by Nina Levine
He brings his lips to mine again, but I stop him. “No.”
Fury is a good man. He respects my no, even though I can see him warring with that choice. He removes his hands from my body, but he doesn’t step away. Instead, he places both hands to the counter, either side of me and says, “I’ll give you time with this, but I won’t give up.”
He doesn’t move straight away, instead taking his time with that. I have to work hard not to tell him I’ve changed my mind. Somehow, I stay strong, but when he finally exits the apartment, I collapse onto the couch, a wreck.
I do want what he wants.
I desperately want it with all my heart.
I’m just so scared of wanting something so badly and having it ripped from me again. But maybe I should take a chance on love and stop allowing my fears to control me. I’ve worked damn hard to rid myself of fear and anxiety over the last four years. Maybe it’s time for me to remember the strong woman I’ve become and let a good man like Fury love me.
34
Fury
* * *
I check my watch.
4:07 p.m.
I promised Lily I’d pick Noah up from her place by 4:30 p.m., so I’m going to be cutting it fine, but she never worries too much if I’m late.
King’s old lady has helped me out of a lot of shit over the years, especially since Noah was born, and today was no different. After Lynette called me this morning and demanded I have Noah for the weekend because she suddenly needed some time out, Lily saved my ass. King had a bunch of jobs for me to take care of—jobs I couldn’t take Noah on—so Lily agreed to have him for the day.
It’s been a long fucking day and while I don’t want Noah anywhere but with me tonight, I’m exhausted thinking about how it’s gonna pan out. He’s become fussy with his food, so we’re going to do battle over that. He’ll also fight me on his bedtime, not to mention wanting to sleep in my bed with me. That’s a new thing we’re going through lately, and I’m out of my depth with how to handle it. Add to all that, this club shit we’re dealing with is stressful and tiring. We haven’t had any fallout from the Melbourne war here, and King’s got us working our asses off to keep it that way.
A horn blares from behind, bringing me back to what I should be focussing on: the traffic. Noting the light change to green, I take off and drive the rest of the way to Lily’s. I don’t bother to knock on her front door when I arrive; I never do anymore. This is routine for us after all these years. I know King and Lily’s place like it’s my own.
I enter the kitchen expecting to find Lily in here. Now’s about the time she usually cooks dinner. However, she’s not in here, so I head into the lounge room. My pace slows when I spot Zara sitting on the couch reading to Noah and Travis, King’s son.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about her today. After last night when I kissed her and she told me no, my brain is working overtime to figure out how to convince her I’m worth taking a shot on.
“Daddy!” Noah shoots up off the couch and runs to me, slamming into my legs as he wraps his arms around them.
I crouch and hug him. “Hey, little man. Are you being good for Zara?”
He nods. “Yes. We’re reading with Travis.”
“I can see that. What are you reading?”
“Bob the Builder!”
I chuckle. He fucking loves Bob. I’ve been trying forever to move him along to something new, but he’s a loyal kid. I eye Zara. Loyal like his father. I’ve tried to move myself along from Zara, but just like Noah’s sticking with Bob, I’m sticking with her.
“Hey,” she says, smiling at me. There’s something different about her today. I can’t quite pick what it is, though. She seems more relaxed maybe.
Standing, I say, “Your mum roped you into kid duty today?”
“I offered. Mum had to run some errands. She’s got Cade with her, and I’m looking after everyone else.”
“We made cake, Daddy!” Noah says, reaching for my hand. “Come see.”
I smile. At Zara, not my son, but then I glance down at him and say, “I bet it’s the best cake in the world.”
He leads me into the kitchen, hugely excited about having helped make a cake. His mother doesn’t allow him to help her when she’s baking, and I know that disappoints him. Not that I blame Lynette; Noah’s enthusiasm for things can become overwhelming sometimes, and I think Lynette struggles to contain him when he’s like that.
“See,” he says, pointing at the cake container.
They baked a chocolate cake and by the looks of it, the kids iced it.
“Noah is a born baker,” Zara says, joining us.
Travis runs in, too, and soon he and Noah are busy playing together, leaving Zara and me to talk.
“Thanks for letting him help,” I say, trying like fuck to keep my attention on the conversation, but failing. I can’t help it; I run my gaze over her body, appreciating the sight of her wearing jeans that hug her curves in the way I want to hug them, and a loose pink jumper that reveals her tanned shoulder. Even in winter, she’s tanned. It leads me to believe she spends a lot of time in the sun, which causes an image of her body in a bikini to fill my mind. Christ. Not what I need to be imagining right now.
“Whatever you’re thinking about, you need to stop.” The way she says this is not in the least bit serious, but rather playful. Fuck, she’s flirting with me.
“You think so?”
Her eyes sparkle. “Oh, I know so.”
Fuck. Me.
“No way in hell am I removing these thoughts from my mind, princess. Not when they feature you wearing a bikini.”
Surprise, heat, and approval flash across her face as she comes to me. “Maybe one day I’ll let you see if real life matches your imagination.”
I reach for her. “Is this what I think it is?”
