by Alina Banks
“Like a werewolf?”
“It’s similar, but not exactly the same. They aren’t, for example, affected by the moon, but they are affected by how much magic they use. If they’ve been using magic for a long time, then it’s much harder for them to regain their human form. I have heard about beings that were gifted immortality by the demon, which meant they had to drink blood in order to survive, much like vampires. I don’t know for certain if they exist. I’ve never seen one, but it’s possible they do exist, and should things not work out with this minion…” Alice shrugged. “I hope that when the demon is finally killed, I’ll be able to sleep, but I doubt that’s going to happen any time soon. The amount of magic needed is more than I’ve seen. You aren’t going to be able to do it even if the rest of the coven do return.”
“No matter how unlikely it is, I’m still going to look into what I can do to make it so no one ever has to worry about the demon again. Should I have a daughter or granddaughter, I don’t want them to be coming here for help while you’re still stuck haunting the school library.”
Chapter Nineteen
I thought that Mom would be still at the hospital, so it would just be Dad and I eating together, but when I got home, Mom was there. She studied me for a few seconds. “I take it you didn’t sleep well last night.”
“All I could do was think.” I raked a hand through my hair. “I needed some fresh air, to try to get my head together, and I think it might have helped. I don’t know.”
“Where did you go?”
“The cemetery and then the library.”
“So that’s where you met Becca. She mentioned she had a chat with you and started teaching you about the different languages, hoping we might be able to get you up to speed. By the time I was your age, I think I already knew all of them.” Mom shook her head. “My mom, your grandmother, was always pushing me to do something more, when all I wanted was to be normal. I don’t think she really understood me. To her, the most important thing was the fact that she was a Conway, the daughter of a strong witch, and I think she expected me to be the same, but I wasn’t. The fact that I was a Conway just made everything harder. Some days, I wished it was my sister who’d been born with the power. I think she wished it too, because she always thought she’d be much more connected to it than I was.”
“Is that part of why things went so badly with the demon?”
“Possibly, but I think it was more that it was something we weren’t ready for. He was stronger than we could have imagined by that point, and he wanted us all dead, so he focused all his power on making that happen. One by one, the coven dropped, but, due to certain spells we’d cast, their magic wasn’t lost to us, so those of us who lived kept on going. Alice, I think, was the last to go.” Mom’s eyes met with mine. “Your dad said you’d met her.”
“Yeah, I have, although I don’t remember telling him that exact detail.”
“Fortunately for us, your dad has always known about this. He was the first person I told when I learned the truth, and he just gave me this look, like he already knew. It wasn’t until later I found out his aunt and cousin were a part of the coven, so he’d known about witches for longer than I had at that point.”
“Did you know that Alice is haunting the library?”
She seemed to fall into deep thought for a moment. “Unusual. Most witches just go straight on to whatever comes next. At some point, I think I’ll have a chat with her, see if she understands why she’s there.”
“Maybe it has something to do with the choice that was made by the surviving members of the coven.” I tried to keep the judgment out of my voice, but I didn’t think I’d managed it. “Someone had to be here to help those who might have been born to replace the lost witches.”
“At the time, leaving was the only way I thought I could live my life, Ana. I’m not going to say it was the best choice, but back then, everything was different. I was younger. Less able to cope with the reality of what it meant to be a witch.”
“But we’d been traveling from one place to the next due to your fear. You believed, whether it was true or not, that the demon or his minions were coming after you, and that was why we could never stay anywhere for very long.” I took a deep breath. “If it hadn’t been for Miss Cane calling you, I’m certain we would have kept going, and you never would have told me the truth about myself. You did that because of your own feelings about being a witch. You were the one who never wanted this, and I think, for some reason, you assumed I’d be the same. I’m not. This is…this is what I was meant to be, and I’m going to do whatever it takes to make Clermont strong again.”
Slowly, Mom nodded. “I am sorry for not being honest with you from the beginning. That was unfair of me. I can’t change the choices I made, but I can help you if you need me to.”
We reached the end of the garden. I’d always believed there was a wall in front of us, covered in ivy, until Mom swept some of it to one side, revealing a door. “Open it.”
After a few seconds of uncertainty, I reached out with one hand to touch the door, and all I had to do was press my hand to it. Then, it seemed to swing open by itself.
“Magic?”
“Conway magic.” She gestured for me to step through, so I did, and found myself in the kind of room I’d always imagined a witch would have. One wall was covered with shelves full of books. I could see where one was missing, and I knew it was the one Mom had given me. “This was my grandmother’s room?”
