Then I get pissed when I see it’s not her.
You coming to the gym today? Let me rephrase, are you coming to the one and only gym you should ever go to today?
With a snort I type out a reply to Jax telling him to mind his business, which I know will annoy the hell out of him. As soon as I send it, my phone vibrates again.
Babelicious? Seriously? No. Just no. You’re really bad at this.
I laugh at her reply and start to tell her to answer my question like the demanding ass I am, but she beats me to it.
I’m going, yes. Whether or not you’ll see me, which I assume you’re wondering, depends on you. I’ll be there around 5PM. So, I guess the question is… will you be at my gym today instead of your own at that hour?
Well I sure as hell am now. If it’s wrong, I don’t want to be right because just these few text exchanges bantering with her have my body tight and hard. The image of how she looked when I saw her flashes through my mind and heat unfurls low in my stomach making it feel like the butterflies there are on fire. I see her curvy body in all that tight spandex; her full breasts pushed together and offering a nice view in her sports bra. Her long dark hair streaming down her back from the high ponytail, the sound of her voice and the look in her eyes as she tried to casually look me up and down. Oh yeah, I noticed and I hope she likes what she saw. Yeah, sorry Jax, I won’t be going to Xtreme Fitness today.
I’ll see you there. I’ll be the guy with all the tattoos, piercings and muscles.
Another text arrives from Jax.
You better be joking, Moreno.
Knowing I’m going to piss him off I hesitate responding, but somehow I know if he ever discovers the truth about why I’m currently all about Fitness World he’ll understand. I remember all too well the time he spent chasing after Rowan. Once he made me have a meal with him at the diner where she worked so he could see and flirt with her. He didn’t want to go in by himself so I went and pissed him off with my blatant flirting with Rowan. It was a good time.
Sorry man, I’ve got a better offer. See you later.
His response is immediate.
We’ll be discussing this later.
Tatum and Cole finally make their way down the stairs and Cole looks at me strangely, “What’s up with you?”“Uh, nothing. What do you mean?”
“I don’t know. You’ve got a weird look on your face.”
“Don’t know what you’re talking about. Just talking to Jax,” I tell him waving my phone around. “So, what do you two think?”
Tatum smiles, “We love it. This is what… the sixth house we’ve looked at now? This is exactly what we’re looking for. We nailed it this time.”
Cole nods, “It is. I’d like to run some figures with the mortgage company. As you know we’re pre-approved but I’d still like to go over a few things. Can I let you know for sure one way or another tomorrow?”
“Yes, of course. If you decide you want to proceed after that I suggest we put your offer in as soon as possible. With this being newly listed I have no doubt it will go quickly. Here’s what I think we should do offer wise...”
We discuss my recommendations and strategy for the offer I think they should make so their offer will be a hard one to refuse. While I’m talking to them my phone beeps again and I roll my eyes when I glance at it and see Jax has responded - again.
Also, if I find out you’ve gone back to that god forsaken fucking stupid ass gym I will kick your ass so bad you’ll be in no shape to fight for several months. You feel me?
I wait until I’ve said goodbye to Cole and Tatum and am back in my car before responding.
Sorry, I can’t hear you. Can you speak up? We must have a bad connection.
After starting the car, I begin driving to my next showing grinning at the annoyance I can practically see on Jax’s face.
This next appointment is going to take up the rest of the day. A couple that’s moving here from Iowa flew in to house hunt. Their budget is sizeable and the proportionate commission will be a great one to be sure, and while I look forward to helping them find the right home, I know the experience is going to feel like it’s taking an eternity because what I really want is to head to the gym to see Sutton.
Not surprisingly, I let thoughts of seeing her again help push me through the rest of the day. I also spend considerable time fielding Jax’s text messages. He hasn’t let up. He texted to tell me I need to stop screwing around and to answer him directly about whether or not I’m going back to Fitness World. So I do, sort of.
I can neither confirm nor deny whether or not I’ll be returning to Fitness World.
His response is quite colorful. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen someone send that much profanity in a text before. It has to be a record. When he attempts to reprimand me with reminders that he’s helping train me for my fight and that we need to work out, I momentarily want to laugh in his face.
So now you’re interested in training me? Where was that dedication the other day when you were too busy looking at Rowan’s tits to get yourself in the octagon with me? Don’t get your panties in a twist, I’ll be there tomorrow. Not today. Deal with it. Later, brother.
I’m fairly confident he won’t like that response either, but I respect him too much to lie or act like his doing that wasn’t shitty. Upon reading his next arriving text, my instincts are confirmed. He’s pissed and will likely make me pay for it during our next work out. When Sutton’s lush body flashes through my mind for the five hundredth and thirty second time today, I can’t find it in myself to care. Any pain he’ll put me through will be worth it.
I ask myself what I’m doing every single step I take into the gym. I’m playing with fire – no, I’m pretty sure it’s worse than that. One time seeing Zane along with a few text messages and already it’s like he’s my new addiction. A gamble. How far can I push it? How greedy will I allow myself to get coveting his time and attention before I get caught like I did before? The tool and person may be different this time, but the addiction has the potential to end with the same result. I feel confident in placing a bet that Nico won’t come by here today like he did yesterday.
