They, the omnipresent they, say that most accidents happen at the end of a journey, when the driver is subconsciously loosening their helmet chin strap. It was something that had been hammered into me time and time again during my own training, but after the few days of near constant excitement, my finely-honed instincts were being overcome by the simple fact that I was fucking knackered.
Still, it was game on as we parked the car. Doing the usual 360 check as we got out, making sure that we scanned everywhere possible.
'Clear,' we both said it at the same time.
'Jinx'. Dawn said it first, so I huffed as I obeyed the eons-old rule and prepared to stay silent for as long as I could.
I set a few Charms on the car. Nothing too nasty. But anyone trying to break in would get a serious jolt of static. As would any keying it. That and a very bad case of alopecia. There were a couple of kids walking around bald as coots. I'd Charmed a few cars after a series of keyings in the town. Unsurprisingly, it had stopped soon after.
Walking back to the house in silence, we scanned every side alley, every nook, and every cranny. We went through our garden's entrance rather than walk down the main street. Hopefully, less prying eyes and less chance of a drive-by.
'Let's get into Kirton,' Dawn said as soon as we were in the house proper. Her shoulders were slumped, and bags that looked like they'd been filled with coal drooped beneath her eyes.
'Agreed.' Kirton, the Crediton that was, was far, far quieter than Crediton that is. No traffic bar the odd horse, cart, or pedestrian. The only pollution was wood smoke, horse shit, and BO. We were the local spinsters. Two ladies who had been spurned by their would-be-husbands and who now traded in fine wines and spirits. All of which we bought in Crediton, de-bottled, and sold in Kirton.
It took no more than a short incantation and we were in the past.
'God, it even feels different back here,' said Dawn as she slowly walked into the lounge and draped herself onto the chaise lounge. To avoid tricky questions about what plugs were, and what a television was, we'd eschewed all forms of such modern entertainment in the ground floor of the house, keeping it as olde worlde as we could. It was annoying, but far less annoying than a mob with pitchforks and torches screaming, ‘Burn the witches.’
'I'll get the Aga going. Put a brew on,' I said as she laid her head down, looking like she was getting settled in for the night.
There was a sudden thud at the window. My heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest, and I clutched at my breast in shock.
'What the fuck?' There was the dusty imprint of a body and wings on the window, just as if a suicidal bird had thrown itself against it. 'But birds don't have arms,' I said, giving voice to the rest of my thought.
'What do you mean? Of course, they don't, you daft mare!' laughed Dawn, although she too looked shaken at the sudden noise.
'This bird. It had arms.'
'Fuck a doodles,' breathed Dawn. 'What the hell is a Fae doing flying into our window?'
Another thud, this time on a different window. Another. Then another. Then so many that it was hard to differentiate between each impact. It was if we were in a giant's rainstorm.
'Think they want to get in?' Charms and Wards were going off all over the place, and the smell of singed Fae started to fill the house as the strength of the defences matched the strength of the attack.
'Load up. Every Icon you have, stick a suppressor on the pistol, we're going to be up to our necks in shit very soon,' I snapped, sprinting for my study.
Sliding on the well-polished floor, I braced myself for impact as I crashed into the bookshelf directly opposite the door. Swiftly pulling certain books from the shelf, I opened them and took the Icons hidden with spaces carved into their pages.
Dawn was doing the same on the wall next to me. No words were necessary as we tossed each other Icons that were better suited to our skillsets.
'Make sure you load up on Shields. We're not going to be able to hold out here for too long. We'll have to get back into Crediton, then leg it for the car,' I said, pocketing a Shield Icon as I did so.
'Run for it?' I looked over at her tone. Her mouth was open, her brow furrowed.
'Yeah. We can't bloody fight them here! Listen to it!' Fae after Fae was battering into our defences. 'They're going to get in no matter what the bloody cost. And once they do, we'll be in the middle of a swarm of the little shits.'
'Sod the pistol, I'm getting the shotty and my Dragon's Breath.' Moving before she even finished talking, Dawn shot out of the study, giving me no time to call her back. I kept pulling books from the shelf. As I thought about it, her idea to use Dragon's Breath rounds was bloody genius. Utterly non-Magical, they fired an incendiary compound that set the target alight, whilst also having a wide spread area. It was going to burn the Fae from the sky in droves.
