by Max Hudson
Noah swallowed hard. “I feel...”
“I understand.”
“I haven't even said.”
Ari nodded slowly, dropping his gaze and removing his mask from his head. He turned it over repeatedly in his hands while patiently breathing, patiently waiting. Was it patience at all? To Noah, it seemed more like practiced calm.
Of course, he's trained for this sort of thing, Noah considered. Or maybe he's not. Maybe he's just pretending.
“Let's go,” he blurted. “I want to go.”
“Of course.”
Ari shakily reached for Noah's hand. Noah allowed the gesture, allowed Ari to squeeze his fingers, felt the hesitance in Ari's touch. He was hesitant, too. Every inch of him was screaming for affection, for escape, and yet the one person who could provide that was the one person that seemed the most resistant.
Noah led Ari through the thick crowd to the sidewalk. Floyd had disappeared. The streets were deserted, almost post-apocalyptic in its appearance as Noah and Ari passed over the yellow-stained tar. When Noah reached his car, he focused on unlocking the door, throwing a command over his shoulder in a broken whisper: “Meet me at my apartment.”
“I will.”
And then, Noah drove home, taking with him a strong sense of impending doom.
Chapter Nine
Ari
How in the world could I have missed that? Ari reflected as he approached Noah's apartment door. What book has the answers? Who do I ask? This is ridiculous. I'll agree with Floyd on that.
He knocked pensively, his brows knit permanently together since he had recognized Floyd. When the door squeaked open, he observed Noah, noting the concern written all over his features. Noah stepped aside and allowed him to enter, silently shutting the door and blocking out the rest of the world.
Ari sank into the couch. The cushions absorbed him, invited him deeper, mirroring his desire to disappear. Though he rarely encountered moral dilemmas in his line of work, he still encountered them, and they typically left him feeling as though he were battling a great demon dwelling in his soul.
He regarded Noah as Noah sat next to him. Noah kept his hands on his thighs, positioned as neatly as a schoolboy attempting to impress his teacher. His fitful fingers curled, the only indication of his warring emotions, and his eyes wildly flew everywhere except Ari.
Ari began his journey into the space between them, reaching tentatively to touch Noah's shoulder. But his hand fell quickly back to his lap, quietly resting upon his costume.
“What a night,” he whispered. “What a strange night.”
“I'll say.”
“Should we…?” Ari let the question fade as quickly as it had surfaced. All of his techniques were gone, having disappeared like smoke seeping through a crack to find open air. He sighed. “I'm sorry, Noah.”
“Why are you sorry?”
“I don't know.”
Noah shifted. The cushions responded to his movement, dipping slightly as he trekked toward Ari on his knees. He slid onto Ari's lap and nudged his way to Ari's lips, initially guarded but erupting with starved motions shortly after his mouth found his target.
Ari released his skepticism, allowing the murky feelings to rapidly dissolve like an antacid tablet in water. He welcomed Noah's tongue, Noah's searching hands, and Noah's frantic grunts for reciprocation. He prompted his fingers into action and sank beneath the layers of Noah's costume, conjuring heated gasps from Noah's occupied lips.
Lustful heat teased his gut and curled like a serpent to be undone later. Though he felt he wouldn't last long. His movements doubled, tripled in strength, driven by adrenaline and lingering anxiety. He edged carelessly down to Noah's pants, cupped Noah's budding erection, and flew beneath the fabric to grip Noah's shaft.
Noah urged Ari with his traveling nose, dipping into the hollows of Ari's neck and leaving a sloppy trail of kisses behind. He quickly shed his jacket, his shirt, and then his pants, tugging eagerly at Ari's clothes to remove them. When he had satisfied their mutual desire to be exposed, he returned to Ari's lap and tugged Ari into the crook his neck.
Led by his lips, Ari plunged to the curve of Noah's neck and below to Noah's collarbone. He traced the delicate dips and peaks with his extended tongue and slid his hands down the curve of Noah's back. His heart fluttered in his chest as he gripped Noah's bottom and urged Noah closer.