Clearly I’ve lost my mind, but when I picture Zane in my head I know that I’m going to enjoy every minute of my downfall.
When I left work I called Nico at the casino. I made up an excuse for calling because I wanted to get a sense of what he was doing, if possible, and where he was. Mateo, his right hand asshole, told me that he was unavailable and couldn’t be disturbed. I’m not a fool. I know he’s got illegal shit going in and out of that casino and god only knows what he’s up to. I’ve always gotten the sense that if I think Nico’s bad, he’s nothing compared to the man he works for. His boss not only owns the casino but also runs whatever illegal stuff I know they’re up to but have no proof of unfortunately.
As annoying as Mateo’s tone was to endure, the fact he said Nico was unavailable was a relief. That means the chances of him showing up at the gym aren’t likely. I know it’s stupid, this risk I’m taking. I try to talk myself out of it knowing that if Nico should see me with Zane, the consequences will be dire, but I guess foolish is my middle name right now because I’m not about to change my mind.
While he says and clearly thinks otherwise at times, Nico has no romantic claim on me, he knows that now more than ever. That doesn’t keep him from forcing his dominance on me every chance he gets - I hate it. I used to be incredibly naïve and chalked it up to him being passionate, but really I was just looking to define it as any way other than what it is – abusive.
What he and I had, when I thought he had saved me from a shitty life, is long gone. I’ll never forget the day it all came crashing down around me.
Happy to be leaving work early, I decide to stop at the store and pick up some things to make Nico a special dinner. I made special arrangements for Ryan to stay with Theresa so Nico and I can have dinner for just the two of us. Nico and I haven’t spent much time together lately. It’s my
fault, but he’s been brooding more than usual.
After leaving rehab my life changed in more ways than one. At first I was angry. Angry at Nico’s part in my being sent there, angry at myself for falling for Zane and then missing him afterward, among other things. Living with me isn’t easy and it has taken a long time for me to feel like myself again, but with that came the desire to do something worthwhile with my life.
Having lost my parents in a car accident before Nico ended up ‘rescuing’ me from the streets, I knew what it was like to be scared, alone and willing to do whatever it took in order to survive. I did things I wasn’t proud of and I just happened to be lucky to have a man like Nico take care of me and offer me a better life – even if that came with shitty consequences at times. But other teens or kids weren’t as lucky. I determined I wanted to make the most of my life, the chance to make a difference – to be the person I wish I had been able to turn to when I needed someone.
When I tell Nico about my desire to work with troubled children and teens it doesn’t go well. He doesn’t want me to need or want anything or anyone other than him. He says he gives me everything I need and that I don’t need to get a job. I try to tell him that I appreciate all he does for me and gives me, but wanting this job isn’t about that. Yet no matter what I say he won’t budge.
Despite his feelings I do what I want and am lucky enough to get a job with an agency that helps orphaned children. My favorite part of my job is when it’s my rotation to help in the orphanage. I take a shift spending time with the kids, making meals, helping with homework, and doing laundry – whatever is needed. I’m a stable person in the kid’s lives – someone they know they can rely on. I love it. It fulfills something within me and I realize slowly but surely it’s making me stronger emotionally too. Healing some old wounds I still have from when I was suddenly orphaned.The arguments with Nico have at least lessened in frequency but I know he still hates my working. And he gives me considerable issues if I invest even a minute more than my agreed upon time commitment. If I’m really honest with myself, lately, more often than not I see a flash of something in Nico’s eyes I can’t quite decipher but it makes me shrink inside. I try to push it away and tell myself I’m being ridiculous – we just need to spend more time together. That’s all it is. But in the quiet solitary moments, I question if what I see is anger and resentment burning there.
Shaking the thoughts from my mind I pull into the driveway. After grabbing my things I let myself inside the house and quickly deposit the groceries in the kitchen. Before going to find Nico, I grab a bottle of water out of the refrigerator. Given how quiet the house is I’m guessing he’s resting or working in his home office. His car is in the driveway so I know he’s here somewhere.
Slipping off my shoes and sliding out of my coat that was much needed on this cool Fall day, I decide to look for him in our bedroom first. For a while after leaving rehab it was hard to shake the guilt I felt over sleeping with Zane. But, I was angry at Nico and had actually broken up with him before going to rehab. He knew I was with someone during my time there that led to some difficult interactions but somehow we managed to get through it. I may never love Nico like I did early in our relationship, but it doesn’t change the fact that he was there for me when I needed him the most. He saved me and I will always owe him. Despite the truth and his hurt pride, somehow he still wanted me, and at first I figured it was just because he still wanted me to count cards for him like he taught me, but he persuades me it’s more than that. I think in his own way Nico loves me.
