by Mj Fields
“Oh no, you don’t, buddy.” Tessa steps back but doesn’t pull her hand away, and her hand, it starts to shake. Her eyes, her fucking eyes, they widen, and her lips part.
I pull her against me, take her face, and kiss her.
“Please, Lucas, don’t do this again. I can’t—”
I lick across her lips, and she whimpers. And when her mouth opens, I give her what I know she’s been missing and what I’ve been dying inside to taste again.
She strokes my tongue with her own as she fists my shirt, and it feels like we’re on that field, and she’s kissing me, showing me what she wants but can’t say all over again.
She runs her hands up my chest, fingers digging into my abs and across, gripping my biceps. She moans, and I groan as I sit down, pulling her onto my lap. She straddles me and pushes up on her knees, rising above me, hands in my hair, deepening the kiss.
Needing air, we tear our lips apart, but we continue touching. I know I have missed this.
I look up and see a tear fall. I kiss it away. “No more of those. Not anymore, baby.” I pull her head to my shoulder and kiss the back of her head as I stand then march toward the barn.
“Lucas, please don’t do this to me again. I want to be your friend, because that is way easier than all this.”
I kiss her again. “No lies, Tessa Ross.”
She whimpers and fists my hair. “Lucas, you’re messed up.” She starts to pull away, but I wrap my arm underneath her ass, using one hand to carry her weight while pushing the other between us, up her hoodie, and run my thumb over her peaked nipple.
“And you’re going to be fucking delicious,” I groan then kiss her.
Inside the barn, I let her slide down me. When her center rubs against my cock, her head falls back and she whispers my name.
I pull my shirt over my head and toss it on a haybale before crashing my lips to hers while walking her backward. I kiss down her neck as I lay her back, nipping at her nipple through her shirt. Once she’s on her back, I go to my knees, lift her shirt, and lick across her tight abdomen. Her back arches as I suck on her flesh.
Thumbs hooked beneath her waistband, I begin to lower them. “I can’t wait to taste your sweet pussy.”
“Lucas, stop. I can’t do this, please.”
From behind, I hear, “She said stop, quarterback! Now back the fuck off before I kick your ass all over the place.”
I glare up at him then look back at her. She’s covering her face, crying.
“Fuck!”
Ben reaches over and grabs her hand to pulls her up. “You okay?”
“Yes. I’m sorry.” She looks at me. “It’s not all his fault.”
“Well, it’s all me now. Let’s go.” He pulls her behind him, and she goes … willingly.
“Go brush your teeth, Tess, take a shower—do whatever you need to do. I’ll be right here.”
“Ben,” I whisper quietly. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.” His eyes, normally sparkling, are filled with rage.
“No, it was. I was very much in the moment. I didn’t expect to …” I stop, not wanting to make it worse. “Don’t hate him, please. He’s had enough of that for twenty lifetimes. Please, Ben,” I beg. “He’s my friend.”
“Fine. Just …” Ben pushes out a breath and looks at me. “Do you want to be with him?”
Every time he touches me. Every time I see him. “I want to be his friend, Ben.” Because everything else hurts so much.
“Are you going to let him touch you again?”
I shake my head.
“Okay then, Tess. You need to remember I don’t share, and you shouldn’t, either. I get what you have been through, even what he has been through, and I’m still here. It won’t happen again, do you understand?”
I nod fiercely.
He flops down on the couch. “Good. Now go take his scent off you.”
When I see the fucker storm out of the house and toward the barn, I stand, cross my arms over my chest, and promise myself to let him throw the first punch then finish it.
Finger a pubic hair from my face, he yells, “She gives a shit about you, Lucas, but you need to leave her the hell alone!”
“No, she doesn’t just give a shit; she loves me, Benji. And that feeling is fucking mutual! Do you get that?”
“She’ll get over it.” He looks really fucking smug, and then he laughs. “If you let her. Doesn’t she deserve that, man?”
I feel my jaw clench so tightly that I fear my teeth will break as I shake my head.
He throws his hands in the air. “You better get inside. John will be home soon. The man is going through a divorce, and you do this shit to him?” He looks me up and down. “You and I will behave for her, correct?”
“I will do anything for her. I already have.”
When I come out of the bathroom, Ben is pacing, but he stops when he sees me.
“Your friend and I chatted. He’s upstairs in bed, probably passed out. Fucking eyes were fire engine red.”
“Ben, I’m so sorry.”
He walks over and sits on the couch then nods to the spot beside him
“I’m over it.” He leans back and scrubs both hands over his face. “Can we sleep down here?”
“Sure, but my dad might not like it.”
“When he gets home, I’ll take the recliner.”
I look at his lips, and he asks, “Did you brush your teeth?”
The question takes me aback.
“I don’t want to taste him in your mouth.”
“Ben, I didn’t go dow—”
“I didn’t think you did. His tongue is bad enough. You sure you haven’t had enough for the night?” His voice is clipped.
That hurt.
“Not of you.”
He leans over and kisses me. When I kiss him back, he takes the back of my head and deepens it. I wasn’t expecting that from him. I certainly wasn’t expecting it from Lucas. Not what happened. Not again.
