by Mary Frame
Warmth flashes up my neck, like a cup of fire thrown in my face. “Did everyone see?”
“Only people with thermal-sensor capabilities on their phones.”
“How . . . what . . . why?”
“Don’t worry, I think there were only a few people who have that app. But I do think Abby was watching over someone’s shoulder.”
I swallow. “Are you telling me I nearly had my first kiss in front of a hundred people in a backyard while playing laser tag . . . for a bedroom to sleep in . . . and is this how this is supposed to work?” My voice escalates as I speak.
“Calm down, Tootsie Roll. Not many people saw. And first kiss? Girl, you need to get some.”
“I’m just confused. I don’t know what to do. I’m not sure I can do casual.”
“Well, Fitz doesn’t do casual either. But what does it matter? Do you like him?”
“I don’t hate him. I don’t know how I feel. He just broke up with his childhood sweetheart and we’re competing against each other.”
“Listen. Reese. I know you don’t have a lot of life experience, but Fitz is a good guy. You should go with it, whatever you’re feeling. Or not feeling. Who cares? Do what makes you happy. You only live once. And for God’s sake, kiss someone already. Anyone’ll do.”
“You really think so? Even though you don’t believe in love?”
“Who said anything about love? You could use a distraction. Just because you’re competing over a room doesn’t mean you can’t like each other. It’s your life. There are no rules.”
Is that all I would be though? A distraction? How does she know he doesn’t do casual? Because he hasn’t before? Maybe since he’s done the long-term thing, he wants something different. I’m completely out of my depth.
“Right. No rules. Okay. Thanks, Annabel.”
I’ve lived my whole life playing it safe, staying away from people, sticking to my little, comfortable bubble and following the path of least resistance. But now that I’ve strayed onto the road less traveled, I’ve learned that most people aren’t as bad as I once thought. As a matter of fact, I would consider all my roommates to be friends. Annabel too. For the first time in my life I have friends that I’m not related to.
“You’re welcome.”
What she’s saying makes sense, but I still have so many questions. “So how do I let him know that I’m interested in . . . no rules?”
She blinks at me. “Are you asking me how to seduce someone? I mean, I am all about sexual freedom, but this is my brother we’re talking about.”
“It’s just that, in the animal kingdom, it’s typically the male that preens and displays colorful feathers to attract the female. Unless we’re talking about seahorses, in which case the female does a dance. What do I do?”
“I don’t know.” Her hands flail in frustration. “Tell him about those seahorse mating habits.”
I frown. “Do you really think that will work?”
She rolls her eyes. “It will if you’re naked. Reese, he’s a dude. They aren’t complex.”
“Oh.”
“Do you have any bobby pins?”
“What? No. I will not aid and abet you in whatever secret stuff you’re doing. Jude is a good guy too, you know.”
“Maybe he is, but he’s hiding something.”
“What could he be hiding?”
“That’s what I’m going to find out.”
Now that I consider Jude a friend, I’m not sure I can countenance whatever Annabel’s got cooking. “I don’t want him to get hurt.”
“I’m not going to hurt anyone. I’m just looking for the truth.”
“I know but . . . sometimes the truth hurts.”
I leave Annabel to her bad decisions and head back out to the party to make my own.
I’m prepared to go out and find Fitz and talk to him about . . . everything, I guess, but before I make it through the back slider, I spot Fitz and Abby talking on the edge of the yard. Clearly consumed in whatever they’re discussing.
Abby’s face is stark and earnest and Fitz is completely focused on her.
Doubt fills me. They have a history that I shouldn’t get involved in.
I know he said he’s not going back to her, but . . . what if he changes his mind?
“There you are. I got you a drink.” Duke is suddenly right next to me, too close in the crowded space, handing me a bottle of beer.
I drag my eyes away from the scene outside the window. “Thanks.” I pop open the lid using the edge of the bookshelf and take a long drink before wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.
“You okay?” He nudges me with his shoulder.
“I’m fine.”
“Is the beer okay?”
“I guess. I don’t drink very much. Only when I have to.”
His eyes crinkle at me. “And when do you have to?”
“To test the moonshine.”
A surprised chuckle escapes him. “You’re full of surprises, aren’t you? Tell me, Einstein, what do you know about poker? Can you play?”
Granny taught me when I was six and I’ve been beating her nine out of ten times ever since. It wasn’t hard once I figured out how to calculate the odds and count cards in my head. Statistically, it isn’t a guaranteed win, but it does increase your chances.
“I can.”
“Do you want to play with us, or are you gonna break my heart again?”
“When did I break your heart before?”
“Well, you know I’ve been betting on you every time and you’ve lost the past two Bedlams.”
“Sorry about that.”
“Hey, no biggie. You can make it up by playing a couple games with me.” His smile is slow and assured.
I shoot a glance back into the yard.
The crowd moves and shifts and there’s Abby again. Still with Fitz. Leaning into him. His hand is on her arm as they head around the side of the house.
I smile at Duke. “I can play.”
16
I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.
—Martin Luther King Jr.