Little shits bloody deserve it, I thought as the Wards on the house finally gave way. Swearing fit to burst, I incanted the change back to Crediton and prepared to do battle.
The battle for our house was disappointingly short and one-sided. Dawn's shotgun boomed, the suppressor doing little to save our eardrums in the tight confines of our house. With each boom, the air was filled with fire, and the house starting to smell like a barebecue. My stomach flipped as my mouth watered.
'Shit! They're in my hair!' screamed Dawn, dropping her shotgun to hang by its tactical sling as she frantically batted at the Fae stabbing away at her head.
'Hold still, dammit!' I shoved her against the wall then slammed my fist into the Fae, its bird-like bones crunching under my knuckles.
That gave the Fae the opening they needed. Swarming forward, they swamped us with their bodies, whilst their teeth and tiny blades and Spells cut into us. Screaming at the pain, panicking at the fear of a death of a thousand cuts, I triggered my failsafe as I pulled Dawn in close to me.
A dome of fire surrounded us briefly before rushing up, out and away, incinerating any living thing it touched. The stench was awful. It was as if someone was frying bacon and shit together.
I didn't wait to admire my handiwork. Blindly grabbing Dawn's hand, I raced for the back door and the supposed safety of the car.
The air was thick with the buzzing of Fae wings and their screechy voices as they promised revenge in a variety of gut-churning and inventive ways.
Risking a look over my shoulder, I felt my mouth go dry as a huge cloud of the Fae surged after us. All thoughts of how, what, why, fled my mind to be replaced by, 'Meep.'
'Fucking leg it!' Fear added wings to my legs, and I dragged Dawn along behind me, fumbling for my keys as the car came into sight. 'Get in!'
I didn't need to see for the keyhole, having learnt a technique long ago which allowed me to guide the key in first time, every time, without looking. I swear that I got in the car so quickly that anyone looking would have thought I'd teleported.
'Can we go now?' shouted Dawn. 'I want to go. Now.' She was completely and utterly freaked out. Her hair stood on end, little wisps of smoke trailing from where my failsafe spell had crisped the little shits in her hair. She looked like a mad professor after a failed experiment, and I gave a little giggle. 'What the fuck you laughing at?'
There wasn't a chance in hell I was going to get into an argument with her at that moment, although it was good to see her mood switch from utterly terrified to utterly pissed off. I rammed the key into the ignition, started the car first time (no dramatic screaming at the car to start), jammed the gear stick into reverse, and backed down the road as quickly as possible. Neighbours being neighbours, they would be sure to complain about all the noise as the car rapidly reached maximum revs before I lifted the handbrake, spun the wheel, and turned backward momentum into forward momentum in the blink of an eye.
All we had to do now was figure out where the hell we were going to go. Inspiration hit me. As well as the need for a stiff drink.
'Get Lebowski on the blower, we're running back to Exeter.' Checking my rear-view mirror, I curse
d as I saw the Fae cloud susurrating behind us. 'And warn her that there might be company. These shits are determined. And fast.'
Foot to floor, we sped towards safety. I hoped.
I didn't bother parking the car. Just let it coast to a smoking stop. The drive from Crediton had been fraught, and the Fae had filled it with so many holes it looked like it had been used in one of the Godfather films.
Fireballs and Lightning rained down on us as we sheltered behind our Shields, trying not to cough on the acrid smoke that was starting to fill the interior.
'How the hell did we even manage to get so far?' coughed Dawn, eyes streaming.
'Luck. And your Shields. Good work, grasshopper, good work.' I reached out and shakily wiped away the tears, smearing her face with soot. 'Ready?'
'Not really,' she said but gave a firm nod a second later.
'Go.'
Kicking the passenger door open, Dawn jumped out of the wreck. Somewhat less gracefully, I slid across, giving a, 'Whoop,' as I managed to jam the gear stick somewhere sensitive. Falling out of the passenger side, I swore as I scraped skin from my palms and knees. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, cool is impossible.
'Well, are you going to stay on all fours, or come in?' shouted a voice I struggled to recognise.