“It was her sanctuary. When she told me about my magic, she thought it would become our sanctuary, but I’ve never felt comfortable being in here. There was too much magic for me to deal with.” Mom bit down hard on her lip. “People always believed I was one of the strongest witches in the coven because I was a Conway, but that was never the case. I didn’t tell many people about it. To be honest, I think there’s a chance only Becca and Alice knew, but only because I told them. I needed someone to understand why the weight on my shoulders felt like so much more than I could bear. After Mom died, I knew the others would want me to take her place because of my name and their belief in my power, but I couldn’t. I knew I was never going to be the witch they thought I was.” She looked at me. “You have the Conway power, Ana, in a way I never did. Mom, I don’t think, was ever willing to accept the truth, because it meant I wasn’t who she always dreamed I would be. Had she been alive to meet you, I think she would have been happier than you will ever know.”
Nodding, I looked around. On the wall opposite the books was a line of empty jars that I assumed had been full once, and I knew I was going to need to be the one to fill them again. I knew that Mom had introduced me to the sanctuary because it was going to be my place. I took a step towards the desk and ran my fingers over the smooth, polished wood. “How did it come to be?”
“From what she told me, I think it’s been here since the first Conway witch. Having a place like this, away from the humdrum of everyday life, can make creating certain magics easier. Mom used to come out here when she needed to create strong magics, and I could always feel her from the house. She was everything I wasn’t.”
“She was everything you didn’t try to be.” I looked at Mom. “I know you’re not lying about the strength of magic you have, but you could have chosen to do something about it.”
“Of course, I could have, but I was too selfish. Until the demon started to break through, I didn’t believe it was something that could ever happen to me. It was stupid and one of the things I regret more than anything, but I made my decisions back then, and now, all I can do is live with them.” Her eyes met mine. “Dinner will be ready soon. Don’t be out here for too long.”
Before I could say anything more, Mom was out of the room, and I knew it was because she couldn’t handle it any longer. For me, the sanctuary felt more like home than I could have expected. I sat on the stool in front of the desk and thought about all the witches who’d used the sanctuary through the years. Of all those people who’d ma
de the decision that they were going to do whatever they had to in order to keep Clermont safe, like I had. I hated to think any less of Mom, because she was my mother, but when I looked at her, I couldn’t help but think she should never have been born with the power, because it was a responsibility she couldn’t accept. Except it wasn’t much of a choice. Especially since the demon was once again using his minions to escape the demon realms, and I knew we would definitely need her help.
Dinner was quiet. With Mom at the table with us, Dad and I didn’t chat the same way we normally did, although, part of that probably stemmed from the fact that I hadn’t been to school, so I didn’t have anything to chat about. I thought about going straight to the sanctuary after I was done, but instead joined Mom and Dad in one of our very rare game nights, which made things feel a little more normal. At least, until the two of them headed to bed.
Sasha stayed with me, her small form curled up on my lap, as I tried to think about what I should be doing. I was a Conway witch, and the more I thought about it, the more certain I was that I needed to be working on something to deal with the demon’s minion. Mom might have told me she didn’t think I should be involved, but I was the one with the power, so I was the one who needed to be involved. I was the one who might actually stand a chance of dealing with the problem.
When I gently moved Sasha, she looked at me, and then, together, the two of us made our way to the sanctuary. She held the ivy back for me, making it easier for me to open the door. We stepped in, but as we did, I realized there was someone already there, back to me. “Close the door, Lilah.”
Even though the door was already closed, I still heard it close again. “What did you need, Mom?” The voice came from behind me, and I knew it well, because it was Mom’s voice. I took a step to one side and blinked in bewilderment. The scene unfolded in front of me, like something out of a strange movie. “Dad said you wanted me.”
“You’ve been sneaking out at night, and I understand why, but it has to stop.” My grandmother turned to look at Mom, and it was the first time I’d ever truly seen her face. For the first time, I understood why Dad told me I took after her, because we even had similar eyes. I smiled, that small fact left a spot of warmth in my chest. But that didn’t stop the prick of tears. If things had been different, I might have met her. I might have been taught by her. I did my best to blink them away, but one still trickled down my cheek. “Something is coming, and we need to be ready.”
Mom shook her head. “I’ve told you before. This isn’t what I want, and I’m not strong enough to help you. Can’t we talk about…”
“Taking your magic from you is something I am never going to do. Black spells like that are more dangerous than you will ever truly understand, and the last thing I need is for you to be using one. This isn’t something I would have asked of you if I had any other option, but you are a Conway witch, Lilah, and that means you have responsibilities, even if you’d rather pretend that wasn’t the case.” My grandmother sighed. “I can’t do anything to change what is, without affecting who you are. Please don’t ask me again.” Slowly, Mom nodded, and then all I saw was her retreating back as she left the sanctuary and slammed the door behind her. “Forgive her choices, Ana. She was young. Younger than I truly realized.”
“How do you even know I’m here? Surely I’m only seeing the past.”