Nothing could pause his hands delicately tracing the outline of Noah's hips. His own fleeting thoughts were nothing compared to his primal desire, to the rush of endorphins flooding his system to mingle with every other emotion warring inside his gut. But he knew he could chase them away. He had just the right solution in mind.
He relaxed back and sucked on his fingers. When he had sufficiently lubricated them, he carefully probed Noah's entrance, inviting Noah to arch against him. After sinking rhythmically a few times, he held his cock and spat upon the head, stroking himself eagerly in preparation for Noah to ride.
Noah pressed his forehead to Ari's. His eyelids had closed to slits, his moans echoed desire, and his breath came in fitful waves. He traced Ari's lips with his thumb as he rose up to beckon Ari to his entrance.
Scorching heat met Ari's lips—it was Noah decorating his mouth once more. He paused with the head of his cock perched at Noah's entrance and tangled his fingers into Noah's hair, gripping a chunk to pluck Noah from his mouth.
“Do it,” Noah whimpered. “I need you.”
Ari sank into Noah, prickling with excitement as he grunted. He kept his fingers firmly enmeshed with Noah's hair to keep Noah's forehead fixed to his. His eyelids fluttered until finally popping open, eyes captured by Noah's gaze.
Noah slid harmoniously over Ari's cock, matching Ari's thrusting hips with a beat of his own. He whirled forward, rolled, and danced back, stealing every bit of Ari's attention. His pupils dilated, overwhelming the sapphire cosmic irises sparkling with cerulean flecks. The universe seemed to swirl in his eyes and his eyes alone, inviting Ari to relinquish control.
As Noah established a new rhythm, Ari reached between them to massage Noah's cock. He watched Noah's features sweep between perfect pleasure and titillating torture. The sight of Noah enjoying his cock only furthered his movements, encouraging him to grip Noah's hips and steal the newly enacted rhythm.
Ari's eyes flicked over every inch of Noah within view. Noah took hold of his own cock, burying his face into Ari's neck as Ari thrummed with piercing thrusts into him.
Noah barely surfaced to whisper incoherently, mumbling in pained gasps laced with drunken desire, “M-more...”
Ari licked his lips. “Turn around.”
Noah flew into action, lifting himself up from Ari's cock and watching Ari shift to the right. He crawled on the couch and positioned his hands on the armrest, offering himself to Ari again.
Ari gripped Noah's hips as he balanced on his knees, spitting again on his throbbing cock. He pumped back into Noah, ears alert to the pleasurable moans erupting from Noah's swollen lips. He had kissed those lips to shreds, had traded enough silent verbs to encourage his eager thrusts to pick up speed once more.
As he reached around to grip Noah's cock, Noah bucked back against him. He groaned as he surged effortlessly, each throttling thrust causing Noah to buck. He skimmed Noah's cock, noticing the tip weeping fluid, and used that fluid to lubricate his strokes. A cool breeze of desire swept over his shoulders and trickled down his chest, transferring to Noah's skin that responded with an explosion of goosebumps.
He hooked his free hand beneath Noah's torso and crossed Noah's chest to grab the opposite shoulder. The motion planted Noah firmly against his chest, whimpering moans straying from Noah's lips between broken gasps. He continued to fondle Noah's cock as he allowed his hips to thrust beyond their previous rhythm.
“Ari, I...”
“Go ahead.”
Noah bristled and shivered. His shoulders shook slightly as he arched back, tucking his head into the crook of Ari's neck. Ari welcom
ed Noah into him, delighted in their breath rolling in opposing waves as he pumped Noah's cock. Fluid seeped from the tip and charged him to stroke faster, to pierce harder.
An alluring bay left Noah's lips, appearing slowly and hesitantly until morphing into fragmented gasps for air. All at once, Ari felt the snake in his gut uncoil, elongating with a whipping motion that broke every valve holding him back. He unfurled rapidly, his cock bursting fluid as Noah did much the same. They bucked together, undulated, convulsed, and jolted, electrifying Ari right down to his bones.