She grips my shirt. “This is me testing the waters.” Fuck, her breathless tone stirs my dick.
“You wanna take me for a test drive?”
“You think you could handle that?”
My eyes drop to her lips. “I think you’ll find my performance far exceeds your expectation.”
“Jesus, Fury,” she says, her body pressing hard against mine. “I have no chance at resisting you.”
“You don’t,” I agree. “I’ll make damn sure of it.”
We’re interrupted when the kids come running back in the room. A couple of minutes after that, Lily and Cade return home, and I’m left wondering what the fuck happened between last night and now to make Zara so damn open to me. Not that I’m complaining, but whatever it was, I need to know for future reference.
35
Zara
* * *
“You’ve been busy,” Fury says, eyeing my apartment after he drove me home from Mum’s.
“I have, but there’s a lot more still to do.” I dump my bag on the kitchen counter. “Thanks for driving me home.”
Noah races over to the couch. “We watch Bob!”
“No, buddy, we have to go home and get you some dinner,” Fury says.
Noah’s face crumples. “No!” He then proceeds to throw himself onto the couch and cry.
“Fuck,” Fury mutters softly, his tired eyes looking at me. “He hasn’t shut up about you since the other day. And now that you baked a cake with him, I’m fairly fucking sure his adoration is only gonna grow.”
“I think you’re imagining that adoration; we hardly spent any time together the other day.”
“You don’t know Noah,” he says, still talking softly so only I can hear him. “The kid falls in love far too fucking easily.” He swings his head in Noah’s direction. “Noah, we—”
I place my hand on his arm. “Stay for dinner. Let him watch some Bob here.” Fury looks so damn exhausted that I want to take some of his load if I can. No one wants to cook dinner when they’re this tired. Plus, since tossing and turning all night after he kissed me, I’ve come to the decision I’m going to see where this thing between us lead
s. I’m going to take a chance on him.
While Noah continues his tantrum, Fury glances back at me. “He’s not here for Bob. You realise that, right?”
“As in, he’s going to want me to hang out with him?”
“Yeah. You’re gonna be subjected to sitting on that couch with him, talking all things Bob.”
I smile. “I can handle that so long as you guys can handle a vegan dinner.”
“Fuck,” he mutters again, but his eyes betray the fact he’s cool with it. “This might be the end of his love affair with you.”
Laughing, I say, “You underestimate me. By the time I’m finished with him tonight, his love affair will have extended to my vegan-loving ways.”
Noah’s tantrum escalates the longer his father ignores it, so Fury leaves me to go take care of him. I watch them for a minute and then start pulling veggies out of my fridge for dinner. Once I’ve got them all chopped and loaded onto a baking dish with rosemary sprigs on top, I pop the dish into the oven and meet Fury’s gaze when he joins me again.
“Is Noah good?” I ask.
“Yeah, but fuck he’s tired. You wore him out today.”
I smile. “He’s such a good kid.” I put the oven timer on. “Okay, I’m gonna go change. If you guys want a drink or anything, just make yourself at home.”
Leaving him and Noah, I walk into my bedroom to find some clean clothes. Mine got a little dirty today with the kids. Locating some grey yoga pants and a big, loose knitted white jumper, I quickly change and drop my dirty clothes into the laundry basket. As I’m exiting the bathroom, Fury meets me in the hallway, and the way he’s looking at me causes my legs to stop moving and my core to go into overdrive.
Eyes to my body, he leans in close. “I love my son, but fuck me, I wish I had you all to myself tonight.” He backs me against the wall and slides his fingers through my hair, before dropping his lips to mine. My hands go to his hips and then up to his chest, an instinctual response I don’t spend a moment thinking about, and my body sighs with happiness as my lips move with his.
When he presses his erection against me, and I curl my leg around his, wanting nothing more than to get closer to him, I mentally thank my shrink who spent the past four years helping me work through all my sex issues after my rape. I still have my moments—that experience will forever shape me—but I have the tools now to cope with them. And holy hell, having Fury’s hands and mouth on me doesn’t flare anything but a whole lot more need.
“Fuck, Zara,” he murmurs, ending our kiss, but keeping his face close as he traces a finger over my lips. “I’ve spent four years imagining this, wondering if I was making shit up in my mind about just how fucking good it would feel to have you.” He kisses me again, lazily, like he wants to take all the time in the world with my mouth. When he comes up for air again, I’m blessed with a sexy smile and words that grab my heart and body all in one go. “Turns out I wasn’t even close to imagining how good you would feel.”
“Daddy! The TV’s broken,” Noah calls from the living room as butterflies do somersaults in my tummy.
“I’ll be there in a minute, Noah,” Fury says, not taking his eyes off me.
“I feel that, too,” I say softly as those butterflies kick it up a notch. God, how I feel that. “I thought I hated the last four years, but now I know we needed them. We weren’t ready for each other before, but now, now we’re ready.”
Fury and I are exactly where we’re meant to be. Everything has happened how it should have. All the hurt and confusion and mess was worth it.
