Fighting Greed

by Miller, Jennifer

  Setting them down, I stare around my room, thoughts about my fight with Nico start to come back to me again. This time though, while still scary and painful and horrifying, it feels a little less so. Maybe it’s helped by the fact the police already visited me again before I left the hospital telling me it was clear that Nico’s death was a product of self defense. They said I was ‘lucky’ and they were glad I was okay. They also told us that the FBI has been keeping him under watch for quite some time. They were fully aware of his illegal activities and were holding off on arresting him hoping eventually they would be lead to others within whatever system he was running so they could be sure to take down everyone.

  Snuggling down further into bed, I stare at my ceiling for a bit knowing the feelings of shock will take some time to wear off. That’s certainly not how I would have preferred to get Nico out of my life, but that’s the thing, it wasn’t planned. And the police are right, I am lucky - he could have killed me – he intended to. Ryan would have been left without a mom.

  As soon as I’m feeling better I’m going to get the name of a therapist I can see to help me get through some of the emotions I’m dealing with. I owe it to myself, to Ryan and to Zane. I want to make sure I get through this as healthily as possible.

  Feeling good with the direction of my thoughts, I find my eyes getting heavier and heavier.

  When my eyes open I find the room to be golden in color indicating the sun has shifted quite a bit in the sky. I clearly slept for a while. It takes me a moment to realize I’m snuggled on the very solid and naked chest of Zane. I may be hurt, but I’m not dead and the sight and feeling makes me feel warm all over.

  When his hand runs through my hair, I slide back carefully wincing from the pull in my back and shoulder and find his eyes open. He smiles softly and I return it.

  “Sleep well?”

  “I was out. Barely remember falling asleep.”

  “Good. You needed it.”

  “Is everyone still here?”

  “No, not the gang. They left but rest assured they will be back here to annoy us tomorrow.”

  “They don’t annoy me.”

  “Maybe not yet, just wait.” He smiles when I giggle. “Vanessa’s here. She stopped by to see how you were and if she could do anything. Asked if she could help by keeping Ryan busy. I took her up on it. Thought I could use the opportunity to talk to you.”

  My stomach dips in nervousness, “Okay.”

  He’s quiet for a moment and I wait him out. “I understand why you didn’t tell me about Ryan.”

  His words have such an impact that I sit up and shift so I’m sitting cross legged and looking at him. “You do?”

  He nods, “It’s not easy, don’t get me wrong. I’m still… hurt. It hurts that I’ve missed out on so much time, but I do understand.”

  “Are you just saying this because of what happened? I don’t want you not dealing with your true feelings about this because you’re distracted or whatever because of everything that happened with Nico.”

  “No, it’s not that. I will say that what happened drove home my feelings. I already knew I wanted you. I have since I saw you in rehab and again when I saw you at the gym. I considered you mine when I saw you again, just figured I needed to convince you. But, that phone call… seeing you on the floor…” he cuts off.

  I reach over and take his hand.

  “My heart felt like it stopped beating. I’ve never been more afraid in my whole life. I could have lost you.”

  “You didn’t.”

  “Because you’re one hell of a fighter.”

  “You saved me.”

  “No, baby. You saved yourself. And I’m so damn proud of you. And my god,

  if anyone should be asking for forgiveness, it’s me. This is all my fault.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “It’s my fault this happened. If I hadn’t gotten so angry and told you to leave the hospital. If I had talked it out with you and dealt with it this may not have happened.”

  “Maybe it wouldn’t have happened that night, but it still would have happened. That’s one thing I’ve realized. The whole thing has been a long time in coming. Not necessarily how it ended, but Nico was going to attack me. He was getting more and more threatening every tie I saw him. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine. I should have gone to the police no matter what, but I was scared. I believed him when he threated our son and the kids at work.”

  “’Our son’. I love the way that sounds.”

  “I wish I had tried harder to find you, Zane. I wish I had done a lot of things differently. I’ll spend my life apologizing to you if that’s what it takes. I love you. I love you so much and I don’t want to lose you. I want us to be a family, if you’ll have us. If not, I understand. I do. I understand if you can’t forgive me and I’ll do whatever you need so that you have Ryan in your life and make up for lost time.”

  “I was hoping you would say that. I would really appreciate it.”

  My breath catches and I want to sob. I knew that I would lose him, but the pain is still shocking. He loves me and I love him. But sometimes, love isn’t enough.

  “I’m so sorry,” I tell him again.

  He takes my chin in his hand and lifts my head up to him and waits for my eyes to meet his, “I also want us to try to make up for lost time. I missed out on five years with you. I never want to be separated from you or our son again. I love you, Sutton.”

  Tears well in my eyes, “But, I don’t deserve your love. Not after what I did.”

  “After you raised our son alone for almost five years? After you protected him with great detriment to yourself time and time again? After you loved him, cared for him, acted as both his father and his mother? What exactly are you apologizing for here, because I see all the ways you took care of our son and dealt with the circumstances the best way you knew how. I will always regret walking away that day five years ago without a fight.”

  “We would all change things in our lives if we could go back and do them over. All we can do is move forward from here. Start our lives together. Be happy. I love you,” I tell him knowing I’ll never get tired of telling him.