Ben leans back, and I follow him, lips to his. He wraps his arms around me and positions me on my side. As we lie face to face, he kisses my neck then my lips. He kisses my shoulder and runs his tongue across my collarbone. Then he pulls away, lifts me a bit, sits up, and pushes his legs beneath mine.
Eyes connected to mine, he lifts my leg then lightly nips the inner arch of my foot and continues up my calf, doing the same. He stops at my knee. He kisses behind it and scrapes his teeth along the skin that I never thought would be sensitive, but God it is.
Afraid I’ll moan, I hold my breath as he lays my leg down then gives the other the same attention.
“You are so hot, Tess,” Ben says, moving so he’s hovering above me, and I can feel his erection against my belly.
He kisses my lips then thrusts his tongue into my mouth while he lightly tickles my inner thigh, causing me to gasp. He stops kissing me and rests his elbows on either side of my head, pushing a few strands of hair stuck to the wet of my mouth away and searching my eyes.
“That what you like, Tess?”
I scowl, and he shakes his head, exhaling slowly.
“Your body responds to touch, and very nicely, might I add.” He kisses me softly then pulls back. “It’s not who’s doing it, do you understand that? If you confuse love with pleasure, you’re selling yourself short. I can do all that shit he did and more. Trust me; you won’t be disappointed. I also promise that I won’t fuck with your heart or head, Tess. I want to show you the other part, too, but I think we should slow down until you are ready to explode with me.” His smile is so seductive, but in a different way than Lucas’s.
I reach up and trace his lips. He nips at my finger. I kiss him again. He smiles as he sits up.
“Ben, please.” I know this is how it started with Lucas, and I believe that Ben can take the hurt away and stay.
Ben would stay.
“Not without me, and you’re not ready for that yet. I promise you, though, any mediocre little Os you’ve had
will pale in comparison to what I’m going to give you and only you.” He grins as he pushes up and off of me, standing as he adjusts himself. “We’re going to have booty camp every time I see you until then, Tessa, got it?”
I nod.
“Good. Move forward; I want to lay behind you.”
Chapter Seventeen
Ben sleeps like a log, which works out well for what I have to do—make breakfast and make peace.
After putting the egg and bacon casserole together and setting it in the fridge to set, I garner enough courage to go find Lucas, only to find he’s gone. This causes me to get emotional, so I tiptoe past Ben and into the bathroom.
I open my drawer—we each have one of our own—pull out the bottle, and then I feel disgusted with myself for taking one last night, but I couldn’t have faced Ben after what happened had I not.
I toss it back in the drawer then hide it under some headbands, promising myself to throw the rest out. I turn the shower on then pick the cordless up and dial Lucas’s number to make sure he’s okay.
He answers, “This is Lucas.”
“Hey. Just thought I’d let you know you’re missing a good breakfast this morning.”
“Had things to do.”
“Okay.”
He doesn’t say anything.
“I, um … also want you to know that I told Ben it was just as much me as it was you and—”
“I was fucked up. Won’t happen again.”
“Yeah, about that …” I clear my throat. “You are my friend, Lucas.”
Silence.
“So, I’m sorry and—”
“Be good, Tessa. I have to go.”
“Lucas, wait.”
With zero emotion, he says, “We’re friends, Tessa. Couldn’t ask for a better one. See you at school.”
“Okay. See you then?”
He hangs up.
While cutting up fruit, I hear the shower. Then, a few minutes later, I hear someone bounding down the stairs.
Hands grab my hips, and a chin rests on my shoulder. “You making me breakfast?”
“Pretty sure I owe you lunch and dinner, too. Look, Ben, I’m sorry about—”
He pulls the paring knife from my hand, sets it on the counter, and then turns me around. He presses his lips to mine but doesn’t kiss me. He talks.
“I showed up here last night without warning.”
Against his lips, I respond, “You should be able to do that.”
“Not until you’re mine.” I feel his smile against my lips. “You aren’t yet. And Tess, I wanna get there with you, but not now.”
I pull back and look at him.
“You gotta stop looking at me as a way to get over that douche and all that you’ve gone through. And when I see you looking at me like you can’t wait to get down on your knees for me—”
Laughter bursts out at his assertion.
“Laugh all you want, but until you feel that, you aren’t gonna be mine.” He grips my hips and pulls me toward him. Then he reaches behind me and squeezes my ass, and not lightly, either.
“Bold statement, Ben Sawyer, and bold move.”
“That’s how I roll.”
He’s totally not being a dick. He’s being serious.
“I’m not him, Tessa.”
And he’s a fucking mind reader.
“I didn’t say you were.”
“You’re thinking it.” He squeezes my ass again.
“You wanna know what I’m thinking?”
“Already do.” He pops a kiss to my nose. “You think I’m a good time. That is an understatement. I’m a great fucking time. And now you’re thinking I’m an arrogant ass, but you know better.”
“Oh, I do?”
He nods once. “I’m confident, not cocky. Now you’re thinking by me saying that proves I’m the lesser of the two cocky, but Tess”—he presses his forehead to mine—“that’s because I’m one’s age and not the others.”