“It’s more that I can see what’s to come, at times. To be honest, it’s not something that helps much, especially when I know something I can’t change, and yet I’ve never been able to stop myself from trying. Lilah…she thinks I don’t see how she struggles, and that I didn’t have to struggle in the past. She doesn’t know that there were plenty of times when all I wanted was to be normal. But I was willing to accept that it would never be a possibility. Like you, I was a Conway witch, and that meant I had to set aside what I wanted, in order to do what was best for everyone. Maybe I’ve been too gentle with her, because I didn’t want to push her too hard, in case I lost her entirely. Sometimes, I think that might already be the case. Hearing her talk about having her magic taken from her…it is something that’s been done in the past, but as I said, it is black magic, and using black magic now will only make it easier for the demon to come through.”
“She never used it.”
“Fortunately.” My grandmother looked at me. “This sanctuary is yours, and I want you to feel comfortable here. I believe this is the only time something like this will happen, because things are happening far faster than I want them to, but I’m glad I’ve had this chance.” A tear trickled down her cheek, and I felt one roll down my cheek as well. “I’m sorry I won’t be around to see you grow up. Just know that I’m always with you in spirit, and if I do see you again, I’ll make sure we have another chat, so you have a better understanding of what happened. I think that’s important, since there was a reason Lilah came home, and that reason can only be connected to one thing.”
“The demon.”
“The demon.” She shook her head. “I’ve been looking into ways to kill it, but from what I can see, you need three very specific things, and I don’t know how to make it happen. You need the spirit of a witch, the ghost of another witch, and then a final witch in the physical plane. All of them need to be casting the same spell at the same time and in the same place. I’ve never known a witch to become a ghost, so I have no idea if it’s even possible. Maybe, with you around, it might be different now.”
Chapter Twenty
“You aren’t ready to go back to school yet.” Mom’s eyes met mine. “James’ parents are keeping him out another day too. Apparently, he spent most of yesterday doing other things, when he was meant to be resting. Sounds just like you.”
“Mom…”
“One more day, Ana.” She almost smiled. “Most people would jump at the chance to have another day off, and there you are asking to go back to school.”
“Not being there…”
“Isn’t going to do you any harm.”
“There are other people…”
“Who are being kept out of the forest, so they should be safe. At least, for now. Becca and I are doing what we can to make sure no one else gets hurt. That’s all we can do for now.”
I wanted to argue, but instead, I accepted that Mom would never understand who I was, in the same way her mom couldn’t understand who she was. Eventually, maybe, she’d come to see I was the one who was meant to be in Clermont, and that was the reason we’d found our way back.
“Okay, Mom.” I sighed. “What used to be in the jars?”
“Herbs. Mom used to grow her own, to be gathered during specific moon phases and used in certain spells. It had all turned to dust after two decades, so I got rid of it. In time, we can begin again.”
“Considering what’s happening, don’t you think it would help if we started doing that sooner rather than later?”
“Growing herbs takes time. We can’t speed that process up.” She studied me. “Let me ask Becca. If we’re lucky, she might have some she can spare, so you can start learning.”
“Aren’t the herbs still out there?”
“Yes, but they were left for twenty years too. That part of the garden is going to take some time to fix up, and I don’t think, with everything we have to do right now, that we should be focusing on that. We need to find out who the minion is and deal with them first.”
Even though there were a lot of things I wanted to say, I just nodded. Because I knew her, it was very easy for me to spot her excuses, and I was beginning to think she didn’t want to do the work to fix up the garden. That would mean she had accepted the choices she made in the past, which was something she might not be ready for. “Just let me know if there’s anything more I can do, Mom.”
“For now, you need to focus on learning, Ana.” She smiled. “Read some of the books in the sanctuary, then you’ll see how much there is to know, and why this was all too much for me.”
Instead of going back to the sanctuary,
I went hunting for my grandmother’s overgrown herb garden. Unsurprisingly, it was very close to the sanctuary itself, and Mom wasn’t lying when she said it was going to take time to fix up. As I stood there, I realized I had no idea what half of them even were, so that was something I’d need to learn, especially if I was going to undo the problems twenty years of abandonment had caused. Luckily for me, Dad was also fascinated with herbs and often made use of them in his cooking. I went into the kitchen and found the book I needed, and then I returned to the garden and began to study the herbs.
By the time the sun was at its peak, I’d managed to start separating the tangled herbs from each other, but there were some I didn’t think would survive. Yet I still potted them up, using pots I’d found around the sanctuary, almost certain my grandmother had used them for the same thing.
“How are you getting on?”
The voice made me jump. I looked up to find Miss Cane standing over me.
“I have no idea.”
She glanced down at my work and gave me an approving look. “You’re making good choices, Ana.” She smiled. “Lilah told me you’d been talking about the herbs, and she asked if I had any spare herbs. I always have them, just in case someone comes back. I know that they’ll have lost everything they had before. I can bring you whatever you need, but I thought I’d drop by to see if there were any specifics you wanted first. Herblore can be very complicated, especially at the beginning, but in time, you will learn.”