When he finally collapsed back from Noah, he swept his hand over his sweating forehead, licked the sweat dripping from his upper lip. Salt overwhelmed his taste buds. He swiped away another wave of sweat and closed his eyes, inviting the air around him to cool his body.
He felt a hand on his cheek and then one on his other cheek, prompting him to open his eyes and behold Noah. Those eyes were beaming, as bright and clear and wondrous as the ocean. They foamed with affection, widened with alertness upon meeting his gaze. They dropped to his lips and disappeared as Noah pressed a kiss firmly to his mouth.
Ari tasted Noah, delighted in Noah's tongue meeting his with excited familiarity, dueling inside his mouth and exploring it. He hummed contentedly while dragging Noah down to the cushions. He wrapped Noah up, encircled Noah, guarded Noah with his arms.
Noah went quiet. He had been quiet most of the time, but Ari noted the shift like air buzzing with electricity right before a storm. He frowned slightly as he focused on Noah's breathing. Noah was, by all accounts, calm, yet the aftermath of their encounter seemed to have stricken him with an echoing silence that alarmed Ari.
“What's wrong?” Ari whispered. “Is tonight still bothering you?”
“I guess so.”
“I understand.”
Noah sniffled. “I anticipated as much.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“I just...”
Silence crept between Ari and Noah, inspiring Ari to hug Noah tighter. His sore joints screamed discomfort as he tried to convey comfort, and his brain rattled off every excuse possible to withdraw. As his features sank, he felt Noah shift again to face him.
Noah looked soft, darkened shadows under his eyes enhancing the brightness of his irises. His nostrils flared slightly as his lips struggled to curve into what might have been an intentional smile. But the corners flung down into his chin and he covered his face, sighing shakily through the cracks between his fingers.
“I couldn't have predicted this,” Ari expressed softly. “Not in a million years could I have pictured such a situation.”
“It's not really your fault.”
“I feel it is.”
Noah hummed. He slid his hands away from his face, revealing his closed lids and his pained expression.
This breaks my heart, Ari thought. If I just hadn't gone on that blind date as my sister had insisted, this wouldn't be happening.
“I'll have to handle Floyd,” Noah said. “I'll have to talk to him.”
“Do you want me to talk to him, too?”
“I don't know.”
Ari nodded. “I will need to do that eventually.”
“Maybe it's best to just drop him.”
“I think that's my decision to make.”
Noah shot up from Ari's lap, reaching to the ground for his pants. He tugged them on and shuffled past the couch, pausing near the hall that led to his bedroom.
He half-turned. “Do what you think is best.”
The statement should have been affirming, even comforting, but Ari found it was bitter like tart candy having spent too much time sitting outside of its wrapping. He swirled his tongue in his mouth, sampling the remaining taste of Noah's lips now infected by those sour words.
“I will,” Ari said resolutely as he stood up. “I'll do that.”
“Good.”
“Very good.”
Noah twitched. He turned around and nodded toward his bedroom, to the shadows beyond the doorway. He rubbed the back of his neck.
“Do you want to…?”
Ari's features darkened. “I think I should go home.”
“Right. That makes sense.”
“I'll call you.”
Noah hummed. “I'll talk to you then.”
Though Ari wanted to step forward, to label Noah with another rousing kiss, he resisted. The awkward tension that swung in the air like curtains that prevented him from making any sudden movements. Rather than fight those heavy drapes, he chose instead to dress himself, taking his time to pull his clothes on with calculated motions. He didn't tuck in his shirt, nor did he bother fixing the cushions on the couch that relaxed lazily from their excited romp.
He nodded to Noah. “I'll talk to you then as well.”
“Good night.”
His muscles screamed. This time, the awful sting was a mixture of regretful hesitance and anxious alarm. His joints clicked all the way to the door and onward to his car, his limbs begging to turn around and return to Noah's sweet warmth. He started his car, backed out of the marked space, and started heading home.
A mess was waiting for him. He could feel it.