Outside the bedroom door, I begin to push the cracked door open but stop suddenly when I hear a strange noise. It takes me a minute to realize it’s Nico moaning. Rolling my eyes I wonder if I’m about to catch him jacking off and I consider not going in at all. If I do he may ask me to take the place of his hand and I’d really prefer to move things to the bedroom after dinner.
I turn and think maybe I should just go start dinner and hearing me, he’ll come and join me in the kitchen when he’s ready.
I’m stopped once again though when suddenly I hear cries that mix with his – a woman’s cries.
In a daze I push the cracked door open a couple of inches to see naked bodies twisted together. It takes a minute to completely register what I’m seeing - him and another woman in bed; in our bed. When suddenly she sits up and straddles him my mouth falls open as her body begins bouncing up and down and their cries become louder. I’m pretty sure a sound, a squeak of horror emits from my mouth but they don’t hear me. Not until the bottle of water in my hand slips from my grip and crashes to the tile floor.
The woman’s head whips in my direction and instead of looking ashamed or embarrassed at being caught, she smiles wickedly. And he… he sneers at me. He appears angry that I’m interrupting them.
My hand covers my mouth and tears immediately flood my eyes and then fall down my cheeks. This can’t be happening. I mean, how cliché.
“Either strip naked and join us, or get the fuck out,” he spits at me.
Completely stunned, I am unable to do anything for a moment but when my brain catches up I feel anger.
“Excuse me? What did you just say to me?”
“You heard me. Either join us, or get the fuck out.”
“No, she should get the fuck out. Or better yet, you’re right. I’ll get the fuck out and I’ll be back for my things later.”
Spinning around I move down the hall only to yell out in surprise when I feel his hand on my arm and he spins me around. His angry face and naked body stand before me. His skin glistens with sweat and his hard penis points in my direction and for a moment I thrill at the thought of cutting it off or yanking his balls so hard he screams like a teenage girl.
“You will not leave our home, do you hear me? Sit the fuck down and wait for me to deal with you.”
“Are you kidding me right now? Do you even hear yourself?”
His eyes flash with something that makes me uneasy and his grip on my arm tightens, “Did you really think that I was going to let the fact that you fucked someone else go unpunished?”
“Wh-what?”
“You heard me. It may have taken time, but this is payback for your choices and everything that’s come since then.”
“I thought-”
“You thought what? That I was okay with your betrayal? After everything I’ve done for you? You’d have nothing it if weren’t for me,” he screams, spittle flying from his mouth.
He yanks me toward him and when my body comes up against his naked one I shudder in disgust and gag.
“Sit the fuck down. Be happy that I’m not dragging you into the room and tying you to the chair forcing you to watch.”
“You sick bastard. I’m not doing anything you tell me to do. I’m leaving.”
“If you do, it will be without your son.”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me. If you dare to leave here you will never see Ryan again.”
“You can’t do that.”
“I can, and I will. Did you forget who the fuck I am?”
Frightened and sick to my stomach with cold hard fear I did what I was told. I remember going to the bathroom and vomiting feeling disgusted from his threats and the noises that rose steadily from the bedroom. How stupid I had been to fall for a man like him. How naive.
That day changed everything for me in more ways than one. That night was the first time he hit me.
Every day after that, I missed Zane more. Meeting him in rehab was the perfect distraction from my pain initially. He distracted me in the best ways and made my anger fade. After rehab, during the long nights when I missed him the most, I tried to tell myself I was just imagining how good it had been, how wonderful he had made me feel. I told myself it was nothing but sex between us, but I knew it wasn’t true. Somehow I had managed to fall in love with Zane during our time there as insane as it may seem. We did far more than just have sex together - we became friends. Confidants. Companion
s.
The sense of belonging I felt while being with him stayed with me until the day we left. We agreed to not exchange any personal information, acknowledging we each had lives outside of rehab and had to return to them after our time in rehab was over. We only talked about it once, but it was a fact we both knew to be true. And we did not deter from that agreement. I think we both dreaded the day we would leave one another, but we covered it up well and even on our last day, neither of us broke and asked the other for their number. For months I regretted that decision.
I had always known that Nico and I had unfinished business and from the moment I saw his car on the street and knew he was there to pick me up, it would resume where it left off. Of course I had no idea it would turn into the horrible shit show it has become. I’ve learned that fear does funny things to a person. It makes you agree to things you never would otherwise.
Shaking the past from my mind I slam the locker closed and take a deep breath. My stomach flutters with thoughts of walking out and seeing Zane again. It’s crazy what thinking about him and seeing him for such a short time can do to my body.
Moving through the gym looking for him, I feel excited which makes me very, very stupid. Maybe I feel this way because he makes me remember the woman I used to be. Maybe it’s because for those few moments standing and talking to him and meeting his friends, I felt safer than I have in years. Maybe I just want to feel liked for who I am again. But I know it’s something even simpler, it’s feeling wanted, desired and even sexy. I’ve been so busy fearing Nico and being a mom to Ryan that I forgot what it feels like to be a desired woman – and I like it and I’m willing to risk Nico’s wrath for just a taste of it again.
Fighting Greed Page 6