  “I love you, too,” he leans forward and places a soft kiss on my mouth. “Now, there’s something I’ve been looking forward to doing since we left the hospital.”

  I shiver immediately liking the direction this is going.

  He gets off the bed, walks around and helps me off the bed too then walks me into the bathroom. “Let’s get you a good shower now that you can get your stitches wet, because cupcake, you stink.”

  Six Months Later

  I don’t think I’ve ever been as nervous as I am right now. Not when I’ve been in the octagon with an opponent, not the time I had jock itch so bad I was sure my dick was going to fall off. Nope, this trumps all of that.

  Sutton and I haven’t told Ryan that I’m his dad yet. Not because she hasn’t been ready, but because I haven’t. I felt like the kid was going through enough change as it was and I was nervous to put more on him. Finding out about me may be traumatic enough, I didn’t want to make it worse by doing it at a time his little mind was already stressed out.

  It wasn’t long after what happened with Nico that Sutton decided she couldn’t stay in her apartment after all. She put on a brave face and tried, but one night she asked me if I could find a place for her and Ryan to move into. She figured a fresh place would be exactly what she needed.

  I asked her immediately to move in with me. I hadn’t before because I wasn’t sure if she would want to but also because I wanted to give her the space she needed to work through what she’d been through. Although, it had seemed like we were already living together; we were never apart if we could help it.

  On top of moving, Ryan started going to a new day care. It wouldn’t be long before he would be starting kindergarten and it seemed like the right time for him to be put in a social situation with other children. It was hard f
or Sutton to say goodbye to Vanessa and Theresa, but in the end it was the right thing to do. Ryan seems to love his “new school.” He excitedly tells us about his day every evening.

  But today is the day. This morning we’re telling Ryan. I have no idea how he’s going to take it. We have definitely gotten closer over the past few months and I soak in every single second I can with him.

  One night after they moved in to my place, Sutton surprised me with a box she had put together. She told me she couldn’t remember where she had packed it and was thrilled when she finally found it. Inside were all kinds of mementos and pictures from Ryan’s life. Locks of hair, pictures, notes about the first things he said and when he walked and crawled with dates and all the information I could want. It may not be the real thing – having been there – but it was sure as hell a close second and I spent hours pouring over every little thing.

  We decided to keep things simple when we told him, just a simple breakfast with conversation. I told Sutton last night, I wasn’t sure about this.

  Standing in front of the bathroom mirror I finish brushing my teeth and then watch Sutton. Ryan went to bed a few hours ago and we are winding down for the night ourselves.

  I love having her here now full time. I don’t think I’ll ever tire of watching her do the most mundane things. Like now, she’s washing her face and I’m enraptured. She’s dressed in nothing but sweats and a t-shirt for bed and when she puts the washcloth down she looks at me without a stitch of make up on.

  She’s never been more beautiful.

  “Stop worrying,” she says.

  “Who says I’m worrying?”

  “I do. It’s all over your face. You get little lines next to the corners of your mouth and I can see the worry in your eyes. It’s going to be fine. Ryan loves you already, you know that.”

  “I still think we should have planned it differently.”

  “Like how?”

  “Like… taking him to Disneyland and telling him there.”

  She laughs, “What?”

  “We take him to meet Mickey, ply him with cotton candy and other goodies and when he’s happy we say oh by the way, I’m your dad.”

  “He’s going to be just as happy with bacon, trust me.”

  “The kid does like bacon.”

  “Truth.”

  But I’m still worrying, “If you’re wrong about this, I’m going to spank your ass.”

  “Hmm, maybe I want to be wrong about this then. I think maybe I’d like getting spanked.”

  And instantly, I’m hard. “You can’t say stuff like that, woman.”

  “Why not?” she asks with a smile.

  “Because it does things to me.”

  “Like what?” she asks brows high.

  Fine – she asked. Without any preamble, I drop my own sweats and grab hold of my rock hard cock, “Like this.”

  Her eyes stay glued to mine as she first lifts her shirt over her head. She’s not wearing a bra; I fucking love that. Then, she slides her sweats and panties down her legs and steps out of them. I watch avidly. She smiles seductively, then walks to me, falls to her knees and takes me in her mouth while maintaining eye contact.

  “Fuck,” I curse. There’s nothing as sexy as her looking at me while she has me in her mouth.

  She begins to move and I lose myself in the sensation of her mouth as she sucks me hard and her tongue as she licks and swirls it over the tip. Her moans of pleasure are almost enough to make me lose myself. My hips start moving and my head falls back on my shoulders.

  And then she’s gone – nothing on my cock but cold air. I open my eyes to find her sexy ass to me as she walks away toward the bed flashing me a smile as she looks over her shoulder.

  Her scars shine in the light and like I always do when I see them, I say a quick prayer thanking god that they weren’t worse.

  I follow her into the bedroom and about lose myself right there when she gets on all fours on the bed and says, “I’ve been very, very, bad.” And shakes her ass at me.

  What did I do to deserve her? I really don’t know.