Chapter Ten
Noah
“Maybe I don't want to talk about this.”
Noah clutched his phone, noticing his knuckles going white from his frozen grip. He had spoken to the empty living room, to the walls witnessing his exchange with his best friend. And he heard his words echoed back at him like a warning to his already low energy tank. He was getting ready to break.
I need to relax, he thought. I need to lean into this.
While attempting to soften his grip on his phone, another text appeared on the screen
“I can't believe you, Noah,” Floyd wrote. “I can't believe this is happening. You were supposed to be my best friend.”
“I'm still your best friend,” Noah wrote insistently. “It doesn't have to end because of this.”
“I trusted you.”
He sighed and hung his head forward. “I know, and I'm willing to do what I can to help you and earn your trust back.”
“I don't know if that's possible.”
“How can we make it possible?”
“Don't you have better things to do?”
Noah shook his head. “You have my full attention today. Isn't that what best friends are supposed to do?”
“Best friends aren't supposed to hook up with my therapist.”
“It wasn't just a hookup, Floyd. I've already explained that to you.”
“I don't understand how this could have happened.”
You and me both, he reflected. I finally meet someone who seems to be my match and you're trying to sweep him out from under me as if you own him.
He shook away his thoughts and typed, “It was an accident, Floyd. That's all it was. There was nothing insidious about it.”
“It feels pretty sinister.”
“I swear to you that I didn't plan this.”
Floyd sent a series of laughing emojis. The sight of them stung Noah's eyes, made him drop his head, forced his hands to relax.
At least his knuckles didn't hurt anymore.
When Noah lifted his head, he focused on his phone again. He typed a few sentences, erased them, and typed a few new ones. None of the phrases he had swimming around in his brain felt satisfying enough, but something had to give. Something had to be comforting for Floyd—or Noah simply had to take the space he knew belonged to him.
“If you won't listen to me, I won't talk to you,” he threatened. “I can't engage with you when you won't take me seriously.”
“Who's going to help me now?”
Noah sighed. “There's plenty of therapists in the area, Floyd.”
“You say that like it was easy to go to one to begin with.”
“That's fair. I don't mean to doubt your emotions. I'm just saying there's a way to compromise here.”
“So you can get what you want?”
Noah cringed. “Why would that be such a bad thing?”
“What about me? What about what I want?”
“What do you want?”
A few seconds passed before Floyd replied, “I want you.”
Noah stared at the screen. Of all the time he had spent with Floyd, he never once picked up on a hint of affection. Sure, Floyd held his hand, hugged him, and maybe even offered sweeter words than most friends, but that was just what best friends did. He was under the impression that “best” implied a certain level of intimacy overlooked in other platonic friendships.
But maybe he was wrong about all of it.
“I don't feel the same, Floyd,” he wrote hesitantly. “I've never felt that way. I've always seen you as my most trusted friend.”
“Why can't I be more?”
“Because I don't feel the same.”
Noah stared at the screen. The display changed to a phone call—Floyd was calling—but rang silently. He had turned off the sound since Floyd had been texting so passionately.
With hesitance, he answered the call. “Yes?”
“How can I make you feel the same?”
“Floyd, that's not how romance works. You can't just make someone do what you want them to do.”
Floyd scoffed. “But you and Ari can make me do what you want me to do, huh?”
“Who said that?”
“I'm saying that.”
Noah shook his head. “We're doing no such thing. We're not against you. We're trying to help you.”
“Well, it isn't working.”
“I'm sorry, Floyd. I don't know what to do here.”
“Neither do I.”
Noah sighed and dropped his head into his hand while keeping his phone to his right ear. He could hear music in the background.
He lifted his head. “Where are you?”
“The bar. Where else?”
“It's practically noon, Floyd.”
Floyd laughed suddenly. “Who cares?”
“I care, Floyd. I've always cared.”
“I don't know about that.”
Noah groaned, setting his phone down on the couch out of frustration. The pillows were ajar, reminding him of his encounter with Ari the previous night.