He’s not wrong. He reminds me of the things I liked about Toby, yet he comes at me like Lucas, like he wants me so much he may burst. Well, after last night, I know better.
Toby would love him.
He rubs my back then down to my butt.
“You left out feisty.” I giggle.
“Love physical touch, and so do you.”
I look down, but he lifts my chin.
“I’m not pissed at you. He’s a dick, so I am pissed at him, but if he wasn’t constantly on the defense and constantly trying to prove something to everyone around him, I’d get where his head was last night. Wouldn’t have done it while someone else was here for her, but I get it.”
“I’m pissed at myself,” I whisper.
“Which is why I’m still fucking here. I know once you’re in, you’re gonna be in. Confidence in myself, and you.”
He kisses me for real this time. Then steps away and looks me over. “Looking mighty fine, Tess. Mighty fucking fine. Can’t wait until you’re—”
“On my knees?” I roll my eyes.
“I can’t wait to have you spread out and rediscovering why you loved learning your ABCs.”
“What does that even mean?” I snort-laugh, which causes him to grin.
“Let’s just say, the pen may be mightier than the sword, but the tongue”—he licks his lips—“mightier still.”
“Oh,” is all I can say.
“Oh Ben,” he fake moans.
He then looks over my shoulder at the fruit. “You think that can wait? I need a major cardio fix right now, and we’re not there yet to release all that right here and right now, so I was thinking we go for a run.”
“In the snow?”
He smacks my ass. “Even better.”
We hit the park and run the stairs. He does the fifth rotation backward. We talk the whole time about music, family, and the schools that he’s looking at.
I hit my wall and slow down a bit after an hour and a half and find myself lagging.
Ben looks back then stops and looks at his watch. “She’s good for an hour.”
I look at mine. “It’s been an hour and a half.”
Chuckling, he squats down. “Jump on, Tess.”
“I’m fine.”
“Nope, I want to get there, and I want you on me, so jump on, girl.”
So, I do.
He parks by the Jeep and looks at it. Really looks at it. His pause causes me to realize he’s not just here for a good time or a getaway. He’s thinking deeper.
He scrubs a hand over his face, and when he pulls it away, he looks at me and smiles, his eyes full of all the kindness in the world.
“What are we going to do now?”
“Take a shower.”
“Nice.” Ben claps his hands together.
“Ben,” I say, halting his exit. He looks back at me. “You are so much fun, and I want you to know that I appreciate that.”
He cocks his head to the side in silent question.
So, I ask him, “Is this all the time with you? Does it ever stop?”
“Do you need it to?”
I shake my head. “No, I just wonder how you are when you’re relaxed.”
“Relaxed? I was real relaxed last night.” He winks then opens the door and hops out. I catch him glancing at Toby’s Jeep again as he rounds the front then opens my door.
Once in the house, I grab two glasses and fill them with water, handing him one. Then I head over to turn the oven to preheat.
“I’m going to shower while this does its thing.”
“Where is your dad?”
“I really don’t know. Why?”
He reaches over, grabs my hips, and pulls me to him. “Shower sounds good.”
Knowing he’s messing with me, I kiss him quickly then pull away, turn, and say, “All right. Let’s go.”
I walk in the bathroom, grab some towels and, in the mirror, I see him toss off his shirt.
“As tempting as all that is.” I put my hand on his chest, grab a towel, and as I p
ush him backward out the door, I tell him, “There’s a shower in my dad’s room; you should go use it.”
I take a long, hot shower and shave my legs. Smiling, I know that’s because of Ben. But there is a part of me that is worried about Lucas.
How can I feel that way when I am with Ben? I like him a lot, but I don’t want to hurt him or Lucas. I remind myself that it started that way with Toby, too, and then I allowed myself to fall in love. I am going to make myself feel the same way for Ben. I know it’s going to be harder, and realization hits that it’s because he doesn’t need me in order to be all right.
Lucas fucked Sadi while he lived here. He dragged me into his room, my heart full of hope, and he brought me into a disgusting situation with two girls, both who had hurt me … whom he had invited to his home and made be part of a fucking joke.
This isn’t a Lucas problem; he’s used to that shit. It’s ingrained in him. For fuck’s sake, he has girls tricking him into getting pregnant.
Tommy’s words, said in a way to shine a light on Lucas, “He just couldn’t see he deserved you, Tessa,” reveals something altogether different than intended. The realization that he never will because, as Einstein is misattributed to say—learned in English class while trying to ignore Lucas’s existence—“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
We are insanity together, and not the good kind. We are toxic. All this time, I thought I was teaching him how to love … better when all I was doing was showing him it was okay to keep doing it his way, and he allowed it.
I’m done.
Dressed and ready, I walk out and see Ben coming down the stairs, wearing faded jeans and a thermal shirt that fits him faultlessly right as the timer goes off.
He laughs as he looks at me, and I am suddenly self-conscious of the leggings, tank, and cardigan I’m wearing.
He shakes his head, seeing that in me. He sees the insecurity and says, “Our timing has been off for years, just thinking that oven timer going off at the moment we are standing in the same room is a sign that better thing are coming for us.”
If he only knew what I was just pondering, I laugh to myself. “I like that.”