  Climbing on the bed behind her I tease, “I don’t know what you did, but I’ll take your word for it.” After a sharp smack to her ass I rub it soothingly, then enter her from behind.

  Her moans of pleasure drive me insane with need. Leaning forward I take one of her breasts in my hand and tease her nipple. Then, I kiss the scars on her back and down her spine. Rising back to my knees I pull her with me. With her body straight up, I pump my hips faster and reach around her hip to tease her clit with one hand and hold onto her hip with the other. When she comes, I grab her hips and flip her over my mouth crashing against hers for a kiss as I re-enter her and move within her once more.

  I feel her begin to tighten around me again, I bring one of her knees over my hip and grind my hips harder into hers heightening her pleasure. When she comes for the second time, I finally let myself join her, releasing fully into her while burying my face in her neck.

  “I love you, Zane.”

  “I love you too.”

  “I think I’ll have to be bad again soon,” she teases.“Ryan, breakfast!” Sutton calls out as she places a plate of bacon on the table. I watch him run into the kitchen and climb into his booster seat. Once I made the mistake of trying to help him into his seat. That didn’t go over well. He likes to do it himself.

  When we’re all seated at the table, Sutton looks at me and I nod. We agreed that she would tell him first. I thought maybe he’d be more likely to believe it that way. Really, I’m just winging this. I have no idea how to do this. We asked Sutton’s therapist and she said just to tell him matter of fact and then told us to keep it simple and that when he’s older if he remembers anything or has questions we can go into depth then if needed.

  “Ryan, there’s something that Zane and I need to tell you.”

  “Okay,” he says looking between the two of us.

  She takes a deep breath. I take a deep breath.

  “Zane is your daddy.”

  “What?”

  “Zane – he isn’t just mommy’s boyfriend, he’s your daddy.”

  My breath is frozen in my chest and I can’t move. My eyes are glued on him deciphering every reaction.

  “I have a daddy? I always wanted a daddy.”

  “I’m your daddy,” I say to him.

  “That’s cool,” he says. “Where were you?” he asks and again, my breathing stalls.

  “He uh, well you see… I…” Sutton stutters over her words.

  “Well you see, your mommy loves you so much that she had to make sure that I was capable of being a good daddy first before she told you.”

  “But I already know you will be a great daddy.”

  “You do?”

  “Sure.”

  “Well I am very happy to be your daddy. I love you very much, little man.”

  “Daddy?” he asks and I’m certain I’m going to die. My heart can’t handle much more of this. I imagined what it would be like to hear him call me ‘daddy’, but nothing could have prepared me for the bursting of my heart.

  “Yes?”

  “Can I have five pieces of bacon?”

  I’m pretty sure I give him seven.

  Sutton smiles at me and we all sit around the table and eat together happily, until I’m rushing them out the door.

  “No, leave the clean up for when we get back, I have a surprise, we have to go now.”

  “A surprise?” Ryan asks excitedly.

  “Yep, a surprise for mommy.”

  “Let’s go,” Ryan leads the way to the car.

  “What is this all about? I don’t know why you won’t tell me.”

  “Because then it wouldn’t be a surprise.”

  I drive for a bit and Sutton holds my hand the whole way while Ryan talks excitedly in the back. Each time he calls me ‘daddy’ her hand tightens on mine and I smile.

  When we pull up to our destination, I turn the car off and smile as th
e whole gang walks out of the house we’ve pulled up to. Sutton looks from them to me in confusion and I smile.

  We’ve all been spending a lot of time together. Especially because my training started back up. I ended up forfeiting the title fight because my focus was on Sutton and Ryan. I was in no condition to get in the octagon. I started training again and will work my way back there soon and maybe this time Ryan can be there to watch his dad win.

  Walking to the sign in the yard that’s covered with the tarp I asked Jax to place on it, I take hold of it. “Ready?”

  “I guess?” Sutton says looking at me nervously.

  “Wait!” Rowan yells. She takes out her phone and gets ready to take pictures. “Okay!”

  I rip the tarp off the sign and watch Sutton’s face as she reads the special sign I had made.

  ‘Sutton’s Place – Children’s Orphanage.’

  She looks from the sign to me and back again. “Oh my god. Zane. Is this… is this…”

  “Your own house so you can start your own orphanage? Yes.”

  Her eyes fill with tears. They pour down her face as she runs to me and practically tackles me. “I can’t believe you did this. Oh my god, I love you so much.”

  All our friends are clapping and cheering as Sutton sobs.

  When it quiets I look at her, “We met five years ago today,” she gasps and I know she didn’t realize that. “It seemed fitting that on the anniversary of a time when we met because we were battling greed – whether our own or someone else’s – that today we begin a new chapter that involves giving to others. It seemed the perfect way to celebrate us. To show you how much I love you and to invest in our future.”

  “I love you so much. I can’t believe you did this.”

  “I love you too, Sutton. More than anything.”

  She kisses me and I take her in my arms and try to show her how much I love her.

  “Alright, enough of that,” Levi says. “Let’s show her the inside. I want to show her what I did.”

  We walk inside and instantly it begins, “I installed the cabinets,” Jax says, “Don’t they look awesome?”