn to ignore the pain in her heart at knowing Jake saw her as a Celia substitute.
Saturday night, Thelma paid her for the first day and a half of work.
Connie brought in water and heated it for bathing.
Sunday morning, she attended church, refreshed by the words of the songs and the sermon.
Several ladies spoke to her and welcomed her. She noticed how their welcome faded when she told them where she lived and worked. But she determined she would not let it influence her. For too many years she’d allowed herself to care too much what others thought.
She quickly settled into a routine. Megan fussed off and on, missing so many in her life, but Thelma was good to her. The dog—called Dog—was not friendly though. Both she and Megan missed Bowser.
Two weeks later she stepped from the store in time to see Sergeant Jones passing by. He stopped.
“It appears you took the job.”
“I did.”
“How is it working for you?”’
“It’s good. Thelma is a good boss. She’s even provided me with a nice house.”
“Are you getting any criticis
m from others?”
“Some, but I have lived too long being overly concerned with what people think of me. And I’ve learned it doesn’t make things any better. From now on I’m going to live life as I think I should live it.”
“Good for you.” He saluted and strode away.
She headed back home, pulling Megan and her purchases in the wagon. It was easy to tell Sergeant Jones that she didn’t care what people thought, but she carried a pain in her heart that she knew would never heal.
A few days after she’d settled in, she’d written both her parents and her aunt and uncle to inform them what she was doing and where she and Megan were. She didn’t expect to hear back from them.
Just as she didn’t expect she would see Jake again. That chapter of her life was closed.
Someone stepped into her path, startling her. When she saw who it was, fear clawed up her throat. Not that she’d let him know.
“Mr. Howard, I didn’t think to ever see you again.”
“Yeah, I guess you hoped you wouldn’t.” He blocked her path so she couldn’t pass. “I got to thinking. That baby.” He looked past Connie to Megan. “How old is she? A year maybe?”
“What business is that of yours?”
“Well, see here. At first, I figured she was yours. Then I got to counting the months since Celia disappeared. Might be that baby is mine.”
“Is there a reason you think so?” She shuddered to think of her cousin with this man.
“Yeah, you might say I have reason.” He leered at her. “It got me to thinkin’. You and I could marry and raise her.”
“Marry? You?” Seeing the flash of annoyance in his eyes, she calmed herself. “Why this sudden interest in marriage and family?”
“You’re Celia’s cousin. Guess you might be almost as much fun as she was.”
“I’m afraid you’d be greatly disappointed. I’m nothing like Celia.” It startled her to think there was a time she had wished she was more like her cousin.
“That a fact? Why don’t we try and see?” He took a step closer. So close she could feel his hot breath. She pushed the wagon backwards.
“Ain’t no dog, or a Hooper to protect you this time.”
Fury raged through her, followed by a deadly calm as truth flashed through her mind. “I don’t need anyone to protect me. God is on my side.” She lifted her face heavenward. “Father, God, you see this threat to me and Megan. You could call a thousand angels to defend us.”
Mr. Howard snorted. “I don’t see no angels coming to help you.”
She did not falter in her belief God would take care of her. “Might I remind you that God is all powerful? He has promised to protect me, and I know He will.”
He glanced about nervously. “You’re talking stupid.”
“Am I?”
An explosive sound filled the air. Like thunder. Like a gunshot. He jerked and reached for his gun. But there was no one and nothing for him to shoot. She had no idea what caused the racket, but it was loud enough to make Mr. Howard nervous. He began to back off.
“Lady, there is something wrong with you.” He half ran, half skidded away. He threw himself to the back of his horse and rode away at a breakneck pace.
She laughed and continued on her way. Thelma looked up as she approached. “What’s makin’ ya laugh?”
She told about Mr. Howard. “And then that explosion scared him away.”
“Explosion? I didn’t hear no explosion. What ya talkin’ about, girl?”
“There was—” She shook her head. “I heard it. He heard it. You never?”
“Nope.”
Connie laughed. “Whatever it was, it was an answer to prayer.”
Thelma patted her shoulder. “Now that I can believe.”
She’d learned Thelma believed in God and salvation through His Son. She didn’t go to church, because she knew it made others uncomfortable. “I sees Him best in the outdoors anyways.”
As Connie returned to work, she recalled something Jake had said. Someday you’ll realize who you are.
Well that day had come.
Too bad she couldn’t share it with him.
* * *
“Jake, I have about had enough of your long face and grumpy attitude.” Audrey looked fit to go after him with her broom.
“Don’t know what you’re talking about.” Except he did. He was short tempered, unreasonable, downright bad company. He should be getting used to Connie being gone. But the pain in his heart grew more insistent with every passing day.