Fitz
Immediately after the laser tag, Reese disappears into the crowd.
I have no idea what’s going on with us. Well, actually, I know exactly what’s going on and I want to pick up where we left off before I accidently shot her.
But instead of seeing her in the throng of partiers, I see a different female who’s the opposite of what I want.
Abby.
She’s with Kevin.
His face is a thundercloud and hers is wan and tired but it’s an improvement over hammered and stumbling.
She says something to him that makes the thundercloud darken into a hurricane, and he storms off.
But still . . . she doesn’t quite look like herself. After our talk the other night, I thought she was doing better. Even though I don’t want to ask, I have to.
“Abby, what are you doing here?”
“I know you don’t want to see me. Kevin picked me up earlier and I swear I didn’t know he would bring me here.”
I’m not sure I believe her, but now that she’s in front of me and looking so unlike her normal self, I have to ask. “You all right?”
“Fine. Just a little tired. I’ve been up late. Catching up on schoolwork so I can come clean to the parents.” She smiles weakly.
I don’t know if I’ve ever seen her this . . . casual. She’d put on full makeup to go pick up a gallon of milk at the H-E-B.
“Don’t work yourself too hard,” I say. But then I also remember Momma’s words the other night. “I’m sure you’ll be able to catch up in no time.”
She smiles weakly. “Then once I tell my parents everything, you can move back home and you won’t have to do this anymore.”
“That would be nice, but it’s not happening either way. They’re selling the house.”
Her eyes widen. “What?”
“They want to downsize now that Annabe
l and I are out and grown.”
She knows some of it, like that Dad has been out of work on injury, but she doesn’t know the money struggles. It’s not something I’ve ever really shared with her. It’s the kind of thing she would judge. She always had whatever she wanted growing up and wouldn’t understand what it’s like being truly in dire straits.
Although . . . Reese’s parents are loaded too, but it’s different with her.
She bites her lip. “I’m sorry, Fitz. I didn’t know. I’ve been avoiding my parents’ calls so I hadn’t heard.” She takes my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze.
But it doesn’t feel right.
It’s something we’ve done since we were practically in diapers, and yet . . . it doesn’t sit well.
I pull my hand from her grasp. “It is what it is. Hopefully I’ll be able to stay here at least for the semester.”
She swallows. “This is all my fault.”
I don’t know what to say. I can’t deny it.
Some shirtless dude on the laser tag field yells, “I am a golden god!” and belly flops into the shallow kiddie pool. Abby uses the distraction to move closer, taking my arm and leaning into me like she used to when she had the right.
“Abby.” I shrug her off and take a step back, nearly running into someone moving behind me. “Don’t do that.”
Her face crumples. “I still want us to be friends, you know?”
My words were a hit and I know it, but I can’t lead her on either.
I wait for her to compose herself, shoving my hands in my pockets and glancing around at the other revelers. I spot Reese inside, by the sliding door, talking to that guy—Sir Butt-Chin or whatever. As I’m watching, he nudges her with his shoulder, leaning into her space.
“Does it make you mad?” Abby asks, and my attention snaps back to her.
“What?”
“You’re frowning. You don’t want to be friends?”
“I . . . we already talked about this, Abby. I need space.”
“It’s because of her, isn’t it?” Her tone twists, along with her lip.
“What?”
“When I saw you looking at . . . her.” She sniffs and wipes her nose with the sleeve of her sweater. “Looking at her like . . . like you like her. But you can’t, can you? Do you? She’s so weird. She’s the biggest dork.” Her eyes meet mine, still wet with tears, but accusatory now.
Something simmers and wells up inside. Anger. Not for me, but for Reese.
Reese didn’t even want to admit how terribly Abby had been treating her, trying to protect me from the truth. Even after the truth came out, Reese could have said any number of things, but she kept it neutral. And here Abby is, the culprit playing the victim, and she’s trash-talking Reese?
“She’s not a dork. She’s actually pretty cool. You lived with her for a year. Did you ever even try and talk to her?”
“Well. No.” My words fluster her. She blinks rapidly and then searches my eyes. “She’s not normal, Fitz.”
My jaw clenches as it hits me. Really hits me, exactly what Reese said about us normies. And what she must have gone through for years. People not understanding her, not seeing her. And why? Because she refused to be exactly like the rest of us? Because she talks smart and doesn’t try to fit in?
“Just because she’s not into partying and failing school while lying and cheating on her boyfriend doesn’t mean she isn’t normal.”
She gasps. “You do like her, don’t you?” She’s shaking her head. “This ain’t right, Fitz. She’s not the one. It’s supposed to be me. You were always supposed to be my forever guy. Remember? Ever since third grade.” Her voice is rising.
I can’t have this. People are watching. “We can’t talk about this now.” I keep my voice low, moving closer so she can hear me, taking her arm and trying to lead her around the side of the house, where it’s darker and quieter. And there’s an exit through the garage. “Maybe you should go. Go with Kevin. You came here with him.”
She takes my hand on her as an invitation, moving closer, leaning into me again.