Looking up, I saw that it was Mrs. Lebowski, the true Mrs. Lebowski. Teeth and more teeth. She looked amused at my predicament, and I pushed down a snarl of anger. I suppose I do look somewhat amusing. Although, Dawn and her freshly crisped hair would have drawn more laughs.
'Move.' Pushing myself to my feet, I staggered the few feet across the pavement to the door, whilst Mrs. Lebowski provided covering Magic.
'What the hell have you brought to my establishment?' She snarled as we tumbled into the reception.
'Sorry, thought Dawn told you?'
'She said some Fae, not every bloody Fae the world has seen!' She muttered some words under her breath, and the doors glowed for a split second. 'That should hold them. The Queen knows just how long for, though.'
'They're suicidal. Literally suicidal. Our house's Wards cooked them, and they just kept coming until the Wards failed and they were able to get in,' I gasped, my throat feeling raw from the smoke of the burning car.
Speaking of which, I thought, as I cast a Water spell that would dampen the car down. We didn't want a fire brining the authorities down upon us. Not that a car which looked like it had been riddled with bullets wasn't going to draw attention. Exeter was a nice city. Things like that tended to get reported quickly. Rather like swarms of bloodthirsty Fae.
'Could I please have some water?' asked Dawn. 'Seem to have something stuck in the back of my throat.'
'Probably cooked Fae,' sniffed Lebowski, her words making both Dawn and I gag. 'Come through. We can't fight them here, anyway.'
As quickly as we could, we followed her through into the pocket universe. Slipping behind the bar, she conjured up two drinks in the blink of an eye. And by conjured, I mean conjured. 'Thanks, that's a pretty impressive trick!' I said after I'd gulped the cool liquid down. 'What was that?'
'Ironically, the distilled blood of Fae. It revives you, boosts your ability to use Magic, too.'
'Gak!' said Dawn, her cheeks bulging as the drink threatened to come back.
'I'd advise you to swallow that.' Shark Lebowski was back.
I watched as Dawn made a visible effort to control her gag reflex, then swallowed with a large gulping sound.
'Very good. Now, give it a couple of minutes and you'll feel far better.'
'How long will the Ward last?' My stomach still trembled at the thought of having imbibed Fae blood, but I could already feel the exhaustion washing off me. Maybe she's only helping so she can get her hands on a ready stock of blood?' I mused.
'Not long. We never built this place expecting it to be attacked, Jane.' And with that, the bar was filled with the sound of a large metal gong being struck. 'That'll be the Ward failing.'
An angry buzzing filled the air, the door back to earth rattled, and then opened. None of us waited. Dawn's shotgun boomed as quickly as she could pump it, the Dragon's Breath bursting into fiery life as soon as it left the barrel. I sent arcs of Lightning into the cloud of Fae, whilst Lebowski used some form of water spell. My thoughts of her being shark-like strengthened as soon as I saw that.
Naturally, it wasn't all one-sided. The Fae returned our furious assault with their own. Arrows, Spells, slingshots, and inventive curses flew towards us, Dawn crying out as she was peppered by a volley of arrows. 'Get your Shield up!' I yelled as she staggered back, arm raised in front of her face.
'I can't, I've not got it.' Admittedly, our flight from the house had been somewhat unplanned, but I was still pissed off she'd lost all her Shield Icons. They were the most important things in our arsenal. Using one I had to burn Fae from the air, I rooted around in my pockets, found what I was looking for by feel, and then lobbed it over to her.
'Catch!'
Typically, the Icon bounced off her arm, then fell to the ground. Snarling, I left her to it as the Fae I was targeting got too close for contact. Triggering my own Shield, I also activated a FireWhip. It was a spell that I had devised myself and, if I'm honest, was totally badass. Cracking the whip through the air, I carved a swathe of Fae from the sky, their bodies bursting into flame as the whip sailed through their formation. As soon as it snapped, it shot several Fireballs in all directions, adding to the Fae's confusion. Having gained a second or two breather, I looked over to Dawn to see whether she had her Shield up. She did, although her face was beginning to swell around the numerous tiny arrows embedded in her skin.