Levi had come in for a drink in time to hear the conversation. “He’s miserable, but it serves him right for letting Connie and Megan leave.” Levi drained the dipper then faced Jake squarely. “Why’d you let her go?”
They had had various versions of this conversation almost every day since she left. “She wanted to go. I couldn’t stop her.”
“Huh. Wonder how hard you tried.” Levi stomped out, the door rattling behind him.
Jake grabbed a handful of cookies and headed for the door.
Audrey stopped him. “How hard did you try to get her to stay?”
“I asked her to marry me.” He’d never told the others that little fact. It hurt too much to admit it.
“You did?”
“And she obviously said no.” His stomach soured and he put the cookies back.
“Oh, Jake, I’m so sorry. I was so certain she had feelings for you.”
He turned his back to her, not wanting her to see the pain gouging his face.
“Jake?” Her voice was low.
He didn’t want to hear her sympathy. “It doesn’t matter. It’s over and done with.”
She grabbed his elbow and tugged him around. He wouldn’t look at her. “Except it isn’t. Tell me what happened.”
“I asked her to marry me. She said no. What else is there?”
“Let me get this straight. You said, ‘Marry me’ like that. What else did you say?”
He scowled at her. “What does it matter?”
“I think it matters a lot. What did you say?”
Every word was branded in his thoughts. “I said ‘marry me.’ Then I added something that I was sure would make her agree. I said, ‘Celia would want you to.’”
Audrey groaned. “Oh, Jake. That’s the last thing she would want to hear. She told me she always felt she was invisible in Celia’s shadow. Didn’t you know that?”
“Yes, but she loved Celia. Always did what she could to please her.”
“I think maybe she wanted to be freed of Celia’s influence. Let me ask you something. Did you tell her you love her?”
“No.”
“Why? Never mind. I know why. You’re afraid love will lead to loss. What is it you say so often? Nothing lasts forever. But Jake, some things are worth the risk of pain.”
He groaned. “I’ve made a mess of things, haven’t I?”
“You may be able to fix them. But Jake, don’t go to her unless you are ready to give and receive love.”
“I’m ready.” He ran to the barn, intending to saddle his horse and head out for the fort immediately. Or maybe he should hitch the horses to the wagon so he could bring her back.
If she would come back.
He sank to the floor inside the barn, drew up his knees, and buried his head in his hands. What if she refused him again? Would his heart be shattered into a thousand irreparable pieces?
Oh, God, what am I to do?
She had said she found peace and direction reading the Bible. Perhaps he could do the same. He raced back to the house and clattered inside. He found his parents’ Bible on the shelf, scooped it up, and raced out the back door.
Audrey stared at him as he passed her.
“Got to figure things out,” he yelled. He ran through the trees and up to the hill where he and Connie had spent time.
He sat in the middle of the grassy field and opened the pages. He turned to the Psalm that had comforted him when he was buried in the landslide. He read
it through. Read the next one and the next one. At Psalm 142 he stopped at the seventh verse. ‘Bring me out of prison, that I may praise thy name.’ His heart was in a prison of fear. Fear of loving. Fear of losing. His gaze went to the dark green spot in the distant draw. A place where a spring of water flowed. The water was useless if it was stopped up. But flowing, it provided water for the critters and made the grass green and lush.
He realized something. Love was like that. It was a living thing that needed to be given and accepted.
Thank you, God. I will open my heart to love. Letting it flow from me to Connie. And hopefully, receiving it back.
He must go to her. Tell her how he felt. She might not return his feeling. But confessing his love was a risk worth taking.
He announced his intentions over the supper table. His brothers convinced him to wait until morning to leave.
“Where will you live?” Blaze, always the practical one, asked.
“If she agrees to marry me, I want to build a house for us. Not one this big. Just something small and cozy to start with. Come. I’ll show you what I have in mind.” They finished their meal and followed him through the trees and up the hill. He knew exactly where he wanted it. Close enough to the trees for protection from the wind, with a view to the west.
“It looks like a good place,” Blaze said.
“You’ll need to dig a well.” Cash looked around as if choosing the site.
“I thought I’d have help,” Jake said.
Levi slapped him on the back. “Glad you came to your senses. We’ll help you.”
They paced out where the house would be. There would be no need for barn and corrals as they were close to the main home site. “Except I will need a milk cow.”
They agreed it was a necessity and the cow should stay in the big barn to start with.
“If you want to build a barn later, that’s up to you,” Blaze said.
The next morning, Jake had the horses hitched to the wagon before dawn and was on his way. For more than four hours, he rehearsed what he was going to say. He drew up in front of Thelma’s house and waited for her to call off her dog before he jumped down and trotted toward the cabin in the back.