I rebuilt myself so I could take on the world with confidence and self-belief. What I never knew was that this new me would feel so good with Fury. Four years ago, I desired him in the way a naive eighteen-year-old girl wants a guy. Now I want to know his body, but I also want to know his hopes and dreams and hurts and fears and every little part of his soul that makes him the man he is.
“Daddy!” Noah’s voice reveals his growing frustration.
Fury brushes his lips over mine one last time before nodding. “Now we’re ready.” With that, he leaves to go to his son.
I stay resting against the wall, catching my breath. I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know I’m strong enough to handle anything. I also know that while life is messy, that mess is easier to cope with when I have my people by my side. And four years ago, Fury became one of my people. He might have removed himself from my life for a beat, but the thing about our people is that it doesn’t matter the length of time we go without each other; coming back together is like coming home.
36
Zara
* * *
Fury: Are you still a midnight girl?
Me: LOL. Yes. Are you still an insomniac?
Fury: Yeah.
Me: Gah. Not even Noah can exhaust you enough for sleep?
Fury: No, though he tries.
Me: I bought a plant today.
* * *
He calls me. “How the fuck do we go from talking about sleep straight into plants?”
I grin as I squeeze my thighs together. It’s been just over twenty-four hours since I’ve heard his voice, and I can’t even put into words how good it is to hear it again. After we told each other how we’re feeling last night, we had dinner and shared pieces of our life with each other while Noah kept us entertained. Noah was way too tired to stay much past dinner, so we didn’t get any more alone time before they went home. I haven’t heard from him today and have spent the day thinking about him. I was disappointed he didn’t call or text, but I reminded myself he’s a single dad with very little time for anything but Noah and Storm. This midnight call lights up my night.
“Well, I was thinking about being tired because I didn’t get much sleep last night, which made me think about how tired I was this morning, which made me think about what I did this morning, which made me think about buying the plant.”
“All that in the space of a few seconds?”
I grin again. “Yeah.”
“Jesus, how the fuck are you a midnight girl? All that thinking you do should knock you out early.”
I like how he calls me a midnight girl. I also like the playful tone in his voice. And I really like the rumble that goes with that playfulness.
“You’d think so, wouldn’t you? It doesn’t help when my thoughts are all about a guy I can’t get out of my head.”
The playful tone disappears from his voice when he says, “That’s why you didn’t get much sleep last night?”
“Yeah.” It breathes out of me because that rumble in his voice has shifted to a deep gravel that shoots need through my veins. God, I wish he was here in this bed with me.
“I didn’t get much sleep last night either.” He might be an insomniac, but everything about the way he says this lets me know his being awake had nothing to do with his inability to sleep.
“So you wanna know what kind of plant I got?” If we don’t shift this conversation, we’re both going to spend the night frustrated with need.
He chuckles. “Tell me.”
“It’s a coleus bonsai. The man at the nursery told me it’s one of the easiest plants to grow, so I’m hoping that means death is not coming for it.”
He laughs again, and I think about how he’s changed in the last four years. I’m only beginning to get a sense of all these changes, but he seems lighter, not as tightly wound. “You don’t have a green thumb?”
“My thumb is so far from green it isn’t funny. I have a blazing red thumb, but I’m determined to keep at least one plant alive during this lifetime.”
“What else did you do today?”
“I finished unpacking, did my grocery shopping for the week, prepped lunches for the week, bought a dryer, did a heap of washing and drying, planned out some work stuff for the week, and drank copious amounts of tea while I thought about you.”
“Christ, tell me again how you’re awake right now? It’s not like you can even blame your lack of sleep on too much caffe
ine since you’re still cock-blocking it.” And there’s that playful tone again.
“You can’t see me right now, but I’m poking my tongue at you.”
“Fuck, why am I not looking at you right now? Switch to Facetime.”
A moment later, Fury’s face fills my phone screen, and I momentarily stop breathing. Seriously, the man is too good-looking. He’s on his couch, head resting against the back of it, with his fingers running through his hair. My eyes are quickly drawn from his face to what I can see of his arms, which is a whole lot of muscle and ink.
“I can only see your face,” he says.
“It’s called Facetime for a reason.”
His lips twitch with amusement. “I was hoping for some ZaraTime, princess.”
“And what exactly is ZaraTime? Like, which part of Zara would you like to spend time with?”
Heat flares so brightly in his eyes that I feel it even though I’m nowhere near him. “Every fucking part. And take your time with it; I’ve got four years of need to get through here.”
Oh. My.
As I slowly lower my phone to my throat, I say, “How did we get from talking about bonsai to you using your bossy voice on me?”
“You have a knack for shifting a conversation fast.”
“Ah, I seem to recall you shifted this one.”
“Baby, stop talking and start showing me some skin.”
He’s. Killing. Me.
I bring the phone back up to my face. “I don’t want our first time to be on the phone, Fury,” I say softly. “I want to be with you the first time. I want to see you lose yourself with me.”
“Fuck.” His eyes bore into mine through the phone. “Yeah.”
I could stay in this moment with him forever. It’s a mix of delicious anticipation and connection, all of which I crave with him. “When will I see you next?”