“Kevin doesn’t mean anything to me. You’re the only one that matters, the only one that makes me feel . . . real.”
“What are you talking about? You’re not making any sense.”
Although . . . in a weird way, she kinda is. Abby has always been a flirt, always thrived when the focus was on her, especially focus of the male variety.
She stops our progression and we haven’t even made it around the corner when Kevin appears out of the crowd, stalking toward us. I’m more grateful than I thought I would be to see his stupid face.
“We should get out of here.” He puts an arm around Abby’s shoulders.
I’m about to agree with him, but then Abby shrugs off Kevin’s arm, stepping away. “You don’t tell me what to do,” she snaps.
“I’m leaving and I’m your ride, so you can come with me now or walk your ass home.”
Abby sputters and cries and screeches, and yet I don’t hear her response. I watch them fight and it’s like a movie where the sound has been turned down and everything goes slow-motion because in a moment of perfect clarity, I realize this is what I’ve escaped. This was my life, before.
I didn’t fight with Abby, and this is what she wanted. The high drama, the attention all focused on her, and when I wouldn’t give it to her, she went elsewhere for it.
They don’t say goodbye or pay me any attention, continuing to argue even as they’re walking away, around the side of the house and out of view.
I wouldn’t bring the drama for her and it’s what she wants. But it’s not what I want.
That’s not an epic love story, that’s an epic disaster.
Heading back into the yard, I look for Reese. She isn’t standing in the open doorway anymore.
I would have kissed her. In front of everyone. I want her. Badly. Worse than I ever wanted Abby. There’s no artifice, no drama or lies, just her. She’s so completely herself, awkwardness and ridiculousness and all.
And with that thought, I head inside to find her, excitement thrumming through my veins like a drum beat.
Until I find her in the kitchen. At the small table, surrounded by three guys, all in various stages of undress.
“What’s going on in here?” I step up to the table, getting in between Reese and the butt-chin guy, who also happens to be the least dressed one. He’s in only boxers.
“Strip poker. I’ll take two.” She tells the dealer and switches out her cards. “Do you know Duke?” And yes, she motions to Sir Butt-Chin.
“No. Hey.” I nod at him and his buddies at the table. One is in a shirt and boxers, and one has no shirt but is still in his pants.
“Want in on the next round?” Duke asks me. “I’ll be naked in ten seconds with this card shark here.” He leans around me to pat Reese on the arm and I have the inexplicable urge to break it.
Unaware of the feelings swirling inside me, Reese speaks. “The original term is actually card sharp, which referred to someone who cheats at cards. The phrase card shark, however, evolved soon after and isn’t necessarily pejorative. It can refer to anyone who has any kind of legitimate skill with cards, even for entertainment purposes.”
Duke laughs, leaning even closer to Reese even though I’m definitely in the way. “Is there anything you don’t know?”
Reese shrugs. “You don’t know what you don’t know.”
Duke is looking at her like he wants to eat her up, and Reese doesn’t seem to mind.
He gets even closer and now his bicep pushes against my side and I can’t help but push back a little, even though it’s the height of immaturity. I don’t care.
He pushes even harder and I step into Reese, forcing his arm to the side with a jerk. A Solo cup spills and the liquid runs in Reese’s direction all over her white T-shirt.
“Oh shoot.” She shoves her chair back, but the damage is done.
The other players all scramble for napkins to
sop up the beer and save the cards. I grab the roll of paper towels and hand it over. When I try to hand some to Reese, she waves me off, holding the shirt up a bit and exposing the pale line of flesh above her jeans.
“It’s fine, I’ll run and change.”
“I have the key.”
“Right.”
I hand off the towels and follow Reese through the crowd and down the hall to the room.
Pulling the key off my neck, I unlock the door and follow her inside.
As soon as the door shuts, she turns on me, arms crossed over her chest. “Why are you being so weird and rude? You were glowering at Duke and his friends like you wanted to run them over with your truck. It was just a game. And I was winning. Why are you being all cranky again? Did I do something?”
“No. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just . . .” How can I explain? I slide my hands into my hair. “Duke wants you.”
She blinks in surprise. “Duke? No. Well, maybe, but I think maybe he’s like that with everyone.”
How can she not see it? How can she be so blind? I move closer, shaking my head. “You’re too naïve.”
“I am not.” Her chin lifts in defiance.
I hold up my hands. “Okay, so you’re smart. Super smart. Probably the smartest person I’ve ever met. But you don’t know anything about guys.”
She bites her lip, drawing my gaze to her mouth. “I guess you’re right. But that’s why I have to learn.”
“You want to learn?” I take another step toward her.
“I suppose,” she says uncertainly, but she holds her ground and now we’re scant inches apart.
“You want to learn with Duke?” I ask and hold my breath for her answer.
“I—” She cuts off with a frown. “No. I don’t think so.”
“Good.” And then my hands do what I’ve been imagining for the past week and cup her delicate face as I lean in.
17
If you can be content right now, then you’ll always be content, because it’s always right now.
—Willie Nelson