Lebowski charged forward, shooting bolts of high-pressure water that cut the Fae apart, she quickly followed that with what looked like rain drops Only they moved so fast that, when they hit their target, they blew them apart. I made a mental note that if we survived this, to learn that spell. If she'll teach me, that is.
Watching Lebowski, I realised just how badly damaged the bar was. Between my Lightning, Fireballs, and FireWhip, Dawn's shotgun, and Lebowski’s own Magic, we'd absolutely ripped the place apart. There was the sound of trumpets, so highly pitched that it was virtually outside of a human's normal hearing. It felt like someone was driving a needle into my brain. As soon as it sounded, the Fae in the room withdrew.
'What the hell?' mumbled Dawn, looking over at her, I stifled a gasp. Her face was swollen to the point that her eyes were nearly closed, and her lips looked like a racist caricature.
'Dawn, you don't look so good, honey. Maybe you should just have a seat?' Even that proved difficult as she tried to focus on finding a chair that hadn't been destroyed.
'That was a regroup call,' said Lebowski as she plucked arrows from her own skin. 'They'll be back.'
I shot her a venomous glare as the trumpets sounded a different call, and the buzzing returned. I was sending Spells through the door before the first Fae even entered the bar. It made no difference. The air was suddenly thick with Fae as they swarmed. We'd already killed hundreds, but it seemed as if we hadn't even dented the horde.
'Is there…' a volley of arrows, cut me off as I desperately blocked them with my Shield, 'a back door out of here?'
'Just the one.' She, too, was distracted, sending a wall of water out before her like a tsunami, destroying what was left of her fine whisky selection as she did. 'Cover me.'
She didn't give me any further warning, ceasing her attacks against the Fae as she turned towards the massive mirror on the wall. I didn't see exactly what she did as I was too busy trying to keep Fae from attacking both her and the now semi-conscious Dawn, but there was some muttering and waving of hands.
The air changed. As if a blocked ear had popped back to clarity. It was clean, pure, scented in a way you'd never experience on earth. She's opened a door to Elsewhere.
'Come! I need your aid!' she cried out, stepping aside as shapes started to appear in the mirror. They were spiky, but humanoid. Th
e first that stepped out was roughly six-foot-tall and covered in armour, which looked like fish scales, or a crab's carapace, but covered in spikes all over. It carried a trident that it levelled, held for a split second, then unleashed Lightning so bright that I thought I'd never see again. It was as if a flash bang had gone off in front of my eyes.
I was aware of other flashes, so bright they pierced even my current state of blindness. My hearing wasn't affected, and I heard the screams of Fae, and the sound of the swarm diminishing whilst men and women called out war cries that covered me in goose bumps. Blind as I was, I decided that discretion was probably a good idea and hid behind what I hoped was the bar and, I prayed, out of sight of the Fae.
Silence descended. Kneeling, I strained my ears for any sound. There was nothing. All I could hear was the sound of my own heart thumping in my ears. Then glass scrunched beneath someone's foot, right near to me.
'Jane dear. How about you stop crouching behind that table and come out?' said Lebowski.
'I'd love to. I'm blind as fuck thanks to Neptune, though.'
'Ah, yes. Apologies for that. I thought it was better to act, rather than shout a warning to all,' said a deep baritone. There was something in it that, even to an absolutely committed lesbian such as myself, was inherently attractive. It made me want to kiss him until our lips fell off. I bloody hated the way that non-humans were able to do this to us. To pervert our natural state, mould it to be whatever they desired it to be.
'Darling, just stand up and I'll help you.' This was a woman, and if the man had made me want to convert, her voice sent me entirely the other way. I was standing before I knew it. Cool hands held my face, sending shocks of pleasure through my entire body, 'My, you are beautiful for a human. A Shifter too.'
Oh, my God. Barely able to breathe, I could only bask in the feel and scent of this marvellous creature. I was absolutely enraptured.
A shock ran through my body, and then I could see. And I immediately wished I couldn't. Think of a sea slug. Then have it marry a crab and have babies. Then those babies marry a lobster and have babies. Add a sea anemone to that mix, with a bit of coral, and you'll have the best understanding of what stood before me. My stomach heaved so strongly that